Totally didn't predict all this flash back stuff when I started writing this story. My bad. Also need a beta. Until then, you have to put up with my bad self-editing skills

Jim never took his eyes off the commodore. Even as the commodore, devoured a few cans of food from their stash with almost animalistic haste. McCoy tried to convince the starving man to not eat so much so fast. His warning was half heeded as Decker slowed to a more human past, but still barely chewed anything he put in his mouth. It took everything Jim had not to snatch the food away. It was their stash. They barely had enough as it was. He bit the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood multiple times to keep himself from staying anything about it.

Spock gave him speculative glances every now and then which annoyed the already agitated captain further. Luca wasn't fairing any better. The young boy had barely left Jim's side since the commodore joined their group. When Decker had tried to shake the boy's hand, Jim found himself standing in front of the child, fighting back a growl as he redirected his attention with a few questions. Decker answered very little of them, either avoiding the questions entirely or answering without giving much information.

It wasn't night yet, but he couldn't take it anymore. He stood abruptly, drawing everyone's attention as he muttered under his breath, "Luca and I are going to scavenge for food." He didn't wait for acknowledgement. He moved to the back of the cave, shoving some things he would need in a sack. He decided to take one of the backpacks. Even if they didn't find food, there was one thing he wanted to collect while they were out.

He felt him approaching before actually hearing him. Jim muttered some instructions to Luca and the child nodded before Spock spoke. "I was under the impression you were going to wait until nightfall before scavenging for food."

"I was," he replied with a clipped tone.

"You changed your mind."

Jim took a deep breath, knowing that Spock was trying to ask what was wrong. "Spock…" he checked to make sure they were far away enough from the others before continuing. His gaze landed on the commodore, before he ripped it away. "Are we doing the right thing?"

Spock had followed his gaze, and replied quietly, "It is our duty to rescue the survivors. He is also a Starfleet officer and our commanding officer."

"But is it really the right thing?"

Spock was silent, letting Jim know he was giving the question serious thought before replying, "Yes."

Beside him, Jim caught Luca giving him a look of understanding. Frustration gripped his chest followed by a wave of anger. He picked up the bag and turned his back to Spock. "Keep them safe."

"Captain, I insist that I─"

"Keep. Them. Safe."

He didn't wait for a response. He didn't want to hear Spock say his name to try to change his mind or see Spock look at him with those eyes. He couldn't be swayed. He couldn't afford to if he wanted to protect them. They could never understand, and he wasn't sure if he ever wanted them to.

Luca and Jim made their way through the canyon towards the plains. The sun was still going down and the temperature was quickly cooling thankfully. A small hand grabbed the larger one, and they walked in silence for a short while.

Jim was letting his mind clear, not letting memories and doubts cloud his thinking as he prepared for the hunt.

"Jim, do you love Mr. Spock?"'

The only sound the next few minutes was the quiet footfalls echoing off the canyon walls. "Why do you ask?" Jim asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Even after everything that's happened to us, you still trust him the most." The grip on Jim's hand tightened.

"I still trust Dr. McCoy and Ms. Uhura too."

The young boy shook his head slowly. "Not like Mr. Spock. You treat the others like little kids. You don't expect them to understand anything. So you don't get mad when they don't. But you're always asking for Mr. Spock's opinions. And you're always angry and frustrated when he doesn't get it, but you're too scared to tell him things so he could get it."

They walked a little further without saying anything else. After a couple more minutes, Jim replied gently, "I'm not scared."

"It's okay," Luca said just as softly. "If mom was still alive, I wouldn't want to tell her anything too."

A few more steps. "I don't love him," he finally said. "But I do trust him. I almost died before."A pale hand pressed against the glass. Green tinged eyes staring down at him. A single tear. "He cried for me, and he fought to bring me back." The fear of dying alone eased. They're hands were so close yet not touching, heartbreaking. "So he's important to me."

"Did you know Vulcan's kiss with their finger tips?" Luca asked suddenly.

The question had Jim pulling himself out of his memories. "Yeah?" He said, not quite sure where the boy was going with this question.

