Yasss people. I'm currently on a roll and am writing the next chapter right now, even tho I just finished this one.
Disclaimer: I don't own DGM.
Enjoy!
Ghosts clung to Allen.
They clung to him like shadows. Weighing him down and trailing behind him like a prison ball. Normally you wouldn't be able to see them. Normally he hid them and their effects so well.
But not anymore.
It was very evident that something was wrong. To anyone that looked at him close enough. Kanda knew it without even looking at him.
He could just feel the death that clung to him. That was a dark stain in his once lively aura, growing and growing...consuming the soft yellow light.
His ghosts hung on. Latched around his ankles and his wrists. Locking him in and holding him down. Their ghoulish hands clawed at him, suffocated him...drowned him. Drowned him in their utter darkness. They weighed him down so all he could go was down.
Down, down, down.
Rolling and thrashing and writhing as he was dragged into a echoing abyss. The last of his aura and life wrenched from his throat as he drowned, swallowed up completely by the dark.
That was the only path for him. The only way he was going to walk. He wasn't going to get to walk into his grave...we wasn't even given that luxury.
He was going to be dragged down a path of needles and thorns. Scratching him and cutting into him, tearing him apart. He would be dragged, screaming and crying, into a dark hole where he would be ripped from life. Forcibly.
There was no 'keep walking until he dies'. He wouldn't get to keep walking his path. He wouldn't be able to walk.
Just like now...he couldn't walk.
It took him by surprise, even though it should have. He was in his room, heart shuddering from a nightmare in the middle of the night. His innocence arm started throbbing violently. It hurt. He clutched it, held it with his broken hand.
He writhed, rolling from his clammy sheets onto the freezing concrete. He thrashed, mouth wide open but no sound emerging. Veins popping in his throat but with no sound to explain them. He couldn't cry out, couldn't cry for somebody, anybody to help him.
And then he blanked out. Silence and peace suddenly finding him in the only moment he didn't want it. But then, just as he was just adjusting to its tranquillity...he was wretched from it. And back into his cold and painful reality.
By Kanda, standing over him in the infirmary. Three other faces hovering over him. And it turned out that he didn't need to tell anybody anything anymore. He hadn't needed to worry about when and how he was going to tell the people he loved that he was going to die.
Because it was all done for him the moment his body collapsed.
Everyone knew. Even the new trainee finder girl that Allen had met last week, all smiles and giggles and 'I'm looking forward to working with you in the near future!'
She knew. Everyone knew in the Order that the Destroyer of Time was going to die, because of his innocence...even the High Generals.
And now Allen could only await their reaction, curled up in a wheelchair and trying not to cry. He sat, staring at his poster. The poster that had always reminded him. Always been his motivation.
Been his connection to Mana.
"I'm sorry, Mana." He whispered, tears falling down his forlorn face. Because he couldn't walk. He couldn't walk to his grave. Couldn't lay himself to rest, at peace with what had been done to him. He couldn't decide, not anymore. He didn't have control of anything. Not his life, or his death.
He was simply waiting to die, hiding away from the damn pitying looks. The damn looks that shoved his vulnerability in his face. The looks that rung true, no matter how much he tried to ignore them. Ignore the feeling inside him that told him that they knew. They knew with perfect clarity just how fragile and vulnerable he was. Just how helpless he was.
He had no control over that, either. No control over what people thought...because it was all true.
Kanda was readying to leave with Komui's new plan. The new plan that could help them win this devastatingly hateful war. The knew plan that he was supposed to lead, head held high and strength radiating from him. Confidence in his friends and himself.
But he guessed that was only ever going to be a fairytale. He was never going to be able to make a dent in this war. He was never going to lead this army of light against the darkness.
It was all just childlike naivety, believing in things that were never there. Because it was never there. Never going to happen.
He was going to die an invalid. His loved ones in front of him, sobbing over their loss before he was even dead.
He was never going to die in battle. Neve going to die a faithful solider, fighting for what he believed to be right. He was never going to die for the Akuma's fragile souls, crying out for him.
He was going to die, in this wheelchair, in this horrible Order that was slowly destroying the Earl along with the rest of the world. Just another solider that died from "complications". Because they would never admit that they had pushed him too hard. Would never admit that anything they did to him was their fault.
Surrounded by loving friends but made so undeniably alone by his consuming guilt.
