Thank you to all my reviewers! You make me want to keep writing this story.

Italics are internal though, bold is elvhen

We rode into Skyhold just as dusk was settling over the keep. Long shadows stretched from the setting sun like fingers grasping at the world. I rode in last, at the back of the line, letting Da'asha simply follow the others on her own. I had been lost in a cloud of my thoughts, but I managed to shake the mist to look around. There was a crowd at the gate that was not as large as it normally would be if we had returned at the height of the day. I was relieved for the lack of extra attention.

Commander Cullen was waiting near the stables for Sean, no doubt already looking to debrief him on the situation with the Wardens. We came to a staggered halt in front of the stables, and slowly began dismounting. I hauled myself out of the saddle, and held myself steady so my shaky knees wouldn't buckle beneath me. These last few days had been very long.

We had stayed at the main camp one more night before heading for Skyhold. The soldiers had managed to procure another tent for us, but since we had gained two new companions in Hawke and Alistair, the extra room was already taken. So I had ended up sharing with Solas again. Not that I mind really. I just would have prefered to have some time alone.

I probably should have expected that I would have nightmares again.

That night, in the Fade, I had relived my whole vision again. I was lucid, able to have my own thoughts and feelings, but I had no control over my body. Like a pair of eyes, watching from a skull that wasn't mine.

I had awoken panicked again, almost screaming as the fears and emotions of the dream threatened to overwhelm me. And of course, that had woken Solas.

I thought back to that moment.

I sat up gasping and clutching at my chest, where the echos of sharp pain still tingled on my skin. I sat there trembling for a while, before I shook my head and began dressing. I would not sleep again tonight.

I glanced to the side and saw Solas watching me move about, awoken by my strangled gasp. I grimaced and looked away from him. I definitely didn't want to talk about it. Thankfully, he didn't ask.

Once fully dressed, I slipped out of the tent. I spent the rest of the night pacing in the dark, or staring into the fire, going over every aspect of the dream in my mind, trying to make sense of it.

There were too many parallels.

The first thing I noticed was her voice. Lethanavir.

She had my voice. I could hear it when she spoke to the elves in black armor. It was the same inflection and tone. They were not my words but it was my voice she spoke with.

The second thing I noticed was her fighting. It was very similar to my own, if not the same. She moved with the fluidity and grace that I had been practicing all my life. She was better than me though. Watching from her eyes, I knew that her reactions were faster than mine could ever be. I couldn't help but breathe a small sigh of relief at that difference.

The third and most concerning similarity I had with Lethanavir was her wounds. I had been avoiding thinking about it, but now there was no denying it. She had been shot with poisoned arrows in the same two places that I had been shot on Earth.

We are mirrors of each other. Different worlds and different times. But the same.

At that point I had started to panic.

What does it mean? Who is she? Why am I seeing this?

I had to clear my mind and calm my breathing at that point.

As night had crawled towards dawn, I smoothed my features to show nothing. And when the others rose at sunrise, I was the image of calm. Though even I will admit I probably did not look normal. I felt blank, empty.

Later in the day, that thought was proven correct when Solas spurred his hart up to ride next to Da'asha. I was absorbed in my own circular thoughts so I hadn't turned my attention to him right away.

"Shae, are you alright?"

I had blinked at him for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts. Am I alright?

"I'm fine, Solas."

His brows came together, and he frowned.

"Something is bothering you. I won't force you to speak of it, but if you wish to talk, I will listen."

I stared at him for a moment, and then forced my lips into a smile.

"I'm fine. Really."

I could see from his skeptical look that he didn't believe me, but I ignored his concern and just went back to staring out over Da'asha's neck as we moved forward through the trees.

Solas hadn't approached me about it again. Sean had asked me once as well, looking concerned. I used the same smile on him, and he left me alone. No one else attempted to talk to me the rest of the trip, though there were a few concerned glances thrown my way.

Now we were finally back and Skyhold and I would be able to get some time alone to wrap my head around all this and what it means.

Does it have to mean something? Cant it just be a coincidence?

