The once Future King

Part Two: Hidden Truths

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Chapter Ten:
Forbidden Fruit
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Greg's words echoed in Nick's ears as he walked down the street toward the Apollo Theatre. He wondered if he was really that readable. Was he really that miserable that everyone could see it upon his face? He'd like to think he kept it well hidden, but perhaps it was a lie he told himself in order to feel better.

To some extent he wanted Eva to pursue her dreams and to be happy, but somewhere in his mind he wondered if those dreams were even obtainable. He hated to think lesser of his wife, but he had no proof she was even good at acting. In fact, all the evidence was telling him something completely different. Time after time, she couldn't get a gig as an actress in this town. Maybe it was that they were new and she hadn't made the right connections yet. Nick would like to say that was it, but deep in his gut, he knew that wasn't it at all.

Nick drug his heels into the Apollo Theatre, two minutes early and casually took his position behind the bar. His thoughts dwelled on Greg's words and the way his eyes never broke contact with his the entire time they talked. It was as though nothing else in the world mattered to him except Nick's wellbeing and on some level that made him feel exceptionally special.

Sometime later Schiffman leaned over the bar observing his new employee carefully. There stood a man, deep in thought and he wondered if the man was all right. Ever since Nick first stepped into his office, he could tell the man had personal issues. However, up until tonight, he's managed to keep them quiet and to himself. Tonight was different though. It was as though something had drastically changed for the young man.

"Are you feeling all right?" Schiffman asked cautiously. One thing he knew for sure about Nick, was that he prided himself on being a private individual. However, seeing him in this condition really concerned him.

"Yeah, I'm feeling just fine," he answered. Maybe Nick was honest, maybe he wasn't, Schiffman couldn't tell. "Why do you ask?"

"Normally, you're conversing with the other patrons or jamming to the music. Tonight, your mind seems lost, scattered almost," he observed.

"I just have some things to think about, that's all," Nick gave a small non-convincing smile and continued to stare off into the distance.

"You'll have to excuse the bartender tonight," Schiffman informed the crowded room, and disappeared into his office.

For most of the night, Nick stood there idly handing out alcoholic beverages until the patrons left promptly at eleven o'clock. It always struck odd that the theatre would close at such an early hour, but it was not his facility to decide the hours for. As he did most evenings, he cleaned up his bar and brought out a broom to help the other's clean up the music club.

He didn't have to help clean the place. Schiffman hired a full janitorial staff, mostly immigrants trying to afford their own apartments down in the slums of this massive city. It was well past midnight before he left the Apollo Theatre to walk back down the street toward the dingy apartment where he and his wife lived. It was the last place on Earth he wanted to return to, but he knew he couldn't run away. He promised Eva upon their wedding day that he wouldn't leave her when things god difficult. However, he didn't know how he could continue this quasi loving relationship.

The streets were silent as he walked the familiar path back to his rundown home. Across the street he could see the light on Phillie's switch off and Greg making his way toward the door. He stopped for a second and watched this interesting man. For a second, he considered walking over to the mysterious young man he talked with for so many hours.

It turns out he didn't have to go to Greg. From the moment Greg turned to walk away from his shop he saw Nick standing there. From Greg's eyes, he looked like a fish out of the water. His brown eyes were filled with sadness and uncertainty to the point it nearly broke his heart. Oh, he hid his emotional condition well. On some levels, he wished Nick were better at hiding his emotions.

He was just closing down shop, and considered ignoring the sight of his old lover from years long forgotten. However, he couldn't make his legs work in that direction.

"Nick," he called across the street to the man intently watching him.

The young man stood dumbfounded as Greg ran over to him panting a bit as to catch his breath from the quick jot across the street. His eyes appeared weary as one might expect after a long day's work of slaving over a hot griddle all day.

This night was clear and calm as the breeze barely blew through the narrow streets of the big city. An awkward moment took command over the two young men.

"I thought I could walk you over to your place," Greg said softly.

"If you don't mind, I would rather go alone," Nick replied softly trying not to offend Greg in any way. "I… I have some things I need to think about," he reasoned with the man. It was a soft flimsy excuse, but he hoped Greg would buy this little white lie.

