Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Stephenie Meyer created it all.
Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow—
You are not wrong who deem that my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day, In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.
Edgar Allan Poe
I proposed that we run back to the cottage, enticing Bella with the promise of a roaring fire in our stove. The additional promise of a foot rub tipped the scales. I followed behind her as she dashed in between and around trees, clearly enjoying the moment. My enjoyment came from the occasional glimpses of her body I received as the wind whipped my tattered shirt. After reliving the nightmare of my existence during the days I believed Bella was gone, this moment of chasing her through the woods and the peacefulness of my existence seemed but a dream; an undeniable boon for an unworthy creature.
I knew Bella had more questions, but I wanted to continue this conversation where I could hold her wrapped in a blanket with our feet almost touching the roaring stove. I wanted the illusion of being human, if only to provide some semblance of normalcy to our unnatural existence. I would give her anything; do anything to keep her by my side. I wanted to give her no opportunity to regret the decisions she had made, and the ones I had made for her. It was still surreal she had chosen me over everything.
Upon entering the door to our cottage, Bella headed for our bedroom. "I'll grab you some sweats as well, if you want to start on the fire."
Getting the stove started took just seconds, but it would take a few minutes for the heat to be perceptible in the cold room. I turned toward the hallway and met Bella coming out the bedroom door. She looked like my Bella; ratty sweatshirt and pants, with huge socks on her dainty feet and her hair pulled into a ponytail. I probably had a foolish smile on my face as my eyes took her in.
"If Alice could see you now, she'd have a fit," I stated.
She grimaced. "Don't think I don't know it. I have several pairs hidden in a few different locations, just in case she sees something. Hopefully, she won't be able to find them all."
I wrapped my hands around her waist and lifted her to my mouth. A chaste kiss; a reverent kiss. Setting her down, I used one hand to brush the loose tendrils of hair behind her ear.
She grinned. "I had to brush all the leaves out, between the football game and the animal attack." Grabbing the clothes she had brought me out of her arms, I carried her over to a chair and set her down gently, moving the chair closer to the fire.
"I'll be back in a moment," I murmured. She looked at me quizzically, but proceeded to wiggle into the chair, getting comfortable. I dressed within a second of entering our room. Bella was beginning to rub off on me. I could now understand the necessity of sweats for comfort.
I walked to the closet to grab a blanket and the basket I desired. I had gone with Emmett to Port Angeles a week earlier. I talked him into stopping at a specialty shop and purchased an assortment of massage oils. Emmett had teased me unmercifully until the day I caught him smelling of some of the same fragrances. Needless to say, I had caught the whiffs of oil on Rosalie, but I had not been able to withhold my teasing comments when Emmett walked by smelling of daisies.
Our scuffle had broken one of Esme's lamps; earning her wrath, but it had been worth it. Emmett had crucified me too long about my sexual nature, or lack thereof. Jasper had even participated in the fun, calling him Daisy behind his back, but within hearing distance. Rose added her special touch by buying him a pair of "Daisy Duke" shorts. I didn't even want to know how she had found a pair close to his size or what happened to them.
Bella looked to my face, probably wondering about the amusement she detected as I walked into the room. "I was just remembering Daisy," I stated in response as I placed the blanket on her and the basket in her lap.
She broke out into peals of laughter. "Edward, I've arranged for a bouquet of Gerber Daisies from us on Valentine's Day."
I chortled. "Are you serious? He'll go nuts."
"I know," she responded darkly. "It'll be hilarious and only partial payback for him. I think Alice found a shirt on line that has daisies with smiley faces in the center of the flower. She was trying to see if she could get one in 5 or 6XL. He deserves it for giving us such a hard time."
Walking over to the stove to warm my hands, I managed my face into a stoic look. "Mrs. Cullen, you may not want to go too far; Emmett has been known to deal out vicious payback as well."
"Let him bring it on. I'm ready," she stated, her eyes lit with merriment.
She was, I realized. To his credit, Emmett had stood by his agreement when he lost that first arm wrestling match, but I knew if she upped the ante, so to speak, she would become fair game. Bella had become comfortable with her status in our motley crew and was capable of giving as good as she got.
I knelt down before Bella, slowly sliding the socks off her feet. Although she was capable of crushing rocks with them, they still retain their fragile human look.
