That lamp was really useless.
"Get over it."
But he couldn't. What was it doing out in the middle of the clearing like that, all beat up and misshapen? He felt like it was a punchline to a joke that never started. His mind delved into the possibilities of his presence being known to the skeleton brothers. What if they put the lamp there to mess with him? Why, for their own amusement? For the amusement of some unseen force? The shorter brother had concealed himself in shadow, and disguised his voice until the moment came for a prank. As if he could bend reality to his will. If his will is only to have a quick laugh, then good, but that kind of power in anyone's hands is dangerous. What if he gets serious, and bends reality to do evil? Is he the true ruler of the Underground, and everyone lives just for his amusement to appease him so he won't become bored and destroy-
"Geez," the child sighed. "It was a one-off visual joke. Let it go."
Doomguy gave a grunt of annoyance. If his little friend wants to ignore the elephant in the room, that's her problem. As the Bane of Hell, he needed to think of every possibility before it could happen. That's no different here in the Underground. He needs to be prepared for any and everything, and even defend himself from anyone and everyone if need be.
"Let's hope it doesn't come to that. You made a promise."
I can defend myself without hurting anyone, you know.
They had been walking for only a few minutes, following the beaten path of Snowdin between walls of trees, but they've already had a thesis' worth of discourse on the implications of Sans' apparent powers, the possibilities of demons attacking, and which animal is cuter: goats or rabbits. However, their banter came to a stop when Doomguy saw a box in another clearing, next to a sign.
"The box can carry your stuff," she explained, "and the same box will show up in other places so you can manage your inventory."
Inventory?
"Yeah, so you can carry more weapons and healing items and armor, and uh, stuff."
You don't just use up everything as soon as you see it on the floor?
"Well you could, but it'd be useful to save them for later."
What a concept, he thought, genuinely surprised at the notion of saving things other than ammunition for later.
"You going to use it?"
Well, he was already carrying five firearms, one chainsaw, and one superweapon that cannot simply be called a "gun", so he thought about what weapons he could part with for now. He realized, technically speaking, he wouldn't need any weapons since he doesn't want to hurt anyone, but he wanted to be prepared for an emergency. He decided he could part with a few of his guns and some excess ammo for now.
He took the backpack off and placed it on the snow in front of him, pulled the rocket launcher out, and put it into the box.
"How did that fit in your bag?"
Don't worry about it.
Since rockets can only be used by that one weapon, he had no need for the rockets he had now. He deposited all one hundred of his rockets into the box as well.
"Wow."
Next came the plasma rifle and all five hundred ninety-nine of its cells, which he unpacked from his bottomless backpack and packed into the equally bottomless box.
His friend silently watched him.
Next came the chaingun. If he could be quick enough with the pistol, he wouldn't need it anyway. So into the box it went, but he decided to keep all of the two hundred rounds it came with, since his pistol uses the same caliber.
"Is… is that all?"
Oh, almost forgot.
He pulled out one last weapon from his backpack. Massive, steel, and very, very heavy-looking. Also intimidating. Even his stone-cold friend seemed uncomfortable looking at it.
"Wha-what is that thing…"
I don't even want to really part with this baby. It's saved my ass countless times, and fried armies of demons with one shot more times than that. Eh, but I'm not carrying plasma so it's just extra weight.
He didn't answer her question, but he deposited the 'gun' all the same. With that all over—
"Wait," the child interrupted. "I saw this in the box." She handed Doomguy a fingerless glove, padded near the knuckles. It looked like MMA glove or something like that, but it was pink and had a faded heart symbol on the back of the palm. He nodded to her, took the marine's glove off his left hand, and put on the new one. Pink as it is, it's a good fit and would come in handy with his usual melee style of assault. He packed away his old glove in one of the pouches of his belt, put his backpack on, and stood up.
Right. With that all over, for real, he further took in his surroundings. There was a fork in the road now. To the north, there was another clearing, and to the east there was another long path. Stopping to listen, he could hear the sound of water gently hitting rocks from the north clearing.
