After a week of keeping calm about everything going on, from Jesse's shooting to Melody being admitted to a mental institution for severe PTSD, I finally broke down.

I disappeared for two days.

After being on my own for two hundred years, I was really good at hiding my scent when I don't want someone following me. I didn't want anyone following me so I made sure my tracks were covered as I left the pack. I went to a wooded area on the Snake River that I knew no one in the pack knew about. I stayed in wolf form and hunted small game. At night I slept in a small den I made close to the river.

Being away from the pack made it easier to think.

Ben had essentially moved in with me and Sam. He brought some of his clothes and left them in my room. There was a clear box under the bed. There were some pictures of people who were obviously his family. Luckily he and Sam got along well enough that Sam didn't say a word. I didn't care one way or another consider in another we would officially be mates.

We had discussed it a lot over the last week. He hadn't told me all that had happened to him and I didn't ask. We would work that out as we went. I told him the full extent of my attack a year ago and the reason behind it. It had upset him and he had held me all night. He was giving up more than he was willing to admit.

The thing that had pushed me over the edge was Jesse. She had told Gabriel about being shot. I wouldn't have minded if the boy hadn't said some things that made my skin crawl. I understood the boy had younger sisters of his own and he was very protective of them. I understood that he was protective of Jesse, but stating that monster killing monster was a little disheartening. Jesse had seen look on my face as I walked out. It was from there that I left for my two days of freedom.

I changed back into my normal human self and waited a few moments before I put my clothes on. It always hurt changing because the body is contorting into a different creature. I found my car where I had hidden it off the road and climbed in. Heat was welcoming commodity and I played it on the low side. I didn't play any music as I drove to Adam's. His place was where I had to go first.

The place looked like a used car lot as I pulled into the driveway. He must have called the pack in when I disappeared. I didn't even think about it as I got out of the car and walked in the house. Warren and Darryl were pouring over maps of the area in the living room over the coffee table as I walked past it. I could hear the others in the kitchen talking about other areas when I walked that way.

I walked in and Adam's head came up. He was about to come around the island and stopped. There must have been something on my face that stopped him in his tracks. It didn't stop Jesse though. She flew around the island, wrapping her arms around me. Only when I didn't hug her back did she look at me. She stepped back slowly.

When I looked down, my hands were shaking. There was something warm on my face. Lifting one of my shaking hands, I touched my cheek and looked at the liquid there. I was crying. I hadn't cried in years; not since my brothers died. I never even cried when I was attacked. Well, not for real. I only cried when I was stabbed because the blade had been pure silver. Why was I crying now?

I knew that answer. Everything that had happened in the last week had taken its toll on me, causing a mini nervous breakdown. I felt like Jesse getting shot was my fault. I knew Melody before all this happened and I had no idea she was a werewolf hater. I should known and protected her better.

My knees gave way but I never met the floor. Two strong arms were holding up. I looked over to see Ben. That made things worse and I lost it. I gripped his arms with a force that would have broken any normal man's. He had been my rock this week and disappearing on him hadn't been the right thing to do.

"Take her upstairs, Ben." Mercy said softly.

"No." I stuttered. I finally found the strength to shove him away. "No."

"You're losing control."

I took a deep breath and shuddered. This wasn't easy. I should have just gone home and went straight to bed. I started for the door but was blocked by Ben. "Move." It must have been the command in my voice that made him move. I started for the door once more.

"Don't move." This time it was Adam. I froze but my body shook. He stepped in front of me and looked me in the eye. "What's bothering you?" I set my jaw and refused to answer. "We could do this one or two ways. It's your choice." I felt the look of the rest of the pack as they ventured into the kitchen.

I felt Ben at my back, arms circling around my waist for comfort and support. Even after I pushed him away, he still came back. I sank back into him. He pressed his mouth to my ear and murmured something.

"Jesse." I said hoarsely.

Adam's eyes widened fractionally but nothing else changed. "What about Jesse?"

"It's my fault she got hurt. I should have known Melody was a little on the insane side and wouldn't have cared if she killed a human child of a werewolf." I was still shaking but Ben's arms and body kept that from showing the others, although they could smell it.

Mercy moved into my line of sight. "It's not your fault. None of us knew that the police force would allow someone like that on their task force as a sniper."

