A/N: This one was requested a couple of weeks ago on tumblr. Forgot to post it here. I am slowly getting through requests! For those of you following my other Sydrian stories, Home will probably be updated next.

Storytelling

"Tell me a story," I commanded sleepily. It was ten o'clock at night, and I'd only just got in after a long shift at the library where everything that could possibly go wrong had gone wrong. I was tired and grumpy and I just wanted to cuddle on the couch with Adrian and pretend that this day had never happened.

Adrian brushed my hair back from my face, gently tracing his fingers across the indigo tattoo on my cheek.

"Once upon a time," he began, "There was a Moroi prince who completely fucked his life up –"

"You can't say 'fuck'," I interrupted, feeling even more annoyed because he wasn't taking my admittedly stupid and cheesy order seriously. "This is a bedtime story."

He smirked. "Okay. Once upon a time, there was a Moroi prince who did some pretty dumb things and ended up miserable and alone and feeling sorry for himself. Better?"

I squeezed his hand and settled down to lay my head on his lap. "No," I said. "But it will be. Carry on."

His hand left mine and settled on my stomach. "Then he rescued a poor kitten who'd fallen from a tree. Her name was Jill, and she became his adorable kitten sidekick. But a nasty dragon wanted to rid the world of kittens, so together, they went on the run, joined by a sexy dragon slayer." He grinned. "Guess who."

"Castille?"

He elbowed me gently.

"Now, the sexy dragon slayer –"

"Whose name was Eddie –"

"She had a mean boss, who wouldn't let her use her awesome dragon-slaying powers. So for a while, she just followed us around, writing long, boring reports on the correct way to slay a dragon. But she grew fond of the useless Moroi and his kitten friend, and eventually she started battling dragons in her own way."

I snuggled closer to him, breathing in the smell of his shirt. "Castille sounds pretty awesome," I said.

He laughed. "She is. And the useless Moroi prince thought so, too. In fact, she made him feel less useless, so he decided to ask for her hand in marriage. But Castille the dragon slayer's bosses didn't approve of the match, so they were forced to marry in secret." He paused. "They had loads of sex too. Is it okay to mention all the mind-blowing, amazing sex they had?"

"No! This is a bedtime story. You have to replace the sex with something else."

"Okay. Then… they got married and baked a lot of pies. Pies everywhere. In all sorts of different positions. In fact, the dragon slayer was so good at baking pies that the prince wanted to do nothing but bake pies with her all day long –"

I elbowed him in the stomach.

"Right. So they baked a lot of pies. And some other stuff happened." His grin faded slightly. "Some really bad stuff, involving the dragons and the dragon slayer's mean bosses. And the Moroi prince and the dragon slayer lost each other for a while. But true love and epicly good pies conquer all, and they found each other, and battled the dragons and mean bosses together. Side by side. Until the day when their kitten friend was finally safe."

"Mmm." My hand came up to rest with his on my stomach. "That's a good story."

"I haven't finished yet." Adrian's voice grew softer. "The Moroi prince loved Castille the dragon slayer so much that when she decided to follow her dreams to slay bigger and potentially more dangerous dragons at a university in a faraway land called Rome, he went with her."

"Wow. That's devotion. Does Eddie know you feel this way?"

"They found an apartment in Rome, and both got jobs to pay the rent." He stroked my hair. "Sometimes, their jobs were hard work, but they always looked forward to the end of the day, when they could come home to each other."

I sighed, relaxing under his touch and finally letting go of the stresses of the day. "And they lived happily ever after?" I asked.

"Nope. Not yet. You see, they baked so many pies that one day, a pie began to grow inside the dragon slayer." I grinned and squeezed his hand where it lay over the slightly-visible bump under my dress.

"And pies are hard work to take care of," he said with a groan. "So now they're not going to be able to live happily ever after for another eighteen years, when they finally kick the runty little pie out." I laughed and poked him. He drew back, feigning hurt.

"But," he continued, grinning again, "By this time, the prince and the dragon slayer had become expert pie-makers, so they knew that they would also be perfect… um… pie-eaters."

I frowned. "Did fictional-us just eat our own baby?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. That metaphor wasn't working. This would be a much better story if you'd just let me tell the porn version."

I stretched, then untangled myself from his arms and stood up, beckoning him to the bedroom with a smirk. "We could tell it now, if you like."