Chapter 5.0

How wholly absurd did I think I was? I had thought my happiness would last longer than an hour.

I had tracked down the fae, there was no fight needed. Drunk, high, full of lust, and drunk on power that wasn't theirs… two of the three fainted as soon as I started to rewrite their minds with the lies the girls have been passing around. The death that is awaiting them, may not be proper justice, but for me, right now… it was just. It was exactly what these fools deserved.

It was a good plan. Winnow them into the mountains dungeons, then get the girls, then report back to Amarantha with her new play things. She would leave me alone for a few days, giving me some time to enjoy my freedom. To enjoy my sanity check.

That's when images furiously rampaged through my mind.

This wasn't my court.

I was not even supposed to be here.

Stay hidden, no interaction. Just a collection mission. Gather information, bring back proof, and get the hell out.

You stupid girl. The fox was not naïve enough not tell the young girl not to hide. It was as if someone was robbing me of my sanity as pain and lust ran through my body. The promise of safety yet sinister intent pushed through my bones. It agonized me, regret and pity raced through me. Then nothing.

Not a single ounce of fear. Not a scent of bravery. Just absolute quiet, nothingness.

I did what I could, with what power I had to keep her scent hidden and in the end it didn't do much. If I could have just brought her with me.

It still wasn't enough. I dragged my hand through my hair, tugging at that knots as it dug through. She's alive. She has to be. Tamlin, beast or not, would not ruin his chance by killing her off during the rite. I was mad, furious even, at my grown attachment to this woman it is either going to drive me to complete insanity or she's actually going to be the savior we all have been waiting for.

Either way, she is not mine to protect. She is not mine to guide. She is not…

I hurried these thoughts out of my mind and continued to rewrite the minds of the fae. I only had a few hours to sunrise… and I still had to provide Cerridween and Nuala enough time.

"You know, your inner turmoil is quite entertaining." A woman's voice rang through me. She's not here, she can't be here. Voices of the dead, more often than not, have been telling me, leading me, and directing me too much in this past year.

"Go away…" I grumbled under my breath, as I leaned my head against a nearby tree, shoving my fists into my jacket pockets. I needed to recollect myself. I flexed my hands, just breath. Just a few more trips of winnowing, then I can be in the safety of my stale secluded room, entertained by the girl's adventure of tonight.

"Oh, but brother…" Mumbled the voice, I ignored the metallic tang of magic that touched me. That was it, the upgraded power of the spring court, of course it would make me physically see my nightmares, my visions more clearly. I needed to gather myself, I needed to concentrate on what was actually going on. Not my 'up and rising' insanity.

"Brother, you can actually acknowledge me, you know." She mussed, I opened my eyes and there she was. Full of youth, adventure, swinging her legs off a branch she perched herself on. Her dark wings hanging behind her, her head cocked to the side, with her signature half smile plastered on her face. Her deep purple eyes, mocked my own, full of sorrow and questions.

I leaned back on the tree, I pursed my lips together. The sooner I deal with this grief and burden, the sooner I can continue on. There's only so much inner turmoil and conflict a man could take, hell even a High Lord. I was in a position I neither wanted nor needed at this moment, but yet here I am forced to deal with it yet again. "What is it you want?"

Staring at me, shadows whisking around her… that was it. She was figment of my imagination, brought to life with ancient magic, giving me something to grasp onto. "You know it's okay, right?" She asked, her voice a little less cheerful, but still firm.

My gut tightened, my mind is making me have a conversation in acceptance… one I have been avoiding. I opened my mouth to explain myself, to somehow wish this conversation another way.

"You don't need to answer, I'm just here to tell you that it's okay. Everything that has happened, that will happen, it isn't your fault. It has never been your fault…." She paused for a moment, staring me down. Firm, believing in her own words. She would have been one hell of a leader, if she was ever given the chance, "Please brother, share the blame. Don't keep it bottled up, it's going to kill you one day." She again stopped her words, her body more frigid than it should have been, she was as still as the dead. Her body didn't have the normal breathing movements, nor did she need it. She wasn't actually here.

