You May See a Stranger
Part ten – can Charlotte forget Lucas? Will she ever forgive Herrick?
When you feel her call you...
It was a week since I returned to Bristol and I was still avoiding Herrick. Oh, we were perfectly civil when we passed in the corridors but I made sure that was rare. He hadn't returned to our rooms and I wasn't about to ask him to, for the moment I wanted to sleep alone.
I spent the days sleeping and the evenings and nights hunting. I hunted with a ferocity I had never known before, trying to wash away the memory of Lucas' blood with as much human blood as I could take. It didn't work but I didn't care. I knew Seth was watching me – Herrick must have pulled him away from the search for Mitchell to look after me but I wasn't making his life easy. I ignored him, and anyway he had no time to try and talk to me as the trail of death and destruction he had to deal with got longer every night.
I was sitting in a park at dusk where I'd fed for the first time today. A couple, meeting illicitly in the gathering darkness and by hiding away from passersby they made themselves perfect prey. Their broken bodies were abandoned behind the bench I sat on, waiting for Seth to clear them away.
I was stretched out along the bench, enjoying the feeling of the fresh blood and wondering what to do next. I realised that some of the anger and fury had dissipated and although the urge to kill and drink was still much stronger than usual it was less frantic and I knew I was slowly coming back from the pain and horror of killing Lucas. Maybe it was time for reflection. Or maybe it was time for more blood. I wasn't ready to deal with Herrick yet. He'd deceived me about Lucas and it told me he didn't trust me. Killing Lucas meant nothing in comparison, as much as I had hated doing it it had been necessary. Finding out that Herrick had deliberately misled me – well, that hurt.
I stood up and stretched, it was time to go and there was a nice hotel nearby. I wanted a drink and hotel bars were always a good hunting place for a woman alone. I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye and spun around, there was someone in the shadows, leaning on a tree and watching me. It wasn't Seth – too tall and too scruffy - and in the brief flame of a lighter I saw it was Mitchell. I really was not in the mood for his "let's all go clean and be human" bullshit right now so I walked away as if I hadn't seen him.
I could feel him walking behind me and when I got out of the park and into the well lit street he caught me up and grabbed hold of my arm. I pulled away and turned to face him.
"What do you want?" My voice was hard and cold and his face fell.
"I just wanted to talk to you. I know it sounds weird but I miss you." He frowned, he could see something had changed and he looked me up and down his eyebrows rising higher and higher.
"Jesus Charlotte – now what? You look like a hooker!"
I was wearing another new dress and this one was as outrageous as it was expensive. I had been spending a lot of Herrick's money on clothes to tempt others instead of to appeal to him as I usually did. This dress was the brightest red I could find, short, tight and low cut to extremes, it concealed nothing, displayed everything and even Herrick had winced slightly when I passed him on my way out. Especially when he saw I had paired it with the long boots I only ever wore for him. He hadn't said anything but the look in his blue eyes had stayed with me. He'd looked hurt. Good.
Mitchell looked... well, startled and I walked away. He hurried after me, catching me up easily but he didn't try and touch me again.
"Come on, something's happened, I can tell." He was clearly a genius. "Let's have a drink, we can talk."
I ignored him but he persisted and outside the hotel I stopped and without looking round I made myself very clear.
"I have plans. They don't include you. Go away."
I walked up the steps and headed for the bar leaving him on the pavement.
I'd started off sitting at the bar on a high stool but I think I scared more men than I enticed in my tiny dress and thigh high boots. I'd had to use my powers of persuasion on the barman; he'd thought I was working but now he knew I was just looking for some fun and he'd quickly become my new best friend. I'd planted some helpful ideas in his head before I moved to a quiet corner and I smiled as he whispered my name in the ear of a likely prospect.
I watched the man collect a bottle and two glasses before heading towards my table. The barman had good taste and he'd chosen well. The man who smiled down at me was young, tall and blonde and rather successful judging from his suit. Of course I welcomed his company and his bottle of excellent whisky and we danced quickly through the usual rituals. I hardly needed to use my mind on his at all before his hand was under my dress and his mouth on my neck.
