Katie's Journal pt. 3

I hate lying to them! I stood there watching them fight over John sending them to that Asylum, and I knew he wasn't going to be there, but I couldn't say anything. I just let them say what they wanted and pretended like I didn't care either way. John's plan sucks! I call him every once in awhile, but it's getting harder and harder to listen to the line die. We try to keep things business, but I can't help bringing up something that happened on a hunt. I think he likes hearing about his boys. It gives him something to hold on to, when he's on the road alone.

I'm starting to worry about Sam. He's just acting really strange lately. All he wants to do is find John, but that's not possible right now. I was floored when John called the morning after the Asylum incident. I wanted to take the phone from them, and tell him what I was thinking, but I knew it would raise suspicions. I have been doing really well at keeping my talks with him a secret.

I even thought about leaving with Sam that night. He wanted to go to Sacramento to find John, but I didn't have to heart to leave Dean. I knew that was what I was supposed to do. I tried to talk to him, but the "Shut up Katie, this doesn't concern you" I got from both of them pissed me off. Sometimes I think they forget how well I know them. They both apologized later for their outburst, but it still hurt.

I hope all of this is ending soon. I just want to rest. Take a spa day and lay out in the sun.

That sounds nice.

SsSsSsSs

Katie looked outside the window of the motel she was sitting in. The rain was falling down harder than it was when she started writing. She ran her fingers over the page she just finished writing, the ink slightly smeared the farther down she went. She likes using her father's old journal as her own. Something about it made her feel like he was still around. She also liked going back and reading all the things he put in it. She especially loved the things he wrote about her.

Dean was sitting across from her cleaning some weapons on his bed. She let her eyes linger on his busied hands. It amazed her that he can stay so focused on such a boring task. He used to hate cleaning weapons when they were kids. But now that there was no one else to do it, he had to.

"When did you want to hit the road tomorrow?" Katie asked quietly, trying not to wake a sleeping Sam. She let her eyes run over his worn out body, before connecting with Dean's intense greens gaze.

"I was thinking after breakfast. It'll give us sometime to map out a course, and get some decent food." Dean said returning his gaze to the shotgun in his hand. Katie had noticed that lately he tried not to let his gaze linger too long on her. After the talk Dean and Sam had in St. Louis. Dean couldn't help the feelings he started having for Katie again. And after the things she said to him back in Lawrence, he was more than willing to start a relationship with her again. It was just the fact that Katie didn't want him.

"Sounds good. How long are you staying up?" Katie asked, closing her journal and crossing over to the bed. She picked up a cloth and one of her favorite knives. Dean watched her carefully, before returning to his gun.

"Until this is done, go to bed." Dean said, not taking his eyes off of what he was doing. Katie wasn't going to take this from him, at least not again. She threw the knife down deliberately making it fall close to his leg. He jumped when he felt the metal hit the bed. Looking up at Katie, he didn't know what was happening. One minute he was offering her sleep, the next she was trying to kill him. "What?" He asked innocently.

"I am not going to take this from you Winchesters anymore. I am so sick of being pushed around by you boys. Since when was it okay to boss me around, and…" Katie was cut off by Dean standing up and pulling her into a tight hug. She couldn't move, her face was flat against his strong chest, and his hands wrapped around her easily. She found it hard to breath, but liked the scent of, well just the scent that was Dean.

"I was just saying that you could sleep if you wanted. I already apologized for what happened the last few hunts, but you should know that we are just stupid boys half the time. You use to remind us all the time. Don't take it so seriously. Relax." Dean said looking down at her, having to tilt his head to the side. Katie half smiled, pushing the best she could to pull away from him.

"You are stupid boys, I just got tired of reminding you." Katie finally gave up, and just fell limply into his hug. It had been so long since she was actually hugged by Dean. They stayed that way until they both heard Sam toss in bed. Immediately they both sprang apart as if they were struck by lightning. Dean stared at her, just gave her a blank expression, devoid of any emotion. Katie didn't know what to do. This was beginning to get ridiculous.

"I'm going to finish…" Dean pointed to the weapons still spread out on the bed. Katie nodded, but didn't move other wise. Her eyes found Sam's sleeping form, and she had to say something, anything.

"This has to stop. We can't keep freaking out about touching, or talking. We are friggin' adults. It's as if we're back in high school." Katie admitted, turning to face Dean. He didn't know what she had in mind, it had almost become a second nature for them to not be together for more than a minute.

"I'm listening." Dean said. Katie took this opportunity to change everything that had gone wrong after they got to Palo Alto. She wanted to have her simple life back. Well except for the fact that she was lying to them about John.

"Let's not freak out about Sam seeing us hug or anything. He's a big boy, and my God he's over it by now. Sure I hurt him, you hurt him, but it's in the past. It's like we're teenagers again, hiding from our dads." Katie finished. She hated talking about that time in her life, but it was the truth. She and Dean did try to have a relationship when they were younger, but they knew John and her dad wouldn't have approved.

"It's just awkward sometimes. You and Sam were always so close and when you left all hell broke loose. Dad and I tried our best to make him forget, but he just got worse." Dean said honestly. Katie looked at him through her eye lashes, biting the right corner of her mouth. She slowly walked over to the bed, sitting close to him.

"Well, I got close to you too. It's not fair that he gets all the hugs and you're all alone. You're such a martyr sometimes." Katie said placing her arms around his broad shoulders. She rested her chin on his shoulder, waiting to get a response out of him.

"I'm the big brother remember? I have to put Sammy first." Dean turned to look at her. He was amazed at how beautiful she looked at one in the morning. She always looked so perfect to him. He wanted to tell her, everything he'd been thinking about in the last few months, but there was never a perfect time.