I tried to move, tried to come up with something to argue her words. But they were my words, these were my thoughts. There was nothing but guilt, shame, and the lack of acceptance. It was wrong to put her face on these thoughts, nor was it fair to taint my own memories of her.

"She's alive, you know? You haven't failed her yet."

I swallowed hard, "Are you sure?"

She smiled, "Brother, it will be okay. There's a reason for all of this," her words stopped abruptly, interrupted by a grunt of one of the fae that were on the ground. I kicked off the tree, shit I got to get them back to under the mountain and get the girls.

I leaned down, place my hand on the grunting man and allowed him to go back into a slumber. I looked up to respond, but my sister, my distraction was no longer there. At the moment, no longer my burden to bear. I laughed under my breath, how did I get so far lost? No one will share this burden with me, nor do I want to share it. I'm a liability. A ticking time bomb.

My own shadows caressed my skin, it was almost dawn. I had just enough time to complete this plan of mine before scurrying away like the monsters that I rule over. And with that, I allowed the breeze to kiss my skin and guide me to my destinations.

Everything will be okay.

My darling painter is still alive to fight another day.

I'm finally not alone.

(((xxx)))

It had seemed while traveling my load had become a lot lighter, my muscles no longer carrying dead weight. It had seemed my shadows had guided my carry-ons to their new destination in the dungeons, allowing my ability to carry me right to the girls. I was cutting it close, too close. Wonderful Amarantha is going to expect a full report, hopefully my new found friends wake up sooner rather than later.

Wind caressed my face, as the mountains of my home came into view. But it was not how I left it.

Large scorch marks plastered the soil, a tree stood bare blackened by some unknown flame, this small section of land that was full of life no more than twelve hours ago, was now twisted with the stench of burnt leaves and death. I examined a little closer, and there sat two half wraiths, covered in soot, giggling on the scorched earth.

Black carbon covered their bodies head to toe, almost matching the black of their eyes. As their giggling just echoed through the air, the white teeth clashing with their blackened skin.

"Ladies…" I started. I put my hands, palms out towards them not to induce any fear from them, I have already scared enough people for today.

Nuala opened her eyes more widely, and smiled broadly at me, "High Lord!" her voice squealed as she scrambled up to her feet. She grasped onto my hand, instead of just holding onto it as I had anticipated she embraced me. Unfiltered, uninterrupted happiness. What exactly happened during their outing? Cerridween blinked, probably expecting her sister to show some form of a collected calm, she was hiding her smile as she got up brushing off her legs slightly. Noticing it was not helping, she sighed and walked towards me as well.

"High Lord," she stated, bowing her head, smiling at the embrace that was occurring. I have yet fully accepted the hug, my arms were still hanging past the small wraith. Awkward is the best description I had at this moment.

"What did you two do?" I turned to them, knowing their childlike laughter and unusual happiness had to be caused by something.

Nuala's lips twitched as she let go of my shoulders and stood by her sister, Cerridween was attempting to tightly clamp her lips together acting like this was a serious situation, while her amusement and humor danced in her eyes.

"Ladies…" I had to figure out what happened here, this was the only place that I had known it was free of prying ears and stealthy eyes.

"We danced naked under the moonlight and sacrificed to our fire gods." Cerridween said, hissing through her teeth and it was at that time, Nuala completely lost it. Her small frame hunched over, laughing, grabbing onto the space under her rib cage, there was even tears of excitement forming in her eyes. Her sister, unable to maintain her nonchalant composure any longer, smiled widely, and began to laugh under her breath, attempting to cover it up with coughing.

I have missed something.

I lifted my eyebrow, what the hell happened? There was no way that they got through the shield. There was no way either party got through that shield. All these girls had to do was give a sign that I was still alive, that they were well, and we had a plan. Not a fully discussed nor an exact plan, but still a plan nonetheless.

