A/N: So I realize that this chapter is horribly short and totally not what you deserve for waiting so long, but this was the hump I needed to get over in order to start following the show's time-line. Plus, it actually turned out not to be such a complete epic failure. Which is good! Once again, thank you so much for everyone's amazing support and fueling me with the confidence to keep this story going! I couldn't have done it without you! So please forgive the humongously ridiculous wait and enjoy the latest installment of WHSG!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. Yosh.
Chapter 9 - Of Long Days and Redundancy
I stared at the menu blankly, waiting for God to fall out of the sky and laugh at me. The one evil that was beginning to dominate my life and obstruct me from living in relative peace...
Kanji.
Naruto slurped down what was left of his steaming third bowl of ramen and looked over at me with the most adorable worried expression I'd ever seen. Again I was hit with the crazy urge to glomp him, but refrained for the sake of looking sane. I settled for a frown.
"What's wrong, Kaya? Do you not like anything? Ichiraku's is the best, I promise! If you just try it-"
"No, no- It's not that!" I stopped him before his anxiety gave him puppy-dog eyes. Jeez, this place must be really important to him. "It's just that -um- it all looks so... good?"
He immediately beamed. "Sure it is! You got pork ramen and beef ramen and spicy ramen and veggie ramen and-"
"Okay, I get it." I looked down at the menu apprehensively and pointed to on of the less harmless looking names. "I'll have that."
"Coming right up, Miss," said the middle-aged shopkeeper. He slid Naruto a sly wink before disappearing into the booth. I blinked, then turned back to him.
"So Naruto..." I searched my head for potential topics of conversation to use in awkward moments. I didn't find any. Instead I spun around in my stool a couple of times before sticking with the most obvious of inquiries. "Why did you want to be a ninja?"
He brandished a dramatic fist at me. "To be Hokage, believe it!"
A picture of the old, wise Hokage flashed through my mind and I stared at him. He had said something about that before... no offense to him, but he was like, the complete opposite of Mr. Hokage. Plus Mr. Hokage was old. Hell, all of them were old!
"Why would you want to be old?" I asked distantly. He scratched his head.
"Um... I wouldn't. I want to be Hokage!"
"Yeah but the Hokage is old." I replied, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "The council is old too. And scary. I can't picture you being old or scary."
He scrunched up his nose distastefully. "I'll never be old! Wrinkles are weird."
I realized with a smack in the face that I'd just told him I'd met the council. Damn it! Not smart! Good thing he's so unobservant or that would have caused problems.
I nodded in agreement. "Yes. Wrinkles are very weird. You know what else is weird?"
He stared at me with wide, expectant eyes. I inhaled deeply.
"Babies."
"Huh?"
"Babies. When babies are born they're all wrinkly like old people. It's totally weird. And then they grown up to be little evil primates. It's awful!" I sighed dramatically. Naruto looked thoroughly confused.
"But babies can't be Hokage. They aren't ninjas!"
"Maybe not, but babies have lots of power over people. Can you imagine what it would be like if babies ruled the world?"
We both drifted off into our individual horrific scenarios as Ichiraku-Man returned to the counter and set two bowls down on the table. He looked at us strangely.
"What in the world are you two talking about?"
I shrugged and Naruto stuffed his chopsticks back into his mouth thoughtfully. I'd followed that conversation about as much as he had.
I turned my attention to the ramen bowl in front of me, only to be caught by a delicious wave of steam that smelled like everything wonderful in the world. Literally. Anything you can think of that makes you happy when you smell it. Not including crack. Or perfume. I know that makes some people happy but... that's not what I mean. Food-wise... sure.
Anyway, I wasn't entirely sure what happened, but in about five seconds that bowl was empty and my stomach was purring happily. Naruto wasn't kidding when he said this place was great. It was downright addicting. I looked up to find Naruto in about the same condition as me, only with five empty bowls stacked up in front of him. Okay, so I take that last thing I said back. This ramen was the equivalent to ramen crack. I gave him a wide-eyed look of awe.
"Naruto..." I whispered. "That was the most amazing bowl of ramen I've ever had in my entire life!"
He grinned. "I know! I told you! You want another one?" I didn't even have time to answer before another bowl was placed in front of me. I didn't have time to think before that bowl was empty too. I mean, holy crap. It was like my body gained a mind of its own. Ichiraku ramen had mind-control powers!
