An entire day in the company of Mark Sloan's youngest offspring had left Lexie Grey drained of every ounce of energy. She'd dragged herself and her headache into a cab when Mark had let Callie know that he was on his way to get Sofia, and she was now slouched on the backseat, listening to her driver drone on about his own kids and their little quirks.

The more time she spent with Sofia, the more she felt nostalgia for a life she'd never had. Every single second that ticked by in which that tiny human was in her arms, was another second that broke Lexie's heart. She was cradling a piece of Mark so close to her heart both emotionally and physically. It pained her to know that none of this was hers. Sofia wasn't hers, Mark wasn't hers.

She should be grateful for what she did have; a second chance at a perfect life. New York gave her that, but she'd taken everything from herself in the first place. She could blame Mark and his previous reckless behaviour and thoughtless, passion-driven motives all she wanted but she had to accept that this was all her doing. Arizona was right; Mark Sloan would've waited for her. Lexie never gave him a choice.

—

The sight of Derek's car in the drive was comforting, and Lexie was desperate to finally grill him regarding everything she'd discovered in the past twenty-four hours. She couldn't even imagine how conflicted he must have been in the year that she'd been gone. Lexie was family and he'd accepted her as such and treated her like a sister from day one, but Mark was his childhood best friend and aside from one slip-up involving Addison Forbes-Montgomery, their loyalty to each other was unbreakable.

He'd been protecting Lexie from further heartbreak while simultaneously standing by his best friend, and that was something Lexie should respect. Instead, she was focused on how awful it had felt to be caught out like that.

"Thanks Carl, have a nice evening with your family." Lexie handed the money to her cab driver and made a quick exit before he could find something new to discuss.

She'd stayed at Callie and Arizona's until the early hours of the evening, not realising how late it was until her brother-in-law called and said he was picking up Chinese food on his way home from the golf course. As Lexie gradually made her way up to the porch, she prayed that most of her roommates would be out.

Back in New York, she was used to only ever having one or two people in the apartment. The ability to have a few minutes to herself was something she missed now that she was home again.

"Lexie! Great timing, I got you extra spring rolls. Figured you'd appreciate them after the night you had last night. How's the hangover?" Derek had dishes spread out across the counter and was in the process of batting Karev's hands away from the food he'd set aside for Lex.

"Thanks, the hangover is slowly fading. Alex, one spring roll." She laughed when he launched for one, but she was wondering if he was going to be present for the entire duration of dinner. She helped herself to her own food, piling it high on her plate. It wasn't peanut butter cups but it was as good as she was going to get for now.

"Catch you later." Alex carried his plate into the family room, where Meredith was struggling to eat whilst feeding Zola. Now that it was just her and Derek in the kitchen, Lexie didn't know what to say to him. She stared at him, waiting for him to initiate a conversation.

"I was thinking we could talk out on the porch while we eat? Just don't swing too violently, this is my favourite shirt." She smiled wearily, remembering how mad he'd been when her and Meredith had come home drunk one time and joined him on the swing. He was drinking coffee in preparation for a big overnight surgery, and had left for work with a large stain on the front of his shirt. He'd told them it was like living with a bunch of teenagers.

—

"Did you ever consider telling me?" After a while, Lexie looked at Derek, her voice trembling.

"Every day." He sighed, leaning back. "I'm serious, every single time I looked at my phone, I thought about calling you. Then I decided if anyone should tell you, it should be Mark, but he didn't want you to know either."

"So everyone thought it was a good idea to keep me in the dark?" Derek put his plate on the small table in front of them and shifted so he was facing her. The eye contact was unnerving, and Lexie knew her brother-in-law was about to hit her with some home truths. That was what family did, right? They told you what you needed to hear.

"Lexie, you were completely broken. Mark and the arrival of his new family turned your world upside down and you moved to a different state and started over. Things seemed to be looking up for you almost straight away! A new apartment, new friends who you met outside of work, a new job with a great mentor…from what Meredith and I saw, you were starting to get a grip on things again. We couldn't risk destroying that for you when you were still reeling from the repercussions of your Seattle life being in ruins."

She was deep in thought. He had a point; if she had known about Mark and Callie and Sofia, would she have everything she had now? But…what if the news had sparked something in her like her time with Mark's daughter today had? What if she'd booked a flight back to Seattle the second she'd heard?

She could've grown up overnight, ready to take on the role of being a Mom because let's face it, being a Mom to someone six years younger than you and being a Mom to a newborn baby were two entirely different situations.

"I could've done this with him. Raised Sofia, I mean." Lexie watched as his eyes widened, the same way hers had on her first day back at Seattle Grace when the Chief had decided on a welcome back announcement. That reaction screamed 'bad idea'.