I shook my head and leaned back against Ben. "Let me go." He did and I turned and brushed past Warren and Darryl on my way out.

I was running across the yard as soon as my feet hit dirt. I had to get away from the pack. I didn't care that I had left my car. I shouldn't have gone back in the first place. I knew it was a bad idea but I did it anyway.

By the time I realized it, I had left Finley and was standing on the bridge between Kennewick and Pasco. I stopped right in the middle and looked out over the water. While I had been gone, it hadn't rained. Now the storm clouds were rolling in. It was going to start raining in the next few minutes but I didn't care.

I crossed over into Pasco and found a spot out on the bank to watch the water. I used to do this back home. The Rhine would flood many times during the year so I needed the memory of my home. I was hurting and I didn't know why. I guess I should have stayed in my wolf form.

I finally realized it was raining when it thundered. I looked at the clock on my phone. It was seven thirty. I had been gone for three days exactly. Running out of Adam's hadn't been such a good idea but at the moment I didn't care. My heart hurt with the fact that I could have prevented Jesse's attack by checking out Melody in college.

I walked home, well aware that my jeans were soaked through and extremely uncomfortable. I put up with the discomfort until I got home. My car was in the drive when I walked up. Ben must have driven it home for me since I left the keys in the glove box. Sam's car was gone. Either he had to work or he had been called out.

I shed my clothes on the front porch because they were soaking wet. I walked into the house naked and didn't give a rip that Ben was sitting on the couch. I went by him without a word, going straight for a hot shower to get rid of the cold chill. When the water was piping hot, I stepped in.

I sat down on the shower stall and let the water fall over me. My skin was cold for being a werewolf and it hurt when the heat hit it. After a few moments, the bathroom door opened and closed. So did the shower curtain. I looked up at Ben. He held his hands out for me to take. When I did, he pulled me to my feet and against him. His body heat suddenly warmed me as we stood under the spray.

My chest ached with the force of holding everything back. I cried on his shoulder. I didn't want to but once it started it was hard to stop. He just held me and let me do what I had to do. I knocked his chin with my head on accident. I finally turned my head and let him kiss me. It helped a little bit but not much. I knew what I wanted but he wasn't ready so I broke away.

He turned me around and after a moment, I felt suds being moved around on my back. It felt good and the knots around my neck and shoulders began to loosen. He tilted my head back and began to massage shampoo into my hair and scalp. It felt good to have someone taking care of me. I never had that before.

When he was done, he turned off the water and reached for the towel I had thrown over the shower rod. He threw it over my head and tightened it enough to the point where I laughed. He was smiling when he pulled it off and began rubbing me down. I whined when he stopped. It had felt good.

He picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. I didn't feel like putting any clothes on and apparently he didn't either. As I nestled in the covers, he dried himself off the towel then climbed in the bed. I rolled to him instinctively and let his body heat flood me. I'd rather sleep like this with him every night than never sleep with him again. He was pressing kisses to my hair every few seconds as he whispered something in that accent I found so sexy.

I finally tilted my head back to look at him. He canted his head to look down at me. We stared at each other for a few moments before I nestled back under his chin. I nudged his knees apart so I could fit one of mine there. He laughed a little at me.

"You feeling better?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. I don't know what happened."

"From what I could tell, it was a panic attack or something close to it. I've never seen you cry before. It was kind of shocking."

"It was a shock to me as well." I rubbed my nose in his chest, inhaling his scent in the process.

"Mercy was right. It wasn't your fault that Jesse got hurt." I started to protest but he shook his head. "There was no way you could have known that Melody hated werewolves because she had been overseas. You hadn't seen her for six years. There was no way you could have known."

I nuzzled his chest once again then rested my cheek against his heart. It beat in rhythm like it should. I shifted until I had turned over so I couldn't see his face. He kept his arms around me. Even as he fell asleep I knew he had my back. The only problem was I didn't think I believe him anymore than I did Adam. It didn't matter to them not the Melody was in custody but it mattered to me. We had been close in college and I liked to think I knew people I had stayed with for longer than a month. Not knowing that she hated werewolves meant I knew nothing.

With a soft whine, I buried my nose in Ben's arm and tried to get some sleep.

Emphasis on the tried.