Chapter X
Chasing Cars
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
Meredith sat on the edge of the bed, her black dress pants still haven't made their way onto her legs. She didn't have the energy, she was numb. Her head quickly whipped around when there was a knock on her bedroom door before it opened and Derek walked in. She turned back and continued to stare toward the wall.
"Mer?" He asked calmly. He had been there to support her, trying to help her not break down. She tried to be strong, pretending to be alright but he thinks she finally reached her breaking point. He stood in front of her and she continued to stare at him. It caught him by surprise when she reached up and tugged at his belt buckle, he started to protest before she looked at him with sad and needy eyes.
"Derek please," she begged silently. He sat next to her on the bed, removing his jacket as he moved closer to her. Their lips met softly, her leaning in on him and placing her hand on his chest. Their lips danced together slowly, he didn't want to rush her so he let her lead the way. She was the one who started to undress him, the one who laid down and pulled him on top of her, letting him know it was his turn to take control.
They weren't having sex, it wasn't just quick and easy, it was slow and steady. He wanted to take his time to enjoy her, to please her and make her feel better. This was for her, he knew sex was always, in a way, healing for Meredith. He kissed her gently as he laid down next to her, letting her curl into his arms. They stayed like that for a few minutes before tears began rushing down her cheeks and on to his chest. He just held her, letting her cry until she couldn't anymore. He didn't know exactly what she was feeling, he honestly didn't want to know what she was feeling for a long time.
It was at least an hour before there was a knock on the door indicating they had to get dressed. Derek helped Meredith as much as he could, giving her encouraging kisses each time she would stop for a second. He held her hand tightly as they walked out and downstairs to George and Izzie waiting on the pair. They knew they didn't have to be there but they wanted to, since it was hard on Meredith enough as it is.
Derek drove the four of them to the crematory, never letting go of Meredith's hand the whole drive. The radio didn't turn on, it was just silence the whole way. George and Izzie tried to make light conversation but Meredith stayed silent causing everyone else to also be silent.
Derek kept and eye on Meredith, she kept one hand on her stomach as they were walking, even talking to the cremation assistant. He explained the process of the cremation and led Meredith and Derek to the room where it would happen. Ellis was lying on the silver tray that would be pushed into the fire, her body covered by a thin sheet.
"I'll leave you to say goodbye, just when you're ready to have the process happen, just hit the red button and you can leave whenever you want," the man said before leaving the room. It took Meredith a moment before approaching the body, but she squeezed Derek's hand tighter and her hand moved in circles on her stomach as they moved closer. Derek wanted to know exactly what was going in her head, she seemed lost but she wasn't showing any emotion.
"Well mom, this is it. So just going to make this short and simple because I have a doctor's appointment to find out what the babies are, sure you already know, and I have a twelve hour shift after that. You know how that is, well I guess this is goodbye," Meredith shifted, she started to reach out to touch Ellis but she changed her mind, residing in Derek's arms once again. He held her close as they walked slowly over to the button and pressed it. Ellis began moving toward the opening where her body would soon become only ashes. Meredith didn't cry, she was just silent as they stood their.
They waited, waited until she was fully inside the chamber before Meredith began moving toward the door to leave the room. Derek held his arm around her securely, going to the office to inform them that they had started. They told them that they would be in contact for when her remains would be ready for pick up and wished the best to Meredith and Derek.
"Are you still up for the appointment?" Derek wanted to make sure she was still alright with it, they hadn't known what was happening today when they scheduled the appointment and he wouldn't mind cancelling if she needed it.
"No, I need to see them," Meredith said without even a doubt in her mind. She had grown so attached to the babies in her stomach, they were one of the only reasons that she was getting through the days.
"Ok, well we can go to the hospital and go straight to the appointment and go home," he said, hoping she would take more time off work. She had only taken off a week, he didn't think she was ready.
"No I've already told you, I am going back to work," she argued, he didn't want to argue so he just nodded as they arrived to the lobby where Izzie and George were waiting on the pair.
"So any interesting surgeries?" Meredith tried to make conversation in the car. She was tired of people tip toeing around her, she was fine.
"Uh Bailey is operating with Webber on liver guy and I am going to try and scrub in," George shrugged, earning a glare from Izzie.