"You know as well as I do that you wouldn't have been ready for that. I get that it was different with Sloan but you're forgetting that she's still in the picture. You couldn't have raised a newborn and forgotten that you were being put in the position of being Mom to an eighteen year old and a Grandmother. You know it wouldn't have worked, even if you'd wanted it to."

"Mmm." She was ashamed to admit that he was right.

"That's not the only problem though, if you think about it realistically. Do you remember how hurt you were when Mark told you that Sloan was moving in? He never asked you, never considered your feelings. Neither of you were ready for what the world was trying to throw in your direction. You moving away was one of the best things you could've done, for both of you. You needed time to-"

"Derek, do you have any idea how embarrassing it was?" Lexie cut him off. She no longer wanted to hear all the reasons nobody told her, she wanted someone to understand the reasons they should have told her. No matter how much it would've torn her apart.

"I know it must've been hard…"

"No. You have zero idea. I'm sorry, but you just don't. I was having a great evening with my friends last night but the whole time, I knew something was up. No photos on the walls, no mention of Mark Sloan aside from one drunken slip up. That was all because of me. In that moment when I found the photos, I was caught so off guard it was like…I don't know, like I was drowning." She took a deep breath, her hands shaking.

"Lex…" He placed a hand on her shoulder, taking her plate and putting it down next to his. Food was the last thing on her mind.

"Everyone's treading so carefully, like I might explode if they get too close. I am not a ticking time bomb and I am not a child. Throughout my relationship with Mark, it felt like the world was against us because I was so young and I had no experience in life like he did. I feel pathetic, Derek. I still do. I feel this constant need to apologise and admit defeat for leaving Seattle and not making it work but I don't need to do those things! I did what was right for me at that stage in my life and what was right for my career, and you know what? I'm glad I did it. Maybe…maybe I let the love of my life go, but…he didn't need me. We didn't need each other and the lives we're leading now are proof of that."

"You're right, you did what you needed to do for your future and we all admire that more than you know. I don't think anyone's told you that yet, have they?" Lexie shook her head. "We all made decisions when we were in our twenties that would have an effect on the rest of our lives. This was your time to do that…You are the furthest thing from pathetic, Lexie Grey. Nobody thinks any less of you and nobody views you as a child. You're just someone who is evidently in love with Mark Sloan and we didn't want to hurt you further and risk you never getting over him."

"I am over him." When Derek looked unconvinced, she became insistent. "I am! New York has given me more than I ever dreamed of. Mark Sloan is my past." She ignored the fact that not even five minutes ago she'd been wondering what her life would've been like if she'd returned sooner.

"Okay. I don't believe you for a second, but okay." He smirked, passing her food back to her.

"I owe you a spring roll after all that." Lexie offered him her plate and he took one. Part of her wished her sister had been the one to knock all that sense into her, but Meredith didn't know Mark Sloan the way Derek did and she certainly didn't have the patience for Lexie's crying. She'd had enough of that in the week after the breakup.

Their comfortable silence was broken by Derek's phone ringing. After a quick, reluctant conversation, he hung up. "I'm needed for a surgery. You coming to watch?" Her eyes lit up at the suggestion and without a word, they headed to the car. "Lex, there's one more thing." As they neared the hospital, he finally spoke. "People have been calling and asking for you the entire time you've been out. Is there something you need to tell me?"

She froze. She trusted Derek with her whole heart, but was she ready to explain? "No, nothing. I'll call them back tomorrow."

—

Pulling into the parking lot, Lexie's heart started beating faster. Mark was stood by the entrance, looking as handsome as ever. He took her breath away every time she saw him, even now. He always had but he knew it, too. He also knew that he had the same effect on most female employees at the hospital. If she could remember the arrogance that had been clear when they'd first met, she could forget how he made her feel the rest of the time.

"Good evening, Doctor Sloan." Derek greeted him as he edged closer to them, panic written all over his face. Did he know that Lexie knew about Sofia? Because the man look terrified of her, like she might suddenly pounce on him.

"Hey. Uh, Lex…" Did he just blush? She gave him a weak smile, refusing to look directly at him.

"What are you doing out here? Little Grey and I were just coming in for a surgery on Logan Barnes. You're not needed for that, are you?" Lexie cringed at the use of her nickname, knowing it would trigger memories for both her and Mark that they were keen to forget.

"No, uh, my surgery got cancelled and I didn't feel like going all the way home right now. I was gonna come watch yours." He looked at Lexie as if he was waiting for her approval.

"I can get a cab home, if you want. Leave you to it." She made eye contact with him for the first time, aware that Derek was watching the interaction too.

"No, stay."