He invited me to his room, I didn't argue and I made sure I took the whisky with us. I let him edge up the hem of my dress in the lift until it was too short to be decent, I couldn't be bothered to respond and I didn't care who saw us and that just made him keener. Once in his room I thought I'd better make some effort and I pulled off his jacket and his shirt, not caring that I tore the fabric. He pulled my dress over my head and bent to kiss me as my face was revealed again only to see my black eyes and fangs. His eyes widened in shock but I gave him no time to react before I tore out his throat. I drank deeply, biting and tearing at the flesh, letting the hot sticky blood drip onto my skin, smearing myself in the last drops I could coax from the deep wounds. I lay back on the bed and right now, just for a few minutes, I felt at peace.
I heard a click and sat up to see the room door opening slowly and carefully and a face appear round the edge. It was the helpful barman clutching another bottle of whisky that my dead friend must have ordered. I was beside him before he could run, pulling him into the room, holding his throat so he couldn't speak. This one I took slowly, letting his heart beat for a very long time, letting the blood flow naturally. I saved the whiskey for afterwards.
I pushed the bodies off the bed so I could stretch out, drinking whisky from the bottle and smearing the sheets with blood. Usually I was the neatest of feeders, in fact Herrick had once challenged me to drain a man in a crowded pub without anyone noticing. Easy. I left him propped on a chair, his body dry and empty, the wounds so tiny they could hardly be seen and not a drop spilt. No one saw a thing except Herrick and he had watched me, smiling and savouring every moment. I didn't want to think of his eyes on me now, not while I loved how the warm sticky blood felt as it dried on my skin
The bottle was almost empty and knew I should move on and let Seth clear up. I giggled; he had a hell of a lot of cleaning to do here. I hope he had packed his marigolds! Although there was no rush, maybe I could just sleep here for a while, just until I was ready for more blood. I drank the last mouthfuls of whiskey, dropped the bottle and closed my eyes.
There was a tiny noise, the door lock clicked open and I sat up. Had I been asleep? Was this another barman? Room service? Maid service? Oh whatever – they all tasted the same. I watched the door open, ready to pounce and Mitchell walked in. Damn. I fell back on the pillows. What the hell did he want?
Mitchell was standing at the end of the bed looking disapproving and I squinted at him, my eyes not entirely in focus with all the blood and whisky.
"What are you looking at?" I challenged him. "Standing there looking down your nose at me." I giggled. "Peering through your scruffy hair at me more like!"
"You don't look your best." He replied dryly. He might have had a point. My dress was – somewhere, not sure where it had landed and I was only wearing my long boots and the tiny thong that was all that fitted under the tight skirt. I was painted in blood from head to foot, even my hair was drenched.
"We should get you cleaned up. And sobered up." Mitchell put out a hand and took mine, intending to pull me up but he'd forgotten I was stronger than him and I pulled harder and he ended up on the bed. I pushed him over on his back and knelt over him.
"Must we?" I looked down at him, holding him down quite easily. "Who died and made you queen? You need to realise who's in charge here." He looked somewhere between horrified and terrified and I started laughing and couldn't stop and he took the chance to push me off him, dragging me off the bed and towards the bathroom. I was still laughing helplessly and it meant he could hold me long enough to turn on the shower and throw me in. It was cold. It was bloody freezing.
I climbed out once and Mitchell threw me back in and I slid down the wall and sat under the cold water until the worst of the blood had gone and I was shivering. He turned off the water and pulled me up on my feet, taking off my boots and rubbing me dry roughly with a towel. I let him do it, I was suddenly exhausted and I didn't resist when he lead me back into the bedroom and wrapped the duvet round me, sitting me on the floor by the radiator.
"Stay there." Mitchell had his hand on the door. "I won't be long but wait for me, don't run away." I nodded, all my resistance had gone, all the anger and the blood lust and the rebellion, every bit of energy I had had left me.
Mitchell was soon back as he had promised, with a bottle of brandy. He poured me a large glass and I drank it in one, it warmed me and the shaking stopped. He poured more brandy for both of us and sat down beside me.
"Now. Tell me what's up"
"I killed someone."
Mitchell laughed and put his arm round my shoulders.
"You've done nothing but kill for days from what I can see."
"Not a human, I killed a vampire." I sighed, not sure if I wanted to go through it all. "I staked him and Herrick watched."
"Right." Mitchell wasn't laughing now. He put his hand under my chin and tipped up my face so he could look at me. "The first time is bad but trust me, it gets easier. You'll have to toughen up. If you are going to stay around Herrick then this will be just the first time."
