Disclaimer: After a long custody battle with my friend, Courtney, over the ownership – er, guardianship – of Madara, I am proud to announce we have agreed to joint custody. I get him in winter and fall; she gets him during summer and spring. Yay!

Dedication: To all the morons who think it's funny to irritate your local class loner. It's not. Stop it. We know where to find someone to make shrapnel grenades out of a lighter, gasoline, and an emptied-out eggshell filled with BB pellets.

Chapter Ten: The Devil's Laughing

My life's your entertainment; you watch it while I live it. I walk, you follow. I talk, you holler. You're waiting for me to lose it; I guess I'm just here for your amusement.

Hyuga Neji was not a very patient person. Nor did he enjoy being forced to wait on someone for any reason. Especially when that person was at a higher rank than he was. Wasn't it bad enough he had to follow Tsunade's rules? Did she really have to rub it in by making him wait half an hour?

While he was on that train of thought, why in God's name did these damn chairs have to be nothing but solid mother-CENSORED- wood? Did she enjoy pissing the delinquent students off like this, or was it just a bad habit she had no control over? Not to mention the puke-colored walls and butt-ugly figurines that lined every shelf and the only windowsill in the room…

The hell was that? Neji resisted the urge to grunt in disgust at the oddly-shaped ironwood figurine sitting near the front of the principal's desk. It kind of looked like a cross between a monkey, drunkard, and beetle, and it appeared to have been intentionally carved to look like it was mooning whoever saw it. Neji found his blood pressure (and the urge the set the drunken monkey-bug thing on fire) rising at a frighteningly increased speed.

Next to him, Sasuke's thoughts weren't really on the principal's office at all. The younger Uchiha was still fuming over what Neji had said to him before – and during – the fight. Somehow the comments about how he shouldn't have dumped his "pink-haired slut" so easily had made Sasuke see red again. It was only the fact that Hatake Kakashi and Umino Iruka pulled the two boys off each other that had kept him from murdering Neji.

Not that Iruka hadn't needed help keeping a good hold on Sasuke when Neji had rather stupidly pushed his luck by yelling, "Maybe she'll decide she'd rather go with someone who hasn't blown every other shot at a relationship he's had," while Kakashi dragged him towards the principal's office.

So now the two boys sat back-to-back, glaring at their walls while they waited for the idiot principal to get in the damn room. The static surging between them could probably have blown a marshmallow up… assuming one was brave enough to disturb their angry, silent ranting by throwing marshmallows at them.

Hee…

»»««

Meanwhile, Sakura was stuck in Algebra II, trying to stay awake through the teacher's incredibly dull speech about numbers and equations… -yawn- and bunnies…

The lunch bell rang, jolting Sakura awake. As she scrambled to pack her things, her (obnoxiously heavy) algebra book accidentally landed on the foot of one of her classmates. He grunted and stepped back, sliding his foot neatly out from under the hardcover book.

"Sorry!" Sakura mumbled, flushing with embarrassment as she snagged her book from the floor and shoved it into her backpack (which had somehow magically shrunk since school had started a few weeks before. Sakura couldn't figure out what the problem was — I mean, it couldn't be the five extra textbooks she suddenly had to cart around, right?)

"It's fine," the boy said, walking past her before she could look up. The rosette turned to get a better look at him and felt the air leave her lungs.

The boy was probably only a little taller than she was, but he carried himself with the sort of challenging air that made those around him give him plenty of personal space. He had a shock of messy, dark red hair (although he had no eyebrows — is was likely that he waxed them off, and recently, judging by the reddish dots along his now-nonexistent eyebrow lines) and eyes that were the color of electric blue ice. His skin, though a little dull in color, looked as though it was perfectly smooth, like a stone worried by a river current for decades.

He might have been handsome, but for the intimidating air about him that was so different from Sasuke's arrogant style that even Sakura was a little wary of the boy, and did not try to catch up to him as he left the classroom. In fact, she waited until she could see him turn the corner around the building across the walkway from the math department before she even considered moving out of her seat to go find her sister for lunch.

