Authors Note: Sorry for the extra two day delay, you already know my situation so please bare with me. Im so excited to post this chapter, because now they're starting to get so close. Since I've reached over 100 reviews, more than First Love, I have decided to put in a New Years Chapter right after The Christmas Chapters, meaning everything is going to change from then on, more drama, more kisses, more love, then heartbreak, so stay tuned! I want to dedicate this full Chapter to a reviewer of mine, EraBlaise. Every Review she has written has been with me for each chapter, and each one of hers helps me when it comes to writing the next Chapter, & I love that she used my story to explain herself, instead of having to form the words. Im dedicating this Chapter to you EraBlaise, I hope that one day, she can make you Completely forget them, because no one deserves to be haunted by their past. And to my other reviewers- THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! So please, if you will REVIEW,REVIEW,REVIEW & ENJOY (:

Songs of The Chapter: Bloc Party-So Here We Are, El Perro Del Mar- Change of Heart * From The Valley To The Stars, Freezepop-Swimming Pool. & Telepopmusik- Just Breathe.

*Sorry that it's so short, but the next Chapter will be long so don't worry (:

Chapter 9: No One Else Could (Part 2)

Tegan POV:

I walk out of the front door and turn around, seeing my mom and dad walking to the door, my dads suitcase in his hand, my moms purse hanging on her shoulder. My mom steps out first and my dad follows, closing our apartment door and turning to me. I smile bigger as my dad chuckles lightly, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Come on kiddo, lets get you to school, don't wanna be late for the first day of 5th grade right?"

I feel my stomach tingle and I nod, feeling like the big kid I am. I look up at my mom and she smiles weakly at me, making my mood slightly drop. Lately she's been acting weird, she doesn't smile as much anymore, her and dad fight alot too.

"Come on hunny, lets get you to school then"

She says, her small smile fading. I nod and my dad pats my shoulder, gently nudging me down the stairs. I get to the bottom and push open the door, feeling my backpack wiggle around on my shoulders. My mom and dad step out onto the sidewalk and I let the door close. As I catch up to them, I notice that theres a big space inbetween them, maybe they left it open for me? I smile and run up to them, feeling my backpack bounce against my back. I get to them and smile wide, reaching up with both of my hands and grabbing each one, looking back and forth between them, my father looking down and smiling at me, my mom focusing on the street. I wish I knew what was wrong with her, maybe her and dad got into a fight again, she's needs some cheering up.

"Hey mom, when I get home from school today, can we make brownies . . . like we used to?"

I ask her, slightly tugging on her arm. She looks down at me and shakes her head, her eyes starting to water. I feel a tug on my hand and I turn to my dad, his eyes piercing into mine.

"Tegan, your mom's not in the mood sweety."

My dad turns his head back to the street and I sigh, feeling like there was something wrong. As we walk down the street in silence, I look around, already knowing these streets by heart, my mom and I used to walk up and down these streets all the time, but we don't anymore . . . we haven't for a while.

"Okay, I'm leaving."

I lift my head up and look at my dad, seeing him looking at my mom, but she wasn't looking at him, she was looking to the side, maybe she didn't hear him?

"Mom, dads leaving."

I tug on her hand and my dad tugs on mine, making me look at him. He sighs and shakes his head, looking down at me.

"Tegan, can you give me a hug hunny?"

I nod and smile, loving the feeling of my dads hugs, they were the best. He gets down on one knee and places his suitcase next to his leg, opening his arms wide and smiling weakly at me. I let go of my moms hand and jump into my dads arms, wrapping my arms around his neck. I feel his hands wrap around my back and I smile.

"I love you Tegan . . . and I'm sorry for everything . . . "

I hear the small crack in his voice, I knew when my dad was crying, and he was. I try to pull away and see his face, but he hugs me tighter.

"I want you to have the best first day ever, I want you to come home and tell me everything you've learned today, do you understand me?"

