X
The screeching the car made was a distant and foreign sound to Kisa. He was running absent-mindedly on the side of the streets when strong hands grabbed him, like a leaf pushed him in and the next moment he was seated on the passenger seat of Kagetora Hizaya's car.
"Kisa, put the damn seatbelt will you?"
Kisa fumbled doing that. His hands were shaking. No it weren't his hands shaking. His entire body was. It took great efforts to do that simple thing which had become a lot harder because of his blurry vision.
His eyes were so hot. Like a fever burning from within. The more he tried to calm down, the more was he feeling uneasy. He bowed his head, drew his hands towards his face and desperately prayed.
"Please I don't know how to handle this anymore!" was the opening of that very call. It didn't even sink at first. "When I arrived, she's already like this!"
"...?"
"Enamoto-san locked herself in the bathroom! She refuses to call anyone...I tried calling Yukina-san but he's not answering! I am very worried about her...I can't just call an ambulance can I?"
In the background, Kisa could hear the desperate knocking the caller was doing. It was none other than the auntie Yukina had asked to look over his ex-girlfriend.
"Enamoto-san! Open the door please!" the middle-aged lady called in between their conversation.
"Please don't call anyone! I can handle this on my own! Don't make me a burden any more than I am!"
Kisa could tell from the sounds in that line that Kia was already crying.
The raven drew a deep breath. He didn't even think about it when he just ran completely leaving everything behind.
"Make the baby alright...make the baby alright...please..."
Kagetora Hizaya swallowed whatever anger he had in him. Glancing at Kisa beside him, shaking terribly, pale and afraid, he didn't want to add to the burden.
"Kisa...don't worry too much. I've lived with my sister before and she had contractions once in a while. It's going to be fine."
"No Hizaya. She's in pain. I could tell...I could tell..."
The driver of the car was left only to drive as fast as he could. He swerved. He overtook someone else's. Buddha knows whatever traffic violations or accident these two might end up with. But Kagetora did his best. It was scary even for him to admit that it was as if Kisa's life was the one that depended on it.
Maybe the acclaimed actor wasn't really wrong.
"..."
Kisa raised his gaze towards the front. As if an idea came to him that he was so sure of.
"Yukina'd kill me..."
"Ha?"
But Kisa never said a thing after that.
He entered without the usual 'tadaima'. He didn't even bother removing his shoes. His steps left this ugly blotches of dirt on the wooden floor Kisa himself had so maintained to be clean and sparkly. His vision was so limited. It was as if someone had put on him restrainers and he could only look straight. No one on the sides mattered.
For Kisa, the first thing that mattered was the closed door to the left. The explanations of the Auntie was a mere garble of words. Kagetora Hizaya's warnings for Kisa to at least slow down were words that came in to his left ear and out from the right.
Without a word, the restless Kisa a few minutes ago had changed into a calm man the moment he stepped in front of the closed bathroom. His frail shoulders had stopped shaking. His entire form as if someone else's.
"..."
Kagetora was about to say something. But the total difference of the raven made him think twice. He roamed his eyes around, he saw the Auntie pale and worried, clasping her hands above her chest, nervously watching Kisa. He saw the very little touches of Kisa's attempt to make his home be homey for the strangers living with him. Hizaya could only think of one thing; selflessness.
"Why did you call him? I told you it's nothing!" the woman screamed from the bathroom. The pitch of her voice made it all the more clear it wasn't 'simple'. "Why did you have to..."
Kisa drew a deep breath. He raised his hand and knocked twice. The view of that small back felt different for Kagetora.
"Enamoto-san...open the door please," Kisa calmly asked. "Stress isn't good for you."
"Kisa-san! Go back to your audition! I told you I can handle myself! This is not serious!"
It was a surprise. Kagetora, literally, in all sense felt his heart pound. The shivers it brought him were strong he stood looking back in a daze. The raven merely smiled at him. Kisa just smiled at him. A smile which painted a million words.