I was shaken from my reminiscing when a stablehand approached me and offered to take Da'asha. It was the same elven man I had seen before. Now that I was able to look closer, I could see he was albino. His hair and skin were too pale for anything else and his eyes had that slight pink tone to them. I smiled at him and he blushed fiercely but smiled back. I grabbed my pack from the saddle and let Da'asha snuggle into my chest as I stroked her brow, before he led her away.

Why can't any of this be normal? I wish I knew why I was here of all places, and what this stupid dream thing is.

I looked around me, almost dazedly. Thedas, elves, mages, warriors. Two freaking moons!

This isn't real. Nothing here is real! It can't be.

At that moment, Cole appeared beside me, startling me slightly.

"We are real."

I paled at the realization of what was coming, but I couldn't stop it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Solas' head jerk slightly as he listened. In fact everyone was listening, if their frozen posture was any indication. They had all noticed my attitude since the rift, and none of them had been able to pull me from it. Cole continued, and I was afraid.

"Dreams within dreams, within nightmares. We are real, but so are you. Your dreams don't make you less real. Like watching the fish dance in the lake. Now you're a fish with them. But you're still you. It's just a different perspective. You should tell him. He could help where I can't."

My mind was reeling, not only with what he was saying, but terrified that it would reveal something to the others. I put my hand gently on his shoulder, partially to try to stop him and partially to steady myself.

"Oh!" Cole murmured, his eyes going wide. And then he whispered to me, "You wanted me to do that in private." He said it as a statement, and he turned to look at everyone else, who was still watching warily. I could tell he was going to make them forget, and I suddenly didn't want him to.

"No, Cole. It's fine. Thank you for helping."

Cole turned back to me, and I gave him that same fake smile I had been using on everyone else. He watched my lips.

"It's not real."

I flinched, but patted his shoulder.

"Thank you, Cole. But I'll be fine."

Cole sighed, shook his head and disappeared, leaving me in front of a rapt audience of my companions.

"What just happened?" Hawke was looking very confused. A glance at Alistair showed similar bewilderment on his face. Sean looked between them, and laughed softly.

"Ah, that is our resident spirit of compassion. Come on Hawke, Alistair. I'll tell you all about it over drinks. I'm buying."

I could tell a masterful distraction when I saw one. Sean shot a worried look over his shoulder at me as they walked away, but I took that moment to grab my pack and move quickly across Skyhold to where the privacy of my room waited for me.

Slipping into my room silently, I leaned back against the door. The dream kept flashing through my mind, even now. I bumped my skull back against the door.

Get out. Get out. Why did I even see this?

I sighed, trying to calm down, and gestured with a flick of my mana at the candle, giving me some light.

My pack dropped heavily on the floor, and I leaned down to pull out my things.

Unpacking helped. Taking out each item and putting it in its place, not that there was a ton there. I was able to focus. Plus, I was alone, in this tiny little space that was mine.

I pulled the book I had been reading out of my bag, and let the pages fall open to where I had placed my drawing of my parents. I took it out and placed it on the table again. My fingers traced the lines over and over, remembering their faces.

You're real.

I dragged my clothing off and threw it in the corner with other dirty laundry. I would bathe in the morning. For now I was exhausted. Hopefully my nightmares will leave me alone for tonight, though I doubt it.

I grabbed some clean smalls and a large tunic that hung off my frame, leaving one shoulder bare and covering my thighs. It was the most comfortable night shirt I had.

Blowing out the candle, I crawled into bed. I layed in the dark staring at the ceiling. I tried to clear my mind, trying to become blank again. Maybe that will help with the dreams.

After at least an hour, maybe more, of staring into the darkness, trying to relax, I finally succumbed to sleep.

Water lapped gently against the dock, and I felt the peace settle over me again. I stared at the sky.

Sunrise? Or sunset?

I could see the fuzzy edges around the trees, and feel the fluid ripples that made the images before me. My awareness of it was growing. Maybe this time I'll finally be able to control it.

I focused on that peace.

The smell of pine trees on the wind, water shifting the dock slightly with the waves, and the sky bleeding orange pink and red.

I took a deep breath, savoring the calm here.

Unbidden, the images of these last few days came to my mind. I was helpless before the rift.

My head splitting open. Searing pain.

And then, I had been a burden on them.

They had to carry you out! You're so pathetic.

I trembled against the memories that were coming to me.

