Chapter 9

Esme POV

Carlisle was already sitting at the kitchen table when I made it downstairs, with Bella's phone unlocked, and Charlie's number cued up. He made the call on speakerphone as I rustled around in the cabinets for two cups and a bottle of Carlisle's bourbon.

The ringing stopped.

A deep sigh, and then "Hey Bella."

"No," Carlisle snapped. "Not Bella. You sent her into a panic attack."

Another deep sigh. "I didn't think she would take that well."

I whirled, and slammed the cups and bottle on the table. "That's all you have to say? And is that how you sound answering the phone when your only daughter calls you? No wonder she thinks you don't want her!"

"It's not that."

"Then do tell me exactly what the fuck it is." Carlisle demanded, his accent heavy in his anger and irritation.

"Renee has been calling every day for two weeks. She says she just wants to visit. We don't have a custody arrangement; I can't really keep Bella from her."

"Of course you can!" I snapped, fists clenching. "The fact that Bella doesn't want her here is enough reason to refuse her alone. Never mind the emotional abuse, the physical abuse, and let's, for giggles, go ahead and add the fact that a text message saying her mother was coming for Christmas woke her out of a dead sleep and sent her straight into an anxiety attack!"

Charlie didn't reply, and Chief of Police or not, I was ready to drive over and shoot him in the foot. And then he hiccupped. Frowning, my husband turned up the volume on the phone all of the way, and stared at me incredulously when we could make out the sounds of a television in the background, and then the sound of a can being opened.

"You aren't at the station." He said, shaking his head. "And you've been drinking. Have you even been working at all today?"

This was a shit time for a relapse. But I supposed that's how it worked.

His answer made me hang my head.

"I've been at Billy's."

Neither of us moved, we just stared at the phone in shock and disgust. After another beat of silence, Charlie spoke up again. "Look, I'm not trying to be a shitty, parent, I just don't know what to do! Renee messed her up, and I don't want to make it worse. I'll come…I'll come see her tomorrow. I have to talk to her anyway… I have that 2 month FBI course, and I haven't talked to her about it yet. I-"

I couldn't listen anymore. This was not the Charlie Swan that I knew, and I just couldn't listen anymore. I reached out and hit 'End Call'.

I pushed myself away from the table feeling heavy and tired. Still holding my glass, I made to head up to bed, calling over my shoulder to my husband. "Find me that woman's number."

EdwardPOV

Even though the circumstances sucked, it was Heaven waking up with Bella draped all over me. For once though, I didn't wake up with morning wood. I think Mjolnir knew that today was a day he really needed to behave, because he was definitely not what Bella needed right now.

I pulled the covers up to her chin, fidgety because my antsy compulsive need to touch was getting bothersome, but I didn't want to wake her either. To busy myself, I reached over to the nightstand for my phone, and turn the camera on, staring at the image of Bella and I cuddled up, her messy bun plopped haphazardly on my shoulder, and I did what I always did and just started talking. I'd decide what I could use or not use later.

"Morning, folks." I yawned. "It is the day after Thanksgiving and the tryptophan coma is still kicking my ass right now. I didn't film too much yesterday, but here are the highlights of what I did get." I paused here, where, in editing, I would add the footage from yesterday.

"Who are you talking to?" Bella stretched, writhing against me, and Mjolnir seriously rethought his decision to behave today.

"Camera's on, Baby." I told her, leaning down to kiss her head. I ended up, however, with a face full of blanket when she gasped and covered her face. "Edward! I look crazy in the mornings."

I rolled my eyes and pulled the blanket back down to her neck, leaving it tucked around her shoulders because she wasn't wearing a bra, and I didn't want anybody else seeing those babies. "Don't be stupid." I leaned in again and got my kiss this time. "You're gorgeous."

Apparently a forehead kiss wasn't good enough, because she leaned up and caught my lips with hers.

"Are you gonna tell them what I'm doing in here?"

"That's up to you." I told her seriously, reaching for her glasses and handing them to her. "It's a pretty vulnerable thing. I don't want you to feel like you have to share so much, just because I do."

"What if they think we… you know?" She added the last part in an embarrassed whisper. I so wasn't editing that out.

I grinned at her, and gave her the Groucho Marx eyebrow wag.

She rolled her eyes at me and pinched my side.

I tried to hold the camera kind of above us still, and turn more fully to face her. It was an awkward position, not too horrible, but I couldn't really hold her like this, therefore it wouldn't work, so I reached back and felt around for the clip on stand I used for my desk, and clipped it to the headboard. With the camera in it, I adjusted the swivel head and bendy neck thing until Bella and I were in frame, but I had both my hands free. Genius, I tell you.

"Come here, Baby."

Once she was in my arms, I sighed. "Much better. Now, did you wanna tell the people why you're waking up with me this morning?"

