Wow, the reviews, seriously I can't thank you all enough, very sorry for the long cliffy
DarylDixon'sLover, vickhl, gibbymom, Stargate533, my sweet and always wonderful (Lynn) BabySweetPea18, Dixonrocks, horseygirl29, , thank you so so much! Also to all who fav/follow this, I know it's the opposite of the badass everyone wants him to be, so I seriously appreciate the support. I'll be watching with you all on Sunday! :)
*** For those of you who read the chpt that I posted on friday night, I apologize, I felt insecure about it, it just didn't feel right, so I deleted it and rewrote it. Of course that's when the site crashed so it showed that I posted when there was nothing there, I am so sorry. On top of that I rewrote it in the site, so when it crashed I lost the new chapter that I spent forever on. So I had to write it all over again. I hope its ok, I wanted to put both emotional elements, as well as make it very intense. I also had to write this very quick because my writing is a very sore subject in my house, not really understood, if you know what I mean. because of this I wasn't able to fix any mistakes, so sorry for all of this. I didn't mean to cause any problems, thanks again for your support.***
Chapter ten
'Daryl you're all I need, all I've ever wanted. Please trust me, please let me love you.'
Still hearing Carol's heart felt words in his head, Daryl's steel blue eyes slid shut trying to summon up the courage to push back the demons in his past.
Lying now side by side facing each other on the couch, darkness enveloped them, except for a sliver of moonlight streaming through the stain glass window across the room casting her in the loveliest shade of violet.
Carol could see him struggling, it was clear the only closeness he was used to was abuse, and emotionally manipulation.
Shame had followed him throughout his life like a dark shadow looming over him destroying anything that came close to the possibility of intimacy.
The courage needed all these years in fighting off the dead paled in comparison to the step he was about to take with her.
Her aggressive move easing his pants down his strong thighs, leaving the blanket covering to her body to fall away, made the air between them thick with tension.
It all suddenly became very real, barely clothed, lying within inches of each other, their thighs intermingled, this moment, that had been years in the making, was about to happen.
Thoughts clouded his mind as he moved closer continuing to kiss her, what had started out deep and passionate had become increasingly hesitant, and halting.
Carol, who's only experience with sex had been punishing, degrading, and sometimes downright frightening, knew in her heart that Daryl would be different.
The moment they shared in the shack, was enough to keep the monsters of her past at bay, but she could feel Daryl suddenly becoming distracted, even vulnerable, something was off.
The wheels were definitely turning in his head as he pulled back to rest his forehead to hers.
The moment was slipping away, it was something Carol would refuse to let happen, she had waited long enough.
Whispering softly, knowing him all too well, she ran her fingers through the ends of his long hair, trying to bring his attention back to her.
"You're over thinking this."
Breathing out in frustration he moved back, averting his pensive gaze from her.
"Maybe… I don't know." he mumbled incoherently, clearly stuck in his head.
Swallowing hard, he reached down to pull the cargo pants he had found that night, back up to his waist.
Laying back against the arm of the leather couch he pulled her with him to rest on his chest settling the blanket back over her.
To hold her gave him such peace, such comfort. Years of being alone, an outcast, wishing he could just breathe without feeling empty inside, it was something he'd never known, it was everything.
A long silent pause stretched out, what seemed like forever between them before he spoke again.
His voice was quiet, deep and low, even distant as if remembering back to another time.
"I think about you... I always have."
Unsure of where he was going with, this she decided to stay quiet, being a man of few words she realized this must be something he felt he needed to get out of system.
"I noticed you… back, before the farm, at the camp, you tried to make yourself seem so small, invisible to everyone around you, but I saw you Carol."
Shocked, she stayed silent having no idea he felt this way, as he brought her back to those days, that person she used to be.
"Sometimes you'd catch yourself smiling, or even laughing, you would stop right away as if you felt you didn't deserve even a second of happiness."
Without realizing it he began grazing his fingertips gently along her arm keeping her close to him, always close to him.
"I could see it in the other's, they thought you were weak, they took pity on you, but I knew different. To live day in and day out, when someone has their boot pressed hard to your throat, when every move you make could mean the difference between a shitty day and being beaten to the ground, to exist under that kind of, pressure, that fear, you'd have to be strong."
Tears rose in her eyes, all these years she felt so alone, so misunderstood, but he got her, somehow he knew.
Gently laying her hand beneath his sweater, to rest on his warm skin, she sighed in appreciation, she never knew it was possible for anyone to understand.