I'm not sure how much help this was but he was right. I'd chosen a dark path and Lucas would have killed Herrick and maybe me too once he'd known the truth. I'd let myself care for Lucas, got carried away with the part I was playing when I knew deep down that it could only be Herrick for me. Next time I'd know better. I wouldn't let myself care for anyone else.
I put my head on Mitchell's shoulder, and we sat for a while, making good inroads into the brandy. I was starting to feel far too warm wrapped up in the bedclothes and I stood up to sort through the clothes in the dead man's suitcase – I had never asked him his name. I dropped the duvet on the floor, knowing Mitchell was watching me. He came up behind me; he'd picked up my bloodstained dress from the floor and put one arm round my waist, holding the dress in front of me with the other.
"You're not going to wear this again?" He asked and I could feel he was smiling. I found a shirt and a belt in the case that would probably do and took the dress and threw it at the bin.
"I think it's served its purpose." I turned round within Mitchell's arms and hugged him, before pulling the shirt over my arms. He leaned over and kissed my forehead and did up the buttons for me, taking the belt and putting it round my waist. It was far too big but he made an extra hole and pulled in it just a bit too tight – exactly as Herrick would do.
It was strange – there would always be an attraction between Mitchell and I but the urge to take it further had gone. It was too tangled up with how we both felt about Herrick and although I knew he had enjoyed the feeling of my body against his – as I had his - it was not meant to be any more than that. We were friends. How very odd and unexpected that was.
"Have you talked to Herrick about this?" Mitchell had sat down again, pouring more brandy and I joined him, shaking my head.
"Not at all? Oh Charlotte. Why must you make your life so bloody complicated? He loves you, you said so, and if he really does then he'd understand."
I shrugged; I was starting to think that I should have challenged Herrick straight away, talked it out. He would have had some kind of explanation. Had I overreacted I wondered as Mitchell carried on whether I wanted to hear it or not.
"You care for him too, I've no idea why but given that you're both utterly mad I suppose it makes sense. It's good. I know you told me you could never love anyone but I think you do."
I looked him in the eyes and I was as honest with him as I could be.
"I don't know how to love him."
He looked at me for a long time and then pulled me close and held me.
"You idiot! You already do. You're just too pig headed to admit it." He picked up his long leather coat and put it round me. "Come on – you're going home and we've got to get you out of here without anyone seeing the mess you're in!"
I had to laugh, my boots were soaking wet and bloodstained and I'd abandoned them with the dress, my hair was wet and dripping bloody water and there was still blood on my skin. This was getting to be a habit, me ending up barefoot and wearing someone else clothes. We ran through the hotel, moving so quickly that no one even noticed us and ended up outside laughing. Mitchell put me in a taxi and kissed me goodbye, sending me home to Herrick.
It was only when I was on my way that I realised I hadn't asked him where he was living or what he was doing. Next time. I was sure he would turn up again.
I found Herrick in his office. He was sitting in his usual place behind his desk but for once there were no papers, no files to be seen and he was just sitting, staring at nothing. I closed the door behind me and he looked round, he hadn't shaved which was not the Herrick I knew and his face was blank. When he raised his eyes to mine I was horrified at the desolation in them.
I don't think I looked much better and we stared at each other until Herrick finally spoke, his voice barely audible.
"Come back to me."
I couldn't speak, there was nothing to say but I nodded and he stood. I walked across the room and into his arms.
We made our peace in the way we did best – and if nothing else it put off the need to talk for a few more hours. Eventually we exhausted ourselves and in the quiet darkness I could ask the question that had been bothering me so much.
"Why didn't you tell me about you and Lucas?"
"I don't know" Herrick's voice was thoughtful. "I should have done, I can see that now. I knew he would tell you, he tells everyone. Told, rather."
I didn't tell him the story that Lucas had told me – maybe it was all true and maybe it had been elaborated over the years. Maybe Herrick's version would be different. It didn't matter.
"Do you trust me?"
"Of course." The answer came instantly and Herrick turned to face me. "I love you and I trust you more than anyone I have ever known. I was testing you, I test everyone, and you know that I do but it was foolish. I need you to forgive me."
I did forgive him but I didn't say it, not yet, I wasn't going to make it that easy. I wanted him to prove how much he trusted me and I had an idea of how.