"Why did you let him kiss you?" At Jim's confused face, he elaborated, "After you killed them, he held your hand."

"He's been around humans for a while. He was just trying to be supportive in a human way. It didn't mean anything. Besides, Ms. Uhura is his girlfriend."

Luca scrunched up his face. "You're lying."

Jim chuckled. "Am not. They've been together for a little over two years now."

"So he does that for everyone?"

The man went quiet once more. "Yeah. He's a good guy."

"I can't imagine Mr. Spock crying. He's hard to read, and he's never happy or sad or anything."

"First time meeting a Vulcan?"

The boy nodded. "We just got to learning about them in school, so I knew they suppress their emotions, but seeing it for real is so weird, and it makes me nervous." Jim nodded in understanding. Reading people was part of surviving out here. It would be unsettling to people who never met a Vulcan or just wasn't used to one, especially when those people where already paranoid. "The only time when I can read anything from him is when he's talking to you."

"Oh? And what do you read then?"

"He's worried. . . and sad."

They reached the end of the canyon and stopped. "I know." There was a hint of sadness in Jim's voice. "Let's focus. The krehemfirs are still active this time of day. If we can avoid them for an hour or so, we should be able to hunt one."

"Is it safe to eat?" Jim glanced at Luca, seeing the boy's face full of seriousness, his eyes hard and cold.

"Hopefully. We should be away from the fungus far enough where nothing's contaminated or in small doses where it will make you only a little sick. Either way, it's worth the risk until we find more food. "

Luca nodded. "I'm ready."

"Jim, I'm hungry."

Kevin pulled the thin blanket around him tighter, his shoulders hunched and shivering. His eyes wouldn't leave the baby bottle the older boy was currently holding to feed the infant in Jim's arms.

Jim gave him a sympathetic look, adjusting the child in his arms, trying not to think about drinking the milk too. They only had a small supply of powdered milk, and he didn't know how old the kid had to be before solid foods were okay. Jim didn't know much about babies, but he was sure that she was too young for it. She didn't even have teeth. He did his best to keep the baby clean and warm, but both were proving difficult as it had rained for the past week.

"I know," Jim's stomach twisted painfully. "But we have to save the food. One more day." They had been traveling together for a week, picking up the small addition to their group only two days ago. This was the first time Kevin complained about being hungry, warning Jim that Kevin was nearing his limits. He too was feeling light headed and a couple times, he caught himself hallucinating, seeing himself in front of a warm fire, or hearing Joanna's soothing voice, beckoning him to close his eyes. The infant's whimpers had snapped him out of it at those times. It was getting dangerous. With their constant travel, he was burning too many calories, and he couldn't look for food without leaving Kevin and the infant alone together.

The baby squirmed in his arms, warning him that she was about to cry.

"We should have left it."

"I could have left you." Jim's comment quieted the young boy, but even Jim's resolve was weakening. The baby made a lot of noise, needed constant supervision, and slowed them down.

"Hello, is anyone there?"

Kevin's eyes widened in fear at the sound of the new voice. Jim shoved the baby into the kids arms then hid both of them in some bushes, pulling out a phaser from his pocket. He didn't respond to the voice. Instead, he crept around, keeping crouched low to the ground.

"Hello?" the voice called out again. It was feminine, and it sounded familiar. His grip tightened and he pushed forward. A twig snapped under someone's weight, and he stopped, keeping himself hidden in the shrubbery.

Less than a minute later, a woman stumbled into his line of sight. She was roughed up, sporting bruises all over her body, and she was limping. Her long blonde hair was in a messy braid, and her lips were cracked and bleeding. He recognized her though. "Mrs. Grahm?" he said cautiously, still having the phaser aimed at her.

The woman turned slowly, eying the phaser, but smiling all the same. "James. You're okay."

He nodded slowly. "I thought they killed you."

Her face darkened. "No. I was near the door too. I followed you and your aunt out when she disabled the guards."

Jim shifted his weight unsure of what he should do when the sound of crying drifted over towards them. He grew unnaturally still, watching the woman nervously.

"You have a baby with you?"

