In the early light of day, while making a cup of coffee, Brennan decided she was a lot more unhappy with her current situation than she realized. Cupboards were slammed closed and items tossed instead of placed carefully on counters.
Her short romance, started when she was at a weak point in Maluku, was over. Craig was certainly long gone by now. And while she tried to regret that, Brennan knew enough to realize it was the loss of the potential relationship and not the person she actually missed.
Who she missed was Booth.
And that was where the anger came from. He didn't want her now, but it was clear that he was uncomfortable with the thought of her spending time with anyone else.
Except, that annoying little voice reminded her, Booth might not have gotten your letters. Which means your conclusions are based on faulty logic.
The coffee went into a travel mug and the door firmly locked behind her while Brennan tried to decide what she needed to do. It really came down to only two options.
Confront Booth.
Don't confront Booth and continue on the path she was currently on.
Neither was easy or clear. Each came with its own risks.
The lab was still dark when she arrived and Brennan was thankful for the silence. For a few hours, maybe she could lose herself in her work and not think about anything but the bones in front of her.
Of course, it wasn't meant to be.
Booth arrived only an hour after her with what she thought was an annoyed look on his face.
"A body?" she asked, reaching for her coat. A body would give them a place to hide, a path back to old patterns and behaviors.
He paused just inside the door and watched her. She was angry, and he wondered if he was the cause.
"You okay, Bones?" he asked.
"No, I'm not. But I don't wish to discuss it with you," she said, falling back on her blunt honesty, hoping Booth would abide by her wishes.
His hand played with the objects in his pocket. "Is it me, Bones?"
Her hands buttoned her coat, not looking at him. "I told you I didn't want to discuss it with you. Please respect my wishes."
"Bones, please," he said. "Don't do this."
Her eyes snapped up. "Don't do what, Booth? I told you I didn't want to talk about it with you. So I'm not doing anything."
"Pushing me away. You keep pushing me away and then sending me texts in the middle of the night asking me not to leave. I'm not sure of my place."
Neither was Brennan, but that wasn't the point.
"I've always been good at that, haven't I? I'm very good at pushing people away. Or not letting them in," she said, shaking her head at the recollection of Craig's words. "But I still don't want to discuss this with you."
"Stop putting yourself down," he snapped, angry at how she continued to perceive herself. "You let the important people in, Bones. Has Craig been saying those things to you?"
He wasn't his job to protect her from her own boyfriend, but he'd do it anyway. Booth just couldn't understand how she'd stay with a man who treated her that way, put her down like that, when she'd walked away from the chance to be with him.
And he would have defended her until his dying breath. Probably always would.
Her eyes flew to his. "Craig hasn't been saying anything to me. I am simply using evidence to come to that conclusion."
"What evidence?" Booth demanded.
"I am not discussing this with you," she said enunciating each word. "You are my partner and we talk about work. My personal life is personal."
And with those words, she drew a very clear line. Just as clearly, Booth stepped over it. "You never had any qualms about sharing your personal life with me before. What don't you want me to know, Bones?"
"Are you here for anything other than harassment? Because if you aren't, there's the door." She motioned toward the exit, took off her coat and sat back down.
Booth also sat down, refusing to make this easy on her. "Tell me how you met Craig."
She focused on her computer. "You know we met in Maluku, Booth. I drank too much wine and we enjoyed a lovely evening under a canopy of trees." She knew what she was implying and how Booth would take it. It hadn't actually happened that night, or any night since, but the suggestion was there.
From the corner of her eye, she saw him flinch. It wasn't in her to be cruel, but she wasn't ready to ask him about the letters yet. What she wanted, was for him to leave her office. "I thought that's what you wanted, Booth. Me to share my personal life with you."
The words were meant to push him away, he knew that. But they still hurt like a shot to the chest. He had assumed they had a physical relationship, she was a beautiful woman after all, but to have her actually confirm it was too much.
His brown eyes clashed with hers and she dared him to say something with just the look. So he did.
