You seldom listen to me, and when you do, you don't hear, and when you do hear you hear wrong, and even when you hear right you change it so fast that it's never the same.
Kai has to drag me from the house before I realize what's going on. We're in his car and he's reversing out of the driveway before I feel like I can breathe again.
"You should probably just take me home," I say, looking out the window.
Kai has a girlfriend.
I kissed Kai last night.
I thought I was so special.
Kai has a girlfriend.
I am so stupid!
What kind of name is Queen anyway?
From the corner of my eye, I can see Kai shoot me a disbelieving look. "Why?" He grounds out harshly. "If it's my grandfather, ignore him. He means nothing."
"It's not about your grandfather," I lie, partly. "It's about the fact that my house is trashed and I need to take care of it."
"We'll have breakfast and then when I drop you off I'll help you. Your mom's not coming back until Tuesday anyway."
I try to give him a kind smile. I'm sure it comes out as a grimace. "You don't have to do that. I can take care of it. The fort was my idea anyway."
Kai pulls off the road and parks by the curb. I know now that this is what he does when he wants to talk seriously. It's strangely responsible of him and I can't help but respect him for it.
He turns to face me. His stare is piercing and intense. He doesn't say anything and the silence makes me squirm uncomfortably. It's not like a Brooklyn-type silence, where I wonder what he's going to do, but a silence that makes me think I've hurt Kai's feelings.
"It's really no big deal," I mutter, looking away from him.
He still doesn't say anything.
Finally, I can't take it anymore. "Who's Queen?"
He sighs loudly. "Is that what this is about? She's not important."
"She doesn't seem like nothing to your grandfather." I respond.
He nods once. "My grandfather and her parents want us toget married in a few years."
My head snaps to him and I stare in shock. Two seconds ago, he said she wasn't important and now he's telling me that she's his future wife? What do you have to be for him to consider you important?
Am I important?
"Married." I scoff. "Kai…I-" I break off, unable to think of anything to say.
"She's important to him, but I don't care about her," he continues, probably reading my mind like he always does.
I turn his silent stare back on him. I don't know where his power comes from, but I'm hoping I've somehow picked it up. He doesn't seem affected much, still I hold on strong.
"She's not my girlfriend," he says. It's more like he got bored and told me, ratherthan I forced it out of him, but I'll take what I can get. "She never will be anything more to me than what she already is. I promise you that."
There's something weird in what he says. "What is she to you now?"
This time he looks away from me, like he doesn't want to tell me. "Kai?" I push. He still doesn't reply.
I groan. "You can't do this!" I shout at him. I think I've surprised him by my volume, because he leans away from me while watching me cautiously. "I thought you said you hated liars. You can't keep secrets like this."
He laughs darkly. "What about the secrets you keep? You can keep your past to yourself, but mine is supposed to be an open book?"
I snap my mouth shut, my mind screeching to a stop when he makes his point. To me, they are completely different situations, but he doesn't know thatand I can't explain it.
"Queen is not my girlfriend now. She will not be my wife in the future. You don't need to know more."
I slump in my seat and cross my arms. I don't like Kai when he's upset. When he's upset, there's a darkness in him. It's not like Brooklyn's darkness, but it's not unlike it either. It's Kai's specific darkness, and it scares me a little.
"Can we eat? I'm hungry." His voice is lighter, gentler. I glance at him from the corner of my eye and the darkness is gone. I nod my head once, still not trusting my voice.
We drive for a while, far out of town to an area that I've never been to. As we turn corners and drive down narrow streets, I wonder how Kai found this place to begin with. We pull in to a small parking lot with a few cars in it. Kai's car stands out as new and shiny while the others are all older and dinged. I shuffle along after him, aware of his confidence. Kai holds the door open for me and when we both enter an older waitress smiles brightly in our direction.
"Kai," she says, "You're late this morning! How have you been?"
"Good," he answers, giving her a small smirk. The waitress seems to have expected his short response and turns her gaze to me.
"Who's this?" She gives Kai a sly smile and winks. "Got yourself a girl, Kai? Well, I'm hurt – you knew I was available."
I am shocked by her words. I immediately want to deny that I am his girlfriend. One kiss doesn't make me his girlfriend.
Does it?
No. Not after this whole Queen mess.
Instead of answering, or more importantly denying, her remark, Kai leads us to a booth in the back. I slide in and take a deep breath before taking in my surroundings.
There is no theme, unless the theme is "Let's see how much junk we can fit into this space before causing a fire hazard".
