FINALLY! Some very exciting stuff happening this chapter... ;)
The sun feels like it's shining a little brighter this morning, as it beams through the curtains of my bedroom window. Seeing mom's face last nigh (even if it was just some lack of food, lack of sanity induced hallucination) has brought some of her elevating positivity back into my life.
I peel Finnick's arms from my chest and look down quickly at his peaceful face, he looks as though he's dreaming about something wonderful. It's probably Annie. I want to be better, just for him. Just so that he can go back to District 4 and be happy with her. He deserves better than to be wasting his time hanging around District 12 with a mopey partially insane girl who has only him to live for. But i'm worried. Worried about exactly that. The fact that it feels as though he's the only thing keeping me alive, like i'm living just for the moments spent with him. And what if thats true? What will i do when we reach district 4, and she's there waiting and i have to watch him run into her arms and wish that they were my arms and that he'd never leave them?
Shut up Katniss, you're being ridiculous. Finnick has helped you. He has, in essence, saved your life. You just feel some kind of strange attachment to him because of that, there's no real feelings there.
I pick some clothes out of my wardrobe and slip out of the door quietly into the bathroom to change. I splash water on my face and look into the dirty mirror, and realise just how unhealthy i look. I need to eat. I look into my own eyes and wonder what Annie looks like. I bet she's absolutely beautiful.
I make pancakes for breakfast and Finnick, Joanna, Peeta and Haymitch join me.
"Smells damn good Katniss!" Peeta says as he takes a seat next to Joanna.
"Yeah Katniss, did'n think i'd ever actually see you eat again. We were thinking we might have to stage an intervention, y'know hold you down and force feed you some meat, right Finnick?" Joanna said. Finnick just laughed, grabbing himself a couple of chocolate chip pancakes and smiling up at me.
I hadn't spoken to him since i'd removed myself from his cuddle this morning, but it wasn't awkward anymore. Me and Finnick slept together most nights, it wasn't a big deal. We had a special connection, we understood each other.
"I was thinking we could leave for district 4 tonight. It'll take us a few days to get there on the train obviously but-" Haymitch started
"-tonight?! Isn't that a little soon?" Finnick interrupted, sounded oddly worried.
"I thought you'd be eager to be home, Finnick? And with Katniss doing so well, I didn't think there'd be much need to wait around in District 12 any longer." Haymitch replied. He was right. There was no need to wait around in District 12 anymore. Finnick had fulfilled his part of the deal, as promised to my mom. It was time for him to go home.
"Are you ok to leave tonight, Katniss?" Finnick asked me, looking deep into my eyes as i lay another plate on pancakes on the table. Everything in my heart was screaming no! Make up an excuse, tell him you can't go yet, anything, anything to spend more time with him! But my head battled against it and won.
"Yeah. Yeah, great. I'm ready to go. I'll have to go make sure Gale is ready though." I replied, smiling as much as i could fake.
"Gale?" Finnick asked.
"Oh yeah of course i forgot to tell you, I said Gale could come with us...if that's ok..."
"I don't think that's a good idea." Finnick said, sounding almost annoyed.
"Why not? It'd be good for Katniss to be surrounded by as many people as possible that love her" Peeta added.
Finnick sighed rather loudly and obviously before saying, "yeah, right. Of course."
He stood up from his chair, "I'm going out into the woods. I'll be back at 3 for the train." He said, before leaving out of the door.
"Peeta can you make sure that Gale is packed up and here and ready to leave at 3? Thanks, I'm gonna go after Finnick. I think some thing is up with him." I said, grabbing my jacket and running out the door after Finnick.
I found him sat by the lake skipping stones. "You're pretty good at that" I said, sitting beside him and slipping my boots off so that i could dangle my toes into the water.
"Practice" he replied.
"By that theory you must've had a pretty boring childhood." I smiled at him.
"Not boring exactly, but plenty of time spent waiting for my dad to finish fishing." He smiled back at me, he had a beautiful smile.
"Finnick, are you ready to go back home?"
He paused for a moment.
"Home at the moment seems like to feel like it exists wherever I am with you. So right now, this feels like home." He said, turning his gaze away from me as if he was too embarrassed to say that whilst looking at me.
"What are you saying Finnick?"
"I'm saying that I have feelings for you Katniss" He replied, turning his gaze toward mine and this time looking deep into my eyes. He looked as though he was about to kiss me when someone interrupted,
"I knew it!" Gale shouted.
"Gale, oh my god what are you doing?!" I shouted at him.
"Gale-" Finnick began, standing up about to either get very calm and try to reason with Gale or get very angry and start a fight.
"- I was right. I knew you had feelings for her. It's fucking obvious man, the way you look at her" Gale said.
"You don't understand Gale." Finnick said, obviously attempting the calmer route.
"Oh no, that's where you're wrong. The thing i can do is understand. Because i feel the same way about Katniss. But you, you're supposed to be in love with Annie. What's she gonna say when she finds out, huh?" Gale said.
"I love Annie. I love her, and I'm going to marry her. What i feel for Katniss is different, and I'm sure it will pass." Finnick said, looking worried.
"What?" I asked him, confused. I shook my head in disgust at the way he was acting, and ran off.
I was helping Joanna, Haymitch and Peeta load our stuff onto the train when Gale and Finnick finally returned from the woods. The both looked upset and angry, and Joanna, Haymitch and Peeta could tell something was up with us.
"Right, so long District 12! Will not miss you a shred." Haymitch said before jumping onto the train, followed by Gale, Peeta and Johanna.
I went to step on next when Finnick grabbed my hand. It felt like sparks between us, and I quickly pulled my hand out of his.
"Katniss-"
"-No Finnick. You made it clear what you want. In a few days we'll be in District 4 and you'll be getting married to Annie, and then i'll come back here to District 12 and you'll forget all about me and our adventures together, and they'll all be in the past. Irrelevant and just a memory to you." I said, before stepping onto the train that would take me to the place where my heart will no doubt be broken even more.
RIGHT! Sorry guys! massively long update...i'm so sorry! But hope you liked it, please please review if you want more updates.