"I'm glad your happy with him," Booth said. "I'm glad you've found a way to move on." Because he hadn't and didn't think he ever would. The two of them, together every day, was never going to work.
Her eyes closed slowly and she took a deep breath before reopening them to focus on his face. He'd forced her to move on, hadn't given her a choice. Why did he have to be so damn stubborn about it? "Why are you here, Booth? Do we have a case or not? If you're here for the interview, it seems early for that."
"We don't have a new case," he finally said, watching her shoulders drop in relief at the change in topic, "and we don't have one now. The interview isn't for several more hours." He'd put in for a transfer that afternoon, before a new one came in. The skeleton they were currently working on could be assigned to another agent.
He'd leave so she could be happy. Eventually, time would lessen what he felt for her and that would be easier if she wasn't always right in front of him.
And pigs would fly when hell froze over.
"What could be so bad that you would rather have a case to work on?" she asked, her head tilted just slightly as if confused by something in his tone. He sounded like he'd given up on something. But it couldn't have been her. He'd done that six months ago when her letters went unanswered.
His eyes turned even darker. Losing you was what he wanted to say. "Sweets wants to see us."
BbBbBb
Sweets steepled his fingers in front of his face and stared at the two people sitting on the couch across from him. Something was clearly wrong, if body language was anything to go by.
"How are things since you came back?" Sweets asked, deciding to start out slowly. "It can be tough to reconnect after you've been apart for so long."
Booth played with his tie and stared at his feet. Brennan turned her blue eyes toward him, but they were void of emotion and Sweets knew she was doing everything in her power to hide from him.
Or from Booth.
They sat at opposite ends of the couch, as far apart physically as they could get. Metaphorically, the might as well have been on opposite sides of the country. Or the opposite side of the world, as they'd been for most of the past year.
Their bodies were together, but the rest of them were as far apart as ever.
"Fine," she said. Her eyes flicked to Booth and then back to Sweets. "He's the one having issues."
Which was causing her issues. Her relationship with Craig was over before it had really begun. Booth didn't want her, but he didn't want anyone else to have her.
She worried coming back here had been another on the list of colossal mistakes she'd made in the past year.
Sweets shifted his attention. "Are you having issues, Agent Booth?"
"Nope," came the quick response, "no issues here." Booth turned angry eyes toward Brennan before shifting his attention back to his feet again. After a moment, he brought up and ankle to rest on his knee, the foot in the air wiggling nervously.
"It's clear," Sweets said into the tense silence, "that something has happened between the two of you since you came back. Is it because Dr. Brennan brought someone home with her? Or are you having a hard time adjusting to working together again?" Cam had called him yesterday and filled him in on the little she knew, which led him to inviting the partners to his office this morning.
It was Booth who met his eyes this time and Sweets read anger there, as well as pain. Clearly, he was heading in the right direction. "Bones is allowed to date whoever she wants. We are just partners." The familiar line Booth had been repeating to himself since she'd dropped the bomb of meeting someone into his lap. "Besides, this is probably a good time to tell both of you I'm putting in for a transfer this afternoon."
The silence in the room was deafening. Booth refused to look toward his soon to be ex-partner, instead choosing to watch the panic fly through Sweets' eyes. So much for his book. The final chapter could be all about how the partnership, and the friendship, fell apart.
"Why would you do that?" Brennan asked, softly. "Why are you doing this?" Only to take a breath and immediately change her mind. "Perhaps that's for the best."
"It's the only way you have a chance to be happy with Craig, Bones. I am a hinderance if I stay," Booth said, unnerved that she'd agreed with him so easily.
But Sweets was frantically shaking his head. "The two of you have dated other people before. What's different this time?"
"Craig and I are no longer together," Brennan said coolly. Why bother hiding it at this point? Their relationship, or whatever it had been, was over.
Her eyes were staring away from both of them after Booth's shocking announcement and she missed the moment of wild glee that flew through his eyes.
On the inside, the alpha male was screaming in victory. A couple of days back and she'd already sent the guy packing. The more logical part of him noted her lack of emotion, the clinical tone her voice had taken, and it worried him.