"Is that what you really want, Nick?" Greg asked. His brown eyes fixed upon Nick's. If looks could talk, Greg's would be saying a thousand words at that moment. Nick could feel his knees grow weak under the heated glare of the young diner owner. He wouldn't look away, and he most certainly wasn't going to back away. One thing was certain, he didn't buy that little lie of Nick's and now, and he was getting one hell of a stare down for it.

"Are you going to answer?" Greg broke the silence and it was only then that Nick realized that he never answered.

The truth could be seen upon Nick's expressive face. He really didn't want to be alone, but didn't know what else to be. Nick was ashamed of the shambles his life had become, but was too proud to let any other man near enough to see.

The more Nick thought about it, the more he came to realize that he really didn't want to be alone.

"Are you sure that's what you want, Nick?" Greg asked again.

"No," replied Nick honestly. "I'm not sure what I want any more," he whispered so quietly that Greg's ears had to strain hard to hear his response.

"Well, I'm sure on what I want," answered Greg definitively.

"You are?" Nick choked out surprised to hear such open honesty. It's been a while since anyone in his life had been so honest with him. It was a sad realization to make, because he for one would like to think that the people in his life were honest to him. Yet, he knew they were far from honest with him. For years now, he's kept his mouth shut about it, but he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep quiet when all he wanted to do was scream it out for the world to hear.

His heart fluttered seeing the young man nod and the smile pulling at his thin lips. Still, he could not explain this reaction to the young diner owner, but he tried his best to hide these inappropriate responses to these small occurrences.

Nick could barely keep his eyes off the exotic person walking beside him. The man continued to jabber almost mindlessly as they walked down the street. Greg spoke constantly over one topic or another. All he could figure was Greg rambled when he was nervous. What the young man beside him was nervous about, Nick hadn't a clue. He answered the younger man whenever he had the opportunity, but mostly he just listened to the man rattle on and on about one thing or another.

"So," Greg finally took a breath. It was the first breath that Nick could recall Greg taking the entire time they spent walking toward his apartment. The man spent almost every millisecond jabbering his head off. This was the first pause he actually heard from the man since they started down this road. "If reincarnation really existed, what would you be?"

"Huh?" Nick asked confused on how they got to the subject of reincarnation.

"You know, have a life after death on this planet in a different form."

"Yeah, I know what it is," Nick snapped.

"I did it again, didn't I?" Greg suddenly stopped walking. His face flushed red with embarrassment, and his lips were bitten between his teeth.

"Did what again?" Nick asked cautiously. By this point in the conversation, Nick was hopelessly and irreparably lost. He would like to think he had listened to everything Greg said, but truth was he only caught a small portion of what was actually said.

"I… I…" His head tilted down and Nick could tell his new friend became quite self conscious in these past few minutes. It was as though Greg never even realized he was talking his ever loving mind away. Truthfully, Nick didn't mind. He actually enjoyed hearing the young man ramble on and on about precious nothing. "I tend to… um… ramble when I'm… nervous."

"That's all right," Nick quickly assured him. "I like hearing you talk."

"Where were we?"

"I think we were talking about what we would be if reincarnation actually existed," Nick recalled. "What would you be?"

"Me, probably a silly ground squirrel. You know the kind that always chases each other around, climbing trees, and eating nuts all day long."

Nick couldn't help but chuckle at the comment. Partly because he really could see Greg running amuck in the streets with that long fluffy tail flopping behind him as he darted up the nearest tree. He couldn't explain why this fit his new friend, but it most certainly did.

"What would you be?" Greg asked almost cautiously.

"Probably a bird," Nick replied honestly. Ever since he was a kid growing up on the ranch he always wondered what it would be like to fly. In the summer he used to watch the brightly coloured jays fly around picking on the poor unsuspecting cats as they came too near to their precious nests. From where Nick stood, flight represented liberty and freedom. The ability to spread their wings and fly away upon the currents in the sky was a freedom he wasn't allotted here and now.