She shifted, deciding and I kept quiet, letting her make up her mind. She looked at me for a long while, while I leisurely played with a loose curl by her ear. "I had a panic attack." She said finally. "Anxiety attack, whatever you want to call it. I got that text message and then I just… I panicked and I wanted you."

"I was… scared shitless at first." I told her. "I was talking to Emmett and we heard the door handle start jiggling. We thought maybe it was Bree trying to get in, but when he opened the door and you just fell through it, Jesus Christ. Your color was weird, and you were shaking. You were looking right at Emmett and you didn't see him. Then you started choking. I still kind of wanna punch your dad in the nuts."

Bella raised an eyebrow at me, but didn't reply.

"What did it… what does it feel like?"

After she gathered her thoughts for a moment she said. "It feels like what I imagine a heart attack to feel like. Your chest hurts. Your actual heart beating is painful. I get hot… feel like I'm suffocating and then I get fuzzy. Everything… everything sounds like when your head's underwater, and someone is standing on the edge of the pool talking to you. You can see them and hear them, but it's not clear. You hear the noise of the water, but the voice is off and far away. Or sometimes it sounds like you're listening to a track and then it slows down until the voice gets super low and then it sounds like that voice on Charlie Brown. Just warped noises. Then you can't breathe, and that makes the panic take off even faster. The worst part is afterwards. The actual anxiety itself is worse afterwards. Plus, you feel emotionally and physically weak, and jittery and embarrassed... Ashamed."

"Fuck. I'm sorry Baby. That's… that's shit."

She laughed, but it was warbled and her eyes were shiny.

"Okay, that's enough heavy shit. Please don't cry, I hate it when you cry. Then I wanna cry and I have to go punch Emmett so I don't feel like such a little bitch."

She rolled into me, laughing like I'd hoped she would. "You're an idiot." She giggled.

"Your idiot."

She grinned at me, bold and happy despite the wetness in her eyes from just a moment ago.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Now c'mon. Since we're up before Jesus and the saints, let's get breakfast before the hoard descends. I'll make you an omelet."

"Or," she countered. "I have some mascarpone left from the tiramisu. I can make us some stuffed French toast?"

"Holy fucking shit, that sounds good. Both?"

"Okay." She went to detangle herself from me, but I grabbed her waist and held her still. "Hey, wait a minute!"

She froze, uncertain. "What is it?"

I tilted her chin so I could kiss her long and slow. She melted into me almost immediately, arms coming up around my neck, and when I finally released her, I grinned cheekily.

"Good morning, Beautiful."

After I made Bella put my pullover hoodie on (about which, she argued with me, until I pointed out that her tits were swinging free), I carried her piggy back down stairs and we started the monumental task of making breakfast for the entire household. I set up my phone in the corner by the stove and filmed, just to get some cut footage. As the smell of food trickled upwards, Cullens, (and the one Platt) one by one trickled downward because Bella's French toast smelled motherfucking epic.

Then came the post-holiday pajama tradition. The day after every food-heavy holiday in the Cullen household, everyone showered and then basically put more pajamas on. Alice had talked Mom and Bella into onesies, so I shit you not, they all reappeared in fuzzy pajamas with the feet in them. Even Bree got in on the action, and of course she was hella excited to be matching with her favorite person in the world, Bella.

We were all lazy fucks all day, and it was great. After lunch, the parents took Bree and left to drive the grandparents to the airport. For dinner, Alice, Emmett and I pretty much begged Bella to make more of her stuffed French toast, because it was a breakfast for dinner kind of a day and I did the omelet thing again so she wasn't hanging out by herself in the kitchen until she was done. We were elbow deep in dishwater afterwards when Charlie called.

Sighing, Bella used one knuckle to accept the call and put it on speakerphone so she could continue washing. "Hi Dad."

"Bella, hey. Listen kid," And Bella took a deep breath, swallowing hard and it was obvious she was bracing herself. "I'm covering for Stanzki at the station tonight and I'll be pulling another double." Her eyes closed and she shook her head, looking resigned.

"We aren't going to talk about that message you sent me?" She asked him softly.

"What? About your mom? She has a right to see you, she's your mother Isabella." He actually sounded annoyed with her, and I stared at the phone, speechless. What the fuck was wrong with him? The Charlie I'd grown up knowing was a hell of a lot more understanding and protective than this prick on the phone. That made me feel like shit because he'd been a better parent to my siblings and I than he was being to his own flesh and blood who needed him more because she could actually remember and was still going through her trauma.

Bella looked like he could have slapped her across the face, and it'd do less damage than what he'd just done. Her eyes teared up and that was fucking it. "Way to be a good parent Charlie." I reached out and disconnected the call. "Fucking asshole."