"And who's going to put you first?" Katie whispered in his ear. They stayed like that for at least twenty minutes. Dean cleaning weapons, with Katie wrapped around him. She didn't need an answer, he knew that she would put him first, and when she needed to would put Sammy first. It was the perfect balance she used to have when they were younger.

Katie thought back to the day her dad packed her bags. She didn't have any say in the matter it was just done. It was the first time her father did anything without talking to her first. She woke up later than usual. Her hair a mess and the clothes from the day before still on. She grabbed some jeans and another shirt and anything else she might need to get ready for another day. When she stepped into the bathroom she finally got a good look at herself. Amazingly she did look awful, but she couldn't stop smiling. She hadn't gotten any sleep last night, mostly due to the fact that she had spent it with Dean. His birthday tradition always took place at night. She would make him a tiny cupcake and they would stay up all night talking about what he was going to do this year of his life. Since he turned twenty-one, he had a lot of drinking on the list. With the added bonus of getting the Impala from his dad, Katie and him sat on the hood, later moving into the backseat, talking for hours. His last words to her were still ringing in her ears. She knew that's why she was smiling. He loved her.

After a long hot shower, Katie was finally ready to eat something. She took one last glance at herself in the mirror. A smile still plastered on her face, she walked back into her room. Her father was pulling all of her clothes back in her duffle bag. She didn't know what to think. They weren't leaving this hunt early were they?

"Dad?" She asked innocently. Katie moved over to him to take some of the clothes out of his hands, but he just brushed her off.

"Get all of you stuff." He hissed at her. Katie physically flinched. She had never heard her father talk to her like that. She was his princess.

"What's going on?" Katie tried again, but he just continued to grab everything he saw. She gave up, leaving him in her room and going into the living room to find the Winchesters. This surprised her even more. Sam was sitting on the couch flipping through the television channels, Dean was nowhere to be seen, and John was leaning casually against the hall doorframe. "What's up?" She asked cautiously. John looked at her, but didn't get the words out before her father had her by the upper arm dragging her to the door. "Daddy!" Katie cried pulling out of his grasp.

"Kaitlin Taylor Ryan, for once in your life do as I say without a discussion." Her father told her, but she wasn't going quietly. She wanted to know what happened over the four hours she slept.

"No, I never ask you what you have planned, but this time I want to know. Since when do you order me around like John? No offense," Katie said looking at John quickly. "And since when do we leave a hunt unfinished? I want to know what's going on right now!" Katie finished, she hadn't realized how loud she'd gotten until she finished and the room got quiet. Sam had stopped, putting the remote down. He didn't look at her, that was the first thing Katie noticed about him. The seventeen-year-old didn't say a word, just got up and walked out the front door of the motel room. Katie furrowed her brow, watching him leave.

"You're leaving." Katie's father said like it was suppose to be a no brainer. She looked at him, then turned her glare to John. They had something going on between them that she didn't know about.

"Okay, why?" Katie continued her questioning. John and her father shared a look then went back to staring at her. John avoided her eyes, but her father wasn't afraid.

"Mike, don't do this to her…" John started, but he didn't finish. That's all that came out of his mouth.

"John, she's my little girl. She's only nineteen. I'm not going to let her throw her life away this early." Katie was really confused now. She wasn't throwing her life away. Katie thought that she was just beginning to have a life of her own. She was an adult, she could make her own decisions. She was in love.

"Would somebody just tell me what the hell…" Katie's outburst was cut off as Sam blew through the door, obviously upset, followed closely by Dean. Sam slammed the door to the room he was staying in, but John caught Dean before he could open it up again.

"Leave him alone for awhile." John whisper just loud enough for Katie to hear. Something was seriously wrong. Dean didn't even look at her, and Sam always came to her when he was pissed off at Dean.

"Just tell me." Katie said as though she was about to break down. Her gaze went to every man in the room, they all looked the same: sad, frustrated, and tired.

"They know about last night." Dean said finally. Katie turned from her father to face him. She noticed that his eyes were filled with tears. She let her mouth fall open, and she felt the tears form in her eyes. Her mouth went dry.

"Daddy," Katie started, but she didn't know what to say. Maybe, in his eyes, she did throw her life away. But she'd do it again if that meant hearing Dean say he loved her.

"You're too young, I'm not going to watch you make a mistake that you're not ready to pay for." Katie looked at her father, knowing that this was killing him. The only thing she wanted was to be with Dean, but if that meant hurting her father she had to let that go.

"I'm sorry." Katie said taking her bags and walking out the door. She didn't know who she was apologizing too, but either way it got her out of that room. She threw her stuff in the bed of his truck, she couldn't hold back the tears any longer. Sometimes she thought this life sucked.

"I think I'm going to get some sleep." Katie said finally coming out of her thoughts. She pulled away from Dean slowly. He was putting all the weapons back in the duffle bag he brought them in with. She moved over to the small couch on the opposite side of the room, but turned before she reached it. "Dean, do you think you would've done it again? I mean, if you knew what it would've cost." Katie asked, she didn't even realize she had tears in her eyes until she felt the salty liquid fall passed her lips.

"Not if it meant you leaving again." Dean said zipping the bag he was holding. He didn't meet Katie's stare, he knew he couldn't let her see him in another weak moment.

Katie didn't say anything, she just turned back around lying on her side on the lumpy couch. She regretted asking now, because she knew she would do it again. It wasn't fair that she had to be unhappy to keep the balance in a hunter's world. Katie knew that if she went back to that night she would end up in the backseat of the Impala with icing smeared on her lips. Even if that meant loosing her happy family, those hours of pure bliss were enough for her.

Okay so there is a little peek into what happened with Katie and Dean...now the question is what happened with Sam? Sorry it took so long for me to update...hope you enjoyed these last two chapters...more coming soon!!!