"That's Gaara," an irritatingly familiar voice sneered next to the rosette. Sakura turned to see the hideous redhead she was unfortunate enough to sit next to — Karin, or at least, Sakura was pretty sure that was her name — standing a little too close. Her revoltingly bright purple tube top made Sakura's eyes water, and she wasn't even looking at it. An unpleasant smirk was plastered across the other girl's face.

"You mean the redhead I dropped my book on?" Sakura asked, trying to feign civility and restrain from hitting Karin for being so ugly.

"Obviously," Karin sniffed, pushing her glasses back up onto the bridge of her nose. "Who'd you think I meant, idiot?" She eyed Sakura for a second, as if waiting for her to lunge at her, but when the rosette managed to exert enough willpower to keep herself rooted in place again, the redhead sniffed and moved even closer, so she could sneer in Sakura's face. Her opposite nearly gagged on the heavy cinnamon gum scent coming off her breath.

"You'd better start looking at your other options in the boyfriend department, girlie," Karin hissed. "Sasuke is mine, you got that? Maybe Gaara will be able to look at that disgusting pink hair of yours — a freak for a freak, right?" She turned and flounced away, leaving Sakura to fume before she remembered she had to meet up with Ino for lunch. Grumbling many foul things under her breath, the rosette stalked in the opposite direction from Karin.

On her way towards the parking lot, Sakura caught sight of Amatsu headed towards the library — without a food tray or even any chip bags that Sakura could see. She looked resigned, maybe even a little bored, as though she had nothing better to do than haunt the library's computer lab until someone got freaked out and gave her a computer.

Sakura felt a surge of pity as she remembered the look of pain that had only been barely masked by the fierce determination on Amatsu's face during English. It seemed the girl didn't even have any friends to hang out with, and Sakura had a feeling Amatsu's claim of dumping Sasuke on his ass might at the very least be part of the reason behind that. Many of the girls who swooned over Sasuke tended to behave in a manner similar to a pack of feral dogs, often snarling at outsiders who didn't like him and spreading ugly rumors about his past girlfriends.

After a millisecond's hesitation, Sakura trotted over to the library doors, meeting Amatsu just as the other girl was about to go inside. The brunette looked surprised (and Sakura thought she also seemed a little wary) to see her classmate again so soon, but after a moment her features settled into a calm, easy smile — though Sakura noticed she kept her eyes open enough to watch her.

"Hey, Sakura," she said, raising her voice above the clamor of the packed campus. "What's up?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to come with my sister and me for lunch," Sakura explained. "We're headed to Burger King."

Amatsu's lips twitched as though she were fighting a smirk, and her blue eyes flashed shrewdly. "Thought I looked a little lonely, did you?" she asked.

Sakura nodded, hoping the other girl wouldn't be offended. To her relief, Amatsu shrugged and let out the first light-hearted chuckle Sakura had heard from her all school year. Her eyes, usually as warm and friendly as a pair of stones, softened in a strange mix of relief and gratitude, as though she had been expecting Sakura to come tell her she'd made up with Sasuke and was already screwing him in the bathrooms.

"Well, I don't have much else to do," Amatsu said. "Sure, I'd love to come with you. Deidara told me he and the guys were headed to the BK, too — maybe you'll get to meet them. I know you'll like Deidara," she added with a wicked glint in her eyes.

"What's he like?" the rosette asked as they headed towards the parking lot.

"Oh, Deidara's an artistic kind of guy," Amatsu said, waving her hand as if it didn't mean much that he liked creating things. "He believes in art that lasts only for a moment; he and Sasori get into arguments about that frequently."

"What kind of art does Sasori appreciate?"

"The everlasting sort, like sculptures and paintings." Amatsu shrugged in a very delicate manner, something she might have picked up from Itachi.