"Don't mind her," Kai says, drawing my attention back to him. "She's a bit odd."
A bit?
"If she's 'a bit odd' then I'm only a bit frightened of your grandfather." I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes.
Kai smirks again, like he approves of my comment.
In the silence that follows, I grow nervous. I start playing with my silverware and making noises. Briefly, I wonder when I stopped being able to handle the silence in the presence of another person. "Do we get menus?" I ask Kai, looking around at the other customers.
"She knows what's good. Don't worry, you'll be happy. Trust me."
His words make my nerves relax and I'm able to breathe easier. The fight in the car must have really messed with me, and in the back of my mind, I can still hear myself questioning everything he said. Kai has a way of shifting my focus when I'm upset. He's very subtle at it, but he's gotten away with a lot.
"Do you come here a lot?" I ask him.
He nods. "Every weekend. My mom knew the owner."
Oh. His mom. The smiling woman from the photograph flashes and I remember her warm eyes. Kai's eyes are the same color and shape, but Kai's eyes are harder and always shifting.
Kai always seems to be planning and preparing for something.
From somewhere in the restaurant, I hear a deep but familiar laugh. I look around and find Tala sitting in another corner. He's not with anyone from his normal group but with a girl. She's facing away from me so I can't see her face. I don't know why, but it seems weird that Tala would have a life away from his friends. I mean, he's Tala. I only know what he's let me know, but…
Oh my god. Tala has a girlfriend.
That's just weird.
"Kai," I whisper, ducking my head so that Tala won't see me. Kai gives me a look that asks if I am experiencing a mental breakdown. "Tala's over there with a girl."
Kai goes to turn his head, but I stop him by giving him a kick. He turns back to me with shock. I didn't kick him hard enough to hurt him, so I think it's mostly my behavior that he's reacting to. "Don't look, idiot. He'll see you."
He rubs his temples. "And you call me an idiot?"
I want to respond, but I'm too busy trying to make myself invisible to bother thinking of something to say.
"If you keep acting like that, he's going to look over here."
After hearing his comment, I try to calm down and relax. I look at Kai, who has propped his head up on his hand and is glancing around the room. He looks bored, but I know that he's not. Kai always surveys his surroundings before relaxing. I first noticed him doing it at lunch. I started watching for it and realized he does it whenever he enters a room. It's almost as if he's waiting for someone to jump out at him.
It's kind of cute.
"You know, I'm happy for you," I say. His eyes glide towards me, and there's a question in them. He arches his eyebrow. "You and Tala reconnecting, I think it's great."
He studies me for a second before shrugging. "I guess. It clearly doesn't impress my grandfather."
I don't like talking about that man, so I ignore that. "If you want to go say hi to Tala, I won't mind. I'll wait here if you want."
Kai chuckles. "No. You're better to look at."
I look down and start fiddling with my silverware. "Oh, okay."
Our plates are set down in front of us and I mutter a thank you before digging in. Kai was right, as usual, and it's delicious. As we continue eating, I find myself watching him. After a while, he looks up and matches my stare. His is, as always, more intense and makes me want to squirm. I look down without saying anything.
After finishing breakfast, he takes me back home, parking in the same lot so that we have to walk. We spend the rest of the afternoon putting my house back together and chatting lightly. We avoid any subject that has ever brought forward a negative reaction such as his grandfather or my secrets. Though, as we're cleaning I can't help but realize how little I know about him. I've talked to him more than anyone, but I don't really know him. I know little things, basic facts, but nothing that makes up the real him. It's a change from last night, when I thought I knew a lot about him.
But he knows things about me. He knows what makes me nervous, knows about my father, my mother, Ming-Ming and Brooklyn. Kai knows more about me than anyone else right now. The only thing he doesn'tknow is what really happened that night. Even with that, however, he's slowly wearing my walls down. I know one day I'll end up spilling everything. It's what I've wanted since the beginning of it all. Perhaps that will be the end of us.
As he's getting ready to say goodbye, putting on his light coat and heading towards the door, I speak. "What's going to happen when you go back to your school?"
Kai pauses. "What do you mean?"
"With us?"
Because, you know, we kissed last night and now you have a not-girlfriend/future wife and I have no idea what's going on with you because you don't really talk.
He shrugs, as if he hasn't put as much thought into it as I have. This hurts, because it feels like he doesn't care. "Nothing will change," he says finally.
I feel my heart drop and my face scrunches. "What does that mean?"
"It means what it means."
That doesn't answer any of my questions. It only leaves me with more. Nothing will change? But what if I want things to change?
