Against the Grain
A/N: LAST CHAPTER!!! (There's an epilogue though :) ). Thank you so much to everyone who's been reading and reviewing. A special thanks to any anonymous reviewers since I can't contact you directly. I really appreciate you taking the time to review. When I started writing this series I had no idea what kind of a response I'd get and the fact that you're all still with me is the best part. Thanks again! Enjoy!
Chapter Nine – Empty Apartment
It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know.
When you get lonely and no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down.
We came together, but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own.
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend.
- Empty Apartment by Yellowcard
The phone on the nightstand started jingling and Alex groaned and rolled onto her stomach, reaching for it.
Glancing at the display she sighed, trying to untwist herself from the sheets a little before flipping it open.
"Hey Michelle…" she yawned into the receiver, hearing Michelle's light laugh on the other end.
"Were you sleeping?"
Alex yawned again, pressing her face into the pillow and trying to bite back her own laugh.
"Yeah…we went to bed late…"
She was blushing and she had a feeling Michelle knew she was blushing.
"Mhm…good night?"
"Michelleeeee…"
"At least I didn't interrupt anything."
Alex groaned into the pillow, feeling a hot palm against her naked back. His mouth slid across the top of her spine, making her shudder. He grinned against her, still ruffled from sleep.
"Hey baby…" he drawled scratchily.
Goose bumps formed on her skin and she winced a little into the pillow. She really, really hoped Michelle hadn't heard that. Alex rolled over to face him and his lips landed against her neck before he slid a sleepy arm around her stomach and pressed his cheek to her shoulder, muffling a yawn.
"You still with me Evans?" Michelle teased, making Alex laugh again. He pressed a kiss to her throat when she did and tightened his hold.
"I'm here."
"I just wanted to see if you felt like kicking my ass again at the gym today."
"Mhm…what time?"
"Like an hour?"
Rick snatched the phone from her so quickly she could've sworn he was a different person than the one who'd been trying to coax her back to sleep a second before.
"Sorry Michelle…I know your husband's kind of old and rundown, but some of us still have a sex life…"
"If I were you I wouldn't bring up things you didn't really want to hear about..." Michelle warned casually, listening to Rick cough a small noise of embarrassment on the other end of the phone.
"…For future reference."
"Touché" he surrendered the phone back to Alex who had slapped him lightly on his bare back.
"Two hours?"
"Sounds good." Michelle grinned a little. "I'll see you then."
She'd barely snapped the phone shut when Rick grabbed it out of her hands and tossed it to the side. Her teasing protests were cut off when his tongue slid between her lips. She groaned, his stubbly cheek scraping her palm as he moved deeper into her mouth. She arched into him, thoughts of morning breath and fixing her hair a million miles away.
He pushed the fringe out of her eyes as he pulled away slightly and slid one arm beneath her and the mattress. His mouth curved into a grin.
"Morning."
"Morning…" she grinned back as he brushed the tip of his nose against hers. Without warning his hands slid to her hips as he rolled over, bringing her to sit across his hips.
"So you're leaving me?" he whined. She rolled her eyes and dipped her head down to press their mouths together. Her hair fell over her face and his fingers pushed some behind her ears so he could see her eyes.
"Not forever." She muttered dryly and pressed a light kiss against his chest. "You'll survive."
"Oh I know…" he shrugged innocuously. "I was more worried about you…I mean how are you gonna survive without this" he motioned to his torso suggestively "for the next - "
She shoved him back against the mattress, squealing when his warm hands dug into her sides in retaliation, tickling her beneath him. Her hysterical laughter replaced her shrieks of protests as he eased her back against the pillows and kissed his way down her body…
"Now that that's been dealt with, I have a proposition for you." Hammond had just excused the clerk and stared across the table at them.
Tony exchanged a look with Alex, whose face was stone cold.
"What kind of a proposition?" her voice was soft but there was a distinct edge to it.
"Thank you Almeida, you can leave now."
Tony folded his arms across his chest, leaning back in his chair and making no move to get up. Hammond sighed in annoyance, continuing with his eyes on Alex.
"You don't want to go to prison, Evans. Just ask Tony…"
"Go to hell." Tony snarled. "No one has to go to prison. You're just trying to cover your ass - "
"Senator Warrington has agreed to an alternative form of retribution. It would serve the country better than having you behind bars would. You're a good agent Evans. You'd be more useful elsewhere."