"...?"
Then like how fast it happened was as fast it ended. It felt like it didn't even happen at all. Kisa looked back at the closed door, his hand on the knob.
"It's alright," Kisa said in a livelier voice. "I'm done with the audition when I got the call from the Auntie. I nailed it perfectly. They told me I have a high chance of getting the role..."
Everything that Kisa had said only was just a song with ugly lyrics for Kagetora. The man gritted his teeth, calmed his self down while his hands were in tight fists.
"Is this another of your acting skills? Smiling to me making sure I seal my mouth shut?" the man hated that smile earlier from Kisa. He really hated it. But he could do nothing but to just ride a just be silent. "Damn it..."
"...so please," Kisa continued. "...let me see you. Don't lock yourself in there."
Silence.
"Enamoto-san..."
"Really?" Kia asked, sounding a little more relieved. "I didn't get in your way, did I?"
The Auntie worriedly stepped closer to Kisa. Her aging face looked worse.
"I'm sorry...I really wanted to call the ambulance or someone to break the door," she whispered. "But I am aware that this would cause severe complications for Yukina-san, for you and for Enamoto-san too...she didn't want to call the media's attention...I'm sorry..."
Kisa just nodded to the auntie. He completely understands the situation. A princely superstar's pregnant ex-girlfriend, taking refuge at an extra's house? They'd complicate everything, the worse would become at its worse. Then mayhem it would become.
But there was a baby far more important than anything else.
"Enamoto-san...if this isn't really serious...you would allow me to see you. You won't lock the door, and you wouldn't be crying there..."
Just plain silence.
Kisa raised his gaze towards the ceiling and closed his eyes. As if he was gathering strenght from up there.
"You trust me right?" Kisa asked.
After a long, agonizing silence, the bathroom door opened very slowly. Kisa had to look not straight but down, where he could see a pair of stretched out legs behind the door. He could feel the pupils of his eyes dilating at the sight. Scrambling, he went in from the limited opening of the door and rushed to the woman.
"Enamoto-san? What-"
"I slipped," the woman mumbled. What surprised Kisa even more was the woman was trying to laugh, as if it wasn't such a big deal. "I was trying to you know...at least change the shampoo bottles...that's when it happened..."
Kisa gaped at the woman who was severely perspiring.
"It's not serious really...I know...it's my body..."
"You could have lost the baby!" Kisa shouted, grabbing the woman by the arm a little roughly as he checked for blood or anything underneath the woman's dress. Kisa saw nothing but he looked like he was about to cry. "Damn it...call for an ambulance...Hizaya!"
Enamoto Kia looked surprised at the mention of the name. She looked up at the form of the man by the door and was star strucked. She smiled at the new comer. During the time she was with Yukina, whom she idolized was this very man, Kagetora Hizaya and his mature charisma.
The woman then sighed, dried her face with her hands. She then reached out a hand to Kisa's shoulder.
"Let me finish, Kisa-san okay?"
"...?"
"I lost balance and hit my knee against the bathtub...the auntie...she tends to worry too much..." she explained soothingly. "See...it hurts so much earlier...but the pain's subsiding already..."
Kisa stared. He stared at the beautiful face, down to the coming beautiful life in the woman's body. His bent legs lost strength and he ended up sitting on the tiled floor, feeling like a vegetable.
How relieved Kisa was that he almost teared up, his shaking coming back.
"Anyway," Kagetora cut in. "Enamoto-san, I think it's best for you to go get checked up. Pregnant woman slipping is never something to be taken lightly of."
The raven looked up at Kagetora with a face that can't be described. "B-but...Kage-"
"Don't worry Kisa...I've got a friend...she'll never say a thing about this."
Kagetora Hizaya, being the only one capable of securely carrying the woman in his arms, picked the lady up. He did so ever gentlemanly, carefully, seeing the very slightest grimaces from the woman. She felt pain somewhere else aside from that knee she was saying so it seemed.