Combined with the anger in her office and Brennan clearly blamed him in some way for the break-up in her relationship. But Booth had been careful not to interfere. At least, he thought he had.
"I'm sorry, Bones," he said, managing to sound sincere even when he wasn't. No matter what happened, it killed him when Bones hurt.
And Booth had a feeling he was partially the cause.
She shrugged and finally turned toward Sweets. "Is this really necessary? I don't want to be here."
Sighing, Sweets couldn't lie. "It's not required, no. But," he said sharply as the two people started to get to their feet, "I'm very concerned about what I'm seeing here today."
As if knowing they weren't going to get out of the office that easily, Brennan sagged back into her corner of the couch. Booth looked down at her, before finally doing the same.
"You two are clearly angry at each other," Sweets explained. "And you aren't communicating, either. In fact, this feels like the worst you two have ever been with each other. Agent Booth just announced he was putting in for a transfer and you agreed with him, Dr. Brennan. Am I wrong?"
Two pairs of eyes stared at him, but neither owner spoke.
"I'll take that as a yes," Sweets continued. "I'm worried about what I'm seeing here and would like to help if you would let me."
"You weren't that worried a year ago, when you were successful at getting Booth to break the stalemate," Brennan snapped. "We are where we are now because of that. Things were fine the way they were. You claim your science is supposed to help, but it doesn't."
"Were things fine the way they were, Dr. Brennan?" Sweets challenged, ignoring the slight to his career. It was nothing he hadn't heard before.
Her eyes darted to Booth and back. "I was happy," she admitted. "Probably the happiest I'd ever been."
He'd been happy, too, Booth thought, but not satisfied. He'd wanted more with her. Despite what Bones thought, things couldn't have continued that way forever.
"And now?" Sweets asked. "Are you happy, Dr. Brennan?"
She sighed. "I'm happy to be home."
Sweets nodded. "That's a very safe answer, Dr. Brennan. Are you happy to be back around people you once considered good friends? In fact, I'd go so far as to call them your family. Are you happy to be back with them?"
Again, her eyes darted toward her partner. "It's harder than I thought it would be."
"Me," Booth said softly, not looking at her. "It's hard to see me."
Surprised at the comment from the usually stoic agent, Sweets waited for Brennan to respond. When she didn't, he stepped in. "Is Agent Booth correct, Dr. Brennan?"
Licking her lips, Brennan nodded. "I thought it would be better after a year ago. After you pushed him, Dr. Sweets."
"Perhaps, that was a mistake," Sweets allowed. "But surely what it happening now isn't a reflection on that night. It was almost a year ago, time you spent away from each other. That should have given you time to reflect and come to terms with what happened." Not that he knew exactly, but he could make assumptions.
"You said no," Booth reminded her, unable to stop himself. The last thing Sweets needed was more ammunition to force some sort of confession, but Booth was not going to allow her to try and lay the whole thing at his feet or Sweets. All three of them had a part in it. "Part of the reason we are where we are is because you said no."
In his chair, Sweets nodded. Booth's words were confirmation of something he and the rest of the Jeffersonian team had all suspected. It was why Dr. Brennan had accepted the position on the Maluku Islands and Agent Booth had decided to go to Afghanistan.
She turned her eyes toward Booth and pinned him with a look. "I am not having this conversation in front of Dr. Sweets."
"You won't have this conversation at all," Booth snapped. He didn't disagree about the Sweets thing, but this was the closest he'd come to finding out the truth since the afternoon in her office. If a witness was what it took, so be it. "You've barely spoken to me since we returned to the states, other than dropping hints that I don't understand. You alternate between pushing me away and not wanting to let go."
He shifted positions, before finally rising to his feet to pace behind the couch she remained on. "I'm trying to give you space, Bones, but you don't want me to."
"I'll never get a chance to be happy here," Brennan declared suddenly. She could hear Booth behind her. "You aren't going to give me a chance to be happy." Glancing from one to the other, Sweets moved nothing but his eyes, afraid to distract them.
