CHAPTER TEN

After awhile, the incident with Roxanne settled down. There was no proof that Bellatrix was the cause of her disappearance and soon it was just another unexplained incident. The students still whispered amongst themselves, but Bellatrix hardly cared. Her seventeenth birthday had come and gone and it sickened Narcissa that she could be up to her neck in something she couldn't get out of. She had changed; that much was certain. After her birthday she seemed to hold herself which much more pride and grace. She felt important and it showed.

What worried Narcissa more was that Bellatrix's group of 'friends' seemed to have extended. Not only was she constantly around Rodolphus, but also his brother Rabastan, another boy named Yaxley, and even Lucius was following them around. Well, more specifically he was following Rodolphus around, but Bellatrix by extension. She didn't seem as hostile towards him as before, but she still clearly disliked her fiancé's choice of new friends.

Narcissa stayed as far away from them as she could though. The lot of them scared her, if she were to be honest. Her and her sister had been drifting apart for months, and while they still talked on occasion, it was nothing like it used to be. Narcissa even saw her chatting up a pretty sixth year one day and try as she might, she couldn't stop her stomach burning with jealously. But she knew that part of her life was over and that it was probably for the better.

It felt so quick, their sordid little affair (if you could even call making out occasionally an affair). It felt like it started in the blink of an eye and ended just as quickly. And while Narcissa was certain she would be better off forgetting about it, she did remember how safe she used to feel in Bellatrix's arms, and how much she missed that. But maybe she was only imaging loads of good times, when the truth was there was more drama and heartache than any kind of healthy relationship called for.

Regardless of her nostalgia, she knew she had to move forward. She had started dating Dale and quite enjoyed spending time with him. He wasn't as proper or as handsome as Lucius was, but he was sweet and very kind to her. It had been a couple months and they had grown very close. She almost always spent time with him, even more than her friends. It was the very definition of young love; fast, fleeting, and foolish. But she surrounded herself with it and let it devour her because she wanted nothing more than to live a normal life amidst the craziness.

It was mostly based on teenage passion more than anything else, but then again, were juvenile relationships ever anything but? It was nice though, for Narcissa to feel completely consumed in something that wasn't based around horror or abuse; it made her feel less like a freak.

One thing that did make her feel very normal though, was her complete lack of experience when it came to the opposite sex. She was constantly feeling flustered, embarrassed, or nervous when she wanted to go a little further but didn't know exactly how to go about it, or even if she should. She of course still wanted to remain a virgin until she was wed, but she wanted to experiment a little, just so she didn't end up becoming a bumbling idiot in bed with her future husband.

However, Dale was very shy. He never voiced that he wanted anything more, even if it was painfully obvious by the feel of his erection through his robes when they kissed, like now. They were hidden away in an empty classroom, Narcissa's arms around his neck as they kissed passionately. She had him practically pinned up against the wall and both of them were getting very worked up, if the sound of their ragged breathing was any proof.

Feeling bold and adventurous, Narcissa let her right hand wander downwards slowly. Her heart was pounding in her ears due to her nervousness, but her curiosity was starting to get the better of her. She had felt him harden a couple times before, but had never had the nerve to try and touch it. This time though, she made an effort to kiss him back harder, letting him know that she was really into this, and that what she was about to do wasn't an accident.

However, when her hand brushed his stiff member over his robes, Dale jumped a mile, nearly scaring the hell out of Narcissa. "What?!" she exclaimed, scared that she just did something wrong. "What did I do?"

"You… er…" He swallowed, looking incredibly nervous and yet painfully turned on. He was a gentleman though, bless him. "You… accidently… touched something," he stammered.

Narcissa couldn't help but smile at his own nervousness, which made her feel better about her own. She ducked her head shyly, then looked up at him. "That… wasn't an accident," she admitted.

"Oh," Dale said, looking just as shocked as someone who was just told they had been randomly selected as Minister of Magic. "You… really?" Narcissa nodded, biting her bottom lip. She blushed a little.

"I'm sorry if I was out of line. I was only… maybe I got a bit carried away…" she was starting to feel less sure about herself, until Dale spoke up.