I nod and he nods against my head, making me feel slightly better, and more excited for me to come home after school today. He pulls away and I pull away, watching him hide his face and stand up, looking up at my mom. He takes a step closer to her and she takes a step back, shaking her head.

"Loraine, not in front of her . . . please."

He whispers, I look at my mom and she sighs. My dad nods and looks down at me.

"I love you, be good."

"I will dad, I'll see you afterschool!"

I say, a big smile at the thought of comming home and running into his arms, telling him everything I learned, just like he told me to do. He smiles weakly and turns around, walking in the opposite direction. I look up at my mom and see her eyes slowly filling with water.

"Mom?"

"Come on, I have stuff to do at the house."

She says, walking away. I run and catch up to her, her legs moving swiftly on the concrete. I walk next ot her and look foward, seeing my school at the corner. I smile wide and look up at my mom, expecting her to smile and be excited, but she was to busy looking around the streets. We get to the front gates of my school and I turn to my mom, looking at her.

"Mom, are you and dad going to pick me up, or do I walk?"

She shakes her head and looks down at me, a small tear leaving her eye.

"Mom, why are you crying?"

I ask her, she shakes her head and kneels down, making me a little bit taller than her. She looks up at me and I see her rosey red nose, the water running down her cheeks, starting at her eyes and dropping from her chin.

"I want you to walk home today hunny, your a big girl now right?"

She smiles and I smile, finally seeing my mothers bright smile that I haven't seen in a while.

"Of course I am mom, I'll be home right after school okay? I'll tell you and dad everything I learned today! Then can we make brownies, and eat them while we watch Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory?"

I knew she couldn't resist when I named her two favorite things, Brownies and Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory. She lets out a small sob and wraps her arms around me, pulling me into her arms and squeezing me tight. I wrap my arms around her back and smile, knowing she was probably thinking about it.

"I love you so much Tegan . . . and I'm sorry."

She whispers into my ear. Why were my parents sorry, they didn't do anything to me, at least nothing I knew of.

"Your dads going to be home when you get out of school, I'm going to be busy . . . but I love you hunny okay? I want you to have a nice first day."

I nod my head and she pats my back, slowly pulling away and standing up. The school bell rings and I smile, looking at my mom.

"Go on."

I nod and turn around slowly walking up to the doors.

"My big girl."

My big girl . . .

I slowly open my eyes, the last clear image of my mother fading away from my mind. I take in a deep breath, feeling the tears starting to form in my eyes, I could never forget that day, not even if I tried.

I keep staring at the darkness in front of me, the memory of me waiting for my parents to come home, playing in front of me. Two days I waited, Two nights I sat in the darkness, just waiting for them to walk through the door, two days I waited for them, but they never came.

I close my eyes and feel my hands twitch, I start to ball them up, when I feel my hand come in contact with skin, hot, alive skin. My heart starts to pound, my eyes slowly opening. I place my palm fully on the skin, lightly extending my index finger and tracing small circles onto it, trying to figure out where I felt this before, were I felt this warmth before.

My big girl

My moms voice plays inside my head, that was the last thing she ever said to me . . . the last thing she left me with. I feel the puddle in my eyes start to sting, I blink them and the two first tears break, making me take in a deep breath of air, she was back.

"Mom . . ."

I whimper, feeling everything in my body break, my bones cracking, my muscles clenching, my nerves trembling. I close my eyes and lean my head foward, my forhead hitting more warm skin, making me slightly gasp, she was warm, she was comforting, she was safe.

As my head rests against her skin, I start to feel small thumps hit my forhead. It was so familiar, like I've heard that beat before, It was . . . beautiful. As the word hit my mind, I realized something, this wasn't her . . . this wasn't my mom.

When my mom and dad left, they took everything away from me, they took my happiness, they took my excitement, they took my reasons, they took my life . . . they took everything. And when they did that, I told myself that they would never be the same to me, they would never feel safe , they would never feel warm.

I bring the rest of my fingertips to the skin, feeling my anger inside my skin start to boil, this wasn't my mom, she was never comming back, this was all my dream, this was all a dream.