Nick tried to explain his desire to fly to the young diner owner as they again began to walk in the direction of his apartment. Even though he explained this desire horribly to the young man walking beside him, continued to listen.

"Well, this is it," Nick said as the couple stepped up to the old red bricked building. "Home sweet hell."

"Could be worse," Greg mentioned on the surroundings. "Have a good night Nick, I will see you tomorrow," Greg turned to walk away.

"Hey, would you like a place to stay for the night?" Nick asked.

It wasn't a secret that this neighbourhood was lousy. The buildings were all built on a penny budget as fast as they could be erected. At least once a week some poor unsuspecting person was mugged and sometimes even killed violently on the street corners. The last thing Nick wanted was for something like that to happen to Greg. He had only just met the man, but he found himself really wanting to know more about him. Everything if it were possible. The young diner owner fascinated Nick to no end and the last thing he wanted to see was that same young man dead on some street corner for a buck twenty-five.

"Nah, I'll be fine," Greg assured Nick. "I'll call a cab at the corner."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," Greg attempted to soothe Nick's concerns. They might've been well founded, but Greg could take care of himself. "I'll be fine," he said one last time and walked away.

Six months have come and gone. Nick would like to say they were better, but truth was things were no better than the day they first arrived in the Big Apple. His marriage was a complete disaster zone. His life was in shambles. The only refuge he had was Phillie's.

Going to Phillie's became near ritualistic for Nick. Every day he would bid farewell to his lovely redheaded wife and depart with a kiss. He'd set off in the early afternoon, having convinced his wife Mr. Schiffman needed him to come in early for their daily matinee. It was a lie of course, just a reason to leave the house and not have to deal with Eva's bitching about it all the time. Nick wasn't keen on lying, but it was the only way he could escape his life.

Every afternoon, he'd take the same seat he always took, and met with a steaming hot cup of black coffee. Today was no different. The birds sang upon his way in from his apartment. He walked through the door clanging the cowbell hard against the glass and took his seat in the usual spot.

"Nice to see you again, Mr. Stokes," Greg greeted him. Every day it was the same greeting, and every day Nick loved to hear it. "Will coffee be it today?"

Since the second day Nick walked through that glass door into the Phillie's Diner, he never asked for anything other than coffee served black. He never took it with sugar or even ordered food, unless he was absolutely starving. Not that Greg would've minded his favourite customer.

"Just the usual cup o' jo," Nick took his seat and waited for that white mug to slide across the long sweeping bar.

"So, is Eva having any luck with the acting gig?" inquired Greg, propping his head upon his head pretending as though he really wanted to know. By this time, Nick knew the diner owner really didn't want to know whether Eva was having luck or not. He just wanted to hear Nick talk. In some ways it gave him the creeps, but he never said anything about it.

"Not really," Nick chuckled weakly and was thankful Greg never delved deeper into the subject of Eva. After all, he came to Phillie's to escape her clutches.

As for Greg, he never said anything to Nick about his views on Eva, or even about Nick himself. He figured Nick didn't come in every day to hear how his life was tormenting him to no end tearing his insides apart piece by piece. He knew that Nick didn't need to hear how miserable he looked every day he walked into his establishment. It nearly broke his heart to see this hallowed out man every day. What hurt the most though, was the knowledge that all his suffering was for nothing. All the sacrifices he made, the pain, the heartache, all so Nick could have a better life. For what, to see this man, worn down to his last thread looking miserable and unhappy every single day?

Every time Nick sat at the bar, Greg could see the anguish written over his ex-lover's face as though it were ink in a book. There was no end to the troublesome thoughts that swirled constantly in Greg's head. In the end, there really wasn't much point in ending them. Nick wasn't going to go home with him, sleep in his bed and remember what he left behind so many years ago.

Back then, leaving Nick seemed like the best thing for both of them. Somewhere in Greg's mind, he had figured that Nick would be just as happy without him in his life and would take a wife as everyone would hope. And Nick did all these things. She was a beautiful, sweet wife that everyone figured would make Nick the happiest man on earth. Somehow, Greg got the idea that everything would work out better if they were separated, especially, since the accident and Nick's amnesia.