"No, no!" he exclaimed immediately, then must have realized how eager he sounded because he looked embarrassed and lowered his tone. "I just mean… that wasn't out of line."

"It wasn't?"

"No."

Narcissa looked up at him, still feeling a blush adorn her cheeks. "Then do you think I…?"

"If you want to," Dale breathed quickly; probably a little too quickly. But Narcissa just smiled a little shyly and nodded. Her heart beat increased, now more nervous than ever since she actually had permission. It was like there was no way to back out now, even if she wanted to. Not that she did, but she couldn't account for a last minute change of heart.

They slowly gravitated towards each other, each shy in their own right, until they found themselves in an embrace. They kissed slowly at first, both of them still testing the waters and building up the anticipation. Narcissa's lips brushed softly over his before pressing against him more fully; kissing him harder. He reciprocated and she guided him back up against the wall as he parted his lips and she took that opportunity to slide her tongue inside his mouth to tangle with his. He nibbled a little on her lower lip and she smiled, feeling more comfortable.

Narcissa allowed her hand to slide down his chest as they kissed deeper. Dale's breathing increased significantly when he realized where she was going, but she didn't stop. Suddenly her hand was wrapped around his hardened member over his robe and he groaned. Narcissa wasn't really sure what to do more than that, so she toyed with it with the palm of her hand a little. This seemed to produce a better reaction out of her boyfriend and she smiled, proud of herself.

Moving her head to start kissing on his neck, she relished in every sound he made from what she was doing to him. But then suddenly – much too suddenly – he tensed, letting out a loud grunt. Narcissa felt her hand become damp and she screeched in surprise and horror as she jumped away from him.

"What—what…?" she stuttered, frantically wiping her hand on her robes; afraid that he wet himself. "Oh god!" She refrained from tacking 'ew' at the end of that sentence to spare his feelings, though it was hard.

He flushed red, really embarrassed. "I'm so sorry! I didn't know it would happen so quickly!"

"You… you… what did you just do?" Narcissa asked, still horrified. "Did you just—?"

"Yes," he muttered, embarrassed. "I'm sorry; I didn't know it would shock you this badly. I didn't mean to!"

Narcissa was still staring at him, mouth agape. She didn't know what to say. Her boyfriend had just peed on her. Oh god, and she wiped it on her robes! She needed to change, quickly.

"I'm sorry Dale, but I have to… go. I wiped it on my robes…" she tried to explain as she backed out of the room.

"No, I know, I'm sorry," Dale apologized, looking distraught and mortified. "I should… go change too…" he said awkwardly, and Narcissa took that as her cue to leave. She left the classroom quickly then ran all the way to her dorm.

When she got in there it wasn't empty, but she didn't care. She threw off her robes quickly, exclaiming, "Ugh!" as she threw them on the floor. She quickly knelt down and searched her trunk for a new pair of clean robes.

Of all the things to happen, she didn't think that would be one of them. That was so disgusting!

The two girls in the dorm room were staring at her oddly because of her behavior, but she ignored them as she slipped the clean robes over her head. God, she needed to wash her hands. She ran down the stairs to the girl's bathroom, quickly making her way to the sink. As she stuck her hands under the cool water, she started to feel a little better.

That was not how she thought her first sexual experience with a boy would end up. Shaking her head and chiding herself in her head about how she probably shouldn't have even tried, she finished washing her hands. As she turned around to get a paper towel to dry them, she nearly screamed when she found herself an inch in front of Bellatrix, about to run into her.

"Christ, Cissy. It's only me," Bellatrix said, looking at her oddly for shouting. Narcissa flushed, pushing past her to grab a handful of paper towels to wipe her hands.

"Sorry, you startled me," she mumbled, just wanting to get out of there. But Bellatrix took a hold of her arm as she tried to leave, spinning her around to face her.

"What's wrong?" she asked, actual concern coloring her voice. Narcissa hadn't heard that from her sister in awhile.

"N-Nothing," Narcissa stammered, looking away from her. "I was just startled, that was all."