"I tried to fight it, my feelings for you, knowing that it could never be. That I would just fuck it up, hurting you even more, knowing that you deserved better. I did everything to push you away, but you saw right through me, like no one else, you called me on my bullshit, no matter what I did, you kept coming back, never giving up on me."
It had been drilled in her head again and again how worthless, and wrong she was in every way, to here him speak of her this way meant everything to her.
Psychological, verbal abuse is like poison invading your mind, what you know to be true gradually becomes less clear, it breaks you down, brainwashing you into believing their lies no matter how irrational, or insane they are.
Those around her who figured it out were kind at first, but soon became judgmental, cold, eventually believing that it was her fault for staying, no one understood the complexity of this most insidious act, one that slowly eats away at a person from the inside out until there's nothing left.
Carol became even more withdrawn from the outside world, which is exactly what Ed wanted, to isolate her, leaving her completely depended on him, in total control over every move, every thought, leaving her to constantly second guess herself, even blame herself for the vicious beatings, his rageful insults, and criticisms, thinking she had to have done something to set him off, to cause his brutal punishments.
She tried confiding in what few people that were left in her life, but it was something that couldn't be explained, the only way to truly understand, was to live it.
It took time, after Ed had gone, time, and nightmarish circumstances to follow to realize that she wasn't the person he made her believe she was, also that she wasn't alone in this struggle.
Carol had seen far too much not to recognize this plight in someone else, the defensiveness, the need for approval and acceptance no matter how vehemently he pretended not to care, no matter how far he pushed her and the others away.
It was all an act, one formed from atrocities too horrific to put into words, he rejected any kindness, seeing it as a threat, a lesson he had learned through immeasurable pain and suffering too young in life. It was a means of survival, Daryl was a true survivor.
What he was willing to do for other's, for Sophia, risking his life, refusing to give up, never losing faith that they would find her, the comfort and tenderness that he showed Carol. He was selfless, his heart too big for this world, something that no amount of abuse or neglect could take away.
As the rest of the world struggled to merely exist in the face of a catastrophic apocalypse, they were being reborn, given a second chance, and in the midst of it all they had found each other.
Both emerging as the people they were always meant to be, Carol, a loving but strong leader, brave beyond description, exceptional under the most pressured unfathomable situations, fiercely independent, and Daryl, a sensitive warrior, a force to be reckoned with, a righteous kind protector, loyal to a fault, a true man in every sense of the word.
Their paths of growth were aligned since the day they met, it was fate that of all the people left in this dying world that the dead and the worst of humanity had taken over, they would find each other.
Curling her fingers into his skin, forming her body to his, her heart raced as he once again began to speak, this time his tone becoming deeper, huskier, driven by emotion.
"By the time we got to the prison I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I had feelings for you, and no idea what to do about them, then came day I went looking for you in the tombs after the raid, convinced that you were gone, and then by some miracle I found you, just like the farm, you were just there… you always come back to me. That's why when Rick told me what he had done, not to bother looking for you because you could be anywhere by then, I knew I'd find you. I knew I would always find you Carol."
She smiled, never hearing anyone talk to her this way, never thinking it was possible.
"Nine lives, remember?"
Daryl reached down lifting her chin up towards him. "Nine lives."
His voice was like velvet wrapping around her, pulling her in, causing her pulse to race.
It was then that the stark light of reality hit them as a loud bang echoed down the hall, followed by what sounded like a tornado ripping through one of the rooms.
Instantly Daryl was standing, carefully easing Carol into a sitting position still worried about the condition of her knee.
Holding his finger to his lips, straining to figure out where the increasing loud noise was coming from, he brought his mouth to her ear, as he placed her gun in her hands.
"Your pistol is loaded, stay here, don't move."
Bracing herself on the arm of the couch she tried to get to her clothes before feeling his gentle hand ease her back down.
Cupping his hand along the side of her face he pressed his forehead to hers whispering quietly but seriously.
"You can't run, or fight with that knee, wait till I find out what we're up against. I will be right back, promise me you'll stay here."
A wave of frustration flashed across her face. "No, I'm coming with you."
"We're wasting time, stay here, that way if I can't contain them I'll come back and we'll find another way out,"
Clearly unhappy with his plan she nodded eyeing her clothes across the room.
Reaching for his bow he looked back at her as he began to make his way down the darkened hallway.
"Promise me you'll stay here."