I slowly dig my nails into the skin, feeling my hand tremble, my nerves taking over and my tears starting to stream. Why was she doing this to me . . . why did she leave me.

"I hate you . . ."

I whisper, closing my eyes and digging deeper, wanting them to feel the pain, wanting her to feel my pain. I hear a small whimper escape the mouth above me, making me choke on a sob, that wasn't her.

"Teg-"

I dig in harder, not wanting to hear my name from her lips. I press my forhead to her skin more, trying to feel that faint thump I felt before, wanting to stop, wanting that familiar thump to stop me, to calm me, but I couldn't find it anymore . . . it was gone.

Suddenly, I feel a hand grip my wrist, the familiar finger tips wrapping around my skin, the image of Sara's face flooding my mind. I felt my body flutter, making me vulnerable for a quick second.

"Why are you doing this to me . . ."

I whisper, my sobs no longer silent anymore, I was letting each one out, letting her hear what she was doing to me, she needed to hear it. My mom was inside my head, she was putting me through all this, she was watching me suffer without any shame.

"Give me your hand Tegan . . ."

I hear the familiar voice, the sound of it ringing through my ears. Sara , it was Sara. The grip on my wrist started to loosen, making my finger tips go numb, that same sweet venom lingering through my blood.

My palm starts to tingle, it was my minds way of telling me that I needed her hand, that I needed Sara's hand. I take in a deep breath and slowly start to lift my hand up, feeling the grip of my wrist disappear. I feel my hand start to tremble as the feeling of her familiar warm palm hovers over mine, I couldn't see if it was, but I felt it, I felt the warmth she brought, it was something I never forgot the feeling of, just like the memory of my parents, I couldn't forget it, even if I tired. I start to slowly move my hand, feeling the warmth get closer and closer.

My big girl

My mind snaps, this wasn't Sara . . . this wasn't anyone, this was a dream, a dream that my mom had control of. My body starts to shake and my hand stops.

"You not Sara . . . your not her!"

I shout, shoving my forhead foward and pushing the body away from me. I keep my eyes closed and bring both of my hands up to my chest, feeling the panick start to rush in, why was she doing this to me, why was she lingering around, why now?

"Tegan!"

I shake my head, knowing just how good my mom was, she knew how to really tempt me. I bring my hands up and cover my ears, I couldn't hear that voice, it sounds to much like Sara, that if hear it more, I might actually believe it. I listen to the sound of panick knock onto my skin, my pores opening up and letting it in, mixing with my blood, mixing with my mind, mixing with me. My lungs start to slowly close, the feeling of the air becomming limited. My body passes the shaking, and moves up to trembling, Im scared . . . what if she actually wins?

Suddenly, I feel a body climb over mine, a light pressure on my stomach, this dream felt too real. I squeeze my eyes, making sure to keep them closed, I didn't want to see her, I didn't want her to win.

"Just leave me alone . . ."

I whimper, hearing my own voice crack, the sound of my heartbeat sky rocketing accompanying it. I feel a warm breeze brush past my wet cheeks, making a shiver run down my spine. Suddenly, I feel a warm palm on each of my wrists, slowly gripping my skin, the gentle fingertips resting against my skin. How could my mom make her feel so real, I want to feel the comfort of Sara, but none of this is true, none of this is real.

The grip slightly tightens and they tug on my wrists, pulling them away from my ears and letting me hear everything. The grip guides my arms above my head, lightly pinning my wrists down onto a fluffy surface. I whimper out a sob and feel my body start to give up . . . she won . . . she won.

I feel a hot breath ghost passed my cheek, then stop near my ear, letting me hear a soft steady breathing. I feel my eyes slowly ease up, each breath making my body relax.

"It's me Tegan . . . it's Sara."

The person whispers, they sound just like her . . . I want to believe it, but I can't. I lightly shake my head and hold back a sob.

"No your not . . ."

