WAAAH!!!! I almost CRIED writing this one! (collapses in an angst-provoked loss of consciousness)

Disclaimer: I do not own Tsubasa.

Please review and I'm SOOOO SORRY! GOMENASAI!!! It's late because I got some bad grades and my mom now limits me to ONE HOUR OF COMPUTER A DAY!!!! And with my constant writers block, that's torture!! (You don't know how hard it was to write this chapter! And I think it's horridly written compared to the last one…)

Iku-chan

Oh yeah, this is DEFINATLY going to be a monster fic… MWHAHAHA)

After It All

Chapter Ten: Death

Fai sat down, feeling nauseous. Subaru and Kamui balanced themselves on the red chair in front of Fai and looked down at him with something like sympathy. They both were so… so pale! Like they were starved for days and even their faces were gaunt like when they were in that prison. But yet, after all they've been through, they still clung to each other like life support.

Despite it all, they still haven't broken.

It was because they had something to hang onto, something to live for. For that Fai envied the two. He envied them because they had someone that would always stay by their side, would always love them no matter what. He envied them because one of them weren't dead.

But wasn't it wrong to envy them for that? It's not like Fai could bring back the dead. It's not like he could make Yuui come back. In spite of it all, Fai wished he had someone like that. Someone he could love and they would love him back.

But he knew it would never be true… Only a fool would wish for such a thing…. And, in fact, Fai was a fool. Fai was a fool for so many reasons. He was a fool to even wish that Kurogane, or anyone, would care for him. He was a fool for actually feeling something for someone, because everyone ended up deserting him, or hating him, or whatever.

But still Fai clung to his wishes, even if they were foolish, like all humans tend to do.

"You are looking for something, correct?" asked Subaru, looking down at his lap.

"Yes," said Fai. "Do you know where it is?"

There was a sudden tenseness between the both of them, as if something couldn't be said, even between the two of them. Sakura-chan. Sakura-chan needs that feather so she can be saved… It was a selfish thought, of course, but what did Fai know about the importance of the feather to the two? He was turning into someone he didn't want to turn into with all of his heart.

Did he really want to be like Syaoran? With no thoughts except for those you supposedly loved? No. That was wrong, very wrong. If you only thought about those you loved, wouldn't that make you miss what really mattered? You would end up thinking of everyone as scum, lower than him. And Fai didn't really want that, did he? He didn't want to turn into something he hated.

He didn't want to turn into a monster.

He didn't want to turn into Syaoran.

When he looked up at the twins, the twins looked as if pained, as if the past was finally catching up with them, and they couldn't breathe just as Fai was. Subaru placed a hand on Kamui's, as though as to stop him from doing something, but Kamui pulled away from his brother's cold touch.

"Fai-san," said Kamui, crossing his arms and looking away. "That's something we cannot tell you."

Subaru bit his lip and looked away from them both, looking at the window. The outside was bleak and hot and sandy. All you could see was the few guards that were positioned around the city and ruins of a forgotten town in the distance. Such lonely scenery. Such appropriate scenery for a country owned by these two. The two who had lost everything except for each other.

"Subaru's life is entwined with what you're looking for, that feather," said Kamui. "He will die if you take it away from where it is now."

Subaru fisted the side of Kamui's shirt nervously and looked him straight in the eye. There was suddenly a harsh knocking on the door, and it burst open. The three vampires turned to look at the door in shock. There was a guard, prisoners following him, in the doorway.

"Subaru-sama," said the guard, Syaoran, Kurogane and Mokona following him.

They all turned. Fai's eyes met Kurogane's for a second and then he looked away. Mokona was on Syaoran's shoulder as always and Kurogane was looking down, not speaking. But why wasn't he speaking? Did Fai do something to offend him? Why was he looking at him like he was about to abandon him…

Don't leave me… Fai thought desperately in his mind. But of course, the look in his eye wasn't because he was going to leave Fai; it was because the last time the two had spoken was that time. The time when Fai had confessed it all….

"It takes a certain amount of strength to cry when you should."

But when is the time to cry and when is the time to smile? When is the time to be happy and the time to be sad? When is the time to grieve and the time to rejoice? When is a time to hold out your hand for someone you love? Honestly, Fai couldn't tell the difference from any of these questions. And besides, what was love if you're already broken?

"I see you found your friends," said Kamui, forcing a smile.

There was a crash suddenly, a crash that shook them all and they looked down. It seemed as the ground was caving beneath them. There were screams and suddenly Mokona's eyes flew open and Fai could sense a heavy presence, even more of a heavy presence than the vampire twins themselves, a presence that almost crushed him. It was the presence of Sakura's feather… but this was a different type of feather. One with more than Sakura's power.

It was because, of course, of Subaru's connection. With the power he already possessed combined with Sakura's he must be so powerful. Fai looked over to Syaoran. Just as he suspected, he has gone black. The aura around him was something of evil, something of darkness. Fai's empty eye socket beneath the cloth of the eye patch started to throb.

The real Syaoran was not with them anymore.

"I sense the feather…." Said Syaoran, his eyes dark.

Subaru's eyes closed and Kamui's opened and Fai felt beads of sweat gather underneath his chin. Syaoran suddenly focused on Subaru. Subaru didn't even flinch, only looked at Syaoran quite steadily despite his blindness, with no fear in his eyes at all. If Fai were in his position… he would have been more afraid.