He didn't deny or confirm, but it seemed to be enough for the woman. She smiled gently at him. "James T. Kirk, taking care of a baby. It seems you've grown up a bit since my class." He blushed slightly, but nodded. "Want some help?" A breath he didn't know he was holding escaped him as he returned her smile with one of his own. "Yes, ma'am."

He led her back to the two kids and watched her take the child into her arms and coo at it, making the baby giggle and gurgle. He would be okay. There was someone else to help him out now.

They found shelter under some large trees and set up camp. The ground was wet and soggy, so they used their blankets as a barrier between the ground and them, huddling together for warmth. The woman held the child close to her chest while Kevin fell asleep on her lap. "I'll keep watch over them, James. Do what you need to do."

He nodded, giving her one phaser while he took another. "I'll be back in a few hours. Hopefully with more food."

"We'll be waiting."

Jim shivered. It had started to rain and the food he had been stalking had its tracks erased. He wasn't good at tracking, but he had been getting steadily better at it. With the downpour however, he couldn't see much, and the effort was being wasted trying. He made his way to the thicker part of the forest where he knew their camp was settled. The thick canopy kept the majority of the rain out.

As he neared, he heard crying. He winced, walking faster to the camp, hoping that his missing presence was the reason the baby started crying. It happened occasionally. As he got closer, he realized something was wrong. Dropping his pack, he full out sprinted to their camp site. His blood ran cold.

Kevin was lying unconscious a phaser burn through his left arm, and the baby was only in her cloth diaper, crying her little head off in the cold wet grass, her blanket Jim had gotten for her missing along with their packs of supplies.

Cursing hell and back, he shrugged out of his coat, wrapping the baby in it, and then checked Kevin's injuries. It was just a graze and the wound was cauterized from the heat. The boy probably passed out from the pain or shock. Jim took off his shirt, breaking it into strips to wrap it. Kevin groaned but did not awaken.

Things couldn't get much worse. All their supplies were gone and Grahm was nowhere in sight. He cursed his fate when he heard yelling heading their direction. He looked at Kevin and the baby. He could get away if he left them. It would be simple to do. It would be easier procuring food for just him instead of all three of them all over again.

The voices were getting closer, and he felt something inside him hardened as he thought of Grahm. Carefully, he picked up Kevin, draping him over his back, then the baby. He wouldn't be like the adults. He was better than them. Struggling to keep his feet underneath him and fighting off the wave of dizziness that threatened to consume him, he disappeared into the forest.

Jim lugged the reptile like predator behind him while Luca carried the backpack and erased their tracks. They're trip had been very successful, and it was only halfway through the night. Jim planned to spend the rest of the night skinning their catch and making use of the supplies he had found. He wasn't going to be able to sleep. He was going to take residence at the entrance while he worked, making sure that their new guest didn't escape and out of sight of Spock while he stripped the carcass of its skin and flesh. The skin was tough and could be used to make fairly strong ropes as well as make very warm clothing once it was dried.

Jim glanced inside to make sure everyone was still alive and nothing was missing, catching the eyes of Spock and McCoy before stepping back out. Luca left the bag out front like he asked before heading inside to sleep beside Uhura.

Jim got to work, cutting into the skin with one of the knives the natives left behind, gutting the creature and ridding it of its entrails. He placed the innards in a clay urn, debating what to do with it at a later time. Carefully, he got to work skinning it. He barely noticed the cool, thick blood coat his fingers. He just watched the blade slide effortlessly under the skin. He probably should have let the blood drain from the corpse first, but he wanted to work on it anyway. He ignored the way the blood pooled beneath him as he worked even as his fingers began to slip.

He didn't hear the cloth at the entrance, focused entirely on the task.

"You were successful in procuring additional food."

The human tensed. Slowly, he put the carcass down and retrieved the bottle of water he had set aside to clean his hands. Once that was done, he looked through the contents of the bag, pulling out a small cloth with the ends tied up to make a bag. Handling the object with care, he held it out for Spock to take. "There's not much. A day or two worth of berries, but it should keep you from eating meat for a little while longer."