And then I heard it. That familiar sound. Crackling fire and groaning wood. The smell of smoke and chemicals stung my nose once again, just like every time before.

Why this nightmare?

I turned to face my burning horrors once again.

But it was different.

When I turned, the first thing I noticed was that my mom was standing beside me. She had tears streaming down her face as she stared at the burning house, her face twisted with pain and fear. I blinked at her. This is not right.

I looked at the house, and saw my dad banging on the glass windows as the house blazed around him. His eyes begged me for help, and his cries didn't reach me from my distance but I could feel every word like a knife.

Tears pricked my eyes and I clenched my jaw painfully.

Mom turned to me and grabbed my shirt, keeping her eyes glued on dad.

"Shae! You have to help him! Please! Help your father!" She begged me.

Oh god. This was so much worse.

I gently wrapped my hands around her wrists, which were still clutching at my shirt.

"I… can't. I have tried so many times, Mom. I'm sorry. For both of you."

Mom crumbled to her knees, dragging me down with her. She had kept her eyes fixed on the house, but now she turned and looked straight at me, and I saw fury there, mingling with her tears. Her fists tightened uncomfortably, until I was feeling slightly strangled in her grasp.

"You won't! You won't even try! How could I have had such a useless daughter?" She snarled and I leaned back sharply, shoving her hands away.

Her words stung like lashes from a whip and I felt the tears fall down my face. Even though I knew this was a dream, it played off of every fear and insecurity I had about their deaths.

"Mom. I can't. I have tried. There is nothing I can do to save either of you."

Mom closed her eyes and sobbed against me, and it broke my heart. I looked back and saw dad still pounding against the glass. Suddenly she sat up in my arms, giving me a hopeful look of desperation.

"Let me then! I can do it! You just have to say yes, and I will save both of us."

I hesitated. This seems too strange.

My thoughts were jarred as I saw flames begin to lick up her body. She screamed and writhed before me, her hands where they touched me scorched my skin painfully.

"Please! Shae! Please, let me help! Say yes!"

A broken sob slipped past my throat. A demon. But oh god, this hurts.

I gently pushed her away from me.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, my breath catching as I tried to speak calmly. "But no. I won't let you out of the Fade, demon."

Mom hissed, but then laughed cruelly. The flames continued to lick at her body and I watched as the flesh dripped off of her bones. It was torture to watch, but I couldn't look away.

"Ah, you are clever, Shae."

Suddenly, we were in the raw Fade. Green mists and amorphous rocks around us. Mom was whole again, standing in front of me with a cocky assuredness she had never shown in life.

"I wasn't lying though. I have been watching you, Shae. You really are useless."

I flinched as she sauntered around me, her gaze sizing me up in a way that made me very uncomfortable, especially wearing my mother's face.

"Leave me be, demon."

She laughed in my face again. She continued in a mocking voice.

"Oh, poor little Shae. Thrown into a world she doesn't understand. And now everyone is taking care of you. Sean takes care of you."

I saw flashes in my mind of Sean checking on me, of making sure I was alright; of asking me to teach him my style of fighting.

"You know he only asked you that to try to give you some purpose, right? He was watching you flounder. Helpless to do anything but exist in Skyhold, and he decided to give you a purpose. Aren't you supposed to do that yourself?"

I grimaced at her words. They cast every action into a new light. One of weakness and dependence.

"Ah, and then there is Solas." The demon smirked with my mother's lips. I hated it with every fiber of my being.

"You have a little bit of a crush on him, huh? I can see it, you know. And he helps you the most!"

She prowled around behind me and I turned my head so she remained in view.

"He has to feed you, and encourage you to sleep! He has to make sure you're ok! Ha! You are pathetic! You can't even take care of yourself. And you dare to even think you can like him? He would never desire you! You are too weak!"

Images of Solas bringing me food and checking up on me filled my mind. I was pathetic. He felt the need to care for me becuase I couldnt or wouldnt do it for myself. I gasped and felt my knees give out. I sunk down to the ground and she crouched in front of me.

"They are all better than you. You are just a burden to them. And you always will be."

She softened then, and ran her fingers gently through my hair, like my mom used to do. I couldn't help but lean into her touch. I felt disgust at my weakness even as I wanted more.