Alex felt the bile thicken in the back of her throat. Had this been his plan all along? Had he been banking on the fact that she would intervene in hopes that he could get a mission out of it? This was a way to get rid of her.
"And obviously you couldn't continue to be productive at CTU…not given the personal situation you're now in."
Bingo.
"Convenient that I offered to sign the confession then, don't you think?" Alex snapped. Hammond sighed.
"Had you not Almeida would be going to prison."
She felt Tony shift in his seat beside her.
"What do you want, Brad?"
Alex had to contain a smile. She loved Tony for his ability to cut through the crap.
Another file was tossed on the table.
"Senator Warrington has authorized a covert operation against Cheng Zhi. He's a former member of the Chinese government and used to be stationed here in Los Angeles at the consulate…you'll remember Tony."
Tony gritted his teeth and said nothing as Alex leafed through the file. There were a few photos of a series of buildings set in an open area.
"Intel suggests he's gathering weaponry to mount an attack against the west coast…These photos were taken at the border with Siberia. Chatter's increased substantially over the last two weeks."
He waited for someone to respond and continued when no one did.
"Bauer's already agreed to participate… Senator Warrington has authorized us to send in a covert team to try and extract information about Cheng so that we might take action against him. We suspect the Chinese government is aware of his operations but is refusing to take action and we can't do anything until we have concrete proof."
Jack agreed because of what they did to Audrey and for no other reason than that. Jack wanted revenge. Tony knew.
"So you need me to get proof?" Alex raised her eyebrows.
"Bauer and yourself. We'll give you a SOF team to assist. I understand you have experience in these matters, Evans?"
"Yes." She hissed through her teeth, fuming from head to toe. "I ran operations with SOF and SEALs in Eastern Europe a year and a half ago."
And you know that you goddamn asshole.
Hammond nodded. "Then if you agree to this there'll be no prison term for you. You'll just be unable to return to US soil after the operation is complete. Security reasons of course. It's a covert operation and in order to protect the upper echelons of the United States government this has to be kept confidential. We can't run the risk of you being exposed. You'll be arrested the moment you step back on US soil."
"She can't come home!?" Tony exclaimed angrily. Alex's hand moved to his arm and she smoothed her fingertips across it.
"No. If Cheng were to discover your identity the senator would be at great personal risk…"
"Tragic." Alex drawled bitterly.
"And there's also the issue of your father's influence. If anyone were to find out we'd cut a deal with his self-confessed murderer action would have to be taken against you. " Hammond ran his tongue over his bottom lip. "You can't come back to the US but you won't be in prison."
He waited a beat.
"Do we have a deal?"
"What about me?" Tony blurted out sarcastically. "I know about your operation. Do I have to leave the country as well?"
"If you mention it again we'll deny it and have you thrown in a mental hospital for post-traumatic stress disorder. How would your wife feel about that, Tony?"
Tony started to jump out of his seat but Alex pushed him back down.
"It's fine." She breathed softly. "He's right. It's better than Guantanamo."
"So we have a deal, Evans?" Hammond cocked an eyebrow at her.
"Yes." She gulped. "When do we leave?"
"A military unit is still surveying the area. You'll be on standby until further notice."
"But she'll be with Jack?"
Hammond shrugged. "That's up to her." he glanced between them. "You know the drill Evans, you're not to tell anyone where you went or why you went there. Say your goodbyes however you see fit. If we can't get in contact with you when the time comes we arrest Rick Almeida. Understood?"
"Yes." Her eyes were starting to sting and she gulped hard. She thought of saying goodbye to Bill and Claire…to Michelle…of telling Rick she was disappearing and not able to tell him why. It was enough to make her grateful she was sitting down. Everything happened so fast and only now was the adrenaline starting to wear off. This was really happening. She wasn't going home tonight.
"Any of the resources here are at your disposal to get you out of the country unseen. I suggest you connect with Bauer before he leaves. Someone will be in contact with you regarding the intricacies of the operation as we collect more Intel."
Hammond rose silently, documents in hand.
"Good luck, Evans."
The door to the Conference room shut and Alex stared at the table in front of her, trying to find her breath.
