Hello folks, it's been a while and I do apologize. Life hasn't been too easy on me, but I'm hanging in there. I'm honestly going to try to finish this story though, simply because:

1. I have got nothing to do since I'm excused from school activities etc.

2. This is quite therapeutically at times, ya know… torturing people is quite pleasing at times.

So hopefully everyone will stick around and in this chapter there will finally be some development at last on the good note! So have fun reading dear spawns of Satan, go make yourself comfortable underneath those blankets and get yourself some water or tea because self-care people lol.

Chapter 8

My throat burned, it felt raspy and the cold had seemed to have slipped through the multiple defensive layers of blankets. I lightly rubbed away the sleep in my eyes and allowed them to adjust to the room filled with the light of another day, a new morning, another day survived.

The red digits on my alarm which stood on the bedside flashed sharply 12.05 pm. I blinked once, then again, and thrice. It is 12 pm, 12 pm, 12…wait.

"It's past twelve?! No way, ah shit!" I quickly ripped the blankets of my body, shivering at the cold air brushing my bare arms. I quickly stood up and fell down as soon as I tried standing, pretty much like Bambi right after he was born.

"Well, the floor is cool I guess… Actually this is pretty nice." I rubbed my head on the floorboards and looked at the mess I had created within a mere 2.5 seconds after waking up, good job Yuri. Once again I tried to stand up, slowly this time. The trembling in my legs slowly stopping luckily.

Of to another great start of the day I'd say.

I combed my hand through my black hair and opened the curtains. As soon as I began even moving the slightest bit I could feel my muscles scream in protest, the smell of dust protruded my senses. It was fascinating how pain awakens, stimulates you might say your other senses, smell, sight, hearing and that simple fact made me feel slightly distorted.

'Ugh, this isn't how I expected my twenties to be like…eighties sure but this is a bit of an overkill.', I reached to my phone and looked if I had any missed messages.

There were none.

I scrolled through Instagram to see if anyone was even active or if I had any missed calls.

Once again, none.

I felt a slight pang in my chest as I slowly began to make my way downstairs, my head was throbbing and it felt like someone was hitting with a hammer at my temples, my body screamed in protest with every step.

Maybe a light cold? Oh well it didn't matter anymore. All what mattered was getting to the skating rink before Yurio and Victor might get real mad….

'Deep breaths and you'll be fine', I quickly stormed downstairs, grabbed my coat and made my way out, my head felt hot in the cold wind outside.

Running down the road, a real good warming up mind you, I slammed open the door to the Ice Castle and came running in with a dogeza to the booth. "I'm sorry for being late! Please forgive me!" really the last time I had come into a room in a dogeza was still in my high school days...those were some rather embarrassing days that I would rather not relive.

"You can just continue choosing your song. I'll help Yura with his choreography for today." Cold, his tone had been stone cold and dismissive. It was like he had shut me off from his world, he didn't turn to look at me.

His conversation had been one sided, short as if I had somehow angered the silver haired Adonis. Well of course I had come in late that day, but most of the times Victor wouldn't have cared about such matters.

That emptiness crept up again from the shadows as was threatening to swallow me whole.

I immediately noticed that the tension had grown back, not knowing the reason made me curious, yet at the same time I felt some sort of guilt gnawing on me. It was probably my fault again, I should leave him with Yurio for now.

'You're probably just overreacting Yuri, just go practice idiot.' I slapped my cheeks and dismissed these previous thoughts before resuming my warming-up.

It might have been the effect of my cold, but I had been delirious. A strange feeling locked into my stomach in a tight knot and I could already feel the cold sweat dripping from my temples.

Today was going to be a long day.

Before I had noticed it I had already sat down and grabbed my earbuds, plugging them in and opening my playlist. A normal routine as I played the list on shuffle and just looked at the practice in front of me.

.

.

He had known loneliness like an old friend and was not ready to embrace him again. Yet.

No inspiration came flowing in, even looking at Victor and Yurio skating didn't help. I had one job and was already shit at it bluntly. I probably didn't even know my theme for this year, it would be a miracle if I didn't turn bald from stress.