A river.
"A dead end."
Always check dead ends first, he thought authoritatively. Usually good stuff hidden there, or a clue to how to get past it.
"I doubt it…" she murmured. But of course, he heard. And of course, he ignored. He took off, not stopping to take the child's waiting hand.
Doomguy shook his head as he left the river clearing.
"Told you so."
He glared at her through his helmet, and she met his gaze. And stuck out her tongue.
Fuck you.
She eyed him up and down. "No thanks."
For a split second he thought about trying out his new glove on her, but then he remembered he can't hurt her.
"The mighty Doom Slayer would hit a child."
Then he remembered she could read his mind.
Only demon children.
"Am I a demon, Hell Walker?" She stopped walking even though he continued, and tilted her head to the side, pointed at herself, and gave a creepy, creepy grin that reached close to her glassy, red eyes. Just a bit closer than they should be able to.
He stopped around six feet away from her, just to get a look at her faux-innocent caricature. Keep smiling like that and I might answer you. With a bullet.
"Nice comeback. Must've taken you the afterlife to think that one up!" She put both her hands behind her back and bounced on her heels. Her creepy grin was, against all logic, reaching new heights. A few more millimeters and she'd look like a two-eyed cacodemon.
Absolutely demonic.
In a blink of an eye he covered the distance between them. Her grin disappeared as Doomguy put his hands on her arms, his body bent so he could be face to face with her. Through his visor, he saw her eyes. But no soul. Empty pools of red, surrounded by the milky whites of her sclera.
Listen kid. I don't want to hurt anyone that doesn't deserve it. You are acting like someone who deserves it.
She returned his stare, but didn't say a word.
You think you're powerful? That I'm underestimating you? Because you're some kind of soulless ghost, and have power over this domain?
He let go of her with his right hand, and brought it to his helmet. With a quick motion, he revealed his face. I have taken on Hell itself. And won on several occasions. I have slain more demons than there are humans on my Earth. Every evil soul in the history of the multiverse, all there. And I've killed half of them.
He pointed into his own blue eyes as he continued. Look. Look into my eyes. See what I have seen. The carnage. The destruction. The genocide. You fancy yourself a goddess because you can do a few ghostly parlor tricks? I have taken down temples to evil gods with my bare hands. And the gods do not challenge me.
Her eyes seemed to melt out of reality. A black void dripped out of her sockets. The trees surrounding them curl outward, the snow parts from where they stand. But he doesn't relinquish his stare. You are nothing compared to the depths of Hell. The monsters that led the invasion to the mortal world. The abomination that gave birth to all demons. The very manifestation of sin itself. All of them, dead. Dead.
The void slipped out of her mouth, like a black snake tongue. The fabric of life slowly unthreaded, a new star in space dimming as every second passed. The eternal cold of nonexistence washed over them both. You have the rage in your heart to destroy everything. But look in my eyes. Look into my soul and ask yourself this question.
"Do you want to fucking go?"
Dusting his gloved hands, Doomguy returned his helmet to its rightful place over his head. He took in his surroundings one more time before deciding to head on east, through the continued path of Snowdin.
You coming?
The child stayed where she stood, eyes aimed firmly at her feet. Her hands tugged down at the hem of her shirt, and her head bowed down. She took a moment, but she finally nodded, still refusing to look him in the eye.
He nodded back before moving on, past the box he had already used and into the road beyond.
As he walked, two shapeless figures in the fog seemed to come closer. By the time he could hear their voices, he could already make out who they were.
"SO, AS I WAS SAYING ABOUT UNDYNE," said the taller one.
Doomguy froze up, and immediately looked for somewhere to hide. But it was too late, as he could see Papyrus and Sans looking directly at him.
Shit!
Papyrus and Sans did a double take at Doomguy's sudden appearance. And then a triple take. They looked at each other. Then Doomguy. Each other. Behind them. Doomguy. All the while the space marine remained motionless. Finally, they turned around completely.