The breathing continues in my ear, as the the grips on my wrists loosen. I take in a deep breath, wondering if I should let them do this to me, or should I fight back. I stop thinking, when I feel a finger in the center of each palm, lightly tracing the outlines in my skin, making me remember Sara even more. The fingers start to move up, lightly moving their way along my middle finger. They stop at the tip and my body starts to tingle, she felt so real. Suddenly, I feel all of the fingers line up in between my spaces, slowly sliding down my spaces, stopping at the end and curling down, making me gasp.

"I promise it's me Tegan . . . Please ."

I slowly open my eyes and look up at the ceiling, seeing it glow a light shade of blue. I feel the warmth of her breath leave my ear, seeing her hair slowly starting to move. I close my eyes, and feel everything rush in on me, she sounds like Sara . . . and she feels like Sara . . . but was it Sara. No one else made me feel this way, except for her, no one else could make me feel so scared and safe at the same time.

"Look at me Tegan . . . I need you to look at me."

I felt my body start to tremble and my lungs shake inside my body, theres was only one way to know if this was a dream. I slowly open my eyes, imediately looking straight into hers, the blue glow casting upon her face, just like the ceiling, letting me see the small crystals in the corner of her eyes.

"Sara . . ."

I whimper out, feeling like her face could change at any moment, feeling like I could loose, at any moment. As her eyes lock with mine, the thumbs that lighty rest against the back of my hand both start to move, slowly rubbing my skin. She nods her head gently and it was all clear to me now, just with her thumbs and the nod, that this wasn't a dream, this was Sara, I was with Sara. My fingers instantly locked and a shock rushed through my system, making my back slightly arch and my chest hit hers, feeling the same faint thump as before, it was back . . .

"Hold me."

She whispers, slowly leaning down and closing her eyes, lightly placing her face into my neck. I feel her hot breath on my neck as she slowly lifts up our hands from the fluffy surface. She trails them through the air and smoothly places them on her back, letting me feel the familiar skin my fingers once dug into, only minutes ago.

"Please hold me . . ."

She whispers into my skin, as each word hits my flesh, I felt a different feeling inside the pit on my stomach. She wanted me to hold her, she wanted me to comfort her . . . she needed me to soothe her. In that moment, my mind didn't hesitate, neither did my body. I untangled my hands from hers and slowly moved them across her back, feeling the material of her shirt slide underneath my palms. I wrap my arms around her and pull her in to me, feeling her body press against mine, making my body tingle.

"Im sorry . . ."

She whispers, her voice hushed from her lips resting against my skin. This was all so new to me, someone needing me to hold them, someone needing me to comfort them, someone telling me that they were sorry, only this time, they weren't doing anything wrong. But it was Sara, It was the girl who had helped me from day one, who made sure I was always okay, who kissed my cuts for me, who let me hear her heartbeat, who let me lay against her chest, who cared. If she needed me . . . I wouldn't hesitate to be there, I wanted now more than anything, to protect her.

"Why are you sorry?"

I whisper. She slowly lifts her head up, my eyes watching her every move as the now, silent tears stream down my face. She hovers over my face and I see the tears in her eyes too, the small stains on her cheek making my heart slowly twist in my chest, why was she crying?

"You've been there for 6 years Tegan . . . I - ."

She closes her eyes and shakes her head, the blue glow on her face allowing me to see the fresh tears run down her face.

"I shouldn't have pressured you to come Tegan . . . Im sorry."

She whispers, slowly opening up her eyes and looking down at me. As the words sink in, I start to remember everything, dressing myself, Holly, the shoes, Doctor Renolds, asking him to sedate me. In that moment, I finally realized why she was crying, why she was 'Sorry' when in actuality, she shouldn't be.

I slowly lift my hands off her back, feeling the emptiness hit me already, but it was something I needed to see, something she needed to see. I bring my arms in between us, looking at the white thermal covering my skin, underneath that thin material, was everything. I was under that material, I was the ripped up flesh, I was the track marks, I was that fresh bruise from the needle, under that material.