Silently, Kisa and the auntie followed behind.
"Kisa-san?" Kia called. "You sure you're done with your audition?"
"Hmm," Kisa answered. "It was great."
"..."
It was still very bright. The afternoon scorching humid. The parked cars served as Kisa Shouta's background. If one looked further up, a huge and new building would obstruct one's view of the very sky. Apparently, the friend that Kagetora was talking about owned a hospital.
The raven was pacing back and forth. His phone glued at his right ear. His teeth busy gnawing at his nail.
"I'm sorry but the auditions end today."
Kisa looked up, not seeing the sky but the very memory of the grey room and the panel of judges and the image of the folder in his bag.
"B-but...I just had an emergency-"
"Kisa-san, you know the rules for crying out loud. No special treatments. You miss the auditions, then you miss the chance for the role."
Kisa stopped in his tracks, his hand gripping his phone tighter.
"I...really want the role..."
That was something Kisa didn't intend to say for the other line to hear. It just came out. The truth. His desire.
"Well...consequences. That's what you call consequences."
"Pleas-"
"Sorry but we're busy here. Better luck next time."
The moment the continuous beeping sound screamed at Kisa's ear, the raven had to hold towards something for support. He leaned his weight at a dark-red van behind him and clutched the end of the folder sticking out of his bag.
He could feel the very warnings of his tears staining his face so he did his best to calm himself. He looked around, scanned the parking lot and blinked a couple of times to stop himself from crying. He wouldn't cry here. He couldn't cry here.
He didn't feel one bit regretful about rushing to Kia. He was worried and couldn't be any happier that the baby's fine. It was an accident. But the role. That 'Yukine' role he deeply immersed himself to, it was just not sinking he lost it. It was...beyond disappointment.
"I really want that role..." he almost choked, putting his hand with the phone to his forehead. "I needed, wanted it..."
Breathing deep breaths, the raven felt his throat burn. But he continued calming himself. Took him a whole ten minutes to gather his composure back. Took him another five to make himself look presentable.
After feeling his chest finally relaxing, Kisa inserted his phone back to his jeans and walked towards the back entrance of the hospital. The brightness was blinding he had to look at the floor instead of what was ahead of him.
It was all thanks to Kagetora that they were able to get in without hassles. They came as if a caravan of nonexisting humans and was placed at the annex that was used very rarely, by the VIPs.
Kisa saw Kagetora, in the phone too, probably explaining why he, the lead of a commercial was missing. Not wanting to interrupt, Kisa decided to enter into the room further ahead where Kia was confined.
The raven slowly pushed the door open, not really expecting who or what was inside there aside from a sleeping Enamoto Kia.
"...?"
The room was a spacious blur. A doctor. A cast on Enamoto Kia's left knee. And Yukina Kou. These were his surprises.
"The injury to her left knee is actually severe. We put it in a cast to make it heal faster. Also," the woman doctor explained while standing. She was hugging her own folder with a thoughtful gaze over the sleeping form on the bed. "She's having a delicate pregnancy. To be honest, it was a miracle she didn't get a miscarriage."
Yukina Kou had his back on Kisa. The woman doctor continued, nodding a bit at the one by the door.
"She slipped, hit her knee against the tub and fell rather oddly on the floor. Her high blood pressure was too high...please...don't leave her alone next time."
Kisa had to look away. Yukina had just thrown him a glance just after what the woman doctor said. They were daggers of a gaze that made Kisa unable to even almost carry his own weight.
Successful was Kisa in calming himself earlier, perhaps, for the things ahead.
"You can bring her home after a few days," the lady said with finality before heading to the door. She was curious why all these bunch of people turned up to be together. But she held her curiosity in and merely passed Kisa with a patient smile.
"Kisa-san...I noticed your way of walking earlier. You already rejected it but I'm gonna tell you again, you might want to get it checked too."
The woman said this only when she was shoulder to shoulder with the haggard raven. She was taller, with her wearing high-heeled black shoes, all the more was the difference.