"Edward, I was only teasing about the foot rub, really…" She stopped her protests as I slid my thumb underneath the arch of her foot. I held my hand out for a bottle of oil, and she didn't even pay attention to which one she grabbed. It didn't take much oil, as our skin was impervious to it, but it helped me slide my fingers along her sensitive skin. Bella's eyes rolled back into her head and she closed her eyes, focusing on the feel of my hands on her.
It was pleasurable to watch her face, the fine tremors of ecstasy as I hit particularly sensitive areas. I wrapped my hand around her foot in entirety and squeezed from her ankle; dragging down to slightly pull her toes as my hand released her foot. I took each toe individually to caress then moved my fingers back along the underside to rub her heel. After a few minutes, I changed over to the other foot to repeat the process.
There was poetic symbolism as I knelt before this glorious creature. I was reminded of the imagery of Mary Magdalene kneeling before Christ to clean his feet with her hair and anoint them with oil. She did this as a symbol of her willingness to serve him, to be humbled before him. Bella would probably be surprised to know that I had not only read the Christian Bible in its entirety, but could quote the entire book from memory. Carlisle had challenged me years ago.
I had also read the Koran and multiple texts of Hindu beliefs. Emmett would groan when our debates began, but Jasper was always game to join in, due to the rich historical contexts. I believed in all the precepts of Christian beliefs; I just didn't think we had a chance of enjoying Heaven. Perhaps we would enter into Hell upon the end of our existence but I didn't plan to find out, now that Bella was with me.
I rolled her socks back over her feet, stretching over to reach the ottoman and pulling it underneath her legs. Before settling in the chair with her, I decided to load the fireplace with once more with wood; hoping to insure a long stretch of uninterrupted Bella time. Her eyes had slowly opened and followed my movements. She lifted the blanket for me, but I had better ideas. I picked her up and sat down with her in my lap and her head resting against my shoulder. Although my feet were closer, I knew she would still be able to enjoy the heat radiating from the stove. After tucking the blanket around our bodies, I wrapped my arms around her waist and leaned down to breathe the scent of her hair.
She unlocked one of my hands and proceeded to apply oil to my palm, digging her tiny thumb into my muscles. Bella knew my hands were sensitive and it felt particularly good tonight after my hours at the piano and the football game. I groaned my appreciation as she applied pressure working the areas of my palm and then flipping my hand to repeat the actions.
"Have I told you how incredibly erotic your hands are to me," she whispered. "I love to watch them dance over the keys when you play the piano, or to see them hold Renesmee, not to mention how they feel on my body." She brushed over my wedding ring saying, "They warn the world you are taken and they capture and hold your prey. So much strength, but gentle enough to brush your daughter's hair." In traditional Bella fashion, she veered onto another path. "You know, I understand more now why you consider yourself a monster." Okay, she definitely had my attention now.
She continued to minister to my hands as she spoke. "The day the Volturi appeared, I became animalistic myself. The rage was all encompassing; I would have gone down snarling and fighting to the bitter end. It was like every emotion I had ever experienced compressed into that moment; I craved the violence; to tear them limb from limb. I saw how uncontrollable the newborns can be, but I didn't comprehend how our nature puts us at risk of harming everything around us. When I was human, I had every belief you would never harm me, and I know still to this day I was right. You're incapable of harming one hair on my head. But I do understand now why you feared being around me; feared bringing me into your world while I was mortal."
I responded, "I fought it for as long as I could, but I wanted you so badly. It was excruciating to think of you being like me, and at the same time equally so imagining you remaining human. Love, in the end I would have let my selfishness rule. If Nessie's birth hadn't forced my hand, I would have probably succumbed before your year in college was out. My desire was just that strong."
"Hmmm," she said, lacing her fingers through mine. "Speaking of desires, I'm still very upset you kept the information about Felix from me."
The tightening of my muscles would have been obvious to even a human.
"Don't tense up on me, Edward. I have been thinking about this all night, and I need you to know I don't appreciate your actions. I'm going to give you a little break though, considering just how close you came to snapping that day in Volterra. It doesn't excuse, however, why you didn't mention this little problem before he came to Forks either of the other two times."