The rest of the ramen session pretty much passed like that, me stopping occasionally to ask Naruto a question or make small talk. Every once in a while I would get the weird feeling that someone was watching me, but each time I looked up to check he was minding his own business, a big smile on his face. Was it that special to be eating out with him? I wasn't sure how many bowls I had, but by the time Mr. Ichiraku was handing Naruto the bill, I'd completely forgotten that I was... poor.
I felt my face heat up when I realized that I'd taken up his offer without any money. At all. Crap this was going to be awkward - I just met the guy and already he's going to think I'm a cheapo. Life sucks so bad.
"Hey, Naruto?" he looked up at me still smiling, making my stomach drop. I despise asking for money. "Um... I sort of -er- I'm a little bit... dead broke." I finished pathetically, bowing my head in shame. "I promise I'll pay you back as soon as I can, though and-"
"No problem, Kaya-chan! I'll pay for you!" I looked up to find him already digging through his jumpsuit enthusiastically, tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration.
I took a second to really look at him. He was such a weird kid. What on Earth did he have to be so happy about? He's growing what either looks like a deformed attempt at facial hair or what is very definitely a pair of whiskers, is spontaneous, stupid, and ridiculously hyperactive, and is turning out to be a genuinely nice person. Not that I'd expected him to be 'mean' really... I'd just never really paid attention to anyone who didn't measure up to my made-up standards in terms of intelligence before. If they looked stupid and talked stupid, then they were automatically looked over... I'd never actually considered that some of them must be nice.
My eyes widened as Naruto's blue eyes lit up upon finding what he was looking for and I had the first of many small epiphanies. There really was more than statistics and vocabulary and carefully practiced social engagements when it came to people. They were happy and sad and felt things. Humans can't be classified as 'smart' or 'stupid'. Maybe the real 'smart' people are the ones that only play dumb... for the sake of others. People so kind and determined and like this kid that don't even think about paying for someone they only just met. No hesitation, no calculating - just human nature. Some people just wanted friends... that's all they needed to be happy. Not a high IQ. For the first time I realized just what being a part of this story would entitle - learning things about life and myself that would affect-
"Oh my dear sweet lord," I whispered excitedly to myself and pointed a trembling finger at the object in Naruto's hands.
"Wha- Oh, this?" he held it up cheerfully. "Isn't it cool?!"
The frog-money pouch gaped up at me from his outstretched palms and I squealed in delight.
"Naruto! That is the most amazing wallet on the face of the planet!" I poked it affectionately and grinned at him. "You have taste, my friend."
And suddenly I knew, not by calculating or observing or thinking, but by feeling - instinct - that that's just what we were - friends.
Apparently Naruto thought so too, but just as he was about to give me the most heart-warming grin I'd ever seen in my life, Mr. Ichiraku piped in cheerfully.
"Sure, sure. It's too bad it's empty again, Naruto."
Somewhere not too far off I heard an anime-rock hit the ground - this time I ignored it.
"Aw, man!" His blue eyes squinted shut irritably as the pouch emitted a small puff of dust. A little got in my throat and I coughed as Naruto pouted at the man.
"Naruto, I can't afford to give you any more free meals..."
Naruto's eyes went as big as saucers and his lower lip stuck out woefully.
Mr. Ichiraku rolled his eyes and grumbled. "I'll put it on your tab then..."
"Alright!" Naruto exclaimed triumphantly. I laughed and stood.
"Well, it was very nice eating with you, Naruto. I'm glad you took me with you," I scratched the back of my head and smiled apologetically. "I should probably go now, though. I'm going to be really sore tomorrow."
Something flashed across his face for a second that made me worried, but it was gone as soon as it'd come. A cheesy grin quickly took it's place.
"Yeah, sure Kaya! See you at training tommorow!"
I nodded and waved, about to turn and leave when Mr. Ichiraku spoke up.
"I'll open up a tab for you too, Ms. Kaya - If you're on Naruto's genin team we'll probably be seeing a lot of each other."
For some reason, as he said that, my hand froze on the curtain and my smile faltered. I corrected myself quickly though and turned back to him in time to cover it up.
"Sure! I'll be seeing you too, Ramen-Man!"
He chuckled and shook his head as I waved one more time and left the booth, letting my smile soften as I walked away. I could hear Naruto and Mr. Ichiraku chatting with abnormal enthusiasm in the background, but my thoughts effectively drowned them out as I turned the corner.
Something about the way he'd said that was so welcoming... so familiar and casual that it'd struck me again that this wasn't my home. I didn't have a family here, a past... I might as well be virtually nonexistent. But still I'm opening up to people here more than I'd ever done in my world - I was making friends for God's sake. People were putting my onto teams, opening tabs for me, giving me an apartment - I didn't belong here, and yet these people were fitting me into their lives like I always had. It didn't make any sense. For a second I almost wished they all saw me how Kakashi-sensei and the Council did, if only to remind me that I wasn't supposed to be here and that my family was somewhere in another universe wondering why I didn't come home that day. I... I had to remember...