I sigh. It's all confusing. The more I'm with him, the more I feel like I'm missing something. I used to think it was Kai who didn't understand what he was getting into, but now I believe I'm the one who has no idea what's happening.
"Okay," I say, and give a small smile. He seems to debate something briefly before reaching over, cupping my cheek and giving me a small kiss—barely a touch of the lips. He's out the door and down the walk before I can say anything.
I feel my face heat up and I know I'm blushing. I can only be happy my mother isn't here to see me.
I don't hear from Kai the next day, but it doesn't worry me too much. I've got homework to complete and my mom comes home early. She mentions that it feels like something's different with the living room, but she can't place it. I shrug and return to my room. It's never mentioned again.
Tuesday morning, Brooklyn is holding court at a table by the wall. The crowd around him is loud and happy. Tala and his group are under their tree. Usually other students keep their distance like there's a force field around them. This time it's the glare on Tala's face that keeps them back. Kai isn't with them, but I didn't expect him to be. I don't know where he hangs out in the mornings, but I don't waste time looking. I head directly to my locker, keeping my head down. Without Kai as the buffer, I'll be back to The Listener.
I pull out a book to bury myself in as I wait for class to begin. Even though I'm not really reading, I jump when a book bag drops down next to me with a bang and Julia slumps down with a sigh.
"I never realized what we looked like over there," she comments, her nose pulled up in disgust. I follow her line of sight and find her looking over at Brooklyn's table where he sits on top of a low wall with his girlfriend on one side and everyone else sitting or standing on the ground around them.
"They look like they're worshipping him," she finishes. She looks to me. "Did we always look like that?"
"You certainly admired him a lot."
Julia shudders. "I can't believe I was sucked in like that. Standing back now, they all look stupid."
"Just blinded by his light." I reply. I glance at her, observing her profile. "What's with the sudden realization?"
She laughs lightly as her eyes leave Brooklyn and his group. "I've been taking your advice. I met some new friends—well, one new friend, really. But I like him a lot. He's made me think about some things too."
I nod and give her a small smile. "I'm glad." Then my smile shifts into a smirk, like I'm trying to copy Kai. "Is there a little more than friendship there? Sounds like there is."
She blushes lightly, trying to hide it. "Maybe. It's hard to tell with him."
Yeah, tell me about it.
Classes start and I wave to Julia as she heads off. It's easier to focus in class for some reason. When passing back papers, one of my teachers even compliments me. Unfortunately, this is the class I share with Brooklyn and he over heard her. When the note lands on my table, I freeze. I feel my heart beat faster and the fear fires up.
But then, I take a deep breath and open it.
Brooklyn drew a happy face and wrote good job. I'm proud of you.
When I look over at him, he gives me a smile and a thumbs up.
What the…hell?
I give a thumbs up back so that he doesn't get mad, but I'm seriously confused.
Brooklyn doesn't say anything else, and when the class releases he ignores me and leaves the room. It's not like I'm going to chase him down and ask what's going on, so I stuff the note in the trash and try to forget it happened.
I sit at my usual table for lunch. The first thing I do is look for Kai. He's absent from the room and I feel let down. With Brooklyn here, lunch is the only time I really get to see him until after school at the warehouse.
I try not to let the sadness show too much, but then Julia joins me and she takes one look and asks me what's wrong.
"Nothing," I say shortly as I take a bite of my food. She looks around the room, and then nods.
"Oh, he's not here. I get it."
She's a lot smarter than she lets on.
"How's Raul?" A part of me is stung that Kai's not here and lashes out at her, hoping that being reminded of her perversion will hurt her. I regret it immediately after I say it, but she just shrugs it off.
"He's fine. Nothing new there."
"How's…you know…that problem you were worrying about."
"Honestly," she says as she looks at me, "I don't know if it's because of this guy or not, but I haven't thought about Raul in that way once since meeting him. It's kind of refreshing, not feeling bad all the time."
I wouldn't know anything about that.
"That's good." I say, and start picking at my lunch.
Julia continues, "I started to wonder if I should tell him that I once thought that way about my brother. Because that's big—" she looks at me, her green eyes huge and bright "—but I worry that he'll be disgusted with me and it'll all be over."
That I do know something about.
I never thought that Julia and I could have anything in common, but here we are wondering the exact same thing.
The only problem is that I know the answer.
"Relationships don't really do well when secrets are kept."
Her eyes widen even more and she looks scared. Even more scared than when she first told me about Raul. She nods and then looks away. For a moment, I think she's going to leave me but then she turns back.
