Dialysis is not much fun
I'm sure glad I'm not the one
To spend my day with needles in me
Why Mom complains, I can sometimes see
Fang: So, are we dedicating this chapter to dialysis?
Me: -shrugs- Why the heck not? My Mom's on it, I did my Senior Project on it...
Fang: We're in a Dialysis Unit....
Me: Yeah, that helps.
Fang: This place gives me the creeps.
Me:....Why?
Fang: They stick needles in people. Why not?
Me: Point.
Fang: So, how about you explain to the nice people what dialysis is?
Me: Well.....
Fang: Please don't try to rhyme it. You can't rhyme it. It's-
Me:
If your kidneys start to fail
Then your blood begins to go stale
You still have some options, friend
Dialysis will stop your end!
Fang: Ok, I hope that made you happy.
Me: It did.
Fang: Now try explaining it in a way that's actually understandable.
Me: Ok, so everyone (minus some poor people who were born without them) has two kidneys. Kidneys are fist-sized organs located in the middle of your back and are shaped like beans. (Kidney Beans, anyone?)
Fang: I think there's some in your Mom's soup.
Me: I didn't actually want any beans. It was a joke! Oh, nevermind....
Anyway, your kidneys filter your blood. They get all the crap and extra fluid out of your body, therefore, keeping you alive. See, if they don't filter all that stuff out, you die. A slow death, too. End of story.
Fang: Ewww...
Me: Unfortunately, people's kidneys do fail. But, luckily, in our wonderful modern age, we have invented dialysis and kidney transplants!
Fang: Yay!
Me: You've just run out of things to say, haven't you?
Fang:....Yep.
Me: Anyway, I think kidney transplants are kind of self-explanatory, so I'll explain dialysis. In dialysis, a machine does what your kidneys used to do before they went kablooey. It filters all the crap out. It also involves needles, which is why Fang hates coming here.
Fang: I've gotten over it a bit. As long as I can stay in the waiting room, I'm fine.
Me: There are two types of dialysis, and-
Fang: Maybe you should explain your interest in this....subject.
Me: Oh, yeah. Well, to start off, there are about two-gazillion ways your kidneys could possibly fail, and I'm not going to list them, because I'm probably boring you enough already.
Fang: -yawn-
Me: -whacks with herring- One of the ways is if you develop the genetic disease, Polycystic Kidney Disease, which is where your kidneys fill up with disgusting cysts. My Mom has this disease. (Thank God I'm adopted. As I said, it's genetic.)
Fang: Once again, ewww...
Me: So, Mom's on dialysis. As you may be able to guess, this disease, which I don't even have, can practically rule my life. Heck, I'm writing about it now!
Fang: You write about everything that bugs you. If you hadn't been sick, Avian Flu would have never been born.
Me: Once again, point.
Fang: Ummmm.....we need some poetry somewhere. We have none.
Me: Ooo! Random poetry!
I am ranting
I am raving
My own thoughts
On Fanfiction I'm saving
I'm self-centered
I won't lie
But I really
Like Pie!
Fang: Yeah....Pie?
Me: Pie!
Fang: Pie.
Me: Pie!!!
Fang: Pie?
Me: 3.14!!!
Fang: Pi.
Me: Pie.....
Fang: Hi!
Me: Tie!
Fang: Sigh.
Me: Lie.
Fang: Fie!
Me: Sly!
Fang: Why?
Me: Ay!
Fang: Bye!
Me: -le gasp- Don't go!
Fang: I'm not. It just rhymed.
Me: Good. I don't want you to go!!
Fang: I can't. I'm still kidnapped. Besides, face it, if I left, you'd fall apart. Ever notice I remember everything for you?
Me: -huggles- You do care!
Fang: No! I'm just pointing out the truth!
Me: You caring little bird-boy!
Fang: Grrrr.....
Me: You're so cute when you're uncomfortable!
Fang can be so caring and kind
When he has it in his mind
He just doesn't like to admit
That his emotionlessness can possibly slip
Fang: 'Admit' and 'Slip' don't rhyme...
Me: You try to rhyme 'Admit'.
Fang: Ummm....Sadmit.
Me: That's not a word.
Fang: Uh, yeah it is! It means....errr....To have a bad mit!
Me:...What?
Fang: Like in baseball! If your baseball mit has a hole, you have a Sadmit!
Me: You are probably the worst liar I've ever met. It was a good thing you were unconcious when Max was coming up with that whole thing about your parents being missionaries. You probably would've said your parents were Adam and Eve. Or Abraham and Sarah. Or Mary and Joseph. Esther and Xerxes.
Fang: Who and who?
Me: -sigh- Esther and Xerxes? Xerxes, the guy who attacked Sparta, King of Persia? Esther, probably one of the bravest Jewish women to ever live?
Fang: Never heard of 'em...
Me: -throws Bible at Fang- Go look it up!
Fang: -is rubbing forehead where Bible whacked it- Not in your King James Version one!
Me: Why?
Fang: I don't speak King James's language.
Me: Nevermind, I'll explain it all later. Anyway.............were we discussing anything important?
Fang: Errrrr................Dialysis?
Me: Oh, yeah! Ummm.....Yeah.
Fang: Well, we're just wasting space now, huh?
Affie: What are you guys doing?
Me: Affie! Everyone, this is Affie, my adoptive Aunt and my Mom's best friend.
Affie: Who are you talking to?
Me: My reviewers!
Affie: Ok.......These are your crazy stories, aren't they?
Me: -nods-
Affie: Like that one you were telling me about where Fang found out about Midol?
Fang: -cringes- -whimpers-
Me: Yep!
Affie: I don't wanna know... -goes back to crosswords-
Me: Yay for random Affieness!!!
Fang: Hey, can we go home yet?
Me: Not until I think of something else to rhyme!
I am in a waiting room
I wish something would go boom
This place is very boring indeed
Let's feed Fang some bird seed!
Fang: Or.....not.
Me: Hey, I've got an idea! Let's plan a playdate for you and Iggy with Baak and Chaos!!! (Baakthatsthesoundachickenmakes and overrated chaos-and sugar.)
Fang: ....You mean the crazy Mountain Dew person? That Chaos?
Me: -nods-
Fang: B-but...
Me: You get to see Iggy....
Fang: A familiar face. Point.
Me: And Pooky and Spiffy get to see Puck!
Pooky and Spiffy: And win our money back!!!
Fang: Well.....
Me: We're wasting time here, anyway.
Fang: I'll see.
Me: Whatever. I'm out!
Fang: Ditto.