Booth pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, stopping just behind her. "I'll find you a new partner tomorrow," he offered, keeping his eyes closed. "And I'll put in for the transfer. If that's what you need to be happy, I'll give it to you. I'll step back so you can be happy."
Brennan flinched as if she'd been struck, but with his eyes closed, Booth missed it. "I thought we just agreed that was for the best," Brennan said.
Alarmed, Sweets shook his head. Her body language did not match her words. Something was wrong. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. He'd be looking for a new job right along with Booth if this partnership fell apart in front of him. "I think we need to discuss this."
"I don't want a new partner," Booth stated, clearly enunciating each word. He opened his eyes finally and glared at Sweets. "And I don't want you using this to separate us. I'm offering to transfer because that's what I thought Bones wanted. What I think she wants."
Both hands went in the air. "I'm trying to fix whatever this is, Agent Booth, not find a way to break up your partnership."
"I do," Brennan announced loudly. "It's clearly what you want, Booth, and Sweets can give it to you."
"I don't want a new partner!" Booth yelled this time, to the shock of both Brennan and Sweets. Brennan turned to see his face. "I never wanted a new partner. Quit using me as an excuse to force us apart. You're hiding something from me, Bones, and this is the excuse you're using to keep it hidden."
Sweets watched as Brennen stood and turned to face Booth. Rising from his seat, he moved out of their line of sight, to at least give them the illusion of privacy. It was apparent this was the first honest discussion they'd had since seeing each other again and he was loathe to do anything to interrupt it.
"Then why do you keep mentioning it?" Brennan demanded of Booth. "If you don't want to get away from me, why do you keep suggesting it?"
"You just said I don't give you a chance to be happy. I thought that's what you wanted. For me to leave so you can be happy."
"Why would you give me what I want now, but not six months ago? Why would you want to make me happy now, but not then?" Brennan asked, alarmed to find that she felt like crying.
Booth blinked, then looked past her, suddenly remembering where they were. "Get out," he said, pointing at the door. "Go find someplace else to be." Whatever was happening would not continue to happen in front of Sweets. Either he left, or they would.
He was going to argue it was his office, that if anyone should leave, it wasn't going to be him. But one look at Booth had him nodding his head and grabbing his coat. "I have my phone if you need me," he offered unnecessarily, as Booth closed and locked his office door behind him.
"I also have my keys," he said, standing in front of the closed door before heading for the elevator. He could have let himself back in, pushed his way back into the situation, but chose not to. Those two had to figure it out on their own.
With the door closed and locked, Booth turned back around to see Brennan reaching for her bag. "Stop, Bones," he ordered. "We need to solve this or we aren't going to make it, as partners or even as friends."
Her hand froze in mid-motion, before she straightened and looked at him. She couldn't lose him as a friend, that was simply unacceptable. She waited, knowing what he was going to ask.
And knowing she was going to have to tell him the truth.
"I need to know why you keep talking about six months ago," Booth said, no longer yelling. He longed to reach for her, but the couch and whatever was going on, stood between them. "The first time I thought you made a mistake, but you've done it too many times for it to be that."
Her lips pressed together. Booth watched, knowing she was trying to decide whether to be honest with him, or walk away. "Did you get mail when you were in Afghanistan?" she asked.
Booth, unsure of what that had to do with anything, nodded. He was too familiar with her habits not to just follow along. She'd get to where she needed to go. And he was relieved she'd chosen to talk. "I got letters from Pops and Parker, of course. A package from Paris, once or twice. Nothing from anyone else."
"Nothing from me?" she asked softly, as the world fell from beneath her feet. Willpower kept her from sinking into the couch, forced to now change the one conclusion that had driven every decision she'd made since the night on the cliff, when she'd given up on the two of them.
Booth put both hands on the back of the couch. Finally, he felt like he was getting somewhere. "Should I have gotten something from you? About six months ago?"
