after three hours Alex exited the room. She seemed exhausted.

" How is he?" Nikita asked worried from the couch when she heard Alex.

" He will be fine. The drug's effect passed two hours ago but he kept crying until 30 minutes ago when he felt asleep" Alex replied sadly.

" How does this drug work?" Nikita asked nervously.

" It creates a twisted reality. You are trapped in your mind and you think that you live a life which is consisted from your darkest moments, your regrets and your fears. No hope, no goodness, nothing. You live your worst nightmare. If you have Amanda over your head, you live the nightmare that she wants you to live. If someone wants to make it even worse, he can order you to relive certain periods of your life. Fortunately, Birkoff took only one dose and he hadn't Amanda interrogating him" Alex said sadly walking towards the kitchen.

" How many doses did you have?" Nikita asked coldly unable to control her words. She was mad at Alex for not telling her this twisted game of Amanda

" 32 until my heart stopped beating and 2 more after I came around" Alex replied calmly without looking at Nikita.

" I am sorry..." Nikita whispered honestly.

" What did he cry over?" Nikita asked wanting to change the subject.

" You don't know?" Alex asked surprised.

" No. He said something in the morning about a girl but I didn't understand a lot" Nikita replied.

" Meredith." Alex said and sighed. " she was his girlfriend before Division." she added.

" What happened?" Nikita asked. She knew that she was asking about something private but she wanted to hear Alex's voice. She had missed her so much. Alex put some water in a glass and drank. Then she turned to Nikita.

" Short version?" Alex asked and Nikita nodded affirmative.

" His father killed her father in a car accident. He found it out and kept it secret. After years he told her the truth but she left. After few months a policeman showed up in his door and told him that Meredith was murdered and that her last words were ' Birkoff Seymour I will always love you' " Alex said sadly and looked at Nikita, who was obvious in emotional pain.

" You told him that she had forgiven him" Nikita said softly.

" I think that she had" Alex replied honestly.

" Alex..." Nikita started but she was cut off by Alex's ringtone. Alex walked to her bag and took out her cell phone, she sighed loudly and picked up.

" Amanda is 3 in the morning, what do you want?" Alex asked coldly.

" Did I wake you up?" Amanda answered coldly.

" No. What do you want?" Alex replied.

" I wanted to tell you that I am sorry about before" Amanda said calmly.

" No, Amanda, you aren't sorry. Did you take your revenge or you have more to show me?" Alex said angrily and coldly.

" It wasn't about revenge." Amanda told her.

" Then what was about Amanda? " Alex asked.

" I was angry because you betrayed me..." Amanda said

" You are angry and I get that. You feel betrayed, I can understand that too, but today it wasn't about you and me, it wasn't about Nikita. So what was about?" Alex cut her off.

" Alex..."

" You crossed the line, Amanda. Today you crossed the line. Are you at least happy now?" Alex said coldly.

" I thought that you didn't mind. You didn't ask me to stop it, you didn't tell anything" Amanda replied.

" What did you expect me to do, Amanda? Beg for your forgiveness, cry and beg you to stop it. No Amanda. I am not sorry for working with Nikita if this is what you wanted to hear and I am not going to cry over my past or ask you to stop. And don't tell me that you are sorry because you enjoyed every second of your precious hour" Alex whispered angrily.

" Did I finally get to you?" Amanda asked sarcastically.

" Oh no, Amanda. You will have to work harder than that to succeed that. But today you crossed the line. You don't know who I was, who I am or who I can become. I don't mind if you take your anger for everyone who had betrayed you on me, but the next time that you will play such a dirty game, I will make it sure that you will be sorry" Alex said coldly.

" Are you threatening me?" Amanda asked puzzled.

" No. I am warning you. Don't cross the lines again" Alex replied seriously and hang off the phone.

She put one hand on a wall and stood there silent for a few seconds while memories from her previous conversation crossed her mind.

did you remember that day on the video, Alex? It was the last Christmas that you spent with your parents before Nikita killed them. It was the last Christmas that you spent like a human being. It was the last Christmas that you were happy until WE took everything away from you...

Nikita would have killed you if he could save Daniel...

You betrayed the only person who told you the truth, you betrayed me...

And why? For Nikita, the woman who killed your father...

Ooh I do like that particular part of this movie...that sex slave in that cage with those men touching her like that...and her gaze...you already know that feeling, don't you?

You were nothing for Nikita...only a piece of meat that she could use...she sent you here to die instead of her...she used you...

Take the drugs Alex...it's an exit...just pick up the bottle and leave...because it is not going to end...you will be in continiously emotional pain...

Everyone betrayed you and everyone will...everything that you love will eventually turn against you...

Alex was brought out of her thoughts when she felt a hand on her shoulder, she opened her eyes and she saw Nikita, who had a worried gaze.

" Are you ok? You didn't answer my question" Nikita asked anxious when she noticed Alex's watery eyes.

" Can you please take your hand from my shoulder" Alex whispered trying to keep her voice stable and instantly Nikita obeyed and looked at Alex with pain and guilt in her eyes.