"Did you do well on that test in math?"
I'm not sure where her question came from, but I answer. "I did all right. I didn't have as much time to study as I usually do, but it didn't hurt me that much."
She shrugs. "I'm good at math, but some of those questions were really hard."
And just like that, we're talking. Not her talking and I'm listening, wishing to be anywhere else, but both of use exchanging information that is important and at the same time unimportant.
I think I might be making a friend.
By the time class ends, I have decided that I have to tell Kai everything…eventually. I will do it slowly. My hope is that by telling him secrets little by little, the big one will be easier. And that it will give me time to find out some of his.
The familiar sound of gravel crunching under my tires as I pull up to the warehouse is comforting. Kai is the there already, reading again. I pause at the sight of him lying back along the couch, one arm up around his head, playing with his hair, and the other holding up the book. The light from the table lamp throws shadows across his face, highlighting certain angles and shading others.
I smile. Now or never, I guess. This is something I've never said out loud. "I used to have a crush on Brooklyn."
He drops the book against his chest as his dark eyes snap to mine. He didn't hear me coming up the stairs, so I assume his book was good. He doesn't seem to care about it now, though, as it drops to the floor because he sits up to look at me while his brow furrows. "Why?" he asks. 'How' follows closely, but silently.
"Before they started going out, Brooklyn would hang out with me and Ming-Ming all the time. I knew he was there for her company, not mine, but I didn't mind; we all had fun together anyway. We'd go to the movies or just hang out at a park. He was nice then. Then he asked Ming-Ming out and that was fine, because I wasn't surprised by it, but it did sting a bit. My crush slowly faded as time went on."
My crush faded because his darkness grew, but that was another secret for another day.
Kai watches me. My eyes sting with oncoming tears. I hold the water in my eyes as best I can and eventually it goes away. No tears are spilt. But he saw them.
He takes pity on me and ignores them. "I have a plan to ruin my grandfather's company, and him. I'll take it from him and turn it into what he never wanted it to be – everything my father wanted for it."
My plan works, and I feel enthusiastic. This is something new, and I can tell that he doesn't let just anyone know. "Why?" I ask, copying him.
He laughs a little. "It was my father's company before they passed away, but since I was too young to take it, my grandfather took control. It is only suppose to be until I'm old enough, but I know he's not going to give it back—not without a fight. So, I developed a way to take it from him, right out from under him. He'll never know what hit him. Maybe it's heartless of me to leave him with nothing, but I don't care. In fact, I think it's the best part of it all."
I don't know much about Hiwatari Enterprises, but I'm doing research tonight.
"I don't think it's heartless," I say after a moment. My voice is soft. "I think you're protecting yourself. It sounds like he hurt you. Though I do wonder how you can even come up with a plan like that, at your age." I think back to his room, all the business books he had. Maybe it's actually obvious how he did it.
"In my world, you learn to think that way. Thinking behind people's backs, double-crossing, revenge; it's all a part of their daily lives."
He says it all with a whisper in his voice, as if he's in a different place "Is it the world you're going to live in?" I ask him.
His eyes focus back on me. "I used to thirst for it: the cut-throat life of business. And a part of me still does. It's fast moving and requires quick thinking and strategies for everything. It's a challenge; one I have every intention of meeting. In that world, I can become invincible. Nothing will be able to touch me." He pauses, his eyes shifting again. "Now, however, there's another part of me that never wants to be there. That world will leave me alone, like I was before."
Before you, I hope me means.
I'm warmed by his answer.
"How was your day?" He asks then, changing the subject.
"Fine," I answer. "I talked to Julia a little bit, and that was…different. I didn't see you." I debated whether or not to tell him about Brooklyn and his weird note, but quickly shut the idea down.
"I was around, but kept my distance," he shrugs, as if that's all there is to it. He looks to the corner. "We still have some games."
It's a general statement, but I see the challenge already starting a fire in his eyes. Kai's competitive and hates losing, as he stated when talking about business, which probably only makes him that much better.
"You're on."
My days go like this for two weeks. At school, I talk to Julia. Occasionally, one of her friends would join us, but they leave quickly. Julia's different than I had expected. She's smarter and funnier. I knew she was always a bit harsh, especially when placed next to her softer brother, but she's not that bad. She's stronger, too.
After school, I meet with Kai. I share a secret and then, sometimes, he does too. Then we both do something. Sometimes we watch TV, or we'll play a game. Other times I do my homework and he reads.