I feel my tears start to speed up a little bit as I bring my right hand up to my left, grabbing the cuff of my thermal. I take in a deep breath and watch as my hand grips the material and slowly pulls it back, the white gauze showing as the sleeve gets higher. I push it up to the bending part of my elbow and look down, the blue glow also reflecting on my skin, giving me the heartstopping view. The white gauze wrapped around my arm, the fresh purple bruise above it, then above those, were my past, my tracks. I studied them for a second, feeling everything come back to me, feeling Jays hands on my arm, feeling the mens hands roam all over my body, feeling the loneliness I felt as I walked the streets, this was me.

I close my eyes and feel my face sting as the tears start to come faster, the feeling of the needle slowly piercing my skin taking over my nerves. I feel her warm palm on my wrist, the nerves slowly calming, she was so calming. I open my eyes, seeing the blurry image of her face, looking down at my arm. I blink and the image gets clear, she was looking at everything, she was trailing her eyes from the white gauze to the bruise, from the bruise to the tracks, I felt like I was on display. I felt like she was paying to see me get tortured and abused, I felt like she was reading my unfinished novel in front of everyone, I felt like she was seeing right through me.

I trail my eyes to hers and notice that the tears still haven't stopped, they were silently streaming still. She lifts her eyes up from my arm and looks at me directly, I felt my breathing become hitched as she looked back down. I followed her gaze and looked down to my arm, seeing her other hand slowly lift up from her lap and hover over my gauze.

"I want to know you Tegan . . . all of you."

She whispers. I felt my body start to shake as she said those words. I promised myself years ago, that I wouldn't tell anyone about myself anymore, not only did nobody care, but there was no point in it. My story was something that people wouldn't understand, it was something that people would hear about, and brush it off, because it wasn't important to them, it wasn't something that effected them, so they didn't have to care. But Sara, I know I can trust her, I know that she is something different, that she won't hurt me, that she cares, and that scares me. All my life I've learned to block people out, but here she was, asking me to be on display, asking me if she could know me, like I know myself.

"Sara Im no-"

"When you're ready to tell me."

Sara POV:

I look into her eyes and study them, there was the pain again, only this time, it wasn't behind her eyes, it was falling from them. As each of her tears silently rolled down her cheek, I felt my heart go up in flames. I trail my eyes back down and sigh, bringing my other hand to the bunched up sleeve and grabbing the material, slowly and gently pulling it down, covering up her past, covering up her memories, covering up her. As much as I want to know her, as much as I want to watch all that pain bloom in my palms, I also want her to trust me, I want her to look at me differently from the rest of the nurses, I want her to know that she wasn't alone, that I was with her through all of this.

"I didn't want to face the world . . ."

She whispers. I look down to her face and see her eyes on mine, the tears starting to slowly stop. She takes a deep breath and I feel more guilt crash down on me.

"I'm sorry Tegan . . ."

I whisper, feeling like shit, she was scared and it was all my fault.

"Why, you did nothing wrong."

I shake my head and bring my hand up, lightly resting it on the thin material, right over the bruise, that I know is from the sedater. I close my eyes and sigh, thinking about her face just hours ago, her lifeless face.

"You asked to get sedated Tegan . . . I did everything wrong."

I feel her warm palm lay against the back of my hand, lightly gripping it. I open my eyes and see her lightly shaking her head, looking down at our hands. She lifts them both up and gently places my hand in her left hand, my palm tingling at touching her. She brings her other hand up and grabs the cuff of her thermal again, pulling it back and pushing it all the way to her elbow again. I watch her hand as it slowly trails over her gauze, gripping the end at her wrist and pulling the end out, the material becomming starts to slowly unravel the gauze, giving me the view of her arm, the way it was now. The cuts were scabbing, some small ones already turned into scars. She finishes and drops the gauze onto her stomach, I look at her arm, seeing everything now, and it was making my heart squirm. She reaches for my hand again and grips it, lifting it up and trailing it through the air, stopping over her bruise. She looks up at me and lightly pushes down, my hand comming in contact with the swelled up skin. She winces and takes in a deep breath.