I had scratched Herrick earlier, most of the marks were already fading but one, across his shoulder, was deeper and it hadn't started to heal yet. Blood was slowly oozing from it and I leaned over and licked it clean, the icy blood tingling on my tongue and making my eyes black. The touch of my fangs on his skin made Herrick shiver and when I kissed him he tasted his own blood on my lips and his eyes flashed jet. He knew what I wanted and he offered me his wrist, watching me as I bit down hard into the wounds that would never heal. His other hand was on my head, his fingers knotted in my hair but as I drank more and more I felt his fingers loosen and slide away and his arm fell onto the bed. I drank every drop of blood he could give me and when there was no more I looked at him. His eyes were on me but he was so still, so quiet and I knew he couldn't move.
I sat back, I felt strong, no, I felt more than that. I had never taken so much of Herrick's blood before. I felt invincible, I could do anything, achieve anything and I smiled as I looked at Herrick. I could leave him like that, helpless and trapped forever if I chose and the fact that he trusted me not to was proof enough for me of how he felt. I wondered if I should leave him for a while, let him wait and wonder what I was going to do but I couldn't. I wanted him back. He had no strength left to take my blood so I bit into my own wrist, realising for the first time that my blood was as cold as his. I let the icy blood drip slowly into his mouth until he could move again, and the first thing he did was hold me close as his fangs found the place on my throat that was only for him.
I was dressing when Herrick woke. Every time we took each other's blood it made me stronger and it seemed that it took Herrick longer each time to recover. I was gradually taking his strength and I wasn't sure if he was aware of the changes. His love for me made him softer and weaker as I grew more powerful. I had to be careful – he may let me dominate him when we were alone but I doubted he'd let me take charge elsewhere. Not yet anyway and I wasn't sure I had ever seen Herrick's full strength, he kept too much hidden.
I'd put on a corset I know he particularly liked and was fastening my stockings when I realised he was awake and watching. I slipped my feet into my shoes and turned my back to him so he could tighten my laces. He kissed my neck and my shoulders before he pulled hard and knotted the laces, hauling my waist in to almost nothing. It was a good job I didn't really need to breathe. Once they were done he reached over to my dressing table and picked up my hairbrush and brushed out my long hair. To my astonishment he twisted it up, pinning it into a complicated knot in no time at all.
"Where did you learn to do that?"
"Did you think you were the first woman whose laces I've tied?" He laughed and put his hands round my waist. "I've had many years to learn and I've learned many things."
Which reminded me.
"I didn't know you spoke French."
"It's useful." Herrick shrugged. "Most of the European languages are although my Russian doesn't get much use nowadays. Maybe I should consider Mandarin. Which reminds me, while Bristol is quiet we should travel. I want to show you Paris and Venice, just for a start."
"What were you and Lucas saying?" Much as I really wanted Herrick to show me Venice I wasn't going to be distracted.
"Nothing much, a few insults." I looked at him sternly, I didn't believe him. He sighed. "He told me you were making me soft, that the Herrick he knew would never have offered him a way out. I told him he was wrong. I told him that you make me stronger, that the two of us together are invincible and that he could do worse than to join us."
It sounded reasonable but I knew he could tell me anything. I didn't think he was lying to me though, not this time and I could see the truth in his mind quite clearly. After the last night I think we were closer than ever and I thought that soon I would be able to tell him what he wanted to hear so much.
I opened my wardrobe and found a pencil skirt and a chiffon top that left my shoulders bare. Herrick took them off me and dropped them on the bed, taking me in his arms.
"Can't you stay like that all day?"
I looked down at my corset, stockings and high heels and laughed. "Of course I could. Mind, I'm going to talk to Seth so are you sure I should go like this?" Herrick laughed with me.
"On second thoughts... Poor Seth. He does rather admire you, you know. If you were dressed like that I suspect the poor boy might be speechless for weeks! Although that might not be such a bad thing."
When he finally let me finish dressing I had to change my laddered stockings and he brushed the new tangles out of my hair and pinned it up again.
I chatted to Seth for a while, I wanted to thank him for looking after me – and clearing up after me - while I had rampaged through Bristol. He was a little wary at first, I'm not sure anyone had ever bothered to thank him before but we soon got back to normal. I asked him about Mitchell, not telling him I had seen him the previous night.
"I haven't found him yet" Seth admitted. "He was in a bedsit but he moved and left his job and he's disappeared. Maybe he's left town, gone somewhere a bit livelier."
"I doubt it." I didn't want him to stop looking. "He had a job? What was he doing?" Seth laughed.