"It's there," said Mokona, motioning to the ground where the crash had come from.

Syaoran ripped his eyes from Subaru's cloudy green eyes and Mokona and Syaoran rushed out of the room. Kurogane and Fai's eyes met for a split second and they followed after their companions, running as fast as they could down the marble stairs, careful not to trip.

It was quite cold in spite of the desert they were in. Perhaps it was the cold, or perhaps it was the stone that made up the castle's walls, or perhaps it was the strange aura that surrounded them all. It was an aura of sadness. An aura of someone who had been through everything and back again.

You could get through any amount of sadness, you would break but you would get through it, but how could you go back to how it was? How could you ever smile again?

Syaoran threw open a large door and they all entered, Kamui and Subaru following close after. They threw open a doo at the end of the hallway and they all stared.

The inside was absolutely bare except for what looked like a statue in the middle. A statue of a small girl, wearing a long flowing dress with her hands to her sides. Her eyes were closed and it looked as if she was made of glass. She looked strangely like Sakura but younger. In the middle of the sculpture was the feather, suspended in the glass, giving off a strong glowing aura that resembled Subaru's. Syaoran and Mokona approached the statues slowly.

"Don't!" yelled Kamui and Fai at the same time.

But when they tried to hold Syaoran back he threw them both to the ground. Mokona along with them. Subaru looked upon them in pain as he helped Kamui up. Syaoran touched the statue and Kamui once again lunged, Fai trying to grab Syaoran without success.

"Kamui, it isn't worth it," said Subaru.

Kamui looked over at Subaru. His eyes were closed but he seemed focused on the feather. But how did the feather and Subaru connect? And why did he say such a thing to Kamui? Did he want to die? Did he really want death when he still had someone that needed him, that loved him?

"What are you talking about?" yelled Kamui, still wrestling with Syaoran. "Subaru, you'll die!"

"It doesn't matter anymore," said Subaru quietly, looking away. "They need it and I-"

Kamui pulled away from Syaoran, a foolish mistake, and pinned Subaru to the wall. Subaru flinched as his head was flung back and blood splattered onto his hair. His teeth clenched in pain as he struggled in reflex against Kamui's strong grip. Syaoran looked at the two for only a moment and then advanced on the statue.

"Subaru, listen to me!" yelled Kamui. "You can't!"

He could. He could give up his life if he just let himself go. As long as Syaoran obtained the feather and Subaru let him take it willingly, he could die on the spot. But why? How could he hurt someone he loved just because of his own decision? Didn't he care? Didn't he want to live on and be with Kamui? If Fai could… If Fai was in this situation he would have never let the feather go.

But then again, Fai was horribly selfish.

But Syaoran didn't listen to Kamui. He didn't even hear him. He couldn't, because he wasn't Syaoran anymore. He was only ko. Only an empty soul without feelings or consciousness. He placed his hand on the glass and the feather floated out of the statue slowly.

Subaru eyes drifted closed and he suddenly caved into Kamui's arms. Syaoran curled his fist around the feather. Sakura-chan… Thought Fai as Kurogane stood next to him in silence, looking at the whole situation with calm eyes. How could he be calm? How could he be calm when everyone around him was breaking? How could his eyes not brim with tears when he watched the two?

Maybe that was why Fai chose him above everyone else.

"Wh-What? Don't leave me, Subaru!" yelled Kamui.

Subaru reached up, his fingers shaking, and held Kamui's face quietly. Kamui was already crying and the tears dripped down Subaru's pale hands. Syaoran looked over to them and suddenly the feather started to disappear into a cloud of golden dust, slipping through his fingers. Subaru's breathing seemed labored as he tried to choke out something to Kamui.

"Kamui, they need-"

But then Subaru's head fell into Subaru's chest, turning colder than he already was, all the color rushing out of his face. Kamui let go of Subaru's hands and started to cry even more, holding him close. Fai looked at them, not crying, recognizing this scene from his own memories. He knew how it felt to hold a dead person to your chest, not feeling a heartbeat anymore, the only thing you can hear is your own breath.

As they all looked upon the two, Syaoran with his emotionless expression, Mokona with tears in its eyes and Fai with recognition. But Kurogane was looking down at Fai, with something like worry. Because Fai looked as if he was going to cry, even though he wasn't. He looked as if he was in need of comfort. Of any kind. Because what kind of person could watch such a thing happen to someone and not need comfort?

"Transport us now," said Syaoran.

As they were all surrounded by wind and Mokona started to swallow them all (sorry, couldn't think of a better word than swallow!) Fai looked up at Kurogane. Kurogane took his and silently, offering some sort of comfort to the blonde. Fai bit his lip as they left the twins huddled together, both cold, but only one broken.

One that would surely share in their brother's fate.

In case you didn't know… The last sentence means that Kamui eventually committed suicide. Gomen, but he would eventually. Please review, and tell me if there are any pairings/characters that you would like to be put in.

I'm sorry this wasn't written as well, but it was really, really hard to write. And the chapters will be coming out slower, but please excuse it, because it isn't really my fault. And I will assure you, they WILL be written better.

And also, if anyone can guess what 'ko' are, I will be surprised! Thank you all for sticking with me this long.