My finger lightly tapped the table as my lips quivered, hot, cold and hot again. Sweat pouring down my head more significantly than before this time.

'Ignore the headache, you can get through this, breathe in and out. In, out.' Finger pressing on random shuffle again as I continued playing song after song on and on.

Victor told me to entertain myself so I just grabbed the rink after Victor and Yurio left for a bit, I put the music on speaker and pointed my toe towards the place Victor had left. I heaved my arms in the sky and slid backwards, spiraling around the rink. Toe loop. Success. Loop. Success. And again, everything was perfect oh so perfect. The music dragged me deeper and deeper in this spiral as I twisted on my right leg crawling in like a ball.

Not perfect enough.

I spun around some more and skated to the other half of the rink before twisting my upper body, landing perfectly. And finally I stopped, breathing ragged, chest heaving up and down rapidly. I couldn't hear anything anymore as adrenaline rushed through my system.

SNAP.

I fell to the ground. Leg spasming again. It hurt so much. It hurt so much. I cradled my leg to my chest and looked at my hands through my blurred vision, the music becoming haunting. All of the previous euphoria simply dispersing into nothingness.

"YOU USELESS FUCK, YOU FU- AAAAAAH WHY!? STUPID LEG FUCKING WORK JUST WORK, PLEASE. I'M BEGGING YOU PLEASE" a wail echoed through the empty rink, old demons creeping closer and closer.

It was the first time that I had lost my cool like this.

I hit it once, twice. I lost count. It didn't stop, it never did. Not until I could feel my leg again and then I once again realized, my time was running out. I put my head between my hands and hit the ice with my bare fists. The fists that became raw and angry from the cold and abuse on its skin.

An eternity passed before I blankly stared in front of me. I wiped away the wet remainder from my face and sat myself down on the bench at the side of the ice, slowly dozing off from exhaustion, after all, there is no better escape than that what's closest to death itself.

"Yuri, is something wrong? You look very pale right now and are sweating a lot." I felt myself being shaken awake. I opened my eyes to see Yurio putting back on his equipment and Victor standing right in front of me, not realizing how much time had passed.

"Yuri are you alright?" I questioned looking at the black haired skater in front of me. His skin was sickly pale, pasty and he was sweating a tad too much from simply skating. Yuri being Yuri however simply nodded and continued to play his music.

I snapped, I stepped off the ice and in a blind flurry stormed towards him. "Don't lie to me Katsuki Yuri." Like water at its boiling point, I was barely able to keep it all in. The anger, frustration and most of all disappointment.

'If anyone, I never expected you to be another liar too. So naïve, I'm so naïve.'

I was sure Yuri had felt my anger as he pulled his earbuds from his ears, still avoiding my gaze. It was only now that I grabbed him roughly by his collar and put my hand on his forehead before he could run away again like always in this past half a year.

"Victor, let go! I'm not sick!" Yuri struggled in my grasp pushing me away weakly, his eyes had gotten glazed and his cheeks had gotten flushed.

'How endearing, but now is not the time to flirt Victor.' I pinched my hand and looked at the blushing mess of a skater in front of me.

"Oh no, you're not running away Mr. ' I'm not better at all' . You're burning up! Why didn't you just stay in bed?!" In the end I did something which wasn't like me at all, I had screamed at someone and that someone being Yuri. If I had to tell him, I was feeling regretful for screaming at him and sorry, but this had to stop right now.

"That's it, I'm taking you back." I walked quickly to Yurio to tell him I would bring the fever delirious Yuri back home. Neither of us spoke, both simply too exhausted by this game of cat and mouse.

Taking Yuri back had been one hell of a task, at first he whined to me telling me he could perfectly function and still work. Second he kept tripping over his own feet, in the end I resorted to princess style carrying, but he didn't seem very fond of that manner as it was too embarrassing.

"You know what Yuri, you're being very troublesome today." I lightly pouted, slightly forgetting why I was even mad in the first place as I just carried him on my back.