"SANS!" whisper-screamed Papyrus. "OH MY GOD! IS THAT…"
They both turned around as Papyrus capped off his sentence. "A HUMAN?!"
Sans craned his neck a bit to his left, looking at something behind Doomguy. "uhhh… actually i think that's a rock."
Papyrus' shoulders drooped, and his head fell exaggeratedly in disappointment. "OH."
Doomguy took the distraction to look behind him, and there was in fact a rock there. He looked at Sans and gave him an appreciative thumbs up.
"hey, what's that in front of the rock?"
Oh come on!
"OH MY GOD!" Papyrus stooped down to Sans, and whispered very loudly, "IS… IS THAT A HUMAN?"
"yes" replied Sans, who didn't really whisper so much as make his voice deeper. "looks like a space marine, too."
Doomguy let out a heavy sigh. Here we go.
"OH MY GOD! SANS! I FINALLY DID IT!"
Oh boy.
"UNDYNE WILL… I'M GONNA… I'LL BE SO—"
"Yeah, hi, I'm Doomguy," Doomguy interrupted impatiently. "Human. Definitely. Nice scarf. Listen, I need to go see your king so can we move this along?" He walked up to the pair to make his intention clear. "Real urgent."
"O-OH," Papyrus said, surprised. "I'M PAPYRUS, FUTURE CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD. IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU, MR. GUY!" He extended his red mitted hand out to greet the Slayer enthusiastically.
Mr. Guy?
"Real honor talking to someone so important," he said as he gave the skeleton a brisk handshake. "Hey, since you're Royal Guard, think you can take me to the king? Want to tell him I'm impressed with your guarding skills."
"WOWIE!" Papyrus squealed. "DO YOU HEAR THAT SANS? THE SPACE MARINE IS IMPRESSED WITH ME!" Papyrus turned to his brother, who gave a half-assed thumbs up.
"good work bro." Sans said, giving a wink.
"OH, BUT, SORRY MR. GUY," Papyrus suddenly apologized, "I HAVE TO TAKE YOU TO THE CAPTAIN OF ROYAL GUARD FIRST! THE CURRENT ONE," he added, looking to the side as if embarrassed.
Damn it. "Yeah… no can do," Doomguy said, putting his hand on his shoulder in faux sheepishness."Going to the king myself." He started walking past the two skeletons.
"OH BUT YOU CAN'T!" Papyrus yelled, walking back with his arms outstretched to stop the intruder from going were he's going. "I HAVE TO CAPTURE YOU AND BRING YOU TO CAPTAIN UNDYNE! THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN GET RECOGNITION FOR FINDING YOU!"
Goddammit.
Papyrus straightened up, and continued, "AHEM."
He actually said 'ahem'.
"HUMAN! YOU SHALL NOT PASS THIS AREA!" the skeleton proclaimed excitedly. He stood there in the middle of the path, hands on his hips, posing like a superhero. "I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL STOP YOU!
Like Hell you will.
Papyrus threw his hand out in a vigorous salute. "I WILL THEN CAPTURE YOU!"
Uh huh.
The royal guard fanatic clenched his fist dramatically. "YOU WILL BE DELIVERED TO THE CAPITAL!"
Is that where the king is? I could probably escape from capture once I'm there, then meet the king myself…
The over-the-top skeleton looked up in the sky, a sparkle in his empty sockets. "THEN... THEN—"
"Well, Doomguy interjected, interrupting Papyrus' impassioned speech. "You got me. Stopped me. So you have to capture me now." He presented his wrists to the tall brother, waiting to be cuffed. "Take me to your boss."
"NYE-NYEH?" Papyrus said, confused at his prey's willingness. "YOU DON'T WANT TO TRY TO ESCAPE FIRST?"
"Nope," Doomguy replied, bringing his wrists closer to Papyrus.
