~*Part 10*~

Carmen went through her room and cleaned. She noticed her very first diary that was given as a gift from her mother. She flipped it open.

Dairy Entry Number 1:

Hello book it is I, Carmen Haley. It's been two days since they found moms murdered body by the river and now dad has been drinking a lot. My little sister Christy, that we adopted a few months ago, just won't stop crying. I keep think to myself that mom will come and help her stop crying. Mom would make things a whole lot better.

My best friend Hannah told me that she wanted to kill herself. I don't know how to respond to something like that. It' s bad enough that I found her cutting herself in gym when we lost the game of dodge ball and the bullies called her a 'stupid bitch.' Why can't they just be nice to us?

I would have told mom about the bullies and them cutting on me, but she's dead now. Now if someone ask me where these scars came from I'll just say I got in a fight with a cat. Wish we could find who killed mom…

Love you always- Carmen Grace

Dairy Entry Number 2:

Dad hit me for no reason today. I tried to take care of Christy and he slapped me. He's been drinking a little too much lately and I don't know what to do. The bullies cut on me again today, they sliced my finger across the tops and I kept bleeding. I went to the nurse and lied and said that I cut myself on a piece of glass outside the playground. She healed it and sent me back to class. I still wish mom was here so I could tell her what I tell you.

- Carmen Grace

Dairy Entry Number 3:

Dad went to work drunk again and got fired. Now we're going to be homeless and starving. To add to that today was my birthday and no one but Hannah said happy birthday, NOT EVEN DAD. Maybe Hannah's right no one cares about us. We're just ugly people that waist space. The cut that they gave me today hurts more than anything! Well hopefully dad will stop drinking and he can get his job back.

- Carmen Grace

Dairy Entry Number 4:

Today we got news that Hannah killed herself. I cried all day along…she was gone…she didn't even tell me goodbye…she left me by myself...now there's no one there to take care of me…first mom…not her…

- Carmen Grace

Dairy Entry Number 5:

Dad was found by the cops walking the street drunk and they sent him to rehab. Now we're living in a safe haven with other kids. They sent me to another school and on Wednesday's they send me to a mentoring class. Christy is only eight now and she's really smart. She doesn't know she's adopted yet…I don't plan on telling her…

- Carmen Grace

Dairy Entry Number 6:

Today I found a blade under my pillow; it brought back memories of when I saw Hannah cutting. She did it all the time to release her stress and her anger. I'll put it into consideration...

- Carmen Grace

Dairy Entry Number 7:

This cute boy named Anthony keeps flirting with me. He's really cute and I don't know if I should go with him or not. I'm 13…I can date. Dad didn't say it was wrong. He's dating now to so it's okay if I do it…I really like him.

- Carmen Grace

Dairy Entry Number 8:

I love Anthony he's so awesome! I wonder if he's the one for me. We'll live in a nice house and have 3 kids. We'll live the American dream. Be together forever. I love him A LOT!!

- Carmen Grace

Dairy Entry Number 9:

Anthony broke up with me. Two days after my birthday! Hannah told me she'd be there for me, whenever I got hurt. Now she's dead and that's how I want to be…I'm going to cut myself like she used to…if I die, oh well…no one would miss me.

- Carmen Grace Halley

Carmen glared at her arm looking at the scars that she still had from those terrible childhood days. She found the picture of Hannah that was in the news paper. "I miss you dude… " she sighed as tears rolled down her cheeks. The blade that she used to cut herself with she was a stain on it. A flash back of those days came back. She saw herself sucking her own blood from her slit wrist hopping the blood flow would slow down.

Carmen cried more she held the blade in her hand and she squeezes it. Her palm dripped. She got the blade again and cut an 'H' on her wrist. "Are you satisfied now Hannah?" she balled her hand into a fist and the pain followed. "I've always been an idiot and you knew it…this I do in remembrance of you…" she released her fist and a tear fell in her palm the cut stung again. "Best friend"