Kisa smiled rigidly, not making eye-contact. "It's okay."
The raven was planning on following the woman out. However, any movements from his body seized when he felt the looming presence behind him. The hot, burning breath against his neck sapped his energy.
"Follow me."
After that cold and unfeeling order, Yukina Kou, still in his shoot wardrobe of all stark black from head to foot went out of the room. Kisa Shouta glanced briefly at the pregnant woman's pitiful state and drew a deep breath.
He then followed Yukina Kou, like someone was dragging him to the deathrow.
The door sign said 'therapy room four". Though there was no one scheduled for that special room, the door was locked from the inside. The vertical blinds of the windows blocked any trace of light from the outside. The thread-mill and other apparatuses for physical therapy gave off a somewhat gloomy feel as they lie there not in use.
Inside that room was very cold. Kisa wondered if the air-conditioners had been left on by the last persons who used the room. He started rubbing his arms, feeling the prominent goosebumps on his skin.
The owner of the pale blue eyes just stood at the center of the room, watching the broad back of the man just across him in silence.
"Why?"
Due to haste, the only switch that the prince was able to hit was the top most one. Out of all the lights made to illuminate the area bright, there was only one working; the one at the farthest corner of the room. The darkness made it all the more cold.
"Why?" Yukina Kou repeated, slowly glancing to the other man behind him. "Are you even listening to me?"
"...?"
"Didn't you promise me you'd look after her?" the man asked, so very obvious the very tone of him trying his best to make his voice even and calm. "You promised so sincerely, I trusted you and this?"
Kisa just continued rubbing his arms, feeling ill. "I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" Yukina exasperatedly laughed as he briefly looked around. "You can't wait a damn hour to wait for the auntie stuck in traffic?!"
"I'm sorry."
Yukina ruffled the back of his head in annoyance and exhaled loudly. "That's all? It was your idea that we take turns watching over her. But you're the one who actually left her alone and broke the deal. For what?"
"..."
"For what?!"
Kisa raised his gaze. Was it strange at this point that he couldn't almost feel anything? He knew this would happen. Everything that Yukina had said was true. It was his idea. So he couldn't say anything back.
"Ah right...I heard from the auntie. Auditions. The auditions you're bragging you nailed perfectly."
"..."
"Why are you just being so silent there?" Yukina hissed, stepping one foot closer. "Do you have any idea...what I felt when I got a call from who? From Kagetora saying he drove Kia to the hospital! I thought the world has ended!"
"..."
"If that audition was so important, you should have told me! I could have cancelled my guesting or whatever and stayed with her instead!"
"..."
"So what now? You freaking broke your promise, left Kia almost getting the baby in danger, for an audition?"
"..."
"Come to think of it, why on Earth, you who said likes me, would take care of someone precious to me?!"
Kisa's hands fell on his sides as he stood lamely in front of the man he loved. Maybe it was really also a mistake for not wanting Yukina to worry about little things. He had acted like superman being able to do everything. He was just trying his best to make everything easy for Yukina. To let the man focus on the things he was doing. Maybe Kisa tried so hard to please. So it backfired worse.
"Stop it already..."
"What?"
"Stop it already," Kisa whispered. "I know. Everything you said, they're true...but Yukina..."
"I'm sorry but the auditions end today."
"...I also have a life of my own..."
Yukina Kou's mouth slightly parted to say something. But he lost his chance to say it when Kisa sighed deeply.
Kisa could hear the phone call conversation loud and clear. So vivid as if someone was replaying it over his ears loudly.
"Kisa-san, you know the rules for crying out loud. No special treatments..."
Frustration. Unfairness. Guilt. Sadness. Exhaustion. They all didn't mix well for anyone.
"I might not be really worried about Enamoto like you're saying," Kisa breathed out nonchalantly. "Maybe I was just too keen on maintaining my link to you..."
"You miss the auditions, then you miss the chance for the role."