Our secrets are going deeper. I've managed to dance around the outskirts of my secret, and I can tell Kaiis getting annoyed with it. I am too. I wanted to get this out of the way, to see how he'd react but I just can't…say it. Once I share one part of the secret, I know the rest will come pouring out; it's impossible for it not to.
Kai donates to an animal shelter. He never once stopped talking to Tala when his grandfather asked him to. He never even thought of it as an option. He's had a gun fired on him. He got a tattoo when he was fifteen. He wants to travel. And write. And continue what his father started—making the world a better place.
I was his first kiss. I snorted when he told me that, but he insists it's true. He lets me know straight forward that he's had sex before. And a lot of it, from what he implied. He doesn't seem ashamed of it at all, and I wonder how many girls there are? Is one of them Queen?
But, he continues, oblivious to my rising jealously level, his mom and dad were very affectionate with each other, and always taught him that it was something you should only do with a person you truly care about.
I point out they were probably talking about sex as well, and he smirks. I said it too sharply, and now he knows that I am jealous.
"True," he acknowledges, "but sex can be impersonal. Kissing, however, is always personal."
I blush, remembering our first kiss. And our second.
And third, forth, and fifth.
Looking back, I realize our first kiss was sloppy compared to how they are now. Thinking about it still makes me blush though.
These things nobody, or at least very few, know about him. With every secret that he lets go, I feel privileged to know him, much less talk to him as much as I do.
Things changed between us too. After that first night, Kai kissed me. Or I kissed him again. It was light. Testing, but no pressure. Each night after that, they got heaver, longer.
Intense.
Until we ended up here in the warehouse, with me lying back on the couch with one hand in his hair and the other hand spread across his back. His lips tracing down my jaw line to my neck. In the back of my mind, I still doubt that I'm his first kiss ever, but I don't care. Things are good right now, and I am happy. The happiest I've been in a long time.
He lifts off me and I miss his body heat instantly. His face is flush and his eyes are darker than usual, giving me a thrill. I watch as he reaches down and pulls off his shirt. His body strikes me, distracting me from what's happening. The developed muscles of his arms and torso that I somehow always knew were there draw my attention, but then it catches my eye. My hand reaches forward on its own and touches the smooth skin just over his ribcage. It follows it up until it stops under his left shoulder.
"The one I got when I was fifteen," he says quietly. "It's a"—
"Phoenix," I whisper before he can finish. "I know."
The tattoo is all black, oranges, and reds, swirling lines and colors that create the firebird swooping up. Its wings are spread out, taking up a lot of room. It rests above his heart.
I look at him. "Why?"
He draws back a little. He licks his lips and I realize he's nervous. Kai doesn't fidget. He opens his mouth to say something, but then his phone rings. He looks at me, as if asking my permission. I look away, because I'm not so rude as to think he needs my permission or that I'll be mad if he took the call anyway.
I mean, I don't think we're official or anything. At least, he's never said anything about it. Maybe I'm just another one of the girls. Maybe Queen's out there, wondering why he doesn't call her anymore.
"Excuse me," he says as an afterthought, as he grabs his phone from his jacket and heads out of the room. I hear the stairs rattle as he makes his way down. He's heading outside, so it must be an important call.
I take the privacy to regroup and find my footing. My hands try to smooth out my hair, but I know it's useless. I breathe in and out slowly. I'm getting carried away.
As I begin to pack my books, I hear a rattling on the stairs again. When the door opens, I expect to see Kai but it's not him.
Tala's standing there, and he seems just as shocked to see me.
"Um, hi," I say, adding a little wave.
He glances over me before his eyes move to the floor. I can see the frustration take hold immediately and lean as far away from him as I can.
"Son of a bitch," he slams the door shut. He paces the room once before he looks at me again. "Do you have any idea of what you're doing? How stupid you are?"
I'm confused by his questions. For all that's happened, I've never had Tala's anger aimed at me. As far as I can tell, it shouldn't be.
"You! You just go along in your own fucking world, never caring about who's getting hurt or what may happen. And here he is, just playing along! Has he fucked you yet, Hilary baby? Is that all that matters to you two?"
I stand as he approaches me and try to put distance between us, which is hard because Tala's anger makes him seem taller and he already takes up some space. He's scaring me and I feel cornered. This isn't good.
"I've tried everything, but that doesn't matter does it. Do you even care? No. I'm not playing anymore. I don't even care if you two ride off into the sunset on a white fucking horse, but you will not leave here until you fix what you left broken."
He comes closer to me, kicking the coffee table away. I trip over my own two feet and land on the smaller couch.