I dried my hands and turned, seeing my siblings standing in the doorway to the kitchen frowning. Whatever. They could stand there for a minute. I lifted Bella on to the counter and stood between her knees. She didn't look like she did last night, but even if she wasn't having a panic attack, in some ways she looked worse. Her jaw was clenched tight, but it didn't stop her chin from quivering, and her eyes were screwed shut tight. She wouldn't fucking look at me, but I could see the wetness starting to coat her eyelashes.

"Bella. Look at me." I pushed her glasses up into her hair and wiped away the tears that were escaping. I knew she didn't want to cry, but her breath kept catching and squeaking and I knew it was coming, so she may as well stop fighting me.

"Come here, Baby." That was it. Just like she always did, she folded herself into my arms. I felt hot tears on my neck and then she was weeping, these horrible quiet gasping sobs that made my stomach hurt to hear them. Fucking Charlie. Stupid son of a bitch. I swear to God, I could never look at him the same way after this. He'd be on my shit list until our kids hated his ass for this shit too.

I wracked my brain to think of a way to make this better, but I had no idea what to say to her. No idea what to do, and I hated that feeling. I always had a plan, always, but all I could do was rock her gently from side to side with my mouth pressed to her temple, and hold her while she cried.

That night was… rough. Emmett, Alice and I, in true Cullen fashion, corralled around her, like 3 on-edge body guards ready to fuck up a shadow if we thought it might make her cry again. As was our tradition, when any of us had a shitty mental health day, we moved the giant couch in the basement backwards and made a pallet on the floor with every blanket and sheet in the house that no one else was using and crawled onto the thing watching cartoons in a monstrous and ridiculous looking teenager-tetris dog pile.

Nobody had any personal space, and though we each had separate blankets, excluding Bella and I, who shared her weighted one, everybody was touching everybody. Sometimes it helped, and Bella seemed relaxed, but other times I'd look down and see tears in her eyes, or quietly streaming down her face. Either way, she didn't speak another word the rest of the night. When we got tired, we left the television on Cartoon Network, but laid down all stretched out, with Emmett and I on opposite sides, and the girls both squished in the middle.

We took up the same close knit behavior when school started back up. Though it was kind of unnecessary. Since Jessica Stanley's father pulled her and put her into school in PA, there was nobody left to really fuck with Bella… if you didn't count Rosalie's ongoing shitty attitude.

Over the next coming weeks, Bella spent even more time with us as a group. Charlie kept "working" but she didn't get upset about it again after that shitty phone call. She basically lived with us more so than him, and I was totally okay with that. There was one more panic attack when the subject of Christmas break came up in homeroom one morning, but Alice got her out of there before any of the other students realized what was happening and texted me, and together, she and I tried to calm her down, but having an attack in public was way worse for her than having one at our house, and we couldn't get her to take any decent breaths, so she passed out, woke up in the nurse's office, and almost had another panic attack. After that one, Mom had taken her to the doctor and opted to pay for it out of pocket since Dumbass Charlie hadn't gotten Bella's insurance set up yet. The doctor prescribed her some medication to take when she felt them coming on, but she was too embarrassed to carry them, so I usually stuck them in my pocket before we went anywhere.

We continued filming our vlogs, and my channel- our channel- continued to grow. Our video where Bella talked about her panic attacks had the most views of anything I'd ever posted. People were commenting so much that I had to turn the alerts off because my phone felt like a vibrator in my pocket all day. People were sharing their anxiety stories with Bella, and commiserating, and offering her strength. Any time I saw a dickish comment, I deleted it before she could see it, but other than that, I ended up logging into the app on Bella's phone so she could reply to the good ones. She spent so much time on it, that I thought about asking her if she wanted to do a Q&A or discussion video, whether pre-recorded or livestreamed, but for some reason, I held back.

The first AdSense check came in time to get everyone something awesome for Christmas, as well as there being enough to put aside Bella's half as well as the "Just In Case" portion. It was fucking huge. I didn't tell anyone how big it was, or that it even came. I didn't even cash it until it went to Seattle with Bella to go shopping for Christmas presents, and took a small detour to one of the out of the way credit unions and opened new bank accounts. I already knew Bella was good about taking her ID with her everywhere (still an Arizona one, because Charlie was bordering on neglectful at this point, but it suited our purposes well enough), so I didn't warn her about our little side errand.

"Okay." I said, helping Bella out of the car and shutting the door behind her. She looked so fucking cute in her vintage dress coat buttoned up to her chin that I fought the urge to take a minute and kiss her fucking breathless, but we were on a mission. "I need you to not freak out, okay?"

Standing this close, she had to tip her head way back to look at my face before she teasingly patted me around the hips, like she was looking for something. Little lower, there Baby. "You don't have a gun do you? Did you bring me along on a heist?"

