This time on TWIBW: Our favourite (and only) acting Quincy shows up to save the day using the super secret epic QUINCY SEWING POWERS OF DOOM™!

...No, really.

A/N: I do not own Bleach. Apropos of nothing, I also spent a good 2 days reading through the whole of Homestuck and being completely and utterly confused by the insane plotline. Everyone seems to have died at least once, if not twice, and still be alive, and I'm confused as hell whilst trying to figure how the hell this entire thing is meant to work and why the author has a fascination with amphibians.

(But at least I have been duly warned about stairs.)

Extra bonus points for spotting all the references, by the way!

"Well, at least you started to get the right idea. But you wasted a perfect opportunity!"

"Tatsuki-chan?"

"Look, when a guy sweeps you off your feet like that – " she made an expansive gesture - "you've got to use it. Do whatever it takes! I mean, you like Ishida, right?"

"Well... Ishida-kun is..." Orihime considered this for a second.

~*Hey kids! Look at Orihime's thought process!*~

Ishida adjusting glasses = swept onto the noble dragon = evil villain with mad cackling laughter = kidnapped princess in tower = rainbow ninja rescue adventure

"Yes... I must grab hold of your sewing needles to escape! No! Go left, human Ishida-kun, left! The turtles are chasing us!"

Tatsuki briefly wondered what exactly was going through her friend's head, then decided it was probably best not to ask.

There was a dull thud, breaking Orihime out of her reverie.

"...Enraku?"

Tatsuki reached over to pick up the fallen plush toy. "Huh. Looks like something made a rip in it. Though," she said with a leer, "I guess you can just ask Ishida-kun to patch it up, right?"

"It's strange, though... How did he get ripped like this? There wasn't anything sharp... and it looks like – "

Suddenly, Orihime was thrown back, an expression of shock on her face as her body slammed against the wall.

"What the hell? Orihime? Orihime!"

There was still a pulse, faint, but present nonetheless as Tatsuki turned around again, gaze flickering across the room for some evidence of the assailant.

And there, in the centre of the room, something like a heat haze that towered almost to the ceiling.

Her mind flickered back to that night, the boy who once told her that he could see ghosts and what had happened to him –

Someone banged on the door.

Tatsuki could only freeze in terror as her memories of every horror movie provided infinite nightmare fuel as to what was behind that door –

- just before something slammed into her. Fortunately, there was less distance for her to fly; unfortunately, this was because she was already next to the wall in the first place.

Something went crunch. She was fairly certain it wasn't the wall.

"Ugh..."

"Can't you hurry up?"

"Well, I'm sorry, I can't phase through walls, the window wasn't open, she wouldn't answer the door, I'm not bashing it down like a common burglar and I can only pick locks so fast no matter how good I am – "

The lock clicked, admitting entrance and there was no more time for talking.

Tatsuki was fairly sure that she was hallucinating as silver blurs sped through the air, pinning the... whatever it was... against the opposite wall.

"Senhikou Bari – Housei Akuma." Light reflected off the lenses of Uryuu's glasses as he stepped into view, one hand currently occupied by several spools of thread. He was wearing some strange kind of outfit; the top and cape were white with light blue trim, and then there was a weird symbol picked out in the same blue on his back as well as what appeared to be another set of those standard grey school trousers.

...what the hell? Since when did Ishida get here? And why is he wearing such a stupid outfit?

"Ishida... that thing..." She coughed, painfully.

He turned towards her, surprised. "Arisawa-san? What... actually, it doesn't matter - "

"Fool!" A hand delivered a sharp blow to the back of Ishida's neck, to be shortly followed into the room by Rukia Kuchiki. "What are you waiting for?"

Ishida twitched. "Inoue-san... you should probably do something for her. The chain of fate is still intact, so she should still be able to go back in if you heal the body enough - oof."

"I was talking about the hollow!"

...hollow? Are they talking about that invisible monster?

"It's trapped. I'm dealing with it and I'd really appreciate it if you stopped hitting me."

"Why do you have so much thread on you, anyway?"

"...I always keep it. Just in case I ever need to trap something instead of killing it straight away."

"You should get moving. I'm surprised that thing is even holding. How come it hasn't snapped the silk by now?"

Tatsuki saw the haze shift slightly, apparently pinned there by the needles embedded in the wall. It was a little creepy seeing the long threads wrapped around what was apparently thin air.

