Hello again, everyone. It's me again. I don't have much to say, other than a HUGE apology for another late chapter, and that since I'm now less busy since school started, which is really weird, I plan to alternate between this and Taker of Children. So how about we get started, ne?

Disclaimer: In case any of you forgot, which I doubt, the following is a non-profit, fan-based parody. Dragon Ball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT are all owned by Toei Animation, Funimation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. Credit to Teamfourstar for the disclaimer and any references made throughout the story.

This chapter is rated M-ish for brief mild and slightly-more-than-mild language, violence, and some pretty disturbing mental images.

DBZBJP ch10: Release My Inner Monkey!

Last time on DBZBJP, Goku finally showed up and saved Gohan from certain doom. Thoroughly pissed, he fights Nappa, who ends up hurting his own back. Vegeta then killed him for his uselessness. Convinced Gohan and Krillin would inevitably be used as filler if they stuck around, which probably isn't too far from the truth, he sends the two home, and leaves to fight the Saiyan prince. The two get into a one-sided argument about intelligence, and Vegeta lands the first blow. How will this fight turn out? Do Gohan and Krillin ever make it home? And will I stop asking rhetorical questions every chapter?! Probably not. Just keep reading.

Vegeta had already landed a solid punch to the face of the unsuspecting Goku. The force of it knocked him back quite a few feet, and he fell off the rock pillar and to the ground hundreds of feet below with a loud thud. Vegeta looked over the edge to see if he actually landed or not.

"Kakarrot, are you alright?" he called down.

"Yeah, I'm fine," came the response. Goku sounded like he was crying. "I think I sprained my ankle. I don't wanna do this anymore!"

"Well, quit sniveling and fight me, or I'll kill everyone on the planet." Honestly, the Prince had no idea why he didn't just kill the baka already. The universe would obviously be so much better off without him.

"Well, when you put it that way..." There was a long pause, as if he had fallen unconscious. Vegeta sighed and was about to take off when... "KAIOKEN TIMES TWO!" A red flash shot up into the sky, then came down and collided with the Saiyan prince. It continued flying around Vegeta, colliding with him as it passed. After a few seconds, Vegeta figured out the pattern and threw a solid punch. The blur stopped and faded, revealing a pained Goku.

"K-Kakarrot?! What the hell was that?!"

"That... was the... Kai Fist..."

"The who in the what now?"

"You know... the Kaioken."

"Oh, thanks, that makes so much more WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!"

Goku, took a deep breath and prepared for his long explanation. "It makes me stronger."

"Gee, sounds just like every other fucking technique in this goddamn show."

"No, no, it's different. You see, the more I use it, the more I get hurt."

"so basically it's a pain in the ass."

"Yeah, pretty much."

Well then, Vegeta thought to himself. This may or may not be an advantage to me. I guess I should use my max. He then used his I Am Prince Vegeta technique, and a thunderstorm appeared to make him seem much more powerful than he was. You see, weaker aliens like Vegeta and Piccolo like to summon thunderstorms, because then stronger enemies will take it as a warning and back off. Kind of like a monarch butterfly.

Aaanyways, Vegeta then launched an attack that sent Goku flying. However, he was able to catch himself in the air before he could slam into a conveniently placed rock that always appears even in places that don't make sense. He tried his Kaioken x2 again, but this time it was useless, as Vegeta easily overpowered him with a mere 500 or so higher power level. The fight basically continued like this before the two Saiyans backed out to opposite ends of the battlefield to recover, Goku from bleeding cuts and broken knuckles, Vegeta from a few bruises and a busted lip.

"Well," Goku thought aloud as he usually did, incapable of keeping long trains of thought inside his own head. "I guess I better try a times three. I'm gonna risk my body shutting down on me in the most crucial battle of my life so far. There probably won't be any consequences at all whatsoever." The Saiyan Doofus screamed his lungs out, the traditional red aura of the Kaioken surrounding him and bulking his muscles to the point of nearly splitting.

Meanwhile, in a city mall far, far away where no one can hear you... Over the loud, obnoxious music, that is...

Bulma was wearing her matching scouter and blue tank top at the West City mall when it started beeping like crazy.

"Huh? This thing's sensing a high ki." Suddenly, it blew up over her otherwise unprotected ear and eye. She screamed. "EEEYAAAAAAAAAAHHH! SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE! I GOT GLASS IN MY EYE AND I THINK I'M HALF DEAF!" Nobody was able to hear her screaming over the Justin Beast replacement singer, which was really a huge improvement in many people's opinions, and nobody could see her writhing on the ground through the hundreds of feet walking by.

Anyways...

Back in the wasteland that's nothing but rocks, Goku is kicking royal ass. He wasn't able to do this for a very long time, so he kicked Vegeta into the only friggin' cave in the whole wasteland so he could rest his sore, red, torn muscles. Vegeta felt he should be nursing his own broken knuckles and the irritable tick in his eye. Neither were able to get much rest, because a new presence made itself known in the cave, something much more horrifying and psychologically damaging than watching Dodoria and Freeza getting it on the shower. Actually, probably not that disturbing. My apologies. Enjoy.