"Oh, Shae. This world is too much for you. You are going crazy, you know. That's what the visions are. You are losing your mind."

My mind went blank as I stared at her. No. No, that can't be right. No.

She had a sympathetic look on her face, as she wiped away my tears with her thumbs, gently caressing my cheeks.

"Yes, sweetheart. I want to help you. This is too much for you. You are losing your mind. Seeing things. Let me in. I can take care of it. I can take care of them and you. I am stronger."

She pulled me forward into a hug, the way my mother used to, and a whimper slipped past my lips.

"Let go of all of this, honey. It's too hard. You know that. Let me help you."

She leaned back and looked into my face, and her expression was filled with all the love I had so desperately missed for years. I gasped as another sob was wrenched from my chest.

"Shhh. It's alright, love. I can help. Let me help."

I hung there, clinging to her. The demon had a point. I was useless. All anyone ever did was take care of me. I was a burden, and a liability in battle. And I had nothing else to contribute.

I was so tired of fighting it. Why did this happen? I had accepted my death! And then I get shoved here? This isn't fair!

The demon stroked my back gently, as I considered her offer. I knew it was a false offer. I would become an abomination and they would kill me.

But... would that be so bad?

My breath hitched again. How can I really consider this? What if this isn't real and I'm just unconscious on Earth, and this is me giving up?

Would I even want to go back?

My mind stuttered at that. I had thought I had a happy life there. But now, looking back, it just felt empty. Everything was empty. Everyone is gone.

This isn't real.

"Nothing is real, sweetheart. All you are is a helpless child, struggling against the world. Let me help you."

I raised my eyes to look at her. Her face was still soft with sympathy, but her eyes burned with victory. I studied her.

Why am I still fighting? This isn't even real.

And then I suddenly remembered.

"We are real, but so are you. Your dreams don't make you less real."

I heard Cole's voice in my head. Speaking those words again. Somehow, even with as little meaning as there was there, that gave me the strength to decide.

I looked up into my mother's eyes. The eyes I loved and missed so much it hurt to breathe. And I opened my mouth to say no, but I never got the chance.

She suddenly vanished with a shriek, as the Fade itself seemed to twist to swallow her out of existence.

I stared at the spot where she was. What?

"Shae?"

I started at the sound and turned.

Solas.

There he was, concern etched on his face as he stood a little distance from me. And suddenly I knew. He had banished the demon somehow, releasing me from its clutches before I could give it an answer. One way or the other. He had taken away my choice.

I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Not only was Solas standing with me in the Fade, of all the dangerous places for him to see me; but he had saved me again.

I grit my teeth and turned away, instantly furious.

See Shae? You really can't do anything for yourself. He didn't believe you could. That's why he had to save you. Because you're pathetic!

The voice sounded suspiciously like my mothers, while it dripped its poison into my mind. I shook my head trying to shake it loose.

"Shae?" Solas asked again, sounding closer to me.

I whipped my head around to look at him, and I couldn't help the glare that spread across my face.

Solas looked surprised.

"What are you doing here?"

He at least had the decency to look a little abashed. I doubted that in any culture it was ok to just pop into other people's dreams. Ancient Elvhen god or not.

"Ah. I could hear you through the Fade. I thought to come help."

I snarled.

"I am not a child, that you need constantly come to my side if I am in trouble!"

Solas hands raised in a defensive posture.

"I was merely trying to offer my assistance. You may not have needed it. But I was happy to offer it. It did not look like a pleasant dream."

I froze and stopped breathing. How much did he see? Could he see the house? There were definitely things there that would not make sense to him!

I took a deep breath, trying to appear somewhat normal, and looked at him. He gazed back at me with steady blue eyes, but there was no suspicion there that I could see. Of course I had no doubts that he would be able to hide it if he truly wanted to.

There really wasn't any way to know. If I ask him about it, it will reveal that I have something to hide. Either he knows, and I'm dead. Or he doesn't know.

I sighed. There really isn't anything I can do about it either way.

I stood slowly and wiped at my face. I was completely done with the Fade, and a little bit with Solas. I didn't want to talk about this here. I closed my eyes and focused on two words. Wake up.