"Don't give me that; I know you. Now tell me," Bellatrix said, pulling her further away from the door. Narcissa followed reluctantly, knowing that trying to get away would be futile. She was right; Bellatrix did know her, so she knew something had happened, probably just by the horrified look on her face that she couldn't seem to wipe off. She sighed.

"Oh, Bella, it was awful…" she started, feeling embarrassed that this could have happened to her.

"What? Cissy, did someone do something to you?" Bellatrix asked, her eyes igniting in that familiar yet scary way that Narcissa hoped to never see again. The blonde shook her head almost violently.

"No, nothing like that," she said. She blushed as she started, "Well, Dale and I were… kissing, and—"

"Whoa," Bellatrix said, holding up her hand for her to stop. "Who in the bloody hell is Dale?"

Narcissa narrowed her eyes, furious that Bellatrix wouldn't even know something so important in her life. "He's only been my boyfriend for the last couple of months. Glad you pay so much attention to me."

"When the hell did you start dating? Who is this boy? What did he do?" Bellatrix was getting possessive again, Narcissa could see it. But she wasn't her sister's property.

"He didn't do anything; it was my fault! Will you just listen?" she requested loudly and impatiently. Bellatrix's eyes flashed, but she clenched her jaw and stayed silent, waiting for her to finish.

Narcissa took a breath, fighting her embarrassment as she told her, "We were… kissing. And it got, you know, very nice and a little… intense. So I could feel his… you know against his robes."

Bellatrix narrowed her eyes, obviously not pleased. But she tried to be fair to her sister and so she replied flatly, "Go on…"

"And, well…. I was curious. Wouldn't anyone be?" she asked, though rather rhetorically since she probably figured her sister wouldn't be. She had never really shown a real interest in men or the parts they possess. Narcissa looked down at the ground, her cheeks bright red as she admitted, "So I… touched him; over his robes, of course. I'm not a harlot. And… it was nice, for awhile. But then…" she trailed off, her voice getting more high-pitched and upset as she exclaimed, looking up distressed, "Oh, Bella! He… I think he peed on me!" She covered her face in shame.

"He came on you?!" Bellatrix bellowed, furious.

"No, didn't you just hear me?" Narcissa said, looking up at her confused. She had no idea what 'came' was and thought her sister just misheard her. "He—"

"I heard you!" Bellatrix exclaimed loudly. "He didn't pee on you, you bumbling idiot! He ejaculated on you! Who the hell is he? I'm going to kill him!"

"No! No, Bella, it wasn't like… on on me! Just got on my hand through his robes and… wait, what the hell is that?" Narcissa asked, totally bewildered now. Was this another thing her mother didn't prepare her for?

Bellatrix sighed loudly, annoyed at her lack of knowledge. "It's when a guy has an orgasm, Cissy. Keep up, will you? God, if you got any thicker I could pop off your head and use it as a Quaffle."

Narcissa ignored her sister's insults; she was too busy trying to work out what she just said. "Oh. Oh!" she exclaimed, finally getting it. Then she smiled; she couldn't help herself. "I really made him do that?" she asked, amazed.

Bellatrix scowled. "Proud of yourself, are you? When the hell did you start going around groping men? Where the hell was I when you decided to suddenly become the Slytherin slut?"

Narcissa glared at her. She was not a slut. "Not around, as usual. You've completely ignored my existence ever since Roxanne! You've been too busy with Rodolphus and his little group that's training you to become a killer, or maybe even worse! You haven't wanted to be around me and frankly, I haven't really wanted to be around you either. I feel like I don't even know you anymore."

"Oh don't be stupid, Cissy. I'm your sister! I'll always be your sister, no matter what I choose to do with my life. Which you best bite your tongue about; it's no business of yours," she told her, but her voice carried a hint of a threat lingering behind her words.

"Or what? You'll kill me?" Narcissa snapped. "Ohhh, I'm so scared," she mocked, waving her hands to emphasize her sarcasm.

"Shut your mouth!" Bellatrix exclaimed, then slapped her right across the face. Narcissa held her stinging cheek, her eyes brimming with tears from the pain. She glared at her.

"Who are you?" she asked, voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm your eldest sister," Bellatrix replied, eyes ablaze. "And you better start respecting me as such."

"Piss off."