Greg watched Nick walk into his diner every day, and order the same mug of coffee. Hearing Nick's words, the way he talked so softly about his life screamed to the young diner owner that he was far from happy. Now, on a daily basis, Greg found himself regretting the decision to leave Nick standing on the porch watching as he toted his trunks to the bus at the end of the dirt drive. Even then, Greg knew that in the long run that wasn't the best answer for Nick. Now, all he could do was see it every day that it was indeed the wrong decision to make and it broke his heart to dime-sized pieces.

About two months ago, Nick finally asked the young diner owner if he had seen him somewhere before. Not knowing what to say, or how to answer, Greg answered the question more or less with a shrug. It was then that Nick divulged the man looked familiar to him as though he spent several summer days lounged out on the riverbanks fishing for perch. Then, he confessed that he couldn't remember much from his youth and adolescence due to a car crash that rendered him with some memory loss. It was then that Greg wondered if he should tell his young troubled patron upon their previous encounters. It was then that Greg really knew that Nick was never happy with his marriage to Eva. Even if at times their marriage was blissful, Nick was never truly in love with her.

Every day, he listened to Nick's latest sob story hanging on to each and every word. It was true, he enjoyed listening to Nick talk, and it meant a lot to him that Nick was comfortable enough to talk to him so openly. Some days he would talk about very little, but others he'd talk about Eva's latest audition or his work at the Apollo theatre.

"I was thinking," Nick started a bit shyly.

Greg loved to hear that phrase come out of his mouth. Somehow it always gave him a bit of hope to hear that this beautiful man still hasn't lost his desire to continue to better himself.

"About?" Greg urged the young man to continue.

"Singing at the Apollo. You know they have amateur night every Tuesday evening."

"You should," encouraged Greg. If his voice sounds amazing while talking, Greg could only imagine what it would sound like singing. He was nearly hard from that alone.

"Maybe I will, someday" Nick idly commented. There was that look again. That gleam in Greg's eyes, the one that usually sends legions of shivers down his spine. The very one that made his knees grow weak. It was as though his soft brown eyes could peer right through his skin.

This wasn't on the first occasion Nick discovered Greg acting semi-flirtatious toward him. The funny thing was it didn't seem to bother him. In fact, Nick rather enjoyed the soft googly eyes, and the soft curl of his sexily slender smile. Even on occasion, he even found him reciprocating his flirtations. Returning the touches, Greg gently placed upon his arm and gazing upon his soft face with loving eyes. It was as though a part of him actually remembered Greg in this way. Somewhere deep within his memory, he could have recalled these feelings that resided within, dormant. Feelings he kept well hidden, because they were not feelings any civilized person could consider remotely normal. This hadn't been the first time a man had done this to him, but this was the first time Nick ever considered exploring this particular aspect of his sexuality.

With Greg, Nick actually considered delving into his hidden sexuality, and exploring these near-primal urges he contained within. There was something about the way he was wired that made Greg almost irresistible. He was the forbidden fruit, and Nick was Eve just wanting to take that first bite.

'What are you thinking Stokes, you can't have him.' He tried to convince himself foolishly that Greg was off limits for him. 'He's a man, Poncho, you're a man. It's not natural.' Again he tried to dissuade himself from openly expressing his desire for this beautiful man. It wasn't permitted. In fact, same sex relationships were downright tabooed in society and the people who participated in such actions were looked down upon as though they were some scourge of the universe that needed to be squashed. No, Nick couldn't allow himself to think of Greg in such a sexually appealing way.

From the expressions passing through Nick's eyes, Greg could see the moral dilemma raging within him, as a thunderstorm rages across the Midwest. It was clear that on some level deep down, Nick could recall some aspect about them. Whether or not he'd let himself see it was a different story, but Greg could see that he at least could remember something. Greg supposed that was better than nothing at all, but it wasn't much. All he could do at this point was just hope that maybe Nick would someday let himself see and understand the feelings he has within him for what they were. Nick wasn't there yet, but he could see that someday there might be a chance. That small possibility of a chance was the only thing that kept Greg getting up in the morning.