I opened my eyes, and rolled over, smothering my face in the pillow. The anger and despair I felt in the Fade began to drain out of me. I felt wetness on my face, and realized that my tears had been real. I wiped them away. My irritation flared as I thought about Solas in my dream.

How dare he just come into my dream like that? Helping or not that is very personal.

I scowled and flung back the covers and stormed out of the room, not considering anything else. I knocked twice on his door, before I simply walked in.

He was sitting up on his bed, his legs over the side, wearing only pants. My eyes did not wander though, I was so focused on my anger.

"While I appreciate the thought behind your assistance, I do not appreciate you coming into my dreams without even talking to me about it! That is… very inconsiderate of you."

My anger had fizzled out as I spoke. And I realized I was standing in his room wearing only my nightshirt. And while it was modest in its coverage, I certainly looked ruffled and ridiculous. Solas seemed to have noticed that too if the small smirk on his face was any indication. Jerk.

"I apologize, Shae. I promise I won't seek you out in the Fade again, without your permission."

I huffed and glared at him, still offended. More worried. But definitely offended.

There was a moment of silence between us as I just stood there. Well, this is awkward.

"I'm sorry for barging in. I shouldn't have."

I immediately found myself glancing around the room. It was a slightly larger space than mine was. There were books piled on the table, along with a shard, and a lot of loose-leaf paper.

"It is of no concern."

I nodded, and would have turned to leave, except that the shard was creating that slightly high pitched ringing sound that you could only hear if you listened for it.

"How do you sleep with that sound?"

Solas threw me a puzzled look, and then glanced at the shard.

"I find it does not bother me as much as you think it would."

I shrugged and walked over to it, picking it up and examining it.

"It would drive me crazy. It's a key right?"

Solas smiled at me and stood, walking over beside me, looking at the shard in my hands.

"Yes, it is part of a series of keys to a temple far to the West of us."

I nodded absentmindedly.

I studied it for a few more minutes before I realized Solas was staring at me. I blinked at him, and then flushed.

"I'm sorry, I should leave."

I shuffled back towards the door and threw him a nervous smile. His own lips curved up into a smile as well, and I felt the last of my irritation melt away. Fine, I'll forgive you. Stupid Dread Wolf.

I slipped out of the door, closing it softly behind me.

"Well now, that's interesting."

I turned and saw Varric watching me, a mischievous grin on his face, leaning against the wall casually outside his own door down the hall. I grimaced. With my state of undress, and the room I just exited, I can only imagine where his mind is going.

I shot a glare his direction and slipped back into my own room without a word.

When I finally felt clean, bathed and dressed in a new soft green tunic and dark brown leggings, I left my room and headed for the undercroft. I had an idea.

When I was younger, I don't remember how young- somewhere in the teenage years- I had been assigned to keep a dream journal. I had hated it, trying to write down the dreams I could barely remember upon waking. But now that sounded like a good idea. If only to help keep my head on straight.

I wandered up the stairs, into the main hall. It was a little later in the morning, so people were scattered about. Quite a few were still eating breakfast. I saw Varric sitting at his normal table by the fireplace, talking and eating with Bull and Sera. I grimaced as I imagined the stories he might be telling them. Hopefully, Varric has some tact. Though I feel like that might be asking for a bit much from the storyteller. He's a ridiculous gossip.

As I walked past he waved at me and winked, a saucy grin on his face. I scowled at him and his grin widened. That, of course, drew Bull's attention to me, and he raised his brows, looking back and forth between us. He tried to wave me over as well, but I simply waved back shaking my head, smiling slightly. I was going to avoid that table like the plague.

I quickly dodged through the remaining nobles in the hall and slipped into the undercroft.

"Shae! It's so good to see you again! What can I do for you!"

Dagna, cheerful as ever, bounced over to me as she spoke. I smiled at her joyful nature.

"Hello, Dagna. I was wondering if I could have some leather?"

"Of course! You don't even have to really ask for that kind of thing. Well, I mean you probably should. It is Inquisition resources after all. How much did you need?"

She suddenly looked a little concerned. As though I would ask for a whole cartload or something. I laughed quietly, and she grinned.

"I just want to make a journal, Dagna. So I won't need much at all. Just about a square this size, and enough for a strap."