"Narcissa!" Bellatrix exclaimed, grabbing her again before she could make an escape out the door. She pushed her up against a wall – not hard, but with enough force to make her point – pinning her there. "Just leave my life to me, will you?" she requested. She was still angry, but her voice was softer. Bellatrix knew she could get more out of her sister with kindness than with hate. She took a breath, looking her in the eyes. "Please, don't meddle in my affairs. You'll get hurt and I… I wouldn't want that."

Narcissa just stared at her, saying nothing.

"And I'm sorry I've been neglecting you. The thing with that ruddy girl shook me up; we could have been found out. It would have ruined our lives, your life, and I did whatever I could to protect you. I really wish you wouldn't fault me for that."

"Fault you for it?" Narcissa repeated in disbelief. "Fault you for it? Bellatrix, you murdered—!"

Bellatrix clapped a hand over her mouth, making the rest of Narcissa's words come out as mumbles. She pointed her wand to the door and hissed, "Muffliato" so they wouldn't be overheard before turning to her sister and exclaiming, "Are you thick? You can't go around saying stuff like that Cissy, whether you believe it to be true or not! Do you want the Ministry to lock me up?"

Narcissa's muffled protests stopped and she froze for a moment, contemplating that very real possibility. Finally she swallowed and shook her head slowly. No, she didn't want her sister to get sent away to prison. The minutes felt like hours as the two sisters stared at each other, Bellatrix's hand still over her mouth like she was afraid that if she took it away that Narcissa would continue screaming to the world her theories regarding Roxanne. But Narcissa wasn't stupid.

When Bellatrix's fingers slowly slid down her lips, freeing her mouth to speak, she still did not get the chance. Her sister took a hesitant breath as she looked at her; her onyx eyes penetrating Narcissa's in a different kind of way, which Narcissa recognized at once; she had seen that look before… on their mother. It was commanding and as Bellatrix spoke, Narcissa understood why she looked at her like that. "I don't want you seeing that boy anymore, Narcissa."

Narcissa knew Bellatrix was still expecting a loud protest, even with her attempt to quiet her with a gaze. But Narcissa was quiet for a moment, staring at her sister. Her silence seemed to unnerve Bellatrix seeing as Narcissa had always been outspoken and instead chose to use that moment in her favor as she said, cool as ice, "Fine."

Bellatrix looked taken aback, then automatically became suspicious.

Narcissa tried to slip away from her casually, but Bellatrix flattened herself against the bathroom door, blocking her escape route. "You plan to defy me," she assumed.

"Why would you think that?" Narcissa asked, taking care to avoid giving away nothing but nonchalance in her attitude.

"Because you've always defied me!" Bellatrix exclaimed. "What are you playing at?"

"You're becoming paranoid, Bella," Narcissa said patiently. "I'm going to do what you wish, why do you have to suspect it?"

"Because you've always been a filthy little liar, Cissy."

Narcissa opened her mouth in mock-shock, "I've been nothing but honest with you! Always!"

Bellatrix chuckled suddenly. It made Narcissa's confidence in her lie falter. "Cissy… Oh, Cissy," she cooed, like she finally understood the adorable quality in her pet. She reached up and touched her face and Narcissa noticeably flinched, expecting a slap. But Bellatrix only ran her fingernails gently down her cheek as she looked at her as if she was nothing more than an amusement. "I've mastered the skill of deception; do you really think that I would not notice the signs? I admit, you had me confused for a moment. I would have never expected you to manipulate someone for your own ends. I'm a little proud."

Narcissa glared at her, quickly becoming frustrated. "Mastered the skill, did you?" she asked spitefully. "What, did your little Death Eaters teach you that, or did you come up with that one all on your own?"

Bellatrix's eyes flashed dangerously. "Where did you hear that name?" she yelled, pushing herself forwards towards her sister and forcing her roughly into the sink. The hard porcelain bruised her back at the impact point and Bellatrix grabbed her arm painfully. "Where?!" she demanded.

"I overheard you!" Narcissa exclaimed, her face contorting in pain as she tried to fight out of Bellatrix's grasp, "with Rodolphus! Let me go!"