"Cleaning. Nightshift in an office block. Not sure he was very good at it but it kept him out of trouble." I couldn't imagine Mitchell with a mop and bucket but I suppose it was a nice invisible way of earning a living. I stood up to go and Seth put his hand on my arm.
"It was just like old times this week, watching you killing like that. You reminded me of how Mitchell used to be." I smiled at him and he grinned back. "Mind you, you were even better than him - you didn't feel sorry for any of them."
I could hear voices when I went to look for Herrick, his I knew of course but there was a women's voice I didn't recognise. When I opened the office door Herrick jumped up to come and meet me, putting his arm round me and ushering me forward to meet his visitor.
"This is Charlotte, who I have been telling you about. Charlotte, Patience is one of the Old Ones. She is just passing through Bristol."
I shook Patience's hand and took my usual perch on the edge of Herrick's desk and as she and Herrick carried on chatting I took a very good look at her. I'd never seen one of the Old Ones before and Herrick spoke of them with such awe.
I'd expected the Old Ones to be stern and austere, looking down on us ordinary vampires but Patience couldn't be more different to how I'd imagined them. She was tiny, only about five feet tall, very slim and extremely pretty, her white blond hair cropped short making her grey eyes look enormous. Casually dressed in black jeans, a leather jacket and Converse trainers, she looked about 25. She made me feel enormous, far too tall and rather overdressed. I felt like a heifer. A heifer in a frock. Herrick was charming her and I felt excluded. I wasn't going to like her, I could tell.
I'd stopped listening and was miles away, daydreaming about the Venice Carnival when I realised that they were both looking at me.
"Charlotte, would you like to take Patience for a drink? I'm sure you girls will get on like a house on fire." Herrick was smiling but I wasn't keen. I climbed down off the desk and we headed out, I wasn't going to upset one of the Old Ones. We hadn't got far, not even out of the building when Patience stopped and looked at me.
"I know you're wondering what I want, how I know William." I wasn't, actually. "I can tell you don't like me much." She grinned, a cheeky smile that lit up her face and was so contagious I couldn't help smiling back. "I think that you and I are very alike, I want to get to know you better and I can't do that with William listening to every word we say."
It sounded odd hearing her call Herrick by his first name, a name that no one else ever used. It reminded me that she had probably known him a very long time. This could be interesting, what could she tell me?
We headed to a nearby pub, the one where Herrick and I had planned how I would get to Lucas. Despite that inauspicious start it was a place where no one took much notice of anyone or anything and we would be able to talk without being overheard. Patience surprised me again by drinking pints. When I raised my eyebrows, especially when she drank half of the first one in one go, she laughed and told me that there was no decent beer in South America and so she took the chance to enjoy it when she was here. Despite myself, I was starting to like her.
"Right. Housekeeping." She sat back and looked at me and I felt she was looking inside me, that I couldn't hide anything. "Let's start with the basics, get it all out of the way." She took another drink and then listed off the points on her fingers.
"One, yes, I'm one of the Old Ones. Two, I've been a vampire for 532 years. Three, I was 24. Four, no I'm not here to do anything awful to any of you, I'm just passing through and five, yes I will have another pint."
I had to laugh – and I got her another pint.
It was impossible to stay suspicious, I knew I was being charmed but Patience was friendly and funny and it made me realise that I had no women friends any more. We talked about lots of things and it was only afterwards that I realised just how much about my life – before and after – I had told her.
Eventually I had to ask her how long she had known Herrick.
"William? It seems like forever!" She laughed but her eyes were sharp and I could see she was assessing, looking at me and deciding something. She seemed to come to a decision and she nodded. "You need to know this. I am assigned by the Old Ones to monitor William. There are some vampires that need to be tracked and they are assigned a Watcher, someone to keep tabs on them. I'm a Watcher and I have a number of people to oversee and William is one of them. He doesn't know that, by the way, so I would appreciate your discretion."
"Why Herrick? Why are you watching him?" I thought I knew the answer already but I wanted to hear what Patience would say.
"William is... ambitious. Sometimes he's more ambitious than he should be. We just need to make sure he doesn't endanger all of us. He's clever and he's careful but sometimes, only sometimes, he gets a little overwrought."
I caught a subtext to her words – or I thought I did - and remembered what Mitchell thought of Herrick.
"You mean he's mad, don't you?"