Spock took the small bag with just as much care. "Unnecessary, but I appreciate the gesture."

"You haven't been eating much," he muttered, sitting back down to start up the process again.

He expected Spock to go back inside. He hadn't expected Spock to sit beside him with a knife of his own, starting on the opposite end. Noticing the captain's stilled hands, the Vulcan said, "It does not bother me. This animal has died so that it could provide nourishment for others that are starving. Not for sport and not for amusement. It is necessary."

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few," Jim quoted. He could not take his eyes off Spock's pale hands getting covered in blood. His eyes stung, and he forced himself to look away and focus.

"Indeed. I too do not wish to die at this moment. When the time comes, I will partake of its flesh and I will not feel remorse when I do because it is necessary for my survival. Instead, I will be grateful for its sacrifice so that you and I may continue living." Spock said softly, working on his half flawlessly and without hesitation.

"Would you…the next time I go out looking for food," Kirk's mouth felt dry and his tongue seemed to stick to his mouth as he tried to get the request out. He didn't have the right to ask, but… "Would you go hunting with me?"

Spock looked up, his eyes warm as he responded, "Yes, Jim."

They finished skinning the krehemfir, and Jim left to go dry out the skins while Spock hung up the corpse to finish draining the blood. They both worked in a comfortable silence, and the human found himself okay with it. Spock understood to a certain degree, and he didn't judge him despite what he knew. When there was nothing else left for them to do and the sun started to rise, they sat playing a mental game of 2-D chess. Spock won easily though not as easily as it could have been if it was 3-D. Thankfully, the Vulcan said it didn't count to their scores as Jim was highly disadvantaged.

As the others began to stir and awaken, Jim slumped, starting to fall asleep beside his first officer. If he fell asleep on said first officer's shoulder, no one said anything, and they let him sleep.

It took a week. An entire week of overturning every hiding spot and crevice to track that bitch down. He knew that it was unlikely that any of their food was left, but Jim didn't care. He wanted to know why she betrayed them. At first he thought maybe she left to distract the people following them. However, once Kevin regained consciousness, he confirmed that she had betrayed them.

When he finally caught up to her, it was an accident. He and Kevin had left the baby with another child they had picked up. A nine year old girl had joined them a few days prior. The girl had the same look in her eyes as Kevin did. Fierce determination. She didn't try to sweeten her words or beg to join them, she was cautious and protective of the few pieces of food that she had. Instantly, Jim knew that she was surviving on her own, and was weary of adults as well. He let her join them.

They had heard people nearby the camp. Jim and Kevin left to distract them. It was only a coincidence that the intruder Jim was searching for was happened to be his previous high school science teacher. They chased her, not knowing who she was. She wore a hoodie and baggy pants, hiding her hair and figure. Kevin took aim and shot, searing through the soft skin of the back of her knee. She cried out in pain and fell.

Jim had taught Kevin how to shoot, and he taught him to make crippling blows. In the world they currently lived in, not being able to run or move would eventually get you killed, but the attacker would be long gone. To Kevin, he had never killed anyone directly, and Jim wanted to keep it that way. Only Jim needed to know that those people would most likely die if he hadn't gone back and killed them himself to put them out of their misery when the child's back was turned.

Grahm looked up at him with pleading brown eyes. "James, thank god you're safe." At the raised phaser she raised her hands in defense. "Just hear me out. I'm so sorry from stealing from you. I had no choice. If I didn't bring anything back, they were going to kill Vincent. You understand don't you? There are people you're trying to protect too. You know what it's like."

Jim just stared at her with blank eyes. "Kevin, grab her bag and head back. I have a few things I need to say to her alone."

The boy nodded, rushing to take her bag. Another thirty seconds later he was gone, disappearing into the forest once more.

"James," she said pleadingly, thinking she had a chance as long as Jim wanted to talk.

"Mrs. Grahm." He shot her in between the eyes, watching her shocked expression stare back at him. With the same proficiency, he searched her body for anything useful, taking her phaser and some sort of hypo and left not looking back at her or giving her another thought.