"Moyashi?" Reached his ears only a second before the door creaked open. He felt Kanda's eyes on him, but he didn't turn to look. Only looking at the poster that was supposed to represent his path to a better future...but now only reminded him of what he had lost.
The 'Moyashi?' was the same as always. But, Kanda sounded almost...careful. His voice was soft, placating. Like he was worried that Allen was going to explode into a puddle of tears at the sound of his voice.
He was talking down to Allen by doing it. And usually Allen would have exploded in anger at the implication of him being weak or vulnerable.
But he didn't...because it was true.
Kanda could stride across the room now and rip him from his wheelchair. He could pick him up by his throat, could throw him into the wall and slash his throat...and he would be able to do anything. He couldn't fight, and now he couldn't escape either.
He was completely and utterly vulnerable.
He walked closer to Allen, standing in front of him and cutting off his view of the poster that was destroying him slowly inside. Destroying and tearing at the only happiness he had left.
"They want you to set up gates for everyone to use" Kanda started, coat pooling around him as he knelt in front of Allen. "They want to suck you dry of your use to them before you die." Kanda said, looking into his eyes with his own saddened ones.
They hadn't talked since he woke up to Kanda leaning over him. Allen thought he may have left already to destroy the noah, but apparently there was something in his shut off heart that made him feel pity.
And Allen felt a inkling of hate trickle into his heart like the strongest poison, for that small part of Kanda.
But he just nodded minutely, let Kanda pick him out his his chair and carry him, much in the way he imagined he would have when Kanda found him unconscious on his bedroom floor.
He let his tiny frame he cracked in his warm and protective arms, despite the fact that he couldn't fell their warmth. He felt his own exorcist coat be put over him like a blanket, cocooning him like a small child.
He'd gotten so small.
He just stared into the distance blankly as he was carried, ignoring in the few people they passed in the the early morning hallway. He listened to Kanda's heartbeat, and tried not to let the last of his dignity die with those pitying looks.
They walked down to the boats, where Kanda set him on the wooden seat. Kanda grabbed the oar, which Allen didn't find surprising, seeing as Kanda was never one to let the finder do anything for him.
Huh, finders. There wasn't one here, but for that Allen was glad. He couldn't handle anymore of those saddened laid down bonelessly on the little bench, hearing the water swirl past the wood of their canoe as they sliced through the water.
It was strangely peaceful, despite what he was about to do. His noah side wouldn't kill him if he used it... But it would make it harder to fight Neah off afterwards.
He just hoped his will would be enough to hold him, since he had no strength left.
"It's just too easy" Kanda said suddenly, rowing out the shadows of the Order and into the morning light.
Allen looked up at Kanda, pondering the interest he'd developed for small talk. Well, he guessed death could shake anyone...even Kanda. Shake him from his normally stoic exterior to comfort Allen and remove him from his spiralling thoughts.
But it didn't make Allen feel better. Not by far. He only felt worse. Because Allen didn't want his death to effect others. He didn't ever want people to watch him die. He wanted to die quickly, in battle. With nobody to know until he was already gone.
But now he could feel people mourning him before he was even gone.
"Really, I expected better." Kanda said, still rowing strong.
"Better of what, dearest samurai?" Allen tried for humour, even though he still wasn't even close to feeling up for unleashing his sass.
"Oh, the Order. Everyone." Kanda said, flippantly but with no bitterness, not like Allen would expect. He knew Kanda hated the order. And he also knew he wasn't afraid to hide it. Even when they were alone.
"Why?" He asked, a dock coming up close as they rowed closer. Reaching land to walk, possibly. Or to a train. Which was usually the next choice.
"Because you'd think they would protect their most powerful a bit better than that." He said. Allen looked up, shocked. Kanda dropped the oar, staring at him.
Kanda's eyes flashed back at him...and Allen knew.
This wasn't Kanda.
It was Lulubell.
He should have known that a Kanda would never be soft or sweet with him, not even in his most pitiful moments. Kanda, despite his appearances, could never be so mean.
Allen felt guilty for even believing it for a second.
"Can't believe I'm doing this for Tyki. But I guessed it would be in Lord Earls best interest too." She said, as she shifted from. Shedding the familiar and safe form of Kanda as a second skin.
Allen felt fear skyrocket inside him.
"Sorry...but it's bye bye for now~" she said. Lifting up a clenched fist over his frozen and weak body.
It came down across his temple, and he knew no more.
Cliffhanger! Whoops.
love you all, see you soon~
God Bless,
SephrinaRose