"Aren't you exaggerating?" Kisa questioned. "She's fine. The baby's fine. All's fine. Let's go home."
"W-what?"
Kisa closed in the gap between them, glaring at Yukina. Where he got the strenght, he didn't know.
"Why don't you just freaking propose to her already!? If you love her so much then take her home!" the raven screamed at the taller one. "Someone...stop me...Now I know why the father left her! She can do nothing! A princess from head to toe! Who slips from changing shampoo bottles!?"
Yukina's face was getting darker and darker by the minute.
"Sorry but we're busy here. Better luck next time."
"You both are a perfect match! Stop this...This isn't what I want to say...A prince and a princess! You both love making others' lives miserable! Selfish bastards!"
Everything stood still then. A hand raised in the air. A huge hand with enough effort could send anyone toppling down.
Kisa held his glare. Yukina looked at the other breathing heavily.
Yukina was going to slap the other obviously. His hand though was stuck mid-air. The prince couldn't bring himself to do it. His body, his hand, stopped on its own.
The raven's reddish eyes, the explosion of words, his outburst, made Yukina's one earlier nothing in comparison.
"..."
Slowly, the prince brought his hand down. Tired, he ran a hand over his face.
"That's it? You've been thinking that way the entire time?"
"..."
Kisa had no idea where he got that hold of himself to continue glaring. He might have been possessed.
Yukina stared briefly at the other, and then started leaving.
"You're right. We've been taking advantage of your generosity," Yukina mumbled. "Don't worry. I'll take your advice seriously."
Just before Yukina could reach the door, he heard a sigh. A deep, exhaustive one that made him glance back.
"Did it ever occur to you what it took me to get here?" Kisa said almost in a whisper.
"..."
"Kisa-san, are you okay?" Kisa said almost in a smile. "Yes, I'm fine. The car we were riding almost just jumped off the highway because of rushing. But we managed to get to Kia and bring her here, no worries."
"..."
"You look terrible, Kisa-san," Kisa continued. "I'm alright Yukina. Thanks for the concern."
Yukina stiffly brought his eyes from the other's face down. When he lifted his gaze back to Kisa's eyes, Kisa was no longer looking at him.
"I'm not hurt at all, my body's fine. But how can you be so insensitive? I go giving all my best for you and the best you could do is be angry at me for not taking care of your ex-girlfriend? Do I look like I'm made of concrete? I care for her as much as you do because she's a friend!"
"..."
"I even lost my aud-" Kisa bit his tongue and turned to his side. "N-never mind," Kisa breathed out. "She's got a delicate pregnancy, we can't be fighting at this time..."
"..."
"Act...like nothing happened. For her at least..."
"..."
"Falling for straight guys, didn't I say it's suicide myself?" Kisa thought. "And here I am..."
Standing in silence, it felt terrible it was suffocating. This was where a line had been clearly drawn. A line Kisa had been crossing all over. But one that obviously Yukina Kou wasn't sure and wasn't made to cross.
Although there was already a troubled glint in the eyes of the prince, he merely looked one last time at Kisa and turned around. Yukina's loved Kia all his life. You don't just wake up and feel nothing. You just don't wake up changing. You just don't open your eyes and cross an unfamiliar border.
"I over reacted too," Yukina murmured before opening the door. "Yeah...let's do that. For her at least...sorry..."
It was a cruel word. Sorry he yelled? Sorry he almost drew a hand at Kisa? Sorry his love for Kia was still intact? Sorry for using you? Sorry I can never love you?
Sorry the hell for what?
When Yukina Kou left, the spot where Kisa was standing had been accentuanted by something else. The raven just stared at the floor, long and hard. So long his eyes were starting to lose focus. So hard he could feel pain. The clean and tiled floor, even in the dim was visibly drenched.
Sky so vast has seen it all. The afternoon was enveloped in a gloomy darkness. It made everything look grey and depressing. Even the weather report about a hot and sunny temperature all through out the day had been a mistake.