The sun began to set somewhere off in the distance. I looked up to find myself on a completely deserted, completely unfamiliar street. A sweat-drop rolled down my forehead.
"Damn it!" I kicked a rock angrily. "Why has no one here heard of 'convenience'?!"
Eventually I found my way home by following landmarks - like the Hokage tower and the sign I'd earlier wished death upon and a tree with a branch that looked remarkably like President Nixon's nose, etc. etc. The sun had set and only the occasional late-nighter passed me on the sidewalk.
When I finally remembered which number my apartment was and reached the front door it was evening. I paused with my hand above the doorknob. Something wasn't right. I looked around cautiously and put my ear to the door, closing my eyes in concentration. I knew I was being ridiculous but something told me that ninjas were supposed to be suspicious and stuff, so it felt good to follow my instincts. At first nothing happened and I chided myself for being stupid, but quite suddenly a sharp ringing pierced my ears and sent me stumbling backwards into the wall. I clapped a hand over my mouth to stifle my gasp as my head was suddenly dizzy with the most concentrated, minute sounds. I could hear the blood pulsing through my veins, the hum of the light fixtures, the loud tapping of quiet feet in the rooms around me...
I lowered my hand tentatively and cocked my head a little, intrigued. Was this my chakra's doing? No wonder ninjas were so freaky with their superpowers and whatnot - I could hear freaking everything. The scuttling of little feet caught my attention and I was drawn to a little ant comacozee-diving into a buzzing lamp attached to the wall. His name shall be Bob. No... Kevin. Yes... Kevin. Wait - no! Don't do it little buddy! Life is worth it-!
There was suddenly a loud poof! that vibrated through my skull and sent my focus plummeting downwards. Suicide-Ant was lost now and somebody had just poof-ed. In my room.
Teddy.
I shook my head of vertigo and made a note to try out my super-hearing later on. On an impulse, I slammed the door open and dive-rolled through the threshold clumsily, smashing face-first into the back of the couch.
"Ow! Son of a-" I immediately jumped back up and straightened myself, acting like I hadn't just performed the most idiotic act of my life in attempt to be all 'Mission Impossible' or something. It took me a moment to register that I was completely alone. Well... that was certainly anticlimatic.
I scratched my head wearily and plumped down on the couch the weight of the day finally catching up to me. I'd just had the most vigorous exercise of my life, had an awesome bowl of ramen with a kid that looks like a cat, accomplished three or so personal epiphanies, scoured the entire building for my 'dwelling', failed to convince an insect named Kevin that life was worth living, and discovered that people I don't know have been poofing in and out of my house at random intervals. Who or how many I would probably never find out. Talk about stressful.
But somehow, even after all the excitement I wasn't used to, I still felt lonely now in this dark, less than familiar living room surrounded by less than familiar people in a world that shouldn't exist. I felt like everything around me was a fog now - like I was the only real thing in a place made of mist and illusion. Why did all the people here seem so real? Why did I find myself wanting to be accepted by them? They were just characters... in an anime...
My eyes drifted heavily and I felt my head droop to the side in exaughstion. A picture of my family tumbled across the coffee table as the fan drafted up a breeze and landed on the floor, sweeping under my line of vision as my sight blurred. The last thought I had before falling asleep was the vague recollection of taping that picture to the ceiling...
"Oh, hell."
I poked the red patch of doom on my forehead and sighed all my grievances. Of all the minor injuries I'd acquired yesterday, the one that had to be there when I woke up was sunburn. Sunburn! How evil. How perfectly, freakishly maniacal. When I die, God better pray that I'm not going to heaven.
On top of this, it was early. Again.
"I feel like such an old person..." I kicked the sink bitterly. "... How freaking queer."
On the bright side, however, my scratches and bruises were mostly all healed. It still didn't cease to amaze me how quickly that disappeared. Just zoom! Gone. I would say 'poof!' but that would piss me off in a whole bundle of ways. So zoom.
Zoom.
Anyway, the whole thing made me feel like some awesome superhero. Defending justice and... doing other just stuff! It was along this particular train of thought that I found myself perched on the toilet with a fist in the air and bedsheets tied around my neck, flapping in the imaginary wind. I blinked.
"Holy crap. I'm an idiot." Then I climbed down and continued on with my life.
