"Zenzo?!" exclaimed Sacchan.
"Oh yea," said Zenzo. "There's also another guy coming to deliver stuff, I think his name was Hasegawa?"
"Oh!" exclaimed Kagura. "You mean Madao? Or DORK, or whatever they call him?"
"Hey!" said Hasegawa. "I can hear you!"
Hasegawa proceeded to bring up the rest of the food to Odd Jobs, and somehow managed to not drop it.
"Alright," said Hasegawa. "That'll be 8750円."
Kyubei walked over with a check, and handed it to him.
"Thank you," said Hasegawa. "By the way, can we stay? We just got laid off."
"Turns out Pizza Mutt was used for laundering money," said Zenzo.
"There was also a meth lab in a supposedly out-of-order kitchen," said Hasegawa.
"Oi, do you want to stay?" asked Gin. "We found something on the internet."
"It's called Fanfiction," said Kagura. "We found a story about you being rich, which was marked as a fantasy story!"
"Hell yea!" exclaimed Hasegawa. "It's better than that cardboard box in the park!"
"How about you, Zenzo-san?" asked Shinpachi.
"I guess," said Zenzo. "I got nothing better to do."
Kagura handed Hasegawa the laptop, and he mindlessly scrolled until he found a story.
"I think I found a good one," said Hasegawa.
Silver Hair, Golden Heart
By TaeFan32
"Oh hey!" exclaimed Tae. "I have a fan!"
Synopsis: Gin is injured after his fight with Nizo.
"Yea, that guy was one hell of a fighter," said Gin.
This is what really happened when Tae patched up his wounds.
"I don't like where this is going."
"Neither do we," said Kondo and Shinpachi.
Gin woke up with a sharp pain in his chest. His fight with Nizo had done a number on him, and now he was in his house, all bandaged up.
"God, that sounds painful," said Katsura.
Fortunately for Gin, an angel was tending to his wounds.
"To think that you were hallucinating!"
"I didn't see an angel," said Gin. "All I saw was Tae."
Tae responded to this by punching Gin.
Her brown orbs seemed to glow with a heavenly light.
"…Orbs?" said Tae.
"I think the author means eyes," said Shinpachi.
"Gin-kun?" said Tae. "Are you okay?"
"Yea," said Gin. "It's nothing."
"I FELT LIKE EVERY BONE IN MY BODY WAS BROKEN!" exclaimed Gin. "IT HURT SO MUCH!"
"Oh, Gin-kun, I'm so relieved…" said Tae, who proceeded to put her head on his lap.
"I wouldn't do something like that!" exclaimed Tae.
Kondo began to look worried.
Meanwhile, Shinpachi looked at the array of empty Pizza boxes.
"KAGURA-CHAN?! JUST HOW MANY SLICES DID YOU EAT?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.
"Uh… probably like 22 or so?" said Kagura. "30 wings, 10 Breadsticks, and Half of that Mushroom pasta too."
"HOLY SHIT KAGURA-CHAN!" exclaimed Shinpachi. "YOU ATE HALF OF THE PIZZA?!"
"I didn't touch the one with Azuki Beans and Mayo," said Kagura.
"NO ONE'S GONNA TOUCH THAT!" shouted Shinpachi. "THAT'S LITERALLY POISON!"
"I'll be fine," said Gin. Gin tried to get up, but as he got up, he heard a voice.
"Wait, Gin-kun!" said Tae. "Please tell me that you're not gonna die! I don't want to lose you!"
Kondo cringed. He knew what was going to happen.
"Why would you care?" asked Gin. "I'm just a good for nothing guy with Silver Hair. What's so special about me?"
"You've changed everyone who's ever come across you," said Tae. "Especially me."
Gin was confused. "How did I change you?" he asked.
"I thought that I could never love a man, but now…"
Gin was beginning to look worried.
"Gin-kun, I've fallen in love with you!"
The room was silent, for the 3rd or 4th time that day. You'd think that they'd get used to shocking lines like that, too. Tae and Gin looked confused. Kondo looked like he was about to die. Sacchan fainted. The rest of the room looked towards the laptop in shock.
Kondo spoke up. "Otae-san…."
"Hm?" said Tae.
"WHYYYYYYYY?!" exclaimed Kondo, as he burst into tears, and hid in the bathroom.
Kyubei wasn't fairing well either. She hid in the corner of the room, constantly muttering "I don't want to live anymore…"
However, Shinpachi was silent.
"Uh, Shinpachi?" asked Gin, but Shinpachi didn't respond.
Seconds later, Shinpachi let out an unholy noise from his mouth.
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"
Then, he just went silent.
"Y'know, I kind of wanna see what happens next," said Sakamoto.
"I agree," said Katsura.
"WHY ARE YOU SO INTERESTED IN MY FAKE ROMANCE?!" exclaimed Gin.
Gin looked longingly into her eyes. Her brown orbs-
"Why don't you just call them eyes?"
-reflected a loving light into his red orbs.
"God damn it."
Then Gin made his move. He kissed her.
"Why are you cheating on Tsukki?" asked Kagura.
Gin and Tsukuyo chose not to answer. They knew that she wouldn't stop shipping them.
They kissed for roughly a minute, and then, stopped. After a moment of dead silence, Tae spoke.
"Gin-kun, please promise me that you'll return alive…"
"Of course, my love," said Gin.
"That's so cheesy," said Gin.
"And when I get back, we'll get married."
"Yea, no thanks," said Gin.
"Why would the boss lady marry someone like you?" asked Kagura.
"Well the other choice is the Gorilla…" said Gin.