They'd reached the parking lot now, and Ino, who had been scowling impatiently, drew back in surprise when she saw Sakura's companion. Amatsu misread the blonde's surprise as hostility and hesitated mid-step.

"Ino, this is Amatsu," Sakura said. "She's one of my English classmates. Amatsu, this is my sister, Ino Yamanaka."

Ino and Amatsu eyed each other warily, and baby blue eyes met sapphire blue eyes in a hard, wary stare down.

Ino broke the silence first.

"Hi, Amatsu," she said, grinning suddenly. "Good to meet you."

"Likewise," Amatsu said simply, smiling just enough to be polite.

"Are you, uhm, a friend of Sakura's?" The blonde cast a wary glare over Amatsu's shoulder at her sister.

"Well," Amatsu chuckled, "I wouldn't say friend… More like a… a good acquaintance. We only just started talking to each other today."

"Amatsu looked kind of lonely, and she didn't have much to do during lunch, so I thought it would be okay if I invited her to come with us," Sakura told Ino quickly. "I'm right, right? I mean, it's okay if she comes along and everything, right?"

"Sure, sure," Ino said, waving her hand dismissively. "Now, where's our ride…?"

"Ehm… ride?" Sakura repeated.

»»««

"Well, well, well," Tsunade growled, "If it isn't Hyuga and Uchiha… again."

The aging woman sat at her desk and glared a mighty glare at the Ice Twins—both of whom were still sitting back-to-back, glaring at the walls. In one corner, a strange, glasses-clad girl lay in a crumpled heap, moaning about "the things I do to write a good story."

Needless to say, glasses girl was ignored, as she usually is in the stories she — uh, I — write. In any case, she quickly ninja-poofed back into her world so the story could continue, so it's all good.

"Would either of you boys mind telling me why, exactly, you felt the need to disturb our campus and let your testosterone levels exceed their normal boundaries?"

Neither of the two boys spoke—more out of irritation than fear. A vein popped out on Tsunade's forehead, and her lips began to twist into a snarl…

WHAM-SMACK.

"Ow!" Sasuke yelled from where he lay buried under his chair. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Neji, also tangled in his chair, was voicing similar complaints, though his were a little more muffled since one of the legs of his chair had landed against the side of his face. Tsunade stood towering over the two piles of body and chair, her hands still frozen mid-thwack. One honey-colored eyebrow twitched irritably.

"I'm going to ask you again," she growled, "Why the hell were you two brats fighting in the middle of one of the most densely-populated hangouts on our campus?"

"The hell do you care?" Neji muttered. "How's knowing that going to help— urk!"

Tsunade swung Neji up by the front of his shirt and glared balefully at him.

"Knowing what started the fight is going to help me decide whether or not to throw both of you little punks into juvenile hall for battery and assault," she hissed. "And if it's a certain type of irritant that's making the two of you try to kill each other, maybe I can even prevent similar occurrences from taking place here again. Understand, Hyuga?"

The now slightly-terrified (though of course he wasn't going to admit it) Neji nodded mutely, his glare slowly fading into a wince.

"Good." Tsunade let Neji fall back onto the floor, smiling peacefully as she returned to her seat. "Now, tell me what happened."

"Nothing happened," Sasuke growled petulantly. "I just decided I didn't need to listen to him acting like some total badass anymore, and hit him."

"Actually, smart ass, I hit you first," Neji retorted, "And you swung on me because I called you out for being a failure as a boyfriend. You even dumped Amatsu — you've got to admit, she's probably the closest thing to a stable relationship you've ever had, and even she only lasted for… eight months, wasn't it?"

"She ditched me," Sasuke growled. His eyes flashed red again. "And my relationships are none of your business."

"Enough!" Tsunade growled. "Since you two can't even keep yourselves under control in front of your principal, why don't I see what your legal guardians think of this mess?"