Jim woke in a start, sweating profusely and shivering violently. He searched his surroundings, trying to find what had wakened him from his nightmare. The cave was empty save for Spock who was kneeling beside him, one hand on his shoulder and the other grasping his hand. "Spock," he said breathlessly, using his free hand to rub his face.

"Captain, do you require water?"

All Jim could manage was a small nod, concentrating on getting his breathing under control. Spock brought a canteen to his lips and the human drank its contents eagerly. His throat felt dry and raw as if he had been screaming. Once he sated his thirst, he asked where the others had gone.

"They left so that you may sleep without being disturbed. They are searching the nearby homes, for supplies."

Clearing his mind, pushing back the memories his nightmare had dragged up, he asked wearily, "You didn't go with them?"

Spock released his hand, and Jim frowned. "You were already in the beginning stages of your nightmare. I stayed to ensure that the nightmare either went away on its own or that you did not cause yourself harm if you could not awaken. The others wished to stay until you woke, but I concluded you would not want them to see you like this and encouraged them to continue without me."

"Thanks for that," he murmured, sitting up. "You didn't have to hold my hand. I'm used to them." Spock didn't answer, standing up to go refill the canteen from a bucket they used to collect fresh water. "What?"

Spock continued to fill the canteen as if borrowing himself some time for his answer. "You called for me in your sleep. I was afraid you would not wake unless I could calm you and ensure you I was safe."

Jim flinched as bits of his dream came back to him. It should have been Jabari's body in that dream. Not Spock's. "Sorry."

"There is no need for apologies. When you are ready, we can join the search as well."

"Yeah. Just give me a minute." Spock bowed his head in acknowledgement and went to wait outside the cave. Jim was grateful for that. He took the next several minutes trying to rid his body of the last few tremors and push the memories back behind his mental barriers. He wouldn't let the dream shake him. Spock was not like Jabari. The same thing wouldn't happen to him.

Jim hauled his latest kill over his shoulder. They had run out of food and the last haunt had made everyone ill. Hopefully, this kill would be clean. They couldn't take another round of illness as they had. It had been two days since he killed Grahm, and as he suspected, she didn't have any food on her. He was about to pocket his phaser when the bushes rustled nearby. He aimed his phaser towards the intruder and waited.

A young man froze when he saw him then smiled a second later. "Damn, you scared the shit out of me. I thought you were a guard. Wha─" he never finished. Jim shot him in the chest, right in the heart. He turned and was on his way before the body even hit the ground.

"The adults aren't very good at being quiet when they walk." Jim felt a phaser pressed against his back. Calmly, Jim tried to calculate how to get away, not feeling any fear at the situation or offering a response to the mysterious person holding him at phaser point. "However, I never thought you would shoot first and ask questions later."

The person backed away and slowly Jim turned around. "Jabari," he greeted coldly. "What do you want?"

"Nothing in particular. I've been following you the past two days. You didn't seem to notice, so I had to test you." Jim sent him a deadly glare. "I want to make a proposition."

"I'm not trading with you," the young male almost growled.

"I don't want to trade. I have food and some medicine, and I'll give it to you."

"For what?"

"I want to join your group."

"No," was his immediate reply. He waited, knowing that the boy would probably make some excuse or argument to change his mind.

It didn't come. Jabari tossed his phaser to Jim who caught it with ease. "If you ever change your mind, I come by this area every two days. Leave a sign, and I'll find you." Jim turned the phaser onto the older teen, but the boy didn't even bat an eye. "Goodbye, Jim." He turned his back on Jim and the phaser, confident that Jim wouldn't shoot him. Jim took a shot, missing Jabari's head by a few centimeters. The boy continued walking, unfazed. He had called Jim's bluff, and knew that Jim wouldn't kill him.

Annoyed, Jim pocket the new phaser. He was never going to ask that asshole for help as long as he lived.

There you have it. Not my best work, but drop me a comment. Do you guys like the flash backs? Is it too much? Do you guys like Jabari? Luca? Am I asking you guys too many questions? Let me know. Also need a Beta. . . bad. Preferably one that will annoy me every other day to write something.