Chap. 9: The Simple Mission Gone Wrong

It was three weeks into the school year, and Vladimir found it increasingly boring, yet incredibly easy.

He found, to his annoyance, that he still got headaches whenever he got to Professor Quirrell's room. He'd gotten so annoyed with it, in fact, that he made a potion that could ease them. The only thing that succeeded was his annoyance as the headaches didn't even diminish.

He was beginning to think that maybe it was the god awful garlic smell that Quirrell had with him at all times. Growing up in a house with vampires, he wasn't used to the smell. Sure, the stuff couldn't harm a vampire, but it sure as hell gave them a sense of nausea, as their heightened sense of smell made it all the more powerful. Poor Crimson had to be left behind- or wonder the school- just to get away from it.

Vladimir wasn't so lucky.

His pranks were one of the best things he always looked forward to. He'd only done two others so far.

The first was spreading itching powder all over their bed sheets and blankets. He wasn't able to do this by himself, so he got Crimson to bring him a House Elf. The elf was a young one, a bit more twitchy than most, but he had a clever mind, and was excellent at being quiet and fast. He made sure that the bed sheets were nicely powdered down, with just enough to get the prank done, but not enough for it to look like anything went wrong. And, apparently, Crimson decided she'd take it a step further suggested Vladimir instruct the elf to put it in their shirts and pants too.

What could he say? Vampires are sneaky, sadistic little bastards, and a vampiric snake was no different.

The result was comical. While he wasn't witness to it, the whole night, the two boys had spent rolling around in their bed, cursing and scratching. But finally, the itching powder lost its effect on them and by 2:00 am, they were sleeping.

The next morning, they got up, and dressed, and when Vladimir walked out of his dorm room, and saw the two boys scratching, he smiled devilishly at them.

"Having a problem, boys?" he asked.

The two looked up- still scratching, looking like red headed monkeys- and saw the innocent (cough-smug-cough) look on the boy's face.

"YOU!" they both shouted.

Vladimir laughed, and walked on without another word.

The second prank was a slightly uncertain one. He'd told Ron about his plan and the boy looked like he very much doubted it would work.

"Why? Surely they can't be that unconcerned about them."

"Ha! Well, yeah, they do brush them, but only about once a month- if not five months. Have you seen how yellow those things are?" Ron said. Vladimir refrained from pointing out that Ron's teeth were just as yellow. But he did see the boy's point.

"Ok, well, how about I find a way to make them. Get them to eat something that they have to brush their teeth after for."

"Well... they like to eat this cheese and spinach soup. The spinach always gets stuck in their teeth, but it's the cheese that they really have to brush for. It coats over the teeth and starts to get really sticky, and even worse, it starts to taste bad."

Vladimir nodded, the idea already forming in his head. It was just a simple matter of getting the house elves to make the stuff, something he was sure they'd do.

So, that night (we're at around the middle of the second week of school) their dinner had the spinach and cheese soup. Fred and George saw it and claimed the nearest pot of it. They had some bred with it, but aside from that, that was all they had for their dinner.

Vladimir left the table early, making sure the two didn't notice his departure and headed up to the dorm via portal. He grabbed their tooth brushes and took out a small bottle. The label was styled like a cave, made of red stones with green fire around the edges of the picture, and in the middle there was a Capricorn looking man, his fur and skin both shades of red. His mouth was wide open and his tongue was sticking out, dripping with green spit.

Across the bottom of the scene, it read "Devil's Spit".

Vladimir smiled as he took one of the muggles hottest hot sauces and dipped some of it on a rag, then proceeded t rub the tooth brushes in it, making sure the bristles were nice and covered in it.

He heard the door to the dorm open and vanished in his portal, coming out to stand beside Ron, who was at the back of the group that was coming in.

"Did you do it?"

Vladimir looked at him and smiled, "I don't know what you're talking about."

When they got into the dorm, they went over to a desk and got some of their books out, and pretended to be working, while they were really waiting for the fun.

Five minutes later, they heard yelps.

"AHHH! WATER! NEED... AH HAHA! WATER!" Everyone in the dorm room rushed up to the bathrooms to see what was going on and saw that the two twins were at the faucets- literally- trying to get mouthfuls of water.

Vladimir calmly walked in, and grabbed the two cups he assumed the boys had discarded to get to the faucets, and with a wave of his wand, he summoned some milk. He handed it to the boys and without hesitation, they drank down the milk, and when they were finished, the milk was back. They took more. After five times, they finally managed to get a hold of their burning mouth and set the cups down with a sigh.