"Bella, this is another situation I'm probably going to have difficulty explaining. Let me begin with the first part. I was a jealous creature because I was not secure in our relationship. The first time, in Volterra, I had just been able to hold you again after being tormented with the belief you were dead. Then I see the visions of Jacob in Alice's head, hear what Felix and Alec were thinking, and deal with Aro offering you a place in the Volturi as well within just a short span of time, again not really as in control as everyone thought. The other time, to be honest, I was more worried about us making it out of the situation as more than just a pile of ashes. It didn't occur to me to discuss it with you after they left."
"Which brings me to the second part. You don't see yourself clearly, and therefore don't know the thoughts you produce in those of the opposite sex; human, wolf, or vampire. I'm constantly bombarded with thoughts of you and about you whenever we are around anyone other than my family. I hear thoughts about everything, and have for so long that I pretty much adapted by ignoring most of the babble. I learned the hard way with Emmett and Jasper; I had to calm them down too many times when a human would react to Rose or Alice's allure and I would comment. I can't read your mind, so I don't know what would be considered critical knowledge for you. I can most certainly inform you of the thoughts I catch; silly; perverted; and anything in between. But I suspect it would be disconcerting for you. I know it is for me."
Bella pondered what I had said for a few moments.
"You know, I've realized I really don't want to know who is on the list. It would make me uncomfortable. I'm going to trust that, if it becomes an issue again, you will let me know well ahead of time." She turned to look to me firmly stating, "It that understood?"
I leaned down to whisper gently in her ear. "Yes. And Bella, I love you."
"I know." She smirked.
"Minx," I said, gently biting on the lobe of her ear.
"Stop, Stop, Stop. You aren't going to distract me… just yet," she grumbled, swatting me with her hands having released mine. Can't blame a guy for trying. She turned back toward the stove and resettled into my lap.
"Edward, have you ever felt like we have been living the last couple of months reliving our mistakes from the past?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" I asked perplexed.
"Well, for years we struggled through the whole 'turn Bella thing', then you finally wear me down to get married and I get pregnant. That month was a living hell, for me at least, wondering if I would make it through to see our child. Then we have a few months of loving her but at the same time worrying that she was going to live a very short life. Add in Alice seeing the Volturi coming and everything is thrown into a chaotic mess. I only now feel like I am catching my breath so to speak."
"It's almost as if we haven't been able to figure out who we truly are," I replied. I understood her disjointed rambling all too well.
"Yes, exactly," she breathed. "Just a few moments of extreme bliss interspersed throughout the hell."
"I warned you my existence in your life would cause problems," I snorted, joking.
She hissed loudly. "And that's another thing: I am tired of you constantly bringing your pessimistic, negative views of yourself to the forefront."
I was taken back by the venom in her tone.
She turned around to see my face and her demeanor softened. "Edward, I'm sorry. That probably came out too harsh. It's over; I'm here and there is nothing that can change what's happened. I have the man I love and a child I never even dreamed of having. I still have my best friend, and a large family - which I have always dreamed of having. You don't seem to realize that you couldn't have fulfilled my dreams in any more perfect way. Enough, okay, just enough. No more calling yourself a monster; no more thinking negative thoughts about your place in my life. No more! Am I making myself clear?"
"Yes." It was the only response I could manage.
She arched her eyebrow at me clearly wanting more.
"I promise," I declared.
She turned her head forward, seemingly satisfied and settled back against my chest. "I would do it all again. James; Italy; the fighting; the pain; the heartbreak, all to have the opportunity to be sitting here right now. There is no other place I want to be."
As if a storm had cleared, I heard her lyrical voice return. "And I must say that sitting here is a very uplifting experience."
Hah! Funny! I couldn't control my body's reaction to the close proximity of her behind against my groin or the results of the friction from all her squirming. I was, as I had told her before, only a man. I felt the fine movement as she began to turn again to me.
I locked my hands around the upper portions of her arms. Repeating her words to me, I whispered in her ear. "Don't move."
After removing her sweatshirt I enjoyed the access afforded by the ponytail and feasted on her neck and shoulders, leaving marks as I bit her while at the same time running my hands across the smooth skin of her back and chest. It thrilled me to be able to sink my teeth into her without repercussion. Fantasy 101 included Bella and a chair: one soon to be down and thousands more to go.
All credit goes to my two totally awesome Betas:
CullenFest - for her patience with me and my anxiety about writing.
Crmcneill - for his mighty red pen, and help in mapping out strategy