"Al…" Tony's hand touched her back. Her breathing was ragged and her head hung over the table.
"I need to take care of some things…make some calls…" was the first thing she said.
"Use my office." He answered in confusion.
"Do you think Jack knows they were trying to get me to go with him?"
Tony hesitated. "Maybe. I'm going to find him now and we're going to get Karen in on this - "
"No." Alex gasped, shaking her head. "No. Don't. It won't do any good and it'll just put her and Bill in jeopardy."
"She can talk to the President."
"I signed the confession, Tony. I'm guilty as far as they're concerned. Why would Palmer want to help a murderer?"
Tony leaned in a little. "This isn't over yet, Al."
She wondered if was trying to soothe her or if he really believed that. She shook her head sadly.
"Just find Jack for me."
Michelle pushed into Tony's office only to find Alex was seated behind his desk with the phone glued to her ear.
"And the last one is three – six – eight – five – seven – six – nine – zero – nine." She confirmed to the person on the other end of the phone. Michelle watched her carefully but Alex didn't acknowledge her.
"Yes…immediately."
Her brow creased.
"Well when do you expect the transfer to be completed?" she barked into the phone, then shrugged. "Fine. That's fine. As long as it gets done."
"Thanks, you too." She answered robotically, dropping the phone and leaning back in the chair.
"Hey…" Michelle studied her cautiously. "What happened? I heard Hammond left."
"He did."
"Where's Tony?"
"Finding Jack. No one's getting arrested. We took care of it." Her voice was icy and her face emotionless.
Michelle looked puzzled as Alex rose to walk past her. She touched the girl's arm gently. "But I thought Warrington…"
Bewildered, Michelle watched the tears cloud Alex's eyes. Seeing Michelle just reminded her of yet another loose end she had to tie up. It all felt so robotic right now – so clinical – and she hoped to keep it that way. If she just focused on going through the motions and not thinking about it too much she could get through it. Detach the rational part of her brain urged her. The decision she'd made was made with nothing but her heart, but if she kept this up she was never going to survive what was to come.
She couldn't think about what was to come. You just have to detach.
"Alex, what hap - ?"
"Where's Rick?"
"Taking a shower. What's going - ?"
"I need you to come to with me," Alex pleaded, pulling Michelle towards the door. "Please…it's important."
Dr. Benson looked up when he heard the door to Medical fly open.
"Alex, I heard you might need some treatment…"
"I'm fine." Alex answered abruptly.
"At least let me give you a check up…"
"No um…" she glanced around anxiously. "I need to sign a medical release form."
The doctor's frown deepened.
"Alright…what kind of release?"
"I need Michelle to have access to my test results. I won't be here tomorrow."
Dr. Benson looked immediately towards Michelle, whose eyes were watery.
"Can I ask why?"
"No." she didn't mean to be rude, but there wasn't much choice. "I just need to sign the release. I don't have much time."
"Alex…" Michelle protested pointlessly, her hand on the girl's arm. Alex shook her head to stop Michelle from asking the question. She knew what Michelle meant to ask and she didn't have an answer for her right now.
The doctor looked between them.
"Let me call the lab again and see if they got to your results yet."
"Alex agreed." Jack stated as soon as Tony found him. Tony rubbed the side of his cheek and inclined his head.
"She said she's got some stuff to sort out."
"Is she leaving with me?"
"You're going now?"
"Yeah. I can't run the risk of Kim finding out I'm here."
Tony's face contorted.
"She's just a kid, Jack."
"And she made the choice to sign the confession."
Tony's expression changed to one of fury and his fist tightened at his side.
"It's still better than prison." Jack interrupted the outburst he felt was coming.
"I'll get Cheng."
Tony scowled. "This whole thing is bullshit..."
"I'll watch out for her." Jack insisted. "She's capable, Tony. We both know that... And she can get a life out of this once it's over."
Tony said nothing. She might get a life, but it wouldn't be the one she wanted.
Jack spoke again after a minute. "Is she saying her goodbyes?" he sounded a little remorseful when he spoke. He couldn't imagine doing this at twenty-three. At twenty-three he'd still had Teri and Kim.
"I don't think she's saying goodbye." Anger coated Tony's words. She didn't even get to say goodbye.