"Ha ha, Bella." I grabbed her hands and tucked them underneath my coat. She wasn't wearing her damn gloves again, and I was positive she'd lost them. Again. "No, we're not on a heist. We're going to each open a bank account."

"What? Why?"

"Because, I don't really want anybody else to know how much money we made, and I really don't want either of your parents to have access to it."

"'We'? Edward, I already told you-"

"Hush woman. The channel is named after both of us, your face is on it, just as much as mine now, and people have just as many questions and comments for you as they do for me."

"Edward." She rolled her eyes at me, like she did every single time we had this conversation, and I already knew what she was going to say.

"Yes, yes," I said. "I know, I do all the editing, blah blah. That's not the point, and doesn't mean that you aren't just as much a part of this as me. Besides. You're learning how to, and frankly, you're more creative with it anyways. I just teach you the technical and you take that and do all kinds of cool shit with it I never would have thought of. If it weren't for you the channel wouldn't be what it is, so quit arguing with me already, and just listen? Please?"

She stared at me for a long moment, bristling against the cold wind, and then nodded.

"On the off chance that She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, shows her ass up on our doorstep, I'm making sure that you're protected. If Charlie is going to be dickless milk toast and offer the woman a legal leg to stand on when she really has none, you and I are going to make sure that you- that WE- have an out. We're going to go in here and open up two bank accounts; one for you and one for me, and we're going to use the PA Post Office Box address that I have all of the YouTube shit connected to. You remember the one I set up in case people want to send us shit? I don't want to risk my parents or yours coming across bank statements or debit cards or check books. With me so far?"

She gave me a very slow and dubious sounding "Yeeeeeees?".

I'd take it.

"Great. On the slim chance that shit hits the fan, I don't want either of your parents able to lay hands on your money. They can't claim it if they don't know about it and you'll have it in case of emergency. Okay?"

No way in fuck was I telling her the rest of my back up plan, she'd probably freak the fuck out for sure. Her arms tightened around my waist, drawing her closer to me, and she shook a little. "It's purely precautionary. Plus it's a lot of money and Forks is small. I don't want any of the nosy ass women who work at the bank telling our business. Everyone knows how much Dad makes because he uses that tiny ass bank. He just doesn't give a shit."

Bella tilted her head back to look at me, chin resting on my chest as she warily asked the question I was waiting for. "Just how much money is it?"

I pulled the envelope out of my pocket and handed it to her, saying absolutely nothing as she removed the statement and looked at the check attached to the bottom. She choked. "And this is half mine?" She wheezed. If I hadn't done the same thing when I opened it, I would have laughed at her.

"Yes."

"For fuck's sake!" She gasped, and I did laugh at her then because clearly I was rubbing off on her.

Then I kissed her, keeping it kind of publicly appropriate, and said against her lips. "I told you Bella, I got you. I'm not going to let them send you back to that hell-hole."

So we opened the accounts, split the money between the two, and Bella only looked just a little shell shocked when we left. I gripped her hand in mine as we headed to the mall next, and tried to keep her mind occupied with silly shit so she wouldn't focus on, and freak out about the money. We bought Christmas presents, and hit the road home fairly early, singing cheesy holiday music the entire way back, and talking about just what the fuck ever while the video camera filmed from the dashboard mount.

The day before Christmas, I was nervous as shit. Mom came in while I was fiddling with the charm bracelet for the billionth time and assured me that my gift for Bella was perfect, but I was starting to second guess myself. Bella never really mentioned jewelry before, but I noticed her eyeing a bracelet of mom's a couple of times, so a couple weeks ago I'd gotten online and went insane piecing together one of those Pandora bracelets for her.

I'd gone a little too insane though, because I hadn't realized how big the charms were, and ended up having to play puzzle master with the fucking thing because I didn't want to give her a naked bracelet and a box of charms and go 'here, put your own shit together'. So I laid out the beads that spelled "I love you" and spent a couple hours playing with the layout of the other beads. I was glad I got some of the more traditional dangly charms too, because without them, it looked weird as fuck to me. Mom said it didn't, but I thought it did. So I put dangly orchid charms between the words, because it was fucking cool that they had orchids, and Bella liked the ones in Reptar's cage well enough. Plus they were dark pink, her favorite color. They looked like pussies, a little, but Bella wouldn't notice.

The rest of the bracelet I just filled with the blingiest pink and silver shit I had, alternating the round charms and the various dangly ones, and then alternating the colors so there weren't a chunk of silver one side and pink on the other. Thankfully I'd gotten all of the colorful shit the same shade of pink, because maneuvering this god damned project with additional colors would probably make me bash my head in to a wall.

Oh my fucking God, why was this so stressful?

It was 2 am before I finished fiddling with it, and I laid it down carefully in my drawer, like the charms would all go flying off and rearrange themselves if I didn't. The damn bracelet was supposed to be the easy part, but it was definitely harder than maneuvering the other half of her present.