Vladimir and Ron were laughing, and when the boys saw this, they knew who had caused it all to happen.

"Oh, it's on now, mate!"

"Yeah! You won't get one on us. Not anymore! Not even one!"

"Well, it seems I haven't had any bad luck so far with this game, so we'll see." Vladimir said, and walked back to the desk to look over his work, and help Ron as much as he could without telling the boy the answers.

And so, we come back to the present; a week after the Devil's Spit prank- three weeks into the school year.

Vladimir was outside, walking around with Ron. It was the weekend, Saturday, and the boy had dined on going around to explore the castle a bit more, namely the outside area. It was a nice day, as the sun was mostly covered by the thick clouds, but still casting rays of light through the breaks in the clouds.

Crimson stayed within the darker folds of Vladimir's robes. Hedwig- his owl- was flying overhead, glad to be flying around. Vladimir had grown rather fond of the snow owl. She was a very intelligent bird, even for being a wizard's owl. This really wasn't all too surprising, seeing as she was picked out by his mother. Hellsings' seemed to have about the best of everything when it came to these things- not that he was going to boast about it.

They saw a small house at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, a small stream of smoke coming out of the chimney. Outside, a huge figure was bustling about in what looked to be a garden. Vladimir remembered the man as Hagrid, and recalled the Head Master mentioning that he liked strange- and dangerous- creatures.

With a smile, Vladimir lopped down the hill on the craggy stone steps, calling back to Ron, "Come on!"

When they reached the bottom, Hagrid looked up in surprise- he hardly ever got anyone down here, especially students. He was even more surprised to see it was the boy he had assumed was Harry Potter- he was still confused, as he still thought of him to be Harry Potter- and one of the Weasley boys coming down the hill to his hut.

"Hello, Hagrid." Vladimir said pleasantly as he stopped five feet away from the huge man.

"Uh... Well, Hello... What brings you boy's down here? Don' ever ge' many down 'ere..."

"Well, I have a pet that the Head Master said you might be interested in meeting."

At this, the man's eyes sparked with interest. "Ah, well let's see it then!"

"Uh, we'll have to go inside... She's a bit sensitive to the sun..." Vladimir said, indicating to the hut.

"Oh, sure. Come on in."

They walked into the hut and Vladimir was only slightly put off by the condition of it. But, when he looked at the man, he realized it must be his way of living, and he was in no condition to say the living he had was rather poor looking.

"So, what is this beasty that's sensitive to the light?" Hagrid asked, in the kitchen area grabbing cups and a tea pot.

"She's a vampiric snake. Quite beautiful and very intelligent." Vladimir said, holding out his arm to let Crimson slither onto the table.

Hagrid turned around to glance at it and ended up doing a double take, and he came over, marveling at the black and red snake.

"Bli'me! I've never seen a more beautiful snake! Where'd you ge' 'er?"

"From a vampire. She was a familiar to one, and when we defeated it, she managed to escape." Vladimir said. He'd practiced what to say, getting a story straight so as not to slip up.

"What's 'er name?"

"Crimson Eclipse, or just Crimson."

"Wowh... Wish I could 'ave one... guess it aint very easy getting one, eh' though?"

Vladimir chuckled. Although he had a very easy time of getting Crimson, he would be certain it would have been hard any other way, and that's not just for the fact that she was the familiar to Alucard.

"Yes, it was rather difficult to defeat the vampire. But, my father managed. But getting her was actually rather easy- that's not to say its always easy, though. She found me, and took a like to me I guess. Mother let me keep her since she didn't seem to want to go anywhere. And they decided that it would be a good pet, seeing as I have a... close relationship with them, if you will."

Ron snickered slightly- and a bit nervously- "Yeah, more like a likeliness with them."

Hagrid raised an eyebrow, wondering what that meant.

"It'd be best if I just showed you." Vladimir said. Then, he turned to Crimson, and she to him, and he said, {The light in here isn't bothering you, is it?}

{Just a little. Maybe he could close a curtain or two...?}

Vladimir turned back to the astonished and fascinated Hagrid- noting that the man was by far the only at the school that wasn't severely freaked by his talent- and nodded to the windows nearest the table.

"She said the light is bothering her a bit much, and asked if you could close a curtain or two."

Hagrid looked on in more surprised, but he did close the curtains.

Once done with that, he walked over to the screaming pot of tea, his head shaking in amazement. "Where'd you learn tha'? At your age, you'd 'ave to 'ave been taugh' from the crib!"