Patience put her head back and laughed,
"Oh darling, we're all insane - didn't you know that? How else would we survive this ridiculous life?" She carried on chuckling as she fetched more drinks for us. "All vampires have a level of madness within them; it's just different in different people. Has no one ever told you?" I shook my head.
"I need to start your education. You show a lot of promise and William doesn't know everything, although he has rather fallen for you." She looked at me in that piercing way and I wanted her to tell me more. The idea of being taught by an Old One was very enticing and she could tell me so much more than Herrick.
"The main reason I am here is to meet you. We know that William has done something that he shouldn't to try and help you." She put out her hand and ran her fingers over my jewelled choker, coming to rest in exactly the place where Herrick had left his marks on me. "Although surprisingly, he does have excellent taste in jewellery. Who would have thought it?"
She sat back again and I could see that assessing look in her eyes again. I got the distinct impression she was telling me much more than she had initially planned to and I leaned closer to her. I didn't intend to miss a word.
"You and William are playing a dangerous game but I can see it has been good for you so far. I know you are less than a year old but even to my eyes you could have been a vampire for a century. That's tough for you, you don't have the knowledge to back up your strength and it'll make your life hard. But every time you take each other's blood you take a risk and your gain has come at a cost. William is killing himself to make you what you are but he doesn't know that. I'm warning you, if you don't stop he will die, and he'll die in unimaginable agony. I also know that he has no idea that you have been taking a sneaky nip here and there but he will find out, William always does. The blood may eventually kill him but if you carry on deceiving him he will kill you first."
I wasn't sure how to answer this – I had suspected that Herrick was taking longer to recover but was I really killing him? I couldn't bear that. And how did she know what I had been doing? I had a lot to think about and Patience understood. She drained the last of her beer and stood up.
"Right, I must go soon, my plane will be waiting for me." I must have looked startled. "Oh yes" she laughed again at the expression on my face. "Us Old Ones get all the luxuries."
I walked out with her and she stopped on the pavement and looked hard at me.
"Think about what I've said and remember that I will be watching you. Not as I watch William but because I'm interested. I like you, you're interesting and I can see a future for you with us, you are wasted in Bristol and with William."
She looked down and I wondered what final dire warning I was going to be left with.
"Before I go there is one very important thing I have to know. Where did you get those shoes and can you take me there now?"
Patience managed to buy three pairs of shoes before her car arrived to collect her. I was impressed; I only had time to choose one pair.
When I got back I looked at Herrick with the new knowledge that Patience had given me. I realised he looked weary, there were shadows under his eyes and his face was drawn. He would be fine in a day or so but I knew it was my fault, that I had hurt him by taking his blood. Why had I not realised this before?
"You look tired." I couldn't stop myself saying it and he looked surprised.
"I am, a little. It's been a busy time."
I persuaded him to spend some quiet time with me, after all it was only the previous day that we had been reconciled and I wanted to be with him too. He finally admitted to me he had a headache, which was unusual. Our health is pretty robust, normal human ailments don't often bother us.
I made him relax and I massaged his temples until he slept, peacefully for once without the nightmares he almost always had. As I held him I had the chance to consider what Patience had said. I knew I had to stop, I wanted to be stronger but I couldn't be the cause of Herrick's death, I didn't want to hurt him. Maybe I had had enough – Patience said I appeared to be 100 years old and that was all down to Herrick's blood. I had achieved what I wanted so I could stop before I did any more damage.
Herrick frowned in his sleep and said something that I didn't understand and I stroked his face until he settled again, turning in my arms so he could hold me. The movement brought his hand onto my arm and I could see the marks on his wrist. I stared at them and I could almost taste his blood and feel it calling to me. I closed my eyes but all I could think of was the taste and the feel of Herrick's blood, it was all consuming, I didn't know how to resist. Surely it would do no real harm to take it one more time? Just a little and just once more?
I lifted his wrist and carefully bit into the wounds, the taste of the icy blood better than ever, satisfying that deep need and making me feel so wonderful in the way nothing else could. I was gentle and I watched his face until I saw his eyelids flicker and then, reluctantly, I let his wrist go. I knew this had to be the last time and I savoured the feeling of strength and power.
Herrick and I were entwined together as if we could never be parted, my mouth was close to Herrick's ear and I whispered to him.
"I love you."
The words didn't come easily and it sounded so wrong to me. It felt right though, it felt perfect, although I knew he couldn't hear me.