Dagna grinned again, and nodded.

"Oh absolutely! Let me get you some."

I followed her as she wandered back to where they kept the supplies, organized neatly into crates and piles. She started poking through the leathers, looking for a smaller cut that maybe couldn't be used on armor.

"Is there anything you prefer?"

"No, anything is fine."

I was distracted, poking around in the other crafting materials. It was so interesting to see all these resources as real. I was examining a piece of bloodstone, watching the light refract off of the dark red surface, when Dagna came back to me.

I was surprised. Not only was she holding several pieces of leather, but also a stack of blank paper and a thick needle and heavy string we would use to sew the leather.

"I didn't mean for you to find everything for me, Dagna."

She grinned a little sheepishly.

"I really like making things, Shae. So it's no trouble. Besides, I had everything here."

We spent the next few hours chatting amicably while I worked on my journal, and Dagna worked on some runes Sean had requested. I folded the pages in half, in manageable chunks, and then began the tedious process of sewing the pages together into something resembling a book. Once that was done, I selected the August ram leather to use. I knew it was a common resource, so I didn't feel bad using it.

I cut the leather into a rectangle that would wrap smoothly around the pages. I sewed the pages onto the leather, and wrapped it up to look at it. It was starting to look pretty nice. I cut a long strip of the leather and used it to tie around the journal, keeping it closed.

I showed the completed journal to Dagna, who showed ridiculous enthusiasm as usual..

"Oh! Thats amazing! Now I want to make one!" She pursed her lips. "Though knowing me, I wouldn't actually write in it. Or if I did, it would be ridiculous nonsense that would make sense to no one. Probably not even me."

I chuckled at her, and she grinned.

"Well. I will leave you to your work, Dagna. Thank you so much for your help."

She shrugged.

"I didn't really do much. You work fast. I expected it would take longer to make something like this. But you're welcome, all the same. And I love having you come visit. So stop by anytime."

I smiled at her, genuinely touched by her welcome, and nodded.

"Of course, I will."

At that moment, one of the scouts came into the undercroft. Expecting that he would have some message for Dagna, I began to make my way up the stairs to leave. As he approached though, he stopped me.

"Lady Montilyet has asked you to come speak with her. She has a matter that needs to be discussed."

I raised my eyebrows at him. I had no guesses as for what she would need to talk to me about. I nodded at him, and he turned on his heel and quickly left the undercroft.

I waved one more time to Dagna before following him out, running my fingers over the smooth leather of my new journal.

I walked through the great hall, which was still crowded with nobles with nothing but time on their hands, and made my way to Josephine's room. As I walked in I saw Leliana leaning against her desk as they talked.

"I understand your reluctance, but your life is at…"

The House of Repose has already made its move?

Leliana spotted me then, and stopped speaking immediately. Her eyes narrowed in on me like a hawk watching a mouse. I stared back at her. Not trying to challenge her authority, but to convey that she didn't scare me. Even though she kinda does.

I approached the desk and stood before them. Josephine smiled.

"Ah, Lady Shae. It's so good of you to come. There was a matter we wanted to address with you, now that you are back at Skyhold."

"It seems word of your story has spread." Leliana spoke, her voice light. "A small group of Dalish elves, from multiple clans, has approached the Inquisition, asking if they may speak with you. Apparently they would like to learn from you, as an ancient elf. Since they are trying to discover their history."

Leliana eyed me closely as I absorbed what she said. I managed to keep a straight face, but all I could think was Oh shit.

Josephine glanced between Leliana and I, probably sensing some tension between us. She spoke, ignoring the sharp looks, and explaining further.

"Sean wanted to leave the choice to you, since you would be the one speaking to them. It would be a benefit to the Inquisition if we can get more Dalish warriors to join our cause. They are very skilled. The group arrived here yesterday while you were gone, and they have been staying in the gardens, which is where they seemed most comfortable. You may go speak with them if you wish. Though I have no doubts they will try to seek you out, if you don't. They have come a long way to talk to you."

I sighed, closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose.

The Dalish want to talk to me? I suppose I should have expected this. I am, after all, supposedly a walking, talking link to their past. Oh god, this is going to be awful.