#10: Unsure
Rating: PG-13
Notes: First person POV again, but with Erik this time. ANGST AHOY.
I have not been whole for a very long time. I have had parts of my soul, of my self slowly removed. I am an empty vessel. I am a man with only the last vestiges left of what was once a real person.
I have read the Bible. I was religious, once upon a time- and then, even after I realized that God had forsaken me and my people, I still read verses. It was one of the only books Shaw allowed me. I have read the Old Testament. I have read the New Testament, though it is not a part of what I once believed.
I had hope, once. I had dreams and belief in others. I had trust and love.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, thought as a child, reasoned as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.
I know now that I am the only person I can trust. I do not need hope. I do not need love. They are parts of me that were taken long ago, and it was foolish of me to try to find them again.
A starving man can eat and feel full for a time, but eventually he will be sick. His stomach has been changed, and food no longer carries any sustenance. I learned that in the camps, and I have learned it again here. I should have known that the emptiness inside me could never be filled.
Still. I doubt.
Charles-
Did I do the right thing?
I know that the answer is no.
I am so sorry, Charles.