"Draco! DRACO!" Pansy's shrill voice could be heard all over Diagon Alley as the new seventh years flocked there for school supply shopping. "Draco, did you see the calendar? Did you see it? DRACO, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

"What is her problem?" Hermione asked as they watched the high-strung Slytherin chase after Malfoy from a booth at Florean Fortescue's.

"Apparently, Draco didn't appreciate Pansy's picture in the calendar," Harry said, licking almond ice cream off a spoon. "Not that I blame him, it left little to be desired."

"It left nothing to be desired," Ron laughed. "I mean, it's Pansy. And speaking from an entirely unbiased standpoint and not that of a Gryffindor man with an avowed hatred for the little snakes, Pansy's too pointy and skinny."

Hermione choked on her cherry. "Sorry?"

Ron put his arms behind his head as he fantasized. "I like a girl with some curve to her, if you know what I mean." He frowned, noticing Hermione's wide-eyed gaping. "Say, Hermione...did you model for the calendar?"

"Oh! Erm, well... When, when you say, model, I- I-"

Ron leaned over suddenly and wiped a smidge of hot fudge off her cheek, blushing furiously until his ears were bright red. "Sorry-you had some-on your cheek-"

Harry rolled his eyes at his two best friends. "I can't wait for school to start. Hey, Ginny, wait up!" He burst out of his seat when he saw Ron's sister. "So, I saw your picture in the calendar..."

On September 1st, all the boys of Hogwarts were anxiously awaiting for their calendars to change, unaware of Hermione's last-ditch attempt to protect herself before school. However, Ginny noticed and was prepared to retaliate with a pillow fight.

"HOW-DARE-YOU-!" she screamed as she crashed into Hermione's bed at the Burrow, pillow smashing.

"Ow-Ginny, what are you doing?"

"You did something to the calendar-it didn't change!" Ginny crossed her arms and glared at her bushy-haired friend.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "It'll change tomorrow-I charmed the calendars just a teensy bit. I didn't want everyone harassing me on the Hogwarts Express. Tomorrow, I promise-you'll see me in all my schoolgirl glory."

And everyone did, with surprising results. After all, she was the most surprising calendar photo to date: every other girl had shown in the past to have their own wild and sexy side, including McGonagall, but Hermione was the one exception to the rule. On her way down to breakfast on the Great Hall, she didn't receive any catcalls but instead wide-eyed stares and even a few rounds of applause. Dumbledore chuckled when she walked into the Great Hall. Seamus was drooling by Transfigurations class when she bent over to grab extra textbooks. Neville and Professor Flitwick mumbled and turned bright red when she was nearby. Dean Thomas bowed in her presence. Snape even tripped over his own feet looking at her walking to her seat, and he followed the action with taking ten points from Gryffindor.

Harry and Ron where nowhere to be found, but Malfoy always seemed to be in sight, watching her out of the corner of his eye with an appreciative smirk.

"You could teach me a thing or two about Potions, couldn't you, Mudblood?" he whispered to her in the hall.

Hermione bit her tongue to keep from lashing out. "Go away, Malfoy."

"I'll cut to the chase. You, me, Room of Requirement. I'd love to have my basilisk slither in to your chamber of secrets."

"Get lost."

Malfoy snapped out of it after this. "Oh, yeah? Well-I can do better!"

Pansy perked up immediately.

Harry and Ron stayed shut in their dormitory all day.

"Make...it...stop..." Harry begged the calendar picture he couldn't take his eyes off, ignoring the painful broomstick in his trousers. "She's my...sister...SISTER...Ron...?"

Ron looked to be a lot worse. He'd drawn the curtains around his bed. For the past few hours, Harry assumed Ron had Spellotaped the calendar to his eyes. At six o'clock, he burst through the curtains and off the bed. "Blast it, I'm taking Hermione out. I've been a git about it long enough."

Harry watched him go in utter shock before cheering with a whoop and following closely behind to ask Ginny out.

A/N: I love how blunt BroadwayStarletQueen is! Also, I decided that I would update two chapters because chapter nine is so short. Lucky you!