He sneers at me. "Are you crying? Seriously, you're crying." I try to shake my head, because I am not crying, but I can't move. He lowers himself until we meet eye to eye. They're a dark, churning mess, black, and colder than I've ever seen. I feel the world close in as I look at him. "You know, I've always wondered why you kept Brooklyn's secret. Did you sleep with him, too? Is that what you do—"
"Tala!"
Tala snaps around. Kai is standing in the doorway, shirtless and glowering. I try to remember the last time I saw Kai angry, and realize I've seen Kai annoyed and possibly frustrated, but I've never seen him livid.
"I asked one thing of you," Tala says without taking a second to think. He raises himself to his full height and towers above Kai. "One thing and this is what you do?"
"It's none of your business, Tala."
"The hell it isn't," Tala says sharply. "You have no idea what's happened. You're taking too much time, and now I see why. I can't put this off any longer; it needs to be done now."
Tala turns his attention back to me but before Tala can move, Kai has moved forward and he is dragging him out of the room, leaving me there in the aftermath.
I hear them cursing each other down the stairs and follow after them. Kai is shoving Tala towards a car I've never seen and then he turns back to me.
"Come on," he says and he takes my arm. It's not a painful grasp but it's forceful. He tows me to my car and opens the driver's door for me. "Go home. I'll go with him."
"What's going on?" I ask. "What was he talking about? What's taking too long?"
"Tala…has plans and ideas."
"That concern me?" There are some pieces that are falling into place and I really hope they aren't true. "That concern me and Brooklyn."
He shakes his head. Not in a denying fashion, but more like he can't deal with it now.
"Please," he whispers, "please just go. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
Tala shouts something. Kai's eyes beg me to go. So I do. Before I shut the car door, though, he leans down and kisses me softly. "I mean it."
I don't know what he means, but Tala curses again and Kai shuts my door. I drive off, watching Kai watch me.
The next day I don't hear from Kai or the day after that. None of them, not even Bryan, Spencer, or Ian are in school. It's just me and Julia, and even she seems to be sad about something. This doesn't bother me though, because I need the time to think.
The pieces are falling into place, and no matter how much I try to deny it, the picture isn't turning out very good. Tala hates Brooklyn, and he knows what happened that night. Kai has already admitted that he and Tala never stopped being friends, which means Kai probably already knows too. They both want to get rid of Brooklyn, for some reason. I don't have that piece yet.
And their plan: Make Hilary fall for Kai so that she'll reveal the secret.
Or at least that's the best I can come up with.
I think back to Kai talking about his grandfather and the company and I realize Kai is the type of person who will do and say anything to achieve his goal. I remember how he used to question me about Brooklyn. Since I never responded to those, he must have come up with the new plan. Instead of attacking me straight on, he'd come around slowly, make me trust him. And it almost worked. I was so close to telling him everything.
I feel heart-broken. I feel like crying. I feel like giving up. I feel like throwing up.
"What's wrong with you?" Julia says snippily as she pushes food around her plate.
I return her question just as nasty. Her green eyes flash as if I've challenged her, but then they fall again. "I haven't been able to talk to my new friend in a while. He's been…uncommunicative lately. Some family problem or something."
"Same here," I say. Julia looks at me, watching me for a moment.
"Hil?" She whispers. Her head ducks down and she tilts it away from the crowd. I worry that she's about to tell me a secret and that I'm back to being The Listener. "Has Brooklyn ever…threatened you?"
Her words send a chill down my spine and I freeze. Her eyes are glued to my face, watching for my reaction. "Why are you asking? What happened?"
She blinks. "He cornered me in the hall today and—I've never seen him that way before." She shakes her head, likely still shaken from the encounter. "He asked why we've been spending so much time together and if you're seeing anybody. I have a feeling he was asking about, well, you-know-who."
Kai.
"What'd you tell him?"
"I just told him that you helped me with something and that I had met you at a store outside of school. I told him we were friends. And I said that you weren't seeing any one at all."
I nodded. "Next time he does that, you should tell somebody."
"I told you," she points out. I want to laugh.
"Someone with power. Someone who can actually do something."
She looks over at Brooklyn and he's surrounded by his usual group. He doesn't seem very happy, but he's hiding it well. I notice his girlfriend isn't around and assume that's the reason for his being upset. "I don't think that would bother him much," she says. "He gets away with everything."
If only she knew.
I haul myself home after school. I don't bother wondering if I'm going to the warehouse, because I know he won't be there. I don't know what Tala's gotten him mixed up with, but it's keeping him busy and away from me. I wish I knew how much Tala hated me before this. I don't know what I would have done about it, but at least this wouldn't have come as a complete surprise.