"I'm familiar with about ten different languages. And, yes, I was taught from the crib. With my families profession, it helps to know such things. But I actually inherited the ability to speak Parsaltongue, no teaching needed. A surprise to my family as much as it is a surprise to everyone that I show, I'm sure."

Hagrid shook his head in more amazement as he poured the tea and handed Ron and Vladimir two large tea cups, and filled them up. Vladimir waved his hand and the cup for him and Ron shrank and he grabbed his cup to prepare his tea.

Hagrid and Ron were looking at him oddly.

"Bli' me, mate! I swear. Once I think I'd seen everything about you, you go and pull an amazing stunt off, like that."

Vladimir was confused. "What are you talking about?"

"You just did magic without a wand!" Ron yelped excitedly.

"You're one stran' lad, you know tha'?" Hagrid chuckled.

Vladimir shrugged. "Well, I guess that secrets out... But don't tell anyone ok? Please? It's not that it's that big a deal if everyone knew, but it can get quite annoying when everyone gets in an uproar about it."

The other two nodded, and Vladimir grinned his thanks.

It's been a whole two months now since school began. Vladimir and Ron made regular visits to Hagrid on the weekends. People weren't asking Vladimir if he were Harry Potter anymore- although he still got a few stares whenever they saw his scar.

Malfoy was just as pleasant as ever. The routine he'd come up with was to challenge Vladimir to a game of wits whenever possible, only to scurry off when Vladimir beat him, often using cryptic messages to remind the boy of Alucard.

It was now Halloween, and they were in the Great Hall, digging into the feast. Vladimir was currently chastising Ron for his behavior earlier on in the day.

"I'm telling you, it wasn't a very nice thing to do. I'm sure you didn't mean for her to hear, but you could of at least tried to apologies. She obviously feels lonely, and probably knows why, but at the same time, she's trying to deny it, and think that she doesn't need friends. But no matter how much she denies it, she probably hated having it put out by someone else why she probably doesn't have friends."

"Yeah, but... she's a know-it-all!-"

"So am I. I know more than her."

"But you don't go and show it off! She's gets all snooty and all superior looking!"

"Huh... She's a Ravenclaw in Gryffindor Ron. Sure, she could try to make friends with the Ravenclaws, but maybe she feels that she doesn't have the right, as she obviously refused being put in that house and instead in Gryffindor. She may feel that since she did that, she now has no right to make friends with them. Or maybe she simply doesn't know how to reach out..."

"Huh... Alright, alright... I'll tell her I'm sor-"

"TROLL!" a voice called from the door of the Great Hall, cutting Ron off, and making everyone look to the figure. It was none other than Professor Quirrell, pale, and his eyes darting everywhere. So he looked fairly normal.

"TROLL IN THE DUNGEN!" he cried out, and then said fiantly. "Thought you should know..." and then fainted on the spot.

The reaction of the hall was immediate.

All the kids started to scream, yell, and shriek. The teachers were up and trying to calm the mess down. Finally, Dumbledore got up and yelled, catching all their attention, probably having used a charm to make his voice loader.

"Now I want all of you to go to your respective dorms. The feast will be continued there. I want no one out of their dorms for the rest of the night. Now go!"

The heads of house, prefects, and head boy/girls of the houses began to herd their houses out of the hall.

Vladimir caught the complaining voice of Malfoy.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! YOU CAN'T SEND US TO YOUR DORM! YOU HEARD THE STUTTERING FOOL! IT'S IN THE DUNGEN!"

Vladimir had to admit, the blond boy had a point. But, he imagined that they'd ward the Slytherin dorm to be protected against the troll. And anyway, there had to be a password given in order to get in. The only problem the kids could possibly face was running into the Troll before they got to their dorm. And they had Snape, and no doubt Dumbledore would tag along.

Vladimir was about to continue with Ron to the dorm when he suddenly had a flash of fear and grabbed Ron's arm. The boy looked back at Vladimir, who was staring straight ahead with wide eyes.

"Vladimir, wha-"

"Hermione! She's still gone!"

Ron paled. "Y-yeah... but, they said it was in the dungeon... she-"

"Ron! We can't take the chance. Trolls a dumb, but I'm sure they know how to climb up some stairs!"

Without hesitation, Vladimir opened up a portal in the wall next to them and pulled Ron into it. They ended up stepping out of another wall, the girls bathroom just up ahead.

"Come on-" Vladimir stopped when he heard a shuffling of something massive, and a grunt. He spun around, knowing, but unbelieving it even before he saw the hulking mass of the troll. And it had one of its arms raised, a massive club in that hand.