"That's nice, Iz?" Meredith managed a small smile as she glanced back at Izzie.
"Nope, I'm still on scut," Izzie said, biting her lip. The car was silent again as they finished their drive to the hospital. They went their separate ways, Derek escorting Meredith to her appointment.
"So what do you think they are?" Meredith asked curiously, she never really had asked him.
"I have no idea, hoping for boys," he smiled widely, at least he knew that at least both were the same sex since they were identical.
"I am hoping on boys, they seem easier," Meredith said, she always hated girls and it was a rare event if she got along with a female.
"Well we will see," Derek offered a smile, placing a quick kiss on her forehead as they exited the elevator. They went into the office and straight back into an exam room. Meredith sat patiently on the table, Derek sitting on a chair beside her.
"I've been thinking about names," Meredith spoke up, putting one hand on her stomach.
"Oh really? I am so bad with names," Derek chuckled, remembering how his sister Liz tried to get Derek to help her pick a name.
"Yeah. You know how I never thought I was going to have a family when I was younger but well, there was this guy who lived down the street from me in Boston and we weren't exactly friends, he was a little older and had his own friends but every day he would walk home with me from school because we were basically the only kids who lived on the street I lived on, he was kind of a brother figure for a few years until it was uncool to hang out with me. He still secretly watched over me and I knew that but anyway, the story is that his name was Taylor and I swore if I ever had a kid that I would name him or her Taylor," Meredith seemed to smile at the memory as she held on to her stomach. Derek smiled and grabbed her hand, squeezing it slightly.
"That's a nice story, of course if you want we can name one of them Taylor," he leaned up and kissed her gently, letting his lips rest against hers for a minute. She ran her fingers through his hair and pulled away slightly. She wiped the tears that formed in her eyes and smiled genuinely at him.
"I probably haven't ever said it but I'm glad you picked me," Meredith whispered, holding onto him.
"Picking you wasn't a question," he shook his head at her, laughing lightly. The moment was interrupted by a knock and the ultrasound tech came in to give the ultrasound.
It was pure silence as they got ready, the ultrasound was the only light in the room as the screen was pointed toward the tech. He didn't talk much, just rubbed the transducer over Meredith's stomach. Derek pulled Meredith's hand to his lips and placed a kiss on it before letting it back down.
"Well baby A is being a little shy today," the technician said as he tried moving the transducer more.
"Well what about baby B? They are identical so they are the same sex," Derek suggested. He was anxious to find out what they were.
"Yeah, I'll try that," the tech nodded as he moved it higher a bit. He didn't have an expression as he was looking.
"Looks like you're going to be parents to two healthy baby girls," he had a slight smile on his face as he turned the monitor so they could see.
"It's girls?" Meredith asked shocked. She was so sure she was having boys, it was surreal. Derek had a grin plastered across his face.
"Yes Ma'am, I can check baby A again but I am pretty positive it's girls," he asked and Meredith nodded. Even if she couldn't see, she wanted to see her babies. They made her happy, something she could never imagine herself saying out loud. She had fallen in love with these babies and all that mattered was that they were healthy.
Derek watched Meredith light up when the other baby came across the screen. He knew something had changed inside of her since the first ultrasound, he couldn't put his finger on it but he didn't care. He was happy that she was happy.
"We are having two girls Mer," he smiled as he kissed her forehead. He didn't care that he was going to be surrounded by girls, he was going to love all of his girls no matter what.
"Can we hear their heartbeat?" She asked and the tech nodded. He put the sound on from the machine and the rushing thumps came crashing from the speakers. Derek wiped a tear that came from his eye, his girls were all healthy and something about that made him extremely happy.
Author's Note: Oh my god, it's been two weeks since I've updated this and I feel so bad about it. I've been trying to write for my other story in my free time to finally update that one but with the little free time I have, it's hard finding time to write. I'll be posting another update for this one this Friday to make up for such a long wait, and I am thankful for those who stay for my hectic schedule.
In the story, things are about to start picking up, as you found out the gender and the things that happened with Ellis. Derek's family is going to start to question things about Meredith and they want answers. This story has a lot of work to do and I can't wait to hear what you guys think about it! Thanks for reading!