Unable to speak, as she accepted the facts she'd built her entire life around for the last six months were wrong, Brennan nodded.
"How many?" Booth asked.
"Two," she said hoarsely, managing to find at least that one word.
"What did they say, Bones?" Booth asked.
But she was frantically shaking her head and reaching for her bag. "I need to go, Booth." When he didn't step back, she clutched the bag to her chest. "Please let me go."
But he didn't want to let her go. He wanted to know what was in the letters that she'd sent to him. Did he dare hope that she'd asked him to wait for her?
"Booth, please let me out of this office," she said again and while her voice was steady, her eyes swam with tears.
"We need to talk about what was in those letters, Bones," he argued.
"Not right now," she pleaded. "Just…give me a couple days."
Finally, he nodded. "But you have to promise me something."
Her eyes widened, but she waited.
"I'll give you the time if you promise we will talk. Face to face. Not over the phone or through some cryptic text messages."
Her nod was so slight he almost didn't see it, but it was there. With her promise in hand, Booth stepped back and let her pass. Her hands were steady as she unlocked the door, but her pace was rapid as she headed to the elevator.
Booth, finally realizing that something had happened, had one goal in mind.
He needed to find those letters.
Leaving a short note to reassure Sweets that both of them were still alive, Booth left and drove aimlessly for better than an hour, finally ending up back at his apartment. The interview he was supposed to go on had long been forgotten as he replayed her words over and over in his head. His brain had also started to fill in the gaps he didn't totally understand yet, only making the situation worse.
Booth slammed the door on his way out of the vehicle and took the stairs two at a time to his apartment. Inside, he retrieved the box he'd put all of his military gear in after his return to the states and started pulling items out haphazardly. There was a small pile of stuff next to him when he finally found what he searched for.
"Ramsay," Booth said three phone calls later, "how are you?"
"Booth," the man on the other line greeted jovially. Booth could picture him sitting with chair back, feet on the desk. "To what do I owe the honor of this call? Thinking of enlisting again?"
The question made Booth chuckle. The sound felt out of place, after the conversation with Bones. He'd made it very clear when he'd left this time that he'd never be a military man again. War was better left to the young. "Not a chance, but you know that. I was hoping you could help me with something?"
"Anything for you, Booth," was the response and Booth knew he meant it. Ramsay was the type of guy who would do anything to help out a friend.
"Is there any way to find out if some letters for me are still in Afghanistan?" Booth asked. Nervously, he toyed with some of the items sitting on the floor next to him
Ramsay hummed a response then fell silent. "I could make some calls," he offered. "Stuff arrives late all the time and then has to get sent back to the states. Other shit gets lost, misdirected if guys are moving around a lot. How many letters are we talking here?"
"Two. Both from a woman named Temperance Brennan."
"The author? You never mentioned you were friends with an author. Why didn't she send you some signed books or something for us?"
Booth sighed, unsure of how to explain. "We kind of," he began, rubbing the back of his neck. "We kind of had a falling out before I left the states. She went to some islands in Maluku while I went to Afghanistan."
"Ohhhh," Ramsay said and managed to put complete understanding in that one word. "These letters are important then?"
"Extremely," Booth said, hoping that single word explained just how much. "But I don't even know if they were lost on our end or hers." Scanning across the room, his eyes fell on a picture of the two of them that remained on top of his dresser. Despite everything, he hadn't been able to put it away.
She had his arm around his shoulders, his around her waist. They were happy there, something that felt so far away, Booth wasn't sure he'd ever feel that way again. "I need these letters."
Something in Booth's voice came through the line, because Ramsay's voice became serious. "Give me a couple of days and a number to reach you at, Booth. I'll see what I can do."
Booth rattled off the number and thanked him before hanging up. Rising, he stepped over the debris on the floor to pick up the picture. He ran his finger over the two of them, before opening the top drawer of his dresser and putting it out of sight.
It would take a miracle to find those letters, and Booth didn't expect them to ever turn up. The picture was just a reminder of something he may never have a chance at again.