It was still dark out (again!) as I made my way to what I hoped was the bridge. I realized vaguely that I was starting to make a habit out of travelling when no one was actively conscious. Either it was my newly developing (awesome) ninja intuition, or my subconscious refusal to be seen in public at this ridiculous height. I mean, seriously? Seriously?! No one should have to suffer being so short. It was absurd, I tell you, absurd! I wasn't even the cute, disproportionate sort of short where maybe your torso was a little squat and your legs a little chunky - I was completely normally built, only fun-sized. So help me, somebody is going to pay for this humiliation one day-
"Oh," I paused as I found myself in the same spot as yesterday, staring down at the lake absently. Was that what it took to activate my navigational skills? Inner ravings on the woes of life stuck in an anime? (Sigh). How depressing.
I plopped down under the railing and slipped off my sandals, dipping my feet in the water and swirling my toes around a few drifting leaves. I was getting too used to having new people around. I've always been a loner at heart so it was typically easier to think when no one was around, but now... all I can think about is how alone I am. You'd think in a town full of random people I'd be complacent but noo... damn Naruto making me feel all cuddly-wuddly with the concept of company. I slammed my face against the beam. What's happening to me?!
"What are you doing?"
"Ah!"
I fell into the water with a loud 'ca-plunk'. Actually, I fell onto the water and the sound was more of a 'splat', but Jiraiya had told me that my awesome Jesus abilities weren't normal for a genin to know yet. So, being the bright, quick-witted individual I am, I dunked my entire head in the river before hurtling myself melodramatically back onto the bridge.
"Stop sneaking up on me, damn you!" I faltered when I realized it was Sasuke, and that he probably still wanted to kill me. Oops.
He gave me a blank look. "Maybe you should be more observant."
I felt my face heat up angrily. Ooh, did I want to punch him again!
Instead of replying, I huffed and shook my hair out, hoping he got soaked.
"Stupid, sneaky little..." I grumbled and took my seat. Why was I always stuck with him?
Growwll. And why am I always so freaking hungry?!
"Do you have any food on you, by chance?"
He looked at me irately. "You asked me that yesterday."
"Good memory," I nodded in approval. "But seriously. Do you?"
He glared and I took that as a 'no'.
I sighed and looked off to where the sun was rising, then looked back down and twiddled my thumbs. Then I glanced up at him, then at my lap, then at the water, and soon I was bored. I miss my suicidal ant.
"What do you like to do in your free time?" I asked suddenly.
He blinked. "Train."
My nose scrunched up. "Ew."
Silence.
"So... what's the literacy rate here?"
Now he just looked exasperated. "What?"
"You know, people who can read?" I smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, this conversation made more sense in my head."
He sighed and put on a very disgruntled expression. I stifled a giggle. "I don't know. High."
"Crap." I sulked. Now I didn't have an excuse.
There was a moment of silence before I realized that most normal people would have outwardly demanded a reason for such an odd question. Seriously. No one was this untalkative. It was then that I invented the game that would forever change the course of history - the "Get Sasuke to Participate in Conversation" game.
"So... Sasuke," I felt weird saying his name out loud, but continued anyway. "Why did you want to be a ninja?"
Suddenly his whole demeanor darkened and a shadow fell over his face. I blinked and looked around.
"I... I became a ninja for one purpose only. To kill a certain... someone."
I edged away from him carefully. Great. He's homicidal. How I love life.
"Um... okay, Chuckles." I rubbed my neck. "Better question, what's your favorite food?"
He didn't lighten up, but it seemed to reach him through the thick cloud of angst. I don't think he would have answered me under normal conditions, but he seemed to be lost in some deep flash-back, so his reply was subconscious.
"Tomatoes."
I perked up. "Do you like cheese?"
"Yes."
I clapped my hands delightedly and he twitched back into reality. "Then you would love pizza!"
He raised an eyebrow. I gasped. People here don't know what pizza is?! Lord save us all!
"Yeah, its -er- a cultural food from my... village... thing."
His face went blank again as my stomach growled. "You're annoying."
I sighed sullenly and gave up on the game. I was bored again. "Yeah, you said that already."
My Spidey-senses are sensing redundancy!
I kicked at a rock and watched it plop into the water. "You're not much of a conversationalist are you?"
He leaned back and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "No."
"Good," I nodded approvingly. "Conversation is overrated anyway."