I have intended on coming back to these half wraiths who would be either exhausted, or bickering… but instead, to my surprise they were as black as night, and laughing like school girls.

Noticing my discomfort, more likely my confusion, Cerridween calmed herself down enough to speak calmly once again, "Sorry, High Lord." She paused looking at me more confidently, "We had anticipated a small bon fire, much like the ones at Calamani—"

"But there was a hiccup!" Interrupted her sister, after receiving a glare full of daggers, she bowed her head down and started to haul together small bits of branches into a small pile. An action to keep her more distracted than productive.

"A hiccup?" I asked, my eyebrow had to be on top of my forehead by now, confusion was just raising through me.

"Well we had thought we would use some of the power from the Spring Court, in theory it would have brightened up the fire enough for someone to see through the shield. However…." Cerridween rambled off, someone was still there watching all of our movements. That's why they were stalling going back to the under the mountain. They could not see them, but the one in the court can. Whoever it was, saw their smiling faces, the explosion of uncontrollable power, and the confusion plastered across my face. My face that is usually pained with sorrow and regret, now had a half smile and the tinkle of hope lingering behind it. It had made sense.

Cerridween voice still rambled on, explaining how it wasn't completely their fault the fire had lost control, or how they had lost track of time controlling the wild fire that had killed the field. But my mind traveled somewhere else, back to where Velaris would be. This was for our own safety, as well as our sanity… not just the amusement of the girls that had occurred. I had to admit, it would have been one hell of a show.

Ushering the girls to finish up what they were doing, more or less clean up the mess they had made, I walked over to the shield one last time, before closing my eyes I glanced at the night sky. It is said it always darkest before dawn, that has never been any truer than it was right now. The darkness that heals. That was this feeling of safety, security and hope that washed over me.

I embrace the darkness, the calm, completely and shut my eyes… just a glance, that's all I needed. There was the structure I had created once again… the large walls protecting what looked like to be an old castle… just with the slight give, a small window like structure in the wall. I walk up to the opening I had created, seeing a large wide stairwell behind it allowing whoever felt the difference in power to observe what had happened. Much to my disapproval, the entire area was vast and empty and only the early morning winds filled my ears.

Why were the girls so happy then? What had given them so much hope? They were trained to embrace the watchful eyes, to do exactly what is expected of them when they are watched… but never to fake happiness so genuine, so carefree.

Then there he was.

Tanned skin, hazel eyes staring out into the darkness, and scarred hands grabbing onto the small rail that had formed. Hardly noticeable rings formed around his eyes, the small ting of perspiration as well… He could see us. We could not talk, could not give any physical contact. But my brother… he was right there. Likely as added safety, he had surrounded himself with dark shadows, corrupting his full frame, and also limiting the presence of his own power. Always thinking ahead. Always scheming.

We didn't need to say anything, nor would I even know where to begin… He nodded at me, giving me a smile, such a movement is rare on his face, as I nodded back and removed my hands from the shield. No matter how bad we wanted to, I needed to get us back to under the mountain. Seeing my brother, a great shadowsinger, one of my greatest friends… I know why he showed up by himself. He was the only one that can walk away, even when he doesn't want to. He likely did not tell anyone else of this scene. By the cauldron what I would give to see all of them, just for thirty seconds, even if that meant facing my death by Amren's hands. It would be worth it… all of this would be worth it.

Hearing the scuffling of feet, I was reminded I'm not alone and cannot risk the lives of others, even if I wanted to enjoy freedom for a few more seconds.

"Girls…" I managed to say lightly as a pair of black eyes stared back at me, "Let's get out of here… We have much more work to do…"

And with that, grabbed the girls lightly by their shoulders as my shadows guided us back to under the mountain… Amarantha's blood thirst would have to be satisfied somehow, and what was better than providing her a brain washed fae, that wouldn't' remember his pain?