My mom is waiting at the dinning room table when I enter the front door. I can see her head bent forward snap up as the door shuts. Sitting next to her is an unopened bottle of wine, as if she just got too tired to open it at the last second. It's weird for her to be home this early and for a moment I forget my problems with Kai and his bizarre friends.
She's not dressed in work clothes and I wonder if she had the day off and forgot to tell me.
"What's going on?" I ask as I drop my bag by the staircase. I don't approach her, choosing to keep my distance. The wrinkles of age are slowly becoming more apparent. She's always looked young for her age, but right now she's never looked older. There's a light in her eyes that I don't recognize, but also a frightened stare.
"Hilary, we need to talk now."
I already don't like her choice of words. She sounds resigned and worried. I don't move from my spot. I don't say anything but I don't run, so she continues.
"Things are going to change around here. There are going to be big changes, and we need to prepare for them. I know I haven't been a mother to you, and I don't expect forgiveness. But I need your help now. We've got to work on this family."
"I'm not following. Why aren't you at work?"
"Because I quit."
I'm still—shocked by her simple answer. "You quit. That's our only source of income! And you had a great position!" I don't know what she does—or did—for a living, but she was good at it, and made a lot of money.
"There are more important things now."
"Like what?"
She closes her eyes and breaths in deeply. Even though I can't see her eyes, I know she's scared. "I'm pregnant."
The words don't make sense. "No, you're not."
"Yes, Hilary. I am."
"No! Because to be pregnant, you have to have sex. And Dad…NO!" I reject the idea as it comes to me.
"Hilary, sometimes people get lonely,"
"Don't talk to me about loneliness! You have no idea! And you…cheated on Dad!"
"Don't talk to me about not having an idea of what it means to be lonely, little girl. Your father was my best friend! He was my husband, a very part of my person! Besides, you can't cheat on the dead. This other man meant nothing. He won't be in our lives."
"Who was he?" I don't know why I want to know, but it seems very important.
"Do you remember Mr. Donohue?"
I snort. Her boss. How cliché. I think of the thin man. He looked nothing like my father, but he was kind. He had two daughters and a wife that doted on him. From the outside, they looked like a happy family. I wondered if she knew her husband was sleeping around. Bastard. Another secret I guess I'll keep.
"And he's not going to be around?"
"He was never planning on leaving his wife and I was never planning on being serious with him. Hilary, it really was just companionship."
"He's never going to help us out with finances or anything? I mean, you just quit your job. He's the head of the company, gets to keep his family intact, and we go off into the darkness with his bastard child?"
She stands from her chair abruptly, sending it flying. "You shut your mouth! I never want to hear that again. This kid may not have a loving father, not like you did, but then it's up to us to show it what love is."
"Do you hear yourself? We don't even know what a family is; much less how to show someone else."
Her shoulders slump and the anger drains from her eyes. "That's why I need you, Hilary. You're the last part of your father, and you're so much like him. I need you to be for this kid everything that he was for you. We have to take care of it."
I feel my world caving; something I always thought Kai was going to cause. I can't be here right now. I can't talk to her. I can't hear that I'm like my father. I'm nothing like him. He was good; I protect a murderer.
"I can't!" I say as I rush back for the door. Nothing is going right. I get in my car and speed away. I start heading for the warehouse almost by instinct. Then I remember no one will be there. I do a sharp turn, nearly colliding with another car. I know he told me to wait for him to contact me, but this can't wait. I need him to comfort me, to hold me, to tell me everything is going to be okay.
I need Kai to listen to me.
I'm flying, going twenty, almost twenty-five over the speed limit. As I pass by the street I know Tala lives on, I see Kai's car parked out front. I curse, realizing that this is going to cause more trouble, but I can't wait for him to be ready. That's what being a friend, or whatever we are, means.
I flip a u-turn, slower now that I know where I'm going and how close he is. I park right behind him and wait for a moment, catching my breath. This is it. I can turn around and find somewhere else to go. I can go back to the park. I can forget Kai even exists and deal with this on my own.
No, I can't. Not anymore.
My door slams shut and I briskly walk to Tala's front door. I'm about to knock—or turn tail and run—when the door opens up. I receive my third shock of the day, gaping at what's in front of me. The girl pauses, taken aback by a person on the other side of the door she was just about to charge through.
After she studies me for a moment a light dawns on her face. "You!" she shouts before dragging me into the house. "You can tell them!"