"B-BUT I HAD ALL THESE PUZZLES PREPARED IN CASE YOU TRIED…" Papyrus said, more to himself than to Doomguy. He sounded very sad.
Please just take me in.
"ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO TRY ESCAPING THROUGH THE WOODS FIRST?" Papyrus asked, pleading more than making sure. "IT MIGHT BE FUN!"
"I'm sure," Doomguy said matter-of-factly. "Come on, think of your promotion," he carefully added, practically shoving his wrists into Papyrus' face.
"OKAY…" Papyrus sighed, bringing out some chained cuffs.
"psst," Sans suddenly said, reminding them both of his presence. "papyrus. bro."
Don't you fucking do it, Doomguy thought, glaring at Sans through his near-opaque visor.
"YEAH, SANS?" Papyrus asked, still sounding sad and disappointed.
"i thought you'll use your traps on him first," Sans said, looking directly at Doomguy himself just an arm's reach away. "so undyne would be impressed with your human capturing skills and your puzzles and traps."
"NYEH?" Papyrus lowered the cuffs, turning to Sans to hear him out.
Doomguy was now looking at the path behind the brothers. With both of them distracted by the other, if he were just quick enough…
"yeah, dude. if you take him now because he wanted you to, well anyone could do that. even me, probably. but if you take him in after puzzling him with your puzzles and trapping him with your traps, that would make you seem super cool."
"REALLY? LIKE, 'CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD' COOL?!"
Now! Doomguy broke into a dash, kicking up snow behind him from the speed of his sprint.
Except he didn't.
What?! he screamed internally, trying to raise his feet but failing. His whole body was frozen in place, like a massive weight was keeping him down where he was. As if gravity itself focused on him and him alone.
"like 'captain papyrus of snowdin, leader of the royal guard' cool," Sans continued. He looked to the side, meeting Doomguy's burning stare with his own cool, casual glance.
"YOU'RE RIGHT SANS!" Papyrus yelled. "THERE'S NO WAY I'M LETTING THIS CHANCE GO!"
Papyrus turned to the trapped Doomguy. "AHEM!"
He actually said 'ahem'.
"HUMAN! YOU SHALL NOT BE BROUGHT TO THE CAPITAL SO EASILY! FIRST YOU MUST PROVE YOURSELF WORTHY BY FACING THE MANY TRIALS I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE PREPARED!"
Fantastic.
"SHOULD YOU PROVE YOURSELF, WE SHALL FACE EACH OTHER IN HONORABLE COMBAT BEYOND SNOWDIN TOWN!"
And he wants to fight too. Great.
"I WILL BE WAITING!" Papyrus ended, walking back as mysteriously as he could. "NYEH HEH HEH HEH!"
Papyrus left through the path beyond, but Doomguy still remained stuck.
"well, that went well," Sans told Doomguy. Doomguy noted a faint glow coming from his left eye socket.
"don't sweat it, bro. i'll keep an eye socket out for ya." Sans winked at Doomguy and left the same way Papyrus did.
And then Doomguy could move again.
Damn skeletons. Damn magic.
"Those two seem fun," his little friend spoke up. By now Doomguy was understanding that she disappears whenever others speak to him.
The short one. He's got strong magic.
"You've taken on Hell, Doomguy," she replied. It was the first time she called him that. "You can handle them."
... Thanks.
Doomguy checked his surroundings one last time. Taking his friends hand, they went off, continuing into the forest.
Notes:
It's term break, so I'm back to writing. Thanks for reading. Keep leaving reviews and tell me what you like about my fic (please). Also stuff you don't like. I haven't written in a while so I might be off beat. Thanks!
PS Quake Champions confirms the Doom Slayer is Doomguy. His artifact is Daisy's left foot, described as "the Doom Slayer's pet rabbit, killed by marauding demons when they invaded Earth".
PPS The Doom Slayer's legendary skin in Quake Champions, the classic space marine suit, is what he looks like in this fic.