At first he was protesting, but after a while he had quieted down significantly. He had been light as a feather in my arms and soft to touch. His soft breaths were somehow very calming and the way he held his arms around me in support was endearing if I had to give this feeling a name.

Yuri himself had been something new to me, it was refreshing and addicting.

He was an enigma.

The soft sound of the waves crashing against the shore, the sound of sand crunching underneath me. This moment had been ingrained into my memory.

I wonder if Yuri was thinking the same?

Really the way Victor handled me like I was made out of glass had angered me at first, but gradually after struggling in vain I had given up. He gave me a piggyback ride and with that we slowly made our way back home.

It was embarrassing, really a grown adult getting a piggyback ride… But after minutes of walking I decided to rest my head in the crook of his neck and just wrapped my arm around his shoulders in support. Slowly squeezing it gently.

This might be the first and the last time we'd be able to be like this after all.

Victor's body had been very warm and cozy. The way he wrapped his arms under me gave a feeling of reassurance. He held me gently, despite his coldness to me today, my soulmate was a man of many mysteries.

I kept wondering if he knew we were soulmates would he have been like this to me too? Or is he like this to anyone?

Soulmates weren't absolute, there are many people out there who's relationship just didn't work out with their soulmates. Victor could do the same to me, abandon me.

The sound of waves crashing against the shore, sand crunching under Victor's shoes and our silhouettes in the shadows. I could feel my heart threatening to explode, it was beating in a rapid way and I felt tingling in my stomach, like little butterflies as cheesy as it may sound.

I wonder what Victor was thinking about. I want to remember this forever, please God, at least give me this memory as a keepsake.

The walk seemed to be longer than usual and we finally arrived back home where nobody was strangely enough greeting us. Victor didn't seemed fazed by it and just brought me upstairs back to my room and softly set me down.

"I can still work." Victor looked sternly at me and sighed exasperated, "Yeah and I'm the queen of England…Yuri, why do you never think about your own health really." It wasn't a question, more like a statement that Victor himself had taken with much exasperation.

"Whether I take care of myself or not is none of your-" He slammed the desk next to my bed, his eyes were shadowed by his bangs, but the fact that he was clenching his hands didn't escape me. ''What it's none of my business? Is that what you're trying to say? Surely…-'' I could feel a sense of betrayal course to my soulmark as I looked up at the Russian man. Victor bit his lips as he reformed his sentence.

"As your….coach, I have every right to be worried about your condition." , he looked conflicted.

"That's no-", "That's exactly what you mean, Yuri!" he was panting heavily and I stared at him, eyes wide in shock.

'What can I do for you if you keep me out?' those exact words were at the tip of Victor's tongue, but he swallowed them, unsure about what to say now he was driven by pure anger. His hands were shaking and his voice trembled.

I couldn't say anything in return.

The silence painstakingly continued.

"You know, your mom showed some pictures of when you were younger. I saw you in a hospital bed, surrounded by all types of machines… So when were you going to tell me?"

"Why is it that I know almost nothing about you, Yuri?" he was getting desperate and here I was in a state of shock. My head was a big mushy mess whenever I was with this man, he could make me lose rationality. Make me lose any senses.

He sat down on the bed, head between his hands.

I wanted to rely on him.

Liar

I looked down at the ground, my vision became cloudy as warm drops of water made it out of my eyes.

Like a tap had broken, viciously broken open.

"I don't want you to see such another pathetic version of me..." I couldn't tell him.

"Why would I ever think of you as pathetic, do you really think of me as such a horrible person who would think of such things?" he looked hurt, a look of betrayal flashing across his face.

"No! That's not-!" He was better than me in everything and I am just….I'm just me.

I wanted to let everything out, every single thought, I wanted to confess everything to him. Only my conscious part of myself stopped me, he wiped away my tears. He looked me in the eyes and kissed my forehead.

He looked me in the eyes with his ocean eyes, so deep I'd drown in them.

Even though I said no more, I was pretty sure he had understood already. I yearned for more. I needed him. It felt so right, but I couldn't let it go on.