Vladimir shouted, pushing Ron to the side, but didn't manage to jump out of the way in time. Just as he'd began his spring forward with Ron, the club meat him and he was pelted back to the wall, which now had no portal, and was quite solid. He fell into a heap, and blacked out, having hit his head three times- first from the club, second from the wall, third from the floor.

He woke up a second later, blind with the biggest headache of all, and he was sure he had a concussion. He looked around, and the blind sensation started to subside, tuning into gray and black speckles in his vision, and soon enough he could see find, although his hearing was still slightly muffled.

He saw the hulking mass of the troll walking on, over to the girls bathroom. He saw a flash of red and realized Ron had just run in there.

Pushing himself up, he said to Crimson, {Go help them, as much as you can...}

She slithered down and was racing down the hall and was at the Troll- who was in the bath room now- in seconds, growing larger as she went. Vladimir got to his feet and used the wall to support him. While he was walking, he assessed the damage he got. Most likely a concussion, and judging by the much too sharp pains in his chest, at least three cracked ribs, and two broken ones, and the worst of all, a broken collar bone, the right one.

He finally got to the bathroom to find that all the stalls were smashed to splinters, three of the sinks as well, and water was spraying from the pipes. Hermione was backed up against the far wall, some cuts here and there, but otherwise she seemed fine. Ron was currently trying to dodge the club and yelling at it. Crimson was coiled around its arm, and would bite at its club hand every time it raised it to strike, making it flinch the hand back further, and also making it stumble. No doubt she was trying to get it to release the club.

Vladimir tried to cast a spell at the thing, but he was unable to think of what to cast, as the pain all over him blocked any other thought. He tried to open one of his portals, hoping that maybe he could get them out, or maybe banish the Troll somewhere, but all that happened was another flash of pain that caused him to go blind and slowly gain his vision back.

When he did, he saw that the Troll had turned and saw him. It raised its club, seeing the easy target. Vladimir was helpless, as he tried to stumble out of the way, but having left the wall for support, he ended up tripping over his legs and fell to the floor- his arm with the broken shoulder landing on a rather sharp chunk of wood, giving it a bad gash that filled with splinters.

The club was almost on him now, and he faced it with a defiant look in his eye. He would not cower in fear of his sure death, although he was ashamed that it was to come by the hands of a big, ugly, and dumber than shit Troll.

When he heard a shout and nothing happened, he realized the club was no longer in the Troll's hand, but floating up and over the Troll's head as it looked in confusion at the suddenly empty hand. The club dropped and hit the Troll square on the head.

The Troll started to sway, his massive belly quivering and jumping with every movement. Only when he realized it was starting to topple over did he realize someone was pulling at his other arm.

He'd been looking on through the whole thing with a determined, blank face, and continued to do so as he looked over to who was pulling on him. It was Ron. Vladimir just got cleared of the falling troll when it hit the bathroom floor with a sickening, fleshy smack.

Hermione was with him, and she hugged them both, only stopping when she realized Vladimir was obviously in pain.

"Oh! Sorry!" She said, jumping back. She then looked up, as well as Ron. When Vladimir turned to look, he saw Professor McGonagall, Snape, Dumbledore, and Professor Quirrell standing in the door way, shocked at the sight before them.

"What on earth is going on here?!" McGonagall asked, looking at the Troll, and then at the three children.

The two boys hesitated- or, more Ron hesitated, while Vladimir was trying to gather his thoughts so he could explain. But Hermione went on and spoke.

"It was my fault, ma'am... I... I thought I could take it on, and wanted to try and help. Vladimir and Ron here saved me though... I'm sorry..."

Vladimir's brow furrowed. He wasn't about to be given credit. He was all broken, and he couldn't have done anything. And he didn't like the thought of letting it stay this way.

"Um... well, more like Ron helped... I wasn't much help at all." He said, and all the teachers seemed to take in his appearance.

"Good heavens, Mr. Hellsing! What happened?!" the women asked.

"Got hit by a club, wall and floor, nothing too horrible..." Vladimir said jokingly.

"You need to get the Hospital Wing immediately!"

Vladimir nodded, and started to stand, and Ron helped him up. McGonagall, Ron, Hermione and Vladimir began to walk out of the bathroom. Vladimir noticed that Snape had a gash of his own on his leg, and met the man's eyes as he went to cover it up. Dumbledore said he'd get someone to take the troll out- most likely Hagrid- and Snape took his leave for the dungeons. Down the hall, they heard a squeak from Quirrell as the Troll let out a snort.