Damn it, what if she didn't like it? Or what if she did like it, but she came to my room during the night and the other half of surprise was ruined. I'd never gotten a present for a girl before, other than Mom or Alice, so I was totally winging this shit.

Turns out, I worried for no damn reason. Well, kind of. I was out cold when my door opened, waking me a little after 4 am and Bella's shaky form wobbled in. Bree had picked out the pajamas this time, and they were candy-striped with chunky Rudolph heads on the feet, whose noses lit up as she made her way to me. She wasn't having a panic attack yet, but one was well on it's way. I scooted over and pulled back the covers squinting at her until she climbed in and balled up against my chest.

I took exaggerated loud breaths for her, and rubbed her back until she relaxed and we both fell asleep. My alarm went off at 6am, and I woke up super alert, excited and nervous. I eyed Bella carefully to make sure she hadn't been woken up by my alarm, because this would be next to fucking impossible if she was up, but she was out cold. I slid out of the bed and set up both cameras so I could film Bella's reaction to her gift, then I grabbed her bracelet out of her night stand, and her other present out of my closet, where it had been sleeping since the bracelet fiasco.

Lola was the most awesome dog ever. I opened the closet door and she staggered drunkenly out, still apparently half asleep. I wrapped her in one of my hoodies, because I didn't want her to smell Bella and get all excited, and carried her heavy ass out back so she could do her business.

Lola was a Rottweiler puppy who'd been raised in the puppy room at the shelter. Her mom had been brought in, pregnant, and there were 5 puppies in all. I debated for a ridiculously long time over which puppy, studying them all and trying to decide if I wanted to get a male or a female, before I finally stole one of Bella's hoodies a couple of days after Thanksgiving, (well it was mine, but Bella was the one who wore it,) and sealed it up in a plastic bag to take with me to the shelter. My next shift, I let them all out, and went to sit on the opposite side of the room, and put the hoodie on the floor in front of me.

Then I waited and watched. All of the puppies came over and examined the hoodie. They mostly tried to wrestle it, biting and pulling on the fabric, but Lola came over, buried her nose in it, and then climbed into the middle of the pile of fabric, nestled down in it, and closed her eyes happily. Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

So I marked her down as adopted, and shoved the hoodie in to her cage for her to sleep on until she was ready to come home. Every other day I switched it out for a new article of Bella's recently worn clothing, and every time Lola yipped excitedly and curled up into the fabric. She'd reached 8 weeks old yesterday, and I'd been allowed to bring her home. I stole Bella's entire outfit from yesterday and lined Lola's bed with it, and that suited her well enough that she didn't cry and didn't seem to notice the absence of her mother or siblings at all.

She was a sturdy little thing, already 12 lbs, but smart as fuck too. I'd been working with her and she knew 'sit' and 'leave it', and if I laid her harness down on the ground, she stepped her feet right into it. Said harness jingled as Lola finished her squat and proudly walked back over to me, pawing the leg of my sweatpants so we could get the fuck out of this cold. I picked her up and carried her in, using an old towel to dry her feet off, and then attached Bella's bracelet to the spot on Lola's harness where her tags were attached.

"Show time." I whispered.

Upstairs, Bella was still knocked the fuck out. I turned the cameras and audio on, and made sure the lighting and focus was okay. This close to Bella, Lola was starting to wiggle like crazy, wanting down. I grinned and made a "shh" gesture at one of the cameras, then lifted the bottom of covers, and put Lola underneath.

There were yips and playful growls as the Lola sized lumped walked all the hell all over my girlfriend. Bella woke up slowly, rubbing her eyes sleepily and going "Wha?" Just as Lola popped her head out of the covers by her tits and starting licking her all over the place, barking happily.

Bella sat up a little and gasped, then giggled as 12 lbs of puppy fat and fur climbed all over her, tonguing everywhere she could reach. She reached for her, but Lola was more animated than I'd ever seen her, trying to climb up Bella's chest and back and everywhere.

I got back in the bed, grinning and mentally back-patting the fuck out of myself.

"Merry Christmas, Baby." I grabbed for Lola so Bella could catch her breath for a moment, but the furball launched right back over to her mom, headbutting her in the tit in her eagerness to get to her. Laughing, Bella finally caught her and snuggled her close, grinning widely at me. "Merry Christmas Edward!"

"Do you like her?"

"She's mine?" She looked surprised. Very surprised. Fucking right, go me!

"Of course," I laughed. "Surpr-mmf!" I fell back on my hands when Bella launched herself at me, squishing Lola between us and kissing me hard. "I take it you approve?" I asked again, smiling at her happy grin and flushed face. She looked excited and child-like and happy and it was fucking awesome.