For the first time that day, both Sasuke and Neji felt true fear. The principal, powerful enough to make Ibiki piss himself that one time in P.E. (Sasuke had laughed for hours when Itachi had told him about that), was still nothing compared to the horrors of having to call home and admit to their legal guardians — Itachi in Sasuke's case and Hiashi in Neji's — that they had been caught fighting at school.

»»««

"Oh. My god," Amatsu said when she saw the red Ford Taurus speed into the parking lot. In the front seat were a psychotic blonde… person… and a blue-skinned man with beady little eyes and dark blue hair. His appearance reminded one of a shark.

Sakura turned to look curiously at Amatsu. "You know them?" she asked.

Amatsu nodded, her lips twisting into a half-smirk as she fought not to laugh at the coincidence of the situation.

The Taurus screeched to a stop, and the blue shark man's forehead slammed against his window. He flinched and yelled something at the insane driver, who threw… uh… who threw its head back and laughed maniacally.

"The guys in the front seat would be Deidara and Kisame," Amatsu explained while Ino charged into the back seat.

"They're both men?" Sakura asked. Her voice shot through several octaves before the question ended in a loud squeak.

Unfortunately, Ino had opened the door before her sister had piped up, and the blue guy — who Sakura had mentally dubbed Sharky — burst out laughing while the blonde manly-woman fumed and gripped his steering wheel like he was wishing it was a sword. Amatsu snickered and towed Sakura into the back of the car, making sure to sit in the middle seat so that Sakura was out of the girly-man's reach.

This didn't stop him from trying, of course; he reached back in a fit of adrenalin-induced fury, possibly intending to throw Sakura in front of the car, but Amatsu reached out and poked him in the eye, causing the poor mangirl to howl in pain.

"Ow, hm!" he hissed, clutching his eye and glaring at Amatsu in the rearview mirror. "The hell, hm?"

"Are we planning on eating sometime today?" Amatsu sighed, as though it was normal for Manwoman to spazz out for being called a girl.

Mangirl scowled and turned back to the steering wheel. Sharky turned and grinned at Amatsu, but before he could say whatever he was planning to, Manwoman hit the gas and the Taurus throttled forward, causing Sharky to (almost) fly through the back windshield.

"The hell, Deidara?" Sharky screeched. The car hit a turn too fast and Sharky's head slammed into the window, knocking him out cold.

"Sharky, no!" Sakura wailed dramatically. The car lurched to a stop, throwing the rosette's face into the back of Sharky's seat as Deidara began cackling in that semi-insane, massively blissed-out manner that you usually only heard from stoners.

"MAH MUTHA(CENSORED) FACE!" Sakura yelled as she leaned back in her seat and clutched her face with both hands. Ino snickered, having already decided she liked this "Deidara" person, and Amatsu sighed sympathetically and patted the rosette next to her on the head.

"He's done it to all of us," she murmured, "I think it's Deidara's way of saying he thinks you're cool."

"Sharky?" Manwo- I mean, Deidara finally giggle-yelped. The car started moving forward again.

"Shut up, Mangirl," Sakura moaned. Deidara's face flushed bright red, and his potty mouthing could be heard all the way to the Burger King on the other side of the city.

Author's Note: First off, the lyrics I used are edited. The original version burned my eyes. The lyrics are from T.I.'s "My Life Your Entertainment" featuring Usher. I don't usually listen to that particular genre of music, but this… song… is not all that bad. The chapter title is more lyrics – swiped from "Guarded" by Disturbed.

Second, yes, the girl Neji and Sasuke beat the crap out of is me. LAUGH, DAMN IT. Make my hospital bill a little less painful to look at…

Bahaha, Deidara is the manliest manly-woman around. And "Sharky" is a product of introducing my father to Naruto right at the episode where Itachi and Kisame show up in Konoha to kick the crap out of some people before going to get Naruto. And yes, I do believe Itachi wanted to kick the crap outta some people. He's Itachi. He's cool like that.

Sorry about the fail chapter—this was one huge writer's block that just. Wouldn't. UNBLOCK. Gah.

"Potty mouthing." Hee.