January 12th

Dean is feeling much better. He is very stubborn but we finally got him to rest long enough to heal. He is trying to go back out on solo hunts but we've managed to talk him out of it for now.

He finally explained more about the shapeshifters. Apparently one took my appearance. He didn't go in to detail but I'm assuming it toyed with his emotions. After breaking him down mentally it attacked and almost killed him.

I'm looking for a case for myself. I think I need some time away from them and they need some time with each other. They haven't hardly talked to each other. I'm not sure what is causing all the tension. We didn't celebrate Christmas or the new year.

Sam has made a tradition of visiting my room every night before bed. We talk about our past and what we want in the future. We want the same things. I never believed it could happen but I'm in love with Sam Winchester...which makes me feel so guilty because after Sam leaves I go to Dean's room.

I sit at the desk of Dean's room and write as he tells his life story. He wants something to leave behind. He's very open and the more I learn about him the more I find myself falling in love with him. Before I leave he always kisses me because in his words, "I may die tomorrow".

What am I doing?

xCourtney

o - o - o - o

"Hey guys dinner is ready!" I call out and finish placing the food on the table. I decided to start doing family dinners in hopes that everyone will start talking more. I'm pretty happy with the meal. I made a loaded chicken and potato ranch casserole, side salad and yeast rolls.

"It looks great." Sam says walking in the room and placing a kiss on my head before sitting. I sit down next to him and wait for Dean.

Dean walks in with a beer in his hand and plops down. He immediately starts piling food on his plate without saying a word.

"Dude. Slow down and at least thank her." Sam says clearly upset.

"I'll do that later." Dean smirks and I stiffen.

"What did you say?" Sam looks between the two of us. I lower my eyes to look at my empty plate.

"Exactly what you heard," Dean shovels food in his mouth and finally looks up at Sam. Then he realizes that Sam is upset. "What? Does she go to your room too?" It was a joke at first but the deafening silence makes them both look at me.

"Fine," I look up at the boys and take a deep breath. "Sam comes to my room and we talk about everything. I go to Dean's room afterwards and write his memoir."

"Are you kissing him too?" Dean's question comes out as a whisper. I keep my head down feeling ashamed.

"No she's not Dean. We are getting to know each other. Something you told me to do." Sam stands up and kicks his chair back. "You have to fuck up everything don't you Dean?" He storms out of the room. I can feel my heart shattering.

We sat there in silence. Neither of us eating. Neither of us looking at the other. I screwed up. I just pushed them further away from each other. I stand up to go talk to Sam but Dean grabs my hand. He stands up and gets uncomfortably close.

"You love him." I look deep into his eyes and nod.

"But," I bring my hand to his face. "I love you too. I just feel like we have this connection and-"

I'm interrupted with a deep passionate kiss. I have never been kissed like this. His arms wrapped around my waist pulling me close and mine in his hair gently tugging. Our tongues meet and lust consumes me. I jump in his arms locking my legs around his waist.

I don't know how he did it but before I know it we are in his room. He tosses me on the bed and stands there catching his breath. All I want is him. Every inch of his body against mine.

"Courtney we might need to stop now before we go too far." He was tring to be decent but that isn't what I wanted now. I wanted the filthy, lustful Dean. I motion him with my finger to come closer.

He doesn't waste anytime climbing on top of me and crashing his lips back on mine. I moan as he bites my lower lip and grinds against my body. With shaky hands I grab his shirt and tug it over his head breaking our kiss long enough for me to admire his beautiful body. Dean peels my shirt off leaving me more exposed then I have ever been with a man. His eyes roam my body looking at the simple black lace bra that held my large breasts.

His lips find my neck and he kisses and sucks his way down to my collarbone making me gasp. I feel like I'm going to orgasm just by his touch. His tongue takes over and glides down my breasts taking the time to swipe over each mound. My skin is on fire and I need more. I quickly bring my hands behind my back and undo the clasp of my bra. Dean grabs my arm not letting me move and looks deeply into my eyes.

"Courtney. Are you sure? I don't want to start this if you will regret it."

"It's fine. I want this more than you know." The moment I finish talking my bra is gone leaving me exposed. He stares at my chest making me blush and cover myself.

"Don't. You're beautiful." He pulls my hands away from my chest and his mouth begins leaving kisses again.

He maks a trail of warm kisses down to my belly button before coming back and latching on to my nipple. I cry out in ecstacy as his hot tongue swirls around my hardened nipple. His hands work on unbuttoning my pants as his mouth drives me wild.

Dean strips off my pants and panties in one motion. I'm left vulnerable to his lustful eyes. The way he looks at me begins to drive me wild and I furiously try to take his pants off too.

"Not so fast," Dean lays me back down and opens my legs kneeling between them. "I'm going to give you what you want but first. I want to try something..." My eyes are wide as he leans down putting his mouth over my wetness.

I moan as his tongue finds my clit and swirls around it. My hips buck against his face but he continues lapping against my warm folds. He brings a finger to my entrance and slowly inserts it. Pleasure over takes me and I cry out his name as I climax.

He smirks and stands up. I can clearly see the bulge in his pants. I lick my lips and egarly wait for him to strip down. Dean slowly pulls off the rest of his clothes allowing his member to spring out freely. I gulp. How is that thing going to fit it me? It was larger than two of my fingers... the biggest thing I had ever put inside of me.

"That - uh - that won't fit." I begin to get nervous as he climbs back on the bed with me.

"Yes it will. Let's just take it slow." He locks lips with me again and I can now feel every inch of his skin against mine. The lust returns and all I can think about is him inside me.

I wrap my legs around his waist and he deepens the kiss. Before I know what's happening we spin around and I'm on top of him. He grabs himself and places it at my dripping entrance.

"Move at your own pace." Dean grabs my hips and shows me how to move.

I slowly shift letting his large erection enter me. It stings for a moment but by the time he was completly in I felt no pain. I moved up and down feeling him move inside of me. Dean's eyes close as he feels pleasure from the sensation as well.

"Dean?" His bright green eyes are so sexy right now. "It feels good."

Dean moans and I'm flipped on my back with him still inside of me. My legs rest on his shoulders as he begins pumping slowly. I moan his name and he starts going at a faster pace. His body pounding into mine feels so right. I'm lost in bliss until he pulls out completly and quickly puts a condom on.

I tackle him back on the bed and jump on top inserting him deep inside of me. I rock my hips as he caresses my breasts. After a moment the pleasure becomes too much, we both orgasm crying out each others names. I collapse next to him exhausted.

"I love you." He whispers and kisses me.

"I love you too." I yawn and bury my face in his chest falling asleep quickly.