Bellatrix did let her go, but it was more of an angry shove that just happened to free her. Her sister was furious. "You shouldn't know that name," she told her, voice at a dangerously low level as she stared at her. "You… fuck, Narcissa. Do you even stop to think that the knowledge you hold could get you killed?"

"Going to kill me now, are you?" Narcissa spat at her, knowing that she could never. She held out her hands in jest, "Well then go right ahead; take your best shot if you've got the stones."

"No, you fool! Not me! But do you really think I could stop it if you've been marked for death?!" Bellatrix screamed, bordering on the side of 'frantic' now. Narcissa immediately stopped attacking her in mock and spite, growing concerned for herself. Bellatrix looked absolutely terrified.

"You can't know, you can't know," she repeated, coming back up to Narcissa and grasping both of her forearms to make her see the seriousness of this situation. "You can't know unless you're initiated or married to one of us, do you understand me? This isn't some silly game, Narcissa; this is real! They will kill you and I… I wouldn't be able to stop them. I… I can't… you…" Bellatrix's words were becoming non-sequential and bordering on babbling nonsense, and fear gripped Narcissa's chest for that very reason. Nothing scared her sister. Nothing. Even their mother, who up until now was the most terrifying thing in their lives, never scared Bellatrix.

"It is secret," Bellatrix told her in a strained, desperate whisper. "One day it will not be, but for now no one must know. You can't know, Narcissa. Do you hear me? You can't know! So what do you know, Cissy? What do you know?!"

"Nothing!" Narcissa exclaimed quickly, her heart in her throat as she saw her own terror reflected in her sister's eyes. "I know nothing," she breathed, hearing her heart beat heavily in her ears.

It took what seemed like forever, but Bellatrix's breathing finally calmed a little and her eyes stopped darting around like she was afraid someone was going to pop out of the walls. She let out a breath as she leaned against Narcissa, bringing her arm around to cradle her for the first time in a long time. Bellatrix held her head to her breast as she laid her cheek down on her crown. "You can't scare me like this," she told her, her voice barely above a whisper. "You know I couldn't bear it if we got torn apart, by death or otherwise."

Narcissa felt her bottom lip tremble as her grip tightened on Bellatrix's robes. When she spoke, her distraught voice came out muffled against the fabric, "But you haven't been around…"

"Cissy…"

"No!" Narcissa exclaimed, burying her face further into her chest as tears started to fall from her cheeks. "You say you can't bear to live without me and yet you leave me alone when I needed you the most. You abandoned me for them! You leave me to be tormented by that awful girl, to be put under questioning by the Headmaster, to be abused by mother and have no one to turn to. You left me! You left me!" Her fists hit Bellatrix's chest as she tried to pull away from her, but Bellatrix wouldn't let her.

"I'm sorry! Cissy, I'm sorry! I didn't—shh, come on, be quiet…" she hushed her as she fought to keep her sister in her arms. But Narcissa was putting up a fight, all the months of neglect finally getting to her and she struggled against her fiercely until Bellatrix took her face in her palms roughly and kissed her, trying to get her to calm down. Narcissa sobbed against her lips.

"No, you can't—" Narcissa tried to protest, trying to get her off of her. Bellatrix didn't have the right to kiss her anymore. But the force of Bellatrix's lips were bruising against her own; her hand holding tightly to the back of Narcissa's head so that she couldn't get out of it. Narcissa tried to bite her, tried to close her mouth tight to make her stop, but Bellatrix wouldn't let up. After awhile Narcissa just gave into it, still crying as Bellatrix's tongue slowly slipped against hers. There was no point in fighting a losing battle.

"Shh…" Bellatrix hushed her, her breath tickling Narcissa's sensitive lips. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she told her softly. It sounded like such a beautiful lie; merely a manipulation to keep Narcissa doing what she was told, but she didn't care. Narcissa didn't realize how truly alone she felt before until she was embraced by Bellatrix again, feeling her warmth spread through her. "I'm here now," she told her, kissing her cheek; kissing away her tears. "I won't leave you again, I promise you on my life."

