Finally have another chapter posted. I'm sorry it's been so long between updates. I do have a few paragraphs typed of the next chapter. So I'm going to try to get the next chapter posted in a more timely manner. Thanks for sticking with me on this.

We travel quickly, barely stopping to rest. Each step taking me away from all I know and love. The wind calls me a traitor and I can't argue, not when I agree. I feel as if I've abandoned them all. Each step is a stab to my heart.

I keep looking over my shoulder. My heart leaping at any sound as I turn expecting him to be there. Wanting him to be there. I'm clinging to his promise, but with each passing day I wonder… Wonder if he's truly coming. I know my parents, Oriana, Oren… I know they're gone. I can feel it, but not with him. I feel as if I'd know if he were…dead. I know that's what everyone thinks in these situations and they'll continue thinking it until they have proof one way or the other. More often than not their hopes are dashed, but sometimes... their hopes pay off.

For almost a month Duncan tries to speak with me, but I can only return a cold vacant stare. At one of our infrequent stops I wash my face in a stream. My eyes catch my reflection and I know it's me, but I barely recognize myself. Dull eyes, pale skin, and a mouth drawn from far too long without a smile. I sigh and stand, dusting my hands off. I know it's long past time I stop holding onto these things. I can't go back. I tell myself that even if I could there's no guarantee I could even fix things, but I don't believe it. I could have fought harder, I could have insisted, I could have refused to leave. I could have fought until Duncan had to drag me away kicking, screaming. There it is though, I know they would have told him to take me away, and he would have too. That doesn't mean I shouldn't have tried. I can try now though.

I slowly walk back to our camp site and Duncan is making a fire. I compose myself and ask, "How long until we get there?"

He looks at me and gives a small smile. "About another week."

"When we get there, what will be expected of me?"

"There are a few tasks all new Warden recruits must do before joining. I expect the King will want to speak with you, so you'll have to tell him what happened. You should have a chance to look for your Brother."

I'll be so glad to see him, to know that he's alright. I try to stop my selfish thought that when I find things will at least be a little ok, I won't be alone. I'll still have one person that I know and love. But I dread seeing him too. I know I'll be the one who has to tell him what happened. I'll have to watch him crumble and try to help him pick up the pieces, when I can barely even do it for myself.

"I feel sick," I groan and run to the bushes with my hand clamped over my mouth.

I come back to the camp site and he asks, "Are you alright?" He glances at me briefly before going back to making tea.

I shrug, but then sigh. "Not really. I'm terrified. I know how badly this will hurt Fergus. I keep picturing his face and how it will fall when I tell him. He married for love you know. It wasn't arranged."

"I know your parents were determined to let the two of you find our own paths."

I swallow and nod. "Or what if…what if Howe's men managed to find him? At the camp they wouldn't know what happened and if they got there, they could have gotten him alone. He could be-"

He cuts me off. "You can't think like that. Here." He hands me a mug of tea. "This will help calm your stomach."

"Thank you."

I take the mug gratefully and sip it, the warmth seeping through the chill that always seems present. I wonder if it's me or if it truly is cold. "Duncan are you cold?"

He looks at me curiously for a moment and says, "No. Are you feeling alright?"

"I suppose," I say with a shrug.

He looks at me worriedly for a moment and then sighs. He starts to pack up the camp and I move to get up. He shakes his head and gestures for me to stay put. I sink back down gratefully. I always hate feeling waited on, I'm perfectly capable. But lately I guess…it's like there's so much to care about and worry about. So much on my mind that I've let some things go. It's as if my mind is fixated on what happened and what will come to happen as a result. Is this normal? I resolved earlier this morning to try to try and let go, to make some progress towards moving on. How can I when I feel so…empty? I'm almost grateful for the aches and pains that living on the road gives me. It lets me know I'm still alive. I have to stop thinking like this…at least during the day. There are far fewer distractions when the light fades, an opportune time for the monsters to come out. Maker help me I'd rather face an Ogre then this.

Duncan's voice cuts through my haze, "Ready to go?"

I nod and stand, trying to hide my unsteadiness from him. He sees it anyways. I suppose being a leader gives you that uncanny ability to read even what others fight to hide. He takes me arm and helps me get on my horse.

"I know it's fresh, but you need to stop holding this so close. It doesn't do yourself any good to torture yourself. It doesn't do them any good either. They loved you and they'd hate to see you like this." He pats my arm and mounts his own horse. I follow him through watery eyes. Everything so blurred I can only make out colors and shapes.