They shared one last kiss, and Gin ran off, with love burning in his heart.
End of Chapter 1
"Thank god that's over," said Tae.
"That story was horrible!" exclaimed Kyubei.
"IS IT OVER YET?!" shouted Kondo from the bathroom.
"No!" shouted Gin. "There's still another chapter!"
"GOD DAMN IT!" shouted Kondo.
"Let's read chapter two!" exclaimed Katsura.
"If it'll keep that Gorilla away," said Tae.
Chapter 2
Gin rushed to the Kihetai's ship, using Sadaharu as his mount. He took out all of the Joi guarding the ship, and proceeded to board.
"I don't even remember how I actually got onto that ship," said Gin.
Gin ran to the central chamber, where the Kihetai Five were waiting for him.
"Jesus Christ, this sounds like something straight out of Bleach. The Hueco Mueco arc, I think."
"Gin-san," said Shinpachi. "We can't afford lawyers right now."
"It's fine," said Gin. "It's not like they care. Now, can you pass me my Azuki Bean pizza?"
"Takasugi!" shouted Gin. But he heard no response. "Takasugi!"
"Get them," said Takasugi, and three figures swooped down from above.
Matako, Takechi, and Bansai swooped down from the ceiling, to fight Gin.
"I didn't see Bansai during that Arc," said Gin, between bites of his Pizza. "His first appearance was during that Shinsengumi Crisis, right?"
"I think so," said Hijikata, who was eating his Mayonaise Pizza.
Gin took out Takechi in a single blow, and tossed him aside. "I need… prepubescent girls…" were his last words.
A collective snicker was heard throughout the entire room.
"Seriously though," said Gin. "That guy kind of creeps me out."
Bansai had trapped Gin with his Guitar Strings-
"That's not a guitar, it's a shamisen."
and Matako kept firing at him. However, Matako accidentally shot several of Bansai's strings, allowing Gin to throw Bansai at Matako, taking them both down.
Finally, Takasugi sent out Nizo, the Manslayer. Gin tapped into his instincts from the Joui war, and defeated him in a single blow.
"Man, if only it were that easy."
Finally, Gin faced down Takasugi, his former friend, turned mortal enemy.
"Takasugi!"
"Gintoki!"
"Takasugi!"
"Gintoki!"
"Takasugi!"
"Gintoki!"
"Takasugi!"
"Gintoki!"
"WRONG SERIES, DAMN IT!"
Gin slammed his fists into the ground.
"I don't care if I'm a Ninja," said Zenzo. "I will never let this show be like Naruto, with the plot-no-jutsu and Itachi dying."
"Itachi dies?!" exclained Okita. "WHY'D YOU SPOIL THAT, ASSHOLE?!"
"My god," said Kagura. "You didn't know that? Geez, did you just get to the Search for Tsunade arc already?"
"FUCK YOU!" shouted Okita. "HE'S MY FAVORITE CHARACTER!"
"Oh yea!" exclaimed Hijikata. "They bring Itachi back with Edo Tensei, and then they kill him again!"
"FUCK YOU HIJIKATA!" shouted Okita, who was acting out of character at this point.
"Man," said Hijikata. "This is worse than the time I spoiled that Kamina dies."
"Kamina dies?!" exclaimed Gin. "WHY'D YOU SPOIL THAT, ASSHOLE?!"
A fury of slashes was seen, with neither of the two seeming to deal that much damage. Finally, they jumped back.
"Takasugi!" shouted Gin, as he readied the final blow.
"Gintoki!" shouted Takasugi, as he readied his final strike.
"YOU FUCKING MAYO ADDICT!" shouted Gin. "WHY'D YOU SPOIL GURREN LAGANN?!"
"I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU DIDN'T FINISH IT!" shouted Hijikata. "IT'S ONLY 27 EPISODES, HOW CAN YOU NOT FINISH IT?!"
They charged at each other, and dealt the final blow. Explosions rocked the room, and fire was everywhere.
Gin tackled Hijikata, and they began to punch each other's faces.
"Oi, Hijikata," said Okita. "Can you not fight with your boyfriend, please?"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, SOUGO!" shouted Hijikata.
"YEA!" shouted Gin. "GO MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"
"FUCK YOU, GIN-CHAN!" shouted Kagura, who kicked Gin off of Hijikata, and proceeded to beat the shit out of him.
When the dust settled, Takasugi and Gin were standing still. All of a sudden, a column of blood exploded from Takasugi's body. Then, Takasugi exploded.
"It looks like Takasugi had a bomb inside of him," said Katsura.
"BUT WHY?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.
Gin jumped off of the ship, and landed safely on the ground.
"HOW?! HE SHOULD BE DEAD FROM THAT FALL!"
All of a sudden, Tae ran up to him, and kissed him.
"Gin-kun!" said Tae. "I'm so relieved!"
"It was nothing," said Gin. "Now, let's run off and get married."
End
"Thank god that's over," said Tae.
"IS IT OVER?!" shouted Kondo.
"No, there's still 10 more chapters!" shouted Tae.
"She's lying!" shouted Hijikata. "It's over!"
Tae lunged in to punch Hijikata, but he caught her fist.
"Tch," said Hijikata. "You think that can hurt me?"
However, Hijikata forgot that Tae had two fists, so she punched him in the face.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang.
"Gintoki-sama, your rent is due."
Hey guys!
I'd like to apologize about this chapter taking almost a week, I had a bunch of AP Summer Homework, as well as the fact that the DoTA 2 Summer battle pass is out!
Either way, I will ensure that I can update more frequently. じゃあね！