"I love her!" She kissed me again, less tackle this time, but before I could deepen it, Lola shoved her nose between us, managing to lick both of us in the face. We laughed, and I scratched Lola between her ears, grateful she was being pretty much perfect. "I've never had a dog before. Does she have a name already?" Bella asked me, and thank fucking God, she did, because waiting for her to notice the bracelet would have fucking killed me.

"Check her tags." I hinted. Bella looked in front of, and then behind Lola, noticed the bracelet and gasped. She reached for it, but Lola was still wiggling like mad.

"Lola, sit." And though her ass still wiggled happily, she sat. Bella gaped at that for a moment, and then reached for the bracelet. She fingered the beads and charms, staring at them, and I know the exact moment she noticed my message because her hand flew up to her mouth and her eyes, watering, flew up to mine. "Edward?" she whispered softly.

Gently, I undid the bracelet and reached for her wrist, fastening it there and raising her palm to my lips. I scooted closer to her, still holding her hand in both of mine and took a deep breath.

"I love you, Bella."

She did start crying then, and launched herself at me, this time knocking me flat on my back as she kissed me all over my face. "I love you!" she was saying. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you."

I gripped her and squeezed the ever loving shit out of her. "Thank fucking God!"

She heard me, and she stopped her kisses and 'I-love-you's to bury her face in my neck and laugh, but I didn't give a shit. My girl was laughing and happy, and she loved me. All the stress of trying to figure out how to do this shit? Fucking worth it.

Lola snuggled down in between us and Bella held her closer, still crying, but still smiling, so we were good. "My present definitely doesn't top this." She warned me. I shook my head and stroked one hand down her wet cheek. "Bella, you've just given me the Christmas present to top every one I could possibly ever receive for the rest of my life." And then just because I needed to say it again: "I love you."

Bella's eyes went molten hot, and in an instant, she was back on top of me her hands in my hair and her tongue in my mouth. The displaced puppy snored and didn't even move. I sat up and Bella straddled me, wrapping her legs behind me, bringing her ass right where I wanted it. And then I remembered the cameras.

"Fuck. Baby the-mmm shit." Evil minx tugged on my bottom lip with her teeth. God I liked that. "The camera. Camera's on." I managed. She groaned, and so did I, but I eased her to the side and turned all the equipment off, moving it back over by the desk. Even the audio recorder, which I was sorely tempted to leave on. The last (and only) time we'd seriously fooled around, we'd forgotten about it. I knew I should have deleted it the recording, but it was so fucking hot to listen to Bella moaning and trying not to scream when she came that I couldn't make myself do it even though I knew she was going to murder me when she found out.

I dragged Lola's bed out of the closet and set it Lola into it. The puppy fucking slept like Alice, I swear, because she didn't so much as twitch. I looked out into the hallway to see if I could see any signs of life, but everyone's light was off still, so I shut the door, and turned to go back to bed, only to see Bella was up and unzipping that ridiculous onesie thing. Unfortunately, she had a bra and tank top on underneath, but as she pushed the candy cane striped fabric down past her hips, I zeroed in on the pink lacey panties she was wearing.

Fucking shit.

I fumbled for a second, couldn't decide if I wanted to go to her, or get back in bed and wait for her to join me, but she was already coming towards me, so I held my arms out for her.

"You're so fucking beautiful." I whispered, because she was, and because I couldn't help it.

I walked backwards with her in my arms, and together we got back into bed because it was cold as shit in my room. I settled back against the headboard and she straddled me again. I opened my mouth, intending on asking her if she was okay, but she ground her pussy down in my lap and I forgot what the fuck I was gonna say. Forgot about everything but exactly what we were doing.

"Can't feel how wet you are like this." I muttered, raising her up a bit so I could tug my sweatpants down. I was too eager though, accidently pulling my boxers down with them, and my dick popped straight up between us.

"Fuck! Sorry." I reached to pull my pants back up, but Bella lowered herself down onto my thighs, blocking my access.

"Can I-" She was staring at him, reaching one hand hesitantly in his direction. Fuck yes, Baby please do.

"Can I touch you?" she asked. I gritted my teeth, bracing myself and trying not to nut all over the place right then and there, and nodded, hoping I didn't look as deranged as I felt.

She reached again. Hesitated again. "I… show me?" She asked finally. Now I hesitated. I didn't want to grab her hand and just put it on my dick, but if I touched myself and she fucking watched, I was going to lose it before we started. Fuck it, I was probably going to cum soon anyway because this whole scenario was hot as fuck, so I fisted myself, and slowly moved my hand up and down, showing her.

A fat drop of pre-cum leaked out of the tip and I palmed it, using it to move easier. After a couple more seconds, Bella's hand reached out, and wrapped around my dick above mine, and I let mine fall away, and then she fucking used two hands, and before she even moved them, I was about to fucking blow.