"Please don't give me any false hope." I begged him, even if I knew we were both in the wrong he grabbed me by my chin and made me look right into his eyes.

"Is this alright?" my breath stilled, then I gave in. Just for now let me enjoy this, I'm too weak to say no to him. I can't say no, not to him, only him.

He kissed my forehead, then my knuckles one by one as I stared at him, it felt all too surrealistic. He then made his way over to me, leaning over slightly.

Proceeded to lightly trail my neck with little butterfly kisses, making me shudder at every little sensation I felt, every little touch felt like electricity. Light butterfly kisses on my nape and slender arms gently holding my sides.

His tongue slid across my nape as we both let out a shuddering breath. He continued to mark my neck as I relished in the physical contact, lightly moaning possibly, I couldn't keep up with what was happening anymore in favor of grasping the owner of those ocean blue eyes.

He kissed my nose after leaving my abused nape and made his way over to my face till we were mere millimeters apart. He lightly pressed his lips on mine as I grabbed onto his shirt, fingers trembling.

Before I knew it his tongue slide across my lips as I granted him full entrance, the kiss was sweet and intoxicating. You might have called it bitter sweet. Our legs tangled as I slid my hands into his hair and his tongue did the work, letting out small gasps as we went on.

Time had seemed to stop for this sole moment of bliss. Slowly running out of air between the gentle, affectionate kisses we let go. His long eyelashes brushing against my skin, I looked at him breathlessly, at his slightly disheveled form.

We both knew the question that lingered. Was this meant to be or just another fling?

Slowly, as be both ran out of air I opened my eyes and he released his hold on me.

The bed creaked as Victor stood up, "I'm going back to the rink so go get some sleep.", I couldn't see what kind of face he was making. He was one step away, but somehow the feeling that if I let him go right now he might never return started overwhelming me. Before my mind progressed what had happened I had reached out to grab the hem of his shirt, making him stop.

"Yuri?", 'it wasn't meant to be, stop being such an idiot Katsuki', I berated myself.

And like that we just stood there for who knows how long until Victor managed to surprise me once more. He slightly rolled my to the other side of the bed and sat down, down on the very same spot next to me.

He caressed my hair gently through his fingers, still not looking at me.

The smell of pine trees. It was intoxicating.

Our legs tangled together, his ankles touching mine, his soft breath against my neck and his soft strands of hair caressing my face. Memories repeating themselves over and over in my mind-palace.

I can't sleep like this, simply because it felt like my heart might explode again for the up teemed time today.

'Please, just for today, even if this meant nothing to you, don't leave me for now.' I silently begged.

"I won't leave you, so go on and sleep." He assured me

Silver hair fell onto Yuri's face as Victor removed Yuri's glasses, lingering a moment. Staring at his seemingly relaxed face.
He rubbed his neck and murmured.

.

.

.

"Why do you do this to me?"

Soooo finally some romantic development! It was about time I can tell ya. There are some points however that I think are quite important to once again state for those who didn't catch up on some parts.

1. Victor ad Yuri made their first move, but Victor is still unsure about what is could be feeling, yes there is a valid reason for this and no I didn't make him dense, he obviously can see what Yuri feels for him and decides to just play along. At the moment you might as well say Victor is playing with Yuri's feelings in multiple ways which will be explained later.

2. No they're not in an relationship, nothing has been said on both sides as they were too busy... well uh...canoodling?

3. Those terrible comments either Yuri or Victor keep hearing are basically their inner voices, you know what they say "your worst enemy is you yourself."

4. Yuri is ill, it is no surprise but I'm trying to keep his condition a secret for a while just to spite my dear readers.

5. Yuri and Victor obviously have some (mental) issues. Yes, Yuri experiences panic attacks, these vary from spacing out to full out hyperventilating and anger outbursts as panic attacks simply aren't easily defined or noticeable at times. Hopefully this won't offend anyone as I'm writing a bit based on my own experiences lol...

Anyways hope you enjoyed and if you guys have any other questions go ahead, see you guys next chapter!