I'm too stunned to do anything but let her pull me along. This day might be the true cause of my mental break. She pulls me to a sitting room, and in the room are all the people that have been missing for the past couple of days. Tala, Bryan, Spencer, and Ian all sit somewhere on one of the four couches. They look mildly upset about something, save Tala, who looks thoroughly enraged.
And Kai, who looks as blank as ever as he stares out the window.
The girl shoves me towards them. "Tell them," she urges.
Kai drags his gaze to me, and his jaw drops. "Hilary! What are you doing?"
Somehow, I manage to find words. "I needed to talk to you. I saw your car out front."
"Hilary!" The girl next to me jerks my arm. "You need to tell them what Brooklyn's really like!"
I gape, unable to keep the expression to myself.
"Yeah, Hilary baby," Tala mocks from his seat, "Tell us all what Brooklyn's really like."
Kai appears in front of me. He grabs my arm and drags me away. I'm getting a little tired of people doing that, so I rip away from him.
"No. Tell me what's going on."
The girl sighs, as if she's exasperated. "They all think Brooklyn's some sort of control freak boyfriend, but he's not. And you can tell them that. You're Brooklyn's friend, right? He said you were."
Brooklyn told this girl, his girlfriend, the girl I've been seeing him with for a while, that I'm his friend. I look at her seriously for the first time. The red hair; her green eyes; the way her jaw curves into a pointed chin. I look at Tala and wonder why I never saw it before.
"You're Tala's sister?"
"Cousin, but that's not the point." She waves her hand. "Tell them the truth about Brooklyn."
Kai huffs next to me. He tries to grab for my arm again, but I pull away before he can get a hold. The others have all come to stand behind the girl. None of them look happy to be here. Tala looks like he's slightly relieved that this has finally come out, and a little amused at how.
I hate him. He is the third person I hate right now. I hate him more than I hate my mom, but less than I hate Brooklyn.
And right now, Kai's number one.
I feel my body tremble. I'm about to explode.
Tala's cousin. Brooklyn's girlfriend. Possibly his next victim.
I look at her again, finally noticing the cast on her right arm.
Or already his victim.
"Hilary," Kai says gently, reaching to touch my shoulder.
I slap him.
"Don't ever talk to me again."
Before I can make it to the door, Kai clutches my shoulders and holds me back. I struggle, trying to push him away, but he's stronger.
"No!" I shout. "You don't get to make everything better or justify anything!"
"Hilary, just listen!"
"I've listened! I've been listening. I heard you say some of the nicest things I've ever heard! Why should I continue to listen now, when they're all lies?"
"You don't have the full story."
"I don't need it! Believe it or not, I'm smart. I can figure out the rest from here."
"Just stop!" He shouts. His eyes are on fire and he has me backed against the wall. From the corner of my eyes, I can see the rest of them watching us. Tala doesn't look so amused anymore.
"Brooklyn started dating Terra. She wouldn't listen when we told her that he was dangerous. She likes him. We tried to get her away from him. This was a last resort."
"And what is this? For you to use me? Make me love you just enough to tell you everything?"
"Love was never in the plan," Tala pipes up. "He was only supposed to listen to you."
"What's going on?" Terra asks. She looks scared, casting a worried glance in our direction.
I stare at Kai. He's watching me intently, as if he's waiting for my reaction to know where to go. That's probably what he's always done. He's good a reading people. He waited for my reaction, clueing him in on what to say and do to gain my trust. Well, not again. Let's see if he can read this reaction.
"Nothing's going on here. There never was."
His shakes his head. "Don't, Hilary."
"You shouldn't have come around." I push his arm away.
I can't talk to my mom. I can't talk to Kai. I think about calling Julia, but that doesn't feel right. As I drive away, going nowhere, the thought of Terra standing there with her arm wrapped in a cast haunts me.
There's only one person I can talk to, I realize. The one person I've avoided more than anyone else since this all began.
Woah! So a lot happened in this chapter! And a lot as happened since I wrote it.
I went through about five months of writter's block with chapter 11, and since I don't like to post anything until the next chapter is on it's way to zulka for editing, you all have had to suffer for it...and then I was able to sit down one random evening and write out chapter 11 in all of its 13 page glory.
Then my computer crashed. And guess who didn't back anything up! Yep. So I've had to try and rewrite the hardest chapter I've ever had to write for this story. It's still not finished, but it's close enough that I fill comfortable with it and I really don't want t make you guys wait anymore.
So please! Tell me what you think! I'm dying to know what this chapter has brought you to believe!