Lifting her face towards him she mouthed the words. 'I promise.'
Anxiously Carol peered down the hall as far as she could but saw nothing.
Within a few seconds she was across the room trying hard to force her busted knee into her jeans, but they were still too wet.
Throwing her shirt on forgoing her bra, she slowly made her way into the darkness.
Tensing she stopped, bracing her back against the wall, she heard a disheartening explosive struggle coming from the direction Daryl had gone to.
Limping, holding her gun outward, cocked and ready, she silently searched out the noise that continued on with disturbing magnitude.
Steading her breath, focused on her objective, pushing everything else aside Carol turned the corner to face the room where the disturbing commotion was coming from.
Bracing her back to the wall beside the door she lifted the gun in position as her hand carefully reached out for the doorknob.
Just as she was about to turn the knob all the noise came to an abrupt end, listening intently there was nothing but an eery silence coming from the room, it wasn't a good sign, none of this was.
Dragging her wounded leg she soundlessly counted to three before shoving the door open and lifting the gun in the air directly in front of her.
Her breath hitched in her throat as her eyes widened at the sight before her.
Slowly lowering the gun, her hands fell to her side.
Daryl was standing in the middle of a room that was once was a library, countless books and large mahogany shelves had been thrown around, pages that had been torn viciously out from their bindings littered the floor around him.
Breathing heavily, he glared down at his feet, his face was well hidden by his long hair, his hands were down by his sides, one garnishing his bow, the other was balled into a tight fist.
Her eyes darted around the room looking for the bodies of whoever was the cause of this but saw nothing but an open window.
"Daryl, what happened."
Keeping his face down as adrenaline rushed through his body, causing him to feel as if he had the strength of ten men, he tried to calm down.
Breathless he spoke, gruffly, deep, sounding almost dangerous from the fight.
"When I came in I saw one walker, I scanned the room, there was no one else. I raised my bow to take the shot, that's when the other one grabbed me from behind."
Carol's eyes widened searching his body for any signs blood, or a bite.
Gasping for air he continued. "He managed to pull me down, my bow got away from me, ended up across the room, the other one came at me knocking down the shelves. They were both on me, it was close but I managed to grab a piece of metal by my head. I got them both, then tossed them out the window."
Biting down on her bottom lip, relaxing, realizing that he was fine, she held her gun in the air, trying to calm him, trying to alleviate the stress he was obviously under.
"So… what you're saying is, it would've been helpful to have back up, like some woman you happened to know that's a perfect shot."
Huffing out a laugh he lifted his head, his chest heaving forcefully, still trying to catch his breath.
The moment his intense eyes focused in on her, any reminisce of play quickly left his face as he placed his bow carefully on the ground.
Barefoot, standing in nothing but black panties, and her still damp transparent white shirt, her hip cocked to the side with her gun confidently waving in the air, she nearly brought him to his knees.
There was no time to think as the adrenaline forced all other thoughts from his mind other than one singular goal.
"You promised."
He rasped under his breath watching her, stunned by her beauty.
Her expression was one of confusion as she lowered the gun to her side, wondering if he was upset with her, mistaking his desire for something else entirely.
"Yes, I know but - "
"Please put the gun on the desk."
Nodding toward a large expensive mahogany desk by her side, he began to walk towards her with distinct purpose leaving her even more in the dark.
"What? Why - "
Trying to maintain his courage, he sighed softly.
"Please, just trust me."
Nodding, she placed the gun on the desk to lift her wide eyed confused expression back towards him.
Walking slowly towards her, unable to look away, he reached up just as her back brushed against the wall to cup her face, sliding his hands through her hair tilting her up towards him.
Leaning in he kissed her softly, slowly, brushing his thumbs lightly along her jaw, showing her just how much she was affecting him.
Deepening their kiss her curled his fingers inside her hair holding her to him, it was intimate, raw, he was present in the moment, not stuck in the past or concerned about the future.
His feelings, the need to be with her became more urgent, his hands slid down the sides of her body to wrap around her waist bringing her close to him, flush against his body.
Feeling the evidence of his longing for her pressed against her without shame or nervousness was almost too much for her.
"Daryl... please." she whispered breathlessly.
Lifting her effortlessly, cradling her in his arms, holding her close to his chest, he carried her back down the darkened hallway to the sofa placing gentle kisses to her to lips along the way.