"It isn't silk. Honestly. It's pre-prepared mercerised thread, triple-wound and treated with - "

"...look, just purify it already, will you?"

There was a slight pause as Rukia knelt over Orihime's body.

"You don't need to worry." Ishida's tone of voice softened slightly. "The zanpakuto purifies the souls. They are sent to Seireitei, not destroyed. Your brother will go there."

And then Ishida produced a tanto before sweeping it dramatically through the air, an action that caused the threads to go slack and the heat haze to vanish.

Removing the needles from the wall, he wound the threads back on the various spools as he turned to Tatsuki.

"It's good that you're still conscious, Arisawa-san. Does it hurt much to breathe?"

"Just a little." Her gaze flickered over to where Rukia was crouching.

"Inoue-san will probably be fine. She didn't suffer too much damage... although in your case there might be more problems. You might have broken ribs, but that isn't really something we can deal with here, so it's probably best if we call an ambulance - "

"I have enough energy left to use a healing kido," Kuchiki pointed out, turning around as she clicked something in front of Orihime's face.

Ishida looked sceptical. "Enough to fix broken bones?"

There was a scoff as Rukia got up to come over. "Please. I came at the top of my class for kido scores!"

"Well, excuse me for not being so confident in your abilities, Miss Oh-I'm-So-Perfect-I-Don't-Need-Help." This time, he managed to dodge the elbow to his stomach as Rukia lowered her hands to Tatsuki's stomach.

"What're you... doing?"

"You can relax. I suppose you could say this is a special healing magic. My speciality is actually in this field, so you don't need to worry." The seriousness of the statement was somewhat lost by Kuchiki poking her tongue out at Ishida.

Whatever the kido was, it left a strangely numb sensation in Tatsuki's chest.

"What was that thing?"

"A hollow. They're... a kind of monster that hunt down humans sometimes. Usually they don't target the living, but..."

"...you said that was Orihime's brother..."

Ishida glanced at her. "Yes. Sometimes, when souls don't move on peacefully, they become the hollows until someone can send them on."

"Oh."

She relaxed. The feeling of this kido wasn't too bad, actually. Kind of like having an ice-pack on your body, except a little warmer.

"Done." Rukia stood up.

"Finally. I thought you were going to take all night." He dodged again. "Do you have it?"

"Of course!" She produced a ridiculous-looking chicken head, sticking it in front of Tatsuki's nose.

"What is tha – "

Poof.

"No, seriously! Seven samurai stormed into my apartment and charged down the wall when they were fighting a giant mecha!"

"...your imagination again..."

"Tatsuki-chan was there too! You remember, right, Tats-chan?"

"Wait, you didn't see the invading army of rubber ducks swarming out of the toilet-?"

"Uwah?!"

"..."

"See? Not a trace of the original events!" Kuchiki crossed her arms, smirking at Uryuu.

"...couldn't you have... got something that makes more... realistic memories?" he asked weakly.

She pouted. "It was the best I could do. Stupid shopkeeper couldn't even give me a discount..."

"Would this, by any chance, be the shopkeeper who wears a ridiculous green-and-white striped bucket hat?" A suspicious tone began to enter his voice.

Kuchiki looked up at him, startled. "Yes, why?"

"...nothing. Will you mind if I borrow that later? I want to have a word with him."

Preferably a painful word...

Quincy Encyclopaedia!

Senhikou Bari - Housei Akuma (千飛行 針 縫製 悪魔): Thousand Flying Needles - Sewing Demon. Only Uryuu would possibly come up with an attack with a stupid name like this. It's not stupid. You simply fail to accept my genius. Also, this is my personal Encyclopaedia. Go away.

This attack uses a thousand needles, all pre-threaded with specially prepared triple-wound mercerised thread imbued with reiatsu. As a result of the pre-treatment to the thread, it is much stronger than ordinary triple-wound mercerised thread would be, able to withstand high stress, and also capable of channeling further quantities of reiatsu. This property can be used to rapidly guide the needles around the target, essentially trapping them in place. Furthermore, by drawing on the thread, reiatsu can be siphoned off from the target, weakening it considerably and strengthening the trap further.

It still sounds stupid. Well, do enlighten me further. What do demons have to do with this technique anyway? It's just you chucking a bunch of needles around on some thread, that isn't even a techni

(Here lie a series of holes through the page before the next entry. There appear to be traces of Quincy reiatsu and evidence of burning around the edges. Someone certainly appears to have shot this book several times.)