"I did this . . . because I didn't want to face the world alone."

The whispers were gone, and her voice was back, letting me hear the emotion and feeling behind it. As I stare into her eyes, the guilt washed in more, she still felt alone. The tears in my eyes started to slowly form again, and my heart started to race. I look away and feel my selfish shame crash down on me, making me start to lift my hand up, but she pushes it back down onto her skin.

"I didn't want to face the world without you Sara . . . I didn't want to step out into the world without you there to hold my hand."

I felt my emotions hit me as she said it all, making my hand shake against her bruise. I slowly turn my head back to her and look right into her eyes, the tears were almost gone, but the stains on her cheek stayed. I lock my gaze with her and she looks down to our hands, I never once take my eyes off her though.

"I don't know why Sara but . . . I need you."

She says. In that moment, everything went out the window, every doubt, every thought, they were all gone. To have someone need you, thats a different feeling then needing someone. I needed Tegan in a way she wouldn't understand, I needed her because she reminded me of my brother, I needed her because her hand fit perfectly with mine, I needed her because she made me feel so different inside, it was something I couldn't explain, even if I tried.But when someone needs you, Its a completely different feeling. She needs me, she needs me to face the world with her, she needs me to hold her hand when she does, she needs me to hold her when she has bad dreams, she needs me to help her.

Tegan POV:

She slowly climbs off of my body, placing her body back down next to mine. She turns on her side and I turn my head to the side, looking at her. As she lays down, her eyes gazing into mine, I feel a hand on my hip, lightly gripping it. I look down and see my body, covered in a white thick blanket.

"Come here."

She whispers. I lift my head up and look at her again, her arm slighty resting across my stomach. She moves closer to me, her body inches away from mine, my heart starts to pump faster, the feeling of her body so close taking over. She grips my hip a little more and starts to slowly pull, turning me on my side, so Im facing her. She keeps her eyes on me as she slowly moves her body closer to mine, our bodies now centimeters apart.

"You won't face this world alone . . ."

She says, bringing her hand up from my hip and lightly resting it on my jaw, craddling my bone in her palm. I feel her soft fingertips lightly graze my skin, leaving burning hot trails in their paths.

"Promise?"

I whisper. She slowly closes her eyes, her long black lashes creating small shadows on her eyelids, the light blue glow making her look fully asleep. A small weak smile starts to play her lips, her head lightly nodding against the fluffy pillow.

"I promise."

I lay there and keep my eyes on her. The minutes tick by, and her breathing grows steady. Sara's seen my sleep before, but I've never seen her sleep before, but now it's something I wouldn't mind watching everynight. The way her chest rises and falls at a steady rhythm, the way her breathing sounds, she was the complete opposite of me. Her dreams were peaceful, mine were tainted, she sighs in relief, I whimper in pain. As I study her face, the small tiny scar under her chin, her heart shaped lips, her strong yet delicate jawline, I can't help but wonder what I look like when I sleep, how scary I must look to her, when she looks so relaxed.

She takes in a deep breath and starts to slowly shift, her hand gripping my jaw a little tighter. She stays asleep as she leans in and lightly rests her forhead to mine, like she knew it was there, like she knew I was there. She sighs and her grip loosens on my jaw, making me shutter. I take my bottom lip between my teeth and lightly chew on it while watching her sleep, she was so different, but she was my match. The feeling she brings to me is new, the way she calms me down with just one touch, it's something that only she has been able to do to me.

"If only I could tell you what you're doing to me . . ."

I slowly lift my right hand up from the matress, hesitating for a moment, before picking it up fully and trailing it through the air, and lightly laying it down on her hip, feel her skin touch mine, the fire burning under my palm. I take one last look at her, burning the image of her face into my memory and slowly closing my eyes. I take in a deep breath and sigh for the first time, I was here with her, I was safe.