I bit the inside of my cheek and squeezed my eyes closed, trying to gain some fucking control. Thankfully, she didn't move at first. Finally, when I felt I wasn't ready to embarrass the shit out of myself, I told her: "You can squeeze harder. You aren't going to hurt me unless you bend him."

"Him?" she asked, using more pressure but still her touch was light, delicate.

"Mjolnir." I answered, knowing she was gonna think my ass was crazy, but she moved her hands then, so at that moment, I didn't care if she thought I was who the fuck ever, as long as she didn't stop touching me.

"You named your penis after the Hammer of Thor?" She asked me. My eyes flew open in shock and I found her smirking at me. Unbidden, I thrust into her hands and moaned. "It's really fucking hot that you know that." I breathed. "Jesus. Fuck. Squeeze harder Baby."

She did, finally, and my eyes wanted to ease shut again, but I really needed to fucking watch.

"Like this?"

"Fuck yes. Mmmm, Bella, shit." I moaned. She experimented, moving her hands one at a time, and then both together, and it was a little weird, but mostly fucking awesome. And then she twisted her top hand as it came up over my head.

"Fucking shit!" And there went all my octaves, but it felt so good, I didn't give two shits.

"Good?" Bella asked, and her voice was nervous still, even though she was driving me fucking crazy.

"Hell yes." I breathed. "Fucking good. Fucking amazing. Please don't stop, Baby. Please."

And now I was begging. Jesus.

Bella's grip tightened again and she moved her hands together, this time twisting them in opposite directions.

"Argh!" I pumped wildly into her fists, and my head thumped into the headboard behind me. I gripped her hip tightly with one hand, vaguely aware that I'd almost flung her off my lap and with the other I dragged her face to mine. "Faster, please baby." I whispered against her lips. I was barely able to kiss her for two seconds because she sped up, squeezing and twisting faster, and my balls tightened almost painfully and I couldn't help grunting like a fucking idiot.

And the closer I got, the more I fucking babbled. "God, please. Close, so fucking close. God, I fucking love you." Until I fucking came so hard I saw spots. "Bellaaaaaa, fuck. Fuck, fuck, shit." And I kissed her then, for real this time, coaxing her tongue out to battle with mine until I had to tear my lips away from hers so we could fucking breathe.

When I could finally fucking use my brain again, I noticed that I'd cum all over her yellow tank top. It wasn't on her naked belly, but God, still so fucking hot to see me all over her like that. I grinned, because I was a fucking pervert, and kissed her lips again. "Thank you."

Seriously, 'thank you'? Way not to be awkward, Cullen.

She giggled, wiping her hands on her shirt, and I noticed I made an even bigger mess than I thought. "You're welcome?"

I snickered, and pulled her out of bed and into the bathroom. Clean up time, I thought giddily. I turned on the water, and washed her hands off for her, because even though I was a perv, I was a sappy fuck too, and kissed her her fingers and palms before I dried her hands.

"Your turn." I informed her, dragging her hot ass body close to mine. She looked up at me like she always did when we were this close, with her chin pressed into my sternum. "You don't have to."

"But I want to." And then I was on my knees in front of her, staring at her through the lace of those hot ass pink panties. "Can I take these off?" I asked, fingering the waistband and the hem of her shirt.

"Y… yes?" She sounded nervous, like last time, but a little scared too. I stood back up, because fuck that. "Baby, what's wrong? We don't have to if you don't want to. I just… wanted you to feel as fucking awesome as you just made me feel."

"I want to, I'm just… always nervous."

"And that's it?" I looked at her skeptically. "You're just nervous? Not scared?"

"Maybe a little scared." She admitted. I turned us and sat her on the bathroom counter so I could stand between her thighs. "Scared why? Of me?"

"No! I just… it's embarrassing. I'm... pudgy."

"You are fucking not!" I snapped. "Bella-"

"My stomach isn't flat, Edward."

"So fucking what? You act like it sticks out. It doesn't, and even if it did. Again, so fucking what?"

She didn't say anything, just stared off at nothing, looking anywhere but at me. I almost said 'forget it' and helped her back into her pajamas so I could hold her until everyone else got up, but I A) really wanted to touch her, B) didn't want her to have this fucked up image of herself, on Christmas and C) didn't want her to think I was purposefully trying to cover her up. So I kissed her, long and slow and deep, and when she was breathless and moaning, I eased my hand into those fuckhot panties and rubbed her clit.

"Ah!" She cried out, as her hips jerked off the counter. She was clinging to me now, and that shit was more like it. I lowered my lips to her neck, sucking on the spot that drove her wild when I touched it, and her hips jerked into mine. Her legs were wrapped around my waist and I don't even think she realized I was holding her up.

"You want me don't you Bella?" I whispered, rubbing her clit again. "Yeeees." She moaned.