Goku was about ready to continue working himself to death when he heard a bloodcurdling scream coming from the cave. Vegeta was hauling monkey ass out of his cave with a worm-bear thing hot on his tail.

"YAAAAHHHHHH! SOMEBODY KILL IT! HOW THE FUCK IS DOES THIS THING EVEN EXIST?!" Remembering he can blow stuff up, he turned and destroyed the thing with a ki bomb, gasping to recover his breath. "Alright! That's it! I'm not going to leave intact a planet with these... these MONSTROSITIES! What if they find the technology for space travel?! What if... What if Freeza recruits these things...?" The prince shuddered. "No way I'll chance letting that happen!" He began to charge a rather girly-looking ki in his hands.

"Oh no! If I let that hit me, I'll die! But if I dodge, the planet'll die! I gotta stop it!" He went to Kaioken x3 and prepared a Kamehameha to intercept the beam from Vegeta that really shouldn't have the power to blow up the planet if a Final Flash won't do the trick.

"GYARIKKU..."

"Ka... Me..."

Vegeta checked his watch.

"Ha..."

Vegeta left to play a game of chess.

"Me..."

Vegeta arranged and attended a funeral for Nappa.

"...HA!"

Finally. "...HOU!" The two beams collided, creating a bright purple light. Neither could move their beams forward; they were at a stalemate until Vegeta pumped more power into his Gyarikku Hou, finally getting some headway and inching ever closer to Goku.

"No... I gotta... use... even more powe... rrrr..." He braced himself for a world of pain. "Kaioken... TIMES FOUR!" It hurt like shit, but it got the job done and sent Vegeta into orbit. Soon he let himself relax. "Man... maybe... it's karma... for knocking... the cleaning guy... into Hell..." His shoulder spasmed, and he cried out in pain.

A voice called out behind his. "Yo, Son!" It was the fat, flatulent ninja, Yajirobe.

"Yajirobe! What're you doing here?"

"I came to beg the guy not to kill me... I mean... to congratulate you on your victory! Yeah, that's it!"

"Oh. Well, okay then. So, how did you know how to get here?"

"Well, Korin's car has a GPS system. This place's address somehow got into it. I don't know why, since he only ever goes to Hermit Spring."

Goku laughed. "That's silly." So, the two... ahem, warriors... started up a nice conversation.

Back in space, Vegeta had finally escaped the Gyarikku Kamehameha. "Damn that blasted Kakarrot! Blasting me into orbit! I'll blast him into oblivion! Blech, blast blast blast. I really say that a lot, don't I. Well, that's not important right now! I gotta kill Kakarrot, and DAMMIT I NEED AIR!" So, the Saiyan prince dove down to the planet below for some air. The problem was, he was no longer over the wasteland where Goku was.

"Damn. This planet rotates faster than most this far from the sun. Let's try this again." He flew back off planet, then headed back, landing in Paris. "Ahh, what the hell is this!" He flew out and in, out and in, landing in Coast City, Penguin Village, and Sandland. "One measly little wasteland shouldn't be this hard to find!" After a few more attempts, he finally made it, only to see a fat ninja having a friendly conversation with Goku about the wonders of bacon and pizza. And pizza with Canadian bacon.

"Kakarrot! Our fight isn't over!" Goku turned happily and waved as Yajirobe ran for cover. Vegeta forgot all about him. "It's obvious I cannot beat you, now that you have been severely weakened and almost unable to move! Now I have to make a fake moon so that I can turn into a giant gorrila-monkey monster and squish you in brutal fashion between my ape fingers!"

Goku blanched. "I think you've lost it, Vegeta. Like I lost my Power Ranger doll." As Vegeta launched his Blutz Sphere into the sky and released it. He began to grow and sprout fur, but Goku wasn't paying any attention at this point; he'd bent down to pick up a green Power Ranger, signed by Izaya Orihara. "Oh, here it is!"

Alright, now imagine how you'd feel if you looked up to see a fifty foot monkey with glowing red eyes snarling at you as it brought its foot down on you. You'd wanna get the hell outta there, right? Well, that's exactly what Goku did. He was mostly running around in circles, but he was still running.

Vegeta just toyed with him until he got bored, which happened to be right around when Goku got tired. The Oozaru brought a finger down to crush the smaller Saiyan's lungs whet he suddenly got a blast to the face from Goku. "Peekaboo!"

"GAAHHH, MY EYE, MY EYE! MY PRECIOUS, BEAUTIFUL FACE!" He growled menacingly as he glared down at Goku. "NOW, HOW ABOUT THAT PROMISE I MADE TO SQUISH YOU IN MY HANDS?" He picked Goku up and squeezed. Hard.

A few hundred miles away, Gohan and Krillin stopped mid flight when they heard a loud scream.

"Well," said Gohan. "Now I know where I got my lungs from." He turned to Krillin. "We have to go back."

Power Levels

Goku

9001 (powered up)

18002 (Kaioken x2)

23000 (x3, and how the hell does this work?!)

30000 (x4, and again, it doesn't work)

Vegeta

10000 (normal)

18000 (I AM VEGETA!)

16000 (beat up)

160000 (Oozaru)

Well, see ya next chapter, or in Taker of Children. Whichever. Either way, see ya soon!