"You will," Narcissa choked out, a fresh, hot tear rolling down her porcelain skin. Bellatrix wiped it away but Narcissa turned her face away from hers. "Your loyalty isn't to me anymore, nor our family. You know that it's true."

Bellatrix sighed, cupping her sister's cheek in her hand. "That doesn't mean I'll leave you," she tried. "I could never, not really. You're a part of me. How can you not know that?"

"Piss off with your pretty words, Bellatrix," Narcissa replied, pushing her away a little, looking scorned. "Pretty words don't make up for what you did. I'm not… I'm not something you can just toss aside whenever I'm not convenient for you; I'm your sister!"

"You're more than my sister."

"No I'm not!" Narcissa exclaimed. "Not anymore! You lost that right when you left me to fend for myself. And…" she took a breath, holding herself up higher to build her confidence, "and I'm dating someone else now. I don't care whether you want me to see him or not; the decision isn't yours and you can't threaten me into breaking it off with him just because you've decided you suddenly want me back."

"I can't get back what's never really left," Bellatrix told her coolly, folding her arms in front of her chest. "You can't live without me, Cissy. Don't bother to pretend otherwise."

"I've managed to quite fine these last couple of months, thank you."

Narcissa should've known by now that she couldnt ever do anything without her sister's saying so; especially something like leaving when Bellatrix wasnt done with the conversation. Once again her pathway to the exit was blocked, but this time Bellatrix's eyes softened as she looked at her lighter counterpart.

"Please," she said softly, so softly that Narcissa couldn't believe the sincerity behind her words. "Just let me make it up to you."

"How?" Narcissa asked, suspicion in her voice. She wiped the last tear off of her cheek and folded her arms in front of her chest, narrowing her eyes at her. "Will you leave that group?"

"You know I can't do that."

"Well then your loyalty isn't—" Narcissa tried, but was interrupted.

"My loyalty has always been to you!" Bellatrix shouted, angry that Narcissa would believe otherwise. "Everything I do is because of you, Cissy! It's all about you, don't you understand that? Putting myself between you and Mum, protecting you from that sodding girl, joining the Death Eaters so you, you can have a better life! So you and all those precious little children you want so desperately can live in a world where you'll have the respect you deserve!"

"I never asked these things of you!" Narcissa protested.

"You didn't have to! That's what love is about, Narcissa! You're my baby sister; you're my whole bleeding world, why is that such a hard concept for you to grasp?! You think that I'm selfish, but you couldn't be more wrong. My whole damned life is shaped around you, Cissy. It always has been."

Narcissa looked away, staring at the white tiles that littered the wall of the bathroom. Pretty words, nothing but pretty words, weren't they? Her sister was either trying to manipulate her or really did believe those things. And if she did, if she really did believe that everything she did was because of her, then Narcissa didn't know whether to feel loved or frightened for her sister's inability to think of nothing else. Love and obsession was a very fine line, after all. But when she looked back up at Bellatrix, she saw the caring look behind her eyes that rarely found itself present these days. Narcissa let out a slow breath.

"How did you want to make it up to me?" she asked softly. She needed to know if Bellatrix was really serious about mending the broken bridge between them or if she was just taking her for a ride.

Bellatrix smiled. "Meet me in the common room at midnight," she told her.

Narcissa furrowed her eyebrows. "Midnight? But Bella, we should be in bed at that hour! If a prefect were to find out…"

"They won't," Bellatrix assured her, then shrugged. "And if they do? I'll take care of it."

"Bella…" Narcissa started, wary. She didn't want to witness firsthand what he sister was capable of. The mere thought of it already frightened her.

"I won't kill them, Cissy. What do you take me as?" Bellatrix replied. Narcissa wasn't sure if she was mocking her or not, but didn't have much of a chance to ponder it. "Midnight," Bellatrix repeated before leaning in and kissing her on the lips softly. Then she turned and walked out of the bathroom, leaving Narcissa alone.

It was one of those things that screamed 'bad idea' in Narcissa's gut, but like everything else when it came to Bellatrix, Narcissa ignored her instincts. To this day, Narcissa still wasn't sure whether it was a good idea or not to follow her that night. Things would have turned out much differently if she didn't though, of that she was sure of.

TBC...