The sky has seen it all. The clouds understood. They gave their sympathy. They drenched the city wet and cold.
What others couldn't do for Kisa, the sky did.
Weep.
The sky weeped along with the raven aimlessly walking around the unfamiliar streets. Despite everyone busy getting refuge from the rain, Kisa Shouta just walked while inside a world of his own.
Even from a distance, even when his head was bowed, the slight smile on his pale lips was very visible. He would even laugh once in a while but then would stop in its height.
"Maybe the reason I am so into the Yukine role...is because we're both martyrs..." Kisa mumbled, feeling his shoes sinking in a puddle of water. "He and I loved the people we're not supposed to...people who can't love us back...ha...ha...ha..."
Kisa continued walking, not minding the white parallel lines he was on. He even counted a few ones.
"One...two...three..."
When the raven lifted his gaze, only then did he realize he was standing in the middle of the pedestrian lane. The traffic light's on 'blue'. Every car was speeding past him. Blowing strong air all around, some screeching, some slowing down a bit to yell at him.
"..."
He glanced to the side. The people on the side of the road were saying something. It looked as though he'd been seperated from everything else. People were talking but the sounds were sucked into somewhere else. Maybe they were shouting 'come back here'. Or maybe 'just stay there'. Or maybe "you're crazy". He just couldn't hear a thing.
"..."
Slowly, Kisa looked to his front. A painfully bright light was soaring right through him. He just stared. He just watched the very deep blue car, almost black sped towards him.
Strange Kisa didn't bother stepping or moving away. He didn't even budge. He just waited. Maybe this was what 'Yukine' had wanted.
To Kisa's dismay though, the car stopped just an inch away from his soaked self. The door to the driver's side blasted open and an angry driver came hastily to where he was.
"..."
The bright lights was still on in the darkening surroundings which caused a blinding effect towards the coming silhoutte. Traces of the figure's outline were the only things visible.
"In the mood for dying huh?!" the angry man shouted. His voice sounded strangely good together with the pelting rain. Strange too as it was familiar.
Kisa glanced at the expensive looking car and cocked his head to the side. The other's expression showed a surprised recognition.
"What the fuck..." the driver said in astonishment. "...you?"
The man walked closer, peering at the dumb expression the other had.
"What's wrong with you? Are you out of your mind, the traffic light's on 'go'."
There was no way that the distance they had now won't make Kisa see the face. He wouldn't forget this sculpted face. This mahogany hair. This pair of sharp green orbs. This menacing air.
"It is?" Kisa asked like he was about to laugh. He looked at the signals. "Oh...right."
"You're really something, you know that?" the man said almost laughing.
Kisa smiled faintly, feeling a rough hand against his skin. He was being dragged into the car. He never fought back though like how he expressed his animosity to this man before.
"So?" the cool, confident voice asked as he brought the car into a scary speed. "Where do you want to go?"
For the raven, he didn't care who it was. He just found one thing so odd;
Perfect was the timing of this man. The devil always, always knew when to come.
To save him?
To lure him?
Splashes of water made their exit grand. The rain poured down stronger, wilder, angrier. But it wasn't enough to drown Kisa's tired reply.
"Anywhere..."
chapter end notes:
hahaha...you haven't forgotten cross yet right? anyway, thanks for the time reading and the continuous support!
ps. i chose to write 'blue' in the traffic lights because in Japan, like ive mentioned in one of my fanfictions "Fragments" ( this story is a heavy one i think), although it's green or midori, it's become a habit to call it as 'aoi' or blue. during the earlier times, the distinction between 'midori' and 'aoi' wasn't so far as it was considered as the same.
wow...now i've realized...i love hospitals, pedestrian lanes and autumns and snows in my stories. XD
ichigo-san=== i'd hug you too! thanks again!
greenlicious-san=== thank you too for the encouragements and the support!
everyone *sniffs* thanks! XD when i am able to invoke any kind of emotion to you from the things i write...i feel glad. XD