"Then why can't you see how badly I want you too?"

"B-because." She panted. "You… you're gorgeous."

"And so are you." I eased her down my body and she looked surprised to see that she wasn't on the counter anymore. I would remind her of how easily I held her up later, but right now I was on a mission. I turned her away from me, to face the mirror.

I ran my hand over her stomach under her shirt, with it's sticky mess and saw that she was watching it in the reflection. Good. "You're not fat." I told her, kissing the side of her neck. "You're not pudgy. There's a curve here, yeah, but it's fucking sexy. All of you is soft… sexy… beautiful." I trailed my hands up her hips, followed the curve of her waist and then around to her stomach.

I watched her in the mirror, staring at my hands as they touched her. One hand still on the curve of her belly, I slipped the other back inside her panties. She whimpered, her head falling back into my chest before my fingers even made it back to her clit. As soon as I applied pressure she moaned loudly, and my dick hardened against the small of her back. "Feel that baby?" I whispered, deliberately rubbing her clit softer than what I knew she liked and needed to cum.

"Feel how hard you make me? How much you turn me on?"

"Yes." She whimpered. "Yes!"

"I just came hard as fuck Bella, I shouldn't be this hard right now already. It's because you're so God damned sexy." She moaned, rubbing against me, but it wasn't enough. I knew it wasn't.

"Are you gonna cum, Baby?" I asked her, because I was enjoying myself thoroughly.

"Can't." She whimpered. "Touch me, please."

"Shirts in the way Bella." I told her matter-of-factly, rubbing just a little bit harder. "Fuck. Take it off, I don't fucking care, take it off!"

God she was pushy when she was horny. Fucking love it.

I whipped her tank top over her head and she sighed gratefully when my hand touched the bare skin of her waist. I lifted her back onto the counter top so I could reach, and ran my tongue along the top of her bra. "Isn't this better?" I teased, touching bare skin every where.

"Yes. More. Please!"

"Whatever Baby wants."

I tugged one cup of her bra down and finally, finally pulled one of her nipples into my mouth. Bella squealed, and her hand tightened almost painfully in my hair, hips thrusting wildly in my hand. I heard a seam pop and I laughed. "Careful Baby, or you'll tear your panties. I'm kind of fond of this pair."

"Off." She breathed, not caring.

I released my prize and stared at her. "Wha?" I said, intelligently.

"Take them off." She repeated. "They're in the way."

"Are you sure?"

"Edward!"

"Okay, okay!" I helped her off the counter, once again, then she had her back pressed against the door and I was on my knees before her, eyes on her face for any sign of discomfort. But she just gave me that fucking molten look from before that made me want to fuck the shit out of her. "Okay?" I asked her, easing panties down her legs.

She nodded, eyes going even hotter. I lifted one leg, and then the other as I slid them all the way off, but instead of setting her leg back down, I pulled it over my shoulder.

"Pussy smells so good." I breathed, staring. But I really couldn't see much, so I lifted her other leg and eased it over my other shoulder. Fucking shit, as I stared, licking my lips, I fucking watched her get even wetter.

"Baby, please. Can I-"

"Y-yes, please!"

Before she even finished her sentence, I had my face buried between her legs, tonguing and nibbling her clit.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" She was squealing, sounding like a fucking porno and the shit made me impossibly harder. I heard a thumping, and looked up to see she'd tossed her head back into the wall. "Shit, baby, your head. Be careful."

"I'm fine." She whined. "Don't stop."

I went back to my breakfast, as ordered. Her clit swelled as her thighs trembled around my neck and I hoped that meant she was close. I don't see how girls did this shit for long, it killed my damn knee caps.

Fuck it.

I gripped Bella's ass and stood, stopping briefly to make sure she didn't crack her head on the ceiling, but I forgot for a second, how fucking short she was.

I could get addicted to eating her pussy. She smelled fucking amazing, and it was all I could do to not to blow my fucking top again from the sounds she was making alone.

"Close." She told me. "Ah, shit. Close!" With the flat of my hand under her ass to support her, I used my other one to snatch a towel off the rack and handed it to her. Smart girl, she pulled it up to her face as I sucked her clit into my mouth and reached up to tug on one nipple. She moaned into the towel, and her legs quaked, slamming into my ears, but she didn't cum yet. I sucked again, harder, pressing with my lips and tongue and she exploded, screaming into the towel. Yup, somebody was going to hear that. Oops.

Still not sorry.

Her legs were shaking almost violently as the post orgasm crying from the last time started up again. I eased her legs off my shoulders and caught her against me as she slid down the wall. Immediately she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, hanging on for dear life.

"You okay Baby?"

"I'm perfect."

"Yes, you are. Merry Christmas Baby."

She laughed breathlessly. "Best. Christmas. Ever."