It hit him while in that room, with those walkers, fighting for his life, that death could be a moment away, that all they had was now, wasting it was worse than giving up and not trying at all.
Placing her gently on the sofa he reached back pulling the sweater over his head, throwing it to the ground.
Carol gazed down at herself feeling a rush of pink flush across her skin, the time for shyness was over, it was Daryl, her Daryl, she had nothing to hide.
Lifting her shirt from her body slowly she let it slip to the floor.
Darkness flooded between them, clouds had moved in covering the luminous moon, but she could see his piercing blue eyes watching her, loving her.
Together they removed the rest of their clothes, before he awkwardly moved between her thighs to cover her body.
His heart raced, pounding hard against her, she could feel it beating pulsating against her skin as she raised her arms, wrapping them around his back.
Forgetting about the deep, punishing scars that marred his skin, her eyes lifted to his as the tips of her fingers brushed gingerly over his back.
She searched his face for signs that this was a trigger for him, that she should stop, but their were none.
There was nothing to hide, there wasn't anything he wouldn't keep from her if she asked, nothing that he didn't feel he could tell her.
The contact between their bodies was beyond intense, she was so warm, so wet already for him, because of him.
"Kiss me."
He could barely hear her, lost in the moment as she lifted her legs to wrap her thighs around him.
His forehead fell to hers immediately, he was painfully hard, the instinct to move was becoming overwhelming, all consuming as she tilted her hips upward to angle him to where she needed him to be.
"Kiss me Daryl... please."
Lifting his face back to her, he nodded sweeping his mouth over hers gently, tasting her, deepening their embrace.
Smoothing his callous hands down the slope of her body, up along the curve of her hip he hesitated briefly before cupping her breast tenderly.
Tentatively he rolled her hard peak with his thumb back and forth witnessing her reaction as she arched her back closer to him, softly moaning, breaking away from their kiss.
It was becoming harder to control what his body clearly wanted, drifting his fingertips once again over her skin, he watched her shiver in the wake of his touch, it was the most erotic thing he had ever seen in his life.
Her hips were moving now, lifting up towards him as she pressed her thighs tighter around him, desperate now.
Daryl surged forward through her gently moving back and forth, she was so slick, soaked pulsating beneath him.
He lifted his upper body bracing his arms down on the couch, digging his fists into the leather, needing to watch her reactions as sweat began to glistened over their bodies.
With each thrust through her he nudged against her clit, rolling gently over it causing her to whimper at each passing.
Beginning to feel the first waves of her climax ripple through her, she slid her hands up over his wrists moving higher to clutch the muscles on his upper arms.
He leaned down to taste her sweet skin along her neck, he moved faster, rocking back and forth through her, encouraged as she dug her nails into his arm.
"Oh... god... please."
Daryl was shaking now, not sure how much more he could take, as she froze, tensing beneath him.
Her strained whisper nearly broke him as she threw her head back, forcibly closing her eyes.
"D-Don't stop, don't stop... "
Her voice trailed off as he slid his hand down to play with her clit with the tip of his finger.
She was coming hard, whimpering, his name a broken whisper on her lips again and again.
He couldn't wait any longer, positioning himself at her entrance his body tensed as he felt her walls clamping down on him.
"Daryl!"
His intentions were pure, his love unquestionable, but it did little to hold back the intense urge to surge inside her.
Letting go he began to thrust hard and fast, not having a choice, he needed to be buried deep within her, lost in her as he came rushing towards the edge himself.
Lifting his eyes to her, breathless, he rasped earnestly to her lips as she met each stroke with just as much force.
"You're beautiful Carol... so.. beautiful."
His breath hitched as he buried his face in the crook of her neck coming hard, falling deeper, farther than he ever thought possible.
Clutching her tight in his arms he couldn't move, never wanting this moment to end, it was clear from now on he wouldn't waist one second without her, loving her.
It felt like forever before he finally lifted his face to look at her.
Their gaze met still shivering in each other's arms, slowly her eyes began to fill with tears.
Panicking, shocked he eased her leg down from his hip. "Carol, what's wrong? did I hurt you? Is it your knee?"
Shaking her head unable to speak she pulled him close to her, trying to control her emotions. "You didn't hurt me."
Edging his eyes down her body, trying to see her knee, he felt horribly guilty."Are you sure, I shouldn't have ... god, Carol, I'm sorry."
Kissing him gently, she forced him to look into her eyes. "I'm not crying because I'm hurt Daryl... I'm just... happy."