He gave me a weird look, but I ignored it. Yes, I was very aware that I'd just totally contradicted myself, but it was all for the sake of information. Sasuke was a potential future murderer that would probably like pizza. Fantastic. But it didn't really strike me that his words made him dangerous. He was just a twelve year old kid sitting on a bridge, being heckled uselessly. I'd just learned much more about him than he could possibly know. I stored that information away for psychoanalysis later.
In the meantime, I leaned back against the beam and sighed forlornly. All was quiet.
"So..." I twiddled my thumbs. "What's your favorite color?"
"...You have got to be kidding me."
A large group of mismatched dogs stared me in the face, taunting me with their big eyes and full bladders.
"Unfortunately not, Kaya. Team, you mission for today: escort these fine canines-"
"We're walking dogs?!" Naruto stomped his feet angrily.
No, seriously. He did.
"I think Naruto had a point..." Sakura chipped in sulkily."How does this give us experience as ninjas?"
Kakashi-sensei paused thoughtfully, then took out his book. "It's a mission assigned by the Hokage," he said simply. "And what's a ninja's job?"
Sakura rolled her eyes and Naruto sighed as they recited dryly, "Complete the mission."
Kakashi-sensei patted them on the heads. "Good job. Now get going, kids!"
We all gave him a good collection of glares before setting off to phase one; picking our dogs.
I cringed as a big pit-bull started drooling on my exposed toes. I'm not good with dogs. Seriously, they're right up there on the list with kids and hospitals. They just do not mix. There were about ten dogs before us, which meant I would probably need about two or three to make it even. I rubbed my hands together.
"Okay," I prepped myself, "Here we go."
"Kaya," Sakura poked me, "That one keeps staring at you."
It was the pit-bull. Lovely.
"Crap." I crawled behind Sakura gingerly and peered out from under her arm. "Is it a creepy stare or an 'I need to poop' stare?"
"Its... um, it kind of really creepy. It's coming over here."
Indeed, it was sauntering over the grass into our personal bubbles. I made a squealing noise and backed into a tree.
"Dude, get it away from me!" It's tongue lolled out of its mouth as it neared ever closer. "It's going to kill me! He's half my size - I'm going to die!"
"Kaya, calm down. It's going at like, zero miles per hour." Sakura giggled as the portly god trudged thickly towards poor, hyperventilating me. "Besides, I think he just likes you."
I pressed myself as close as humanly possible to the tree and the dog paused, sitting down on its fat haunches and giving me the most disgustingly adoring look. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God-
"Why are you so scared of it, Kaya?" Naruto picked up its leash and pulled at it with all of his might. "I'll save you!"
It didn't even acknowledge him. In fact, it actually stood back up and jumbled right over to my leg, dragging Naruto in its wake. I squealed as it sucked my entire calve into its gigantic jowls.
"Ew!" I shook my leg violently. No affect. "Get it off! Repressed memories coming back to haunt me!"
Naruto tugged on its collar. "It's just - not - moving!"
"What memories could you possibly have repressed that relate to this situation?" Sakura asked incredulously. I shivered.
"A dog tried to eat me when I was six." A man-eating chiuaua, in fact.
"...Oh."
"Couldn't have been too difficult to accomplish."
My head snapped to where Sasuke was smirking in a corner with a little black pug at his side. I think the pug was smirking too.
"Was that a crack at my height?!" I demanded. "Since when did Giggles get a sense of humor?"
He shrugged and walked into the trees. I started to go after him in a rage, but tripped over the dog's gigantic head.
"Damn it!" I shook my fist in the air in despair as Sakura rushed to help me up. "I'LL GET YOU, SASUKE! IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO! I MEAN I HAVE A FREAKISHLY AUTISTIC DOG ATTACHED BY THE MOUTH TO MY DOMINANT LEG SO I NEED TO ADDRESS THAT FIRST, BUT AFTERWARDS-"
"Kaya," Kakashi-sensei's head popped out from a canopy of trees. I flinched.
"Y-yeah?"
He lifted a finger to his mask. "Inside voices,"
He was gone before I could offer a shaky nod.
"That Bastard!" Naruto grabbed Freaky Dog's leash and pulled again. "I can beat him at anything, anytime, anyplace! Watch me, Sakura-chan!"
We were once again confronted with a large cloud of dirt as Naruto raced around the area with amazing strength and speed and gathered up about three more dogs before charging into the forest after him. Sakura and I stared.
Finally, I turned to her. "I'm starting to see a pattern here."
She nodded, then slipped back into dreamy preteen girl- mode. "Sasuke-kun is so cool."
I rubbed the bridge of my nose and inconspicuously used the edge of her dress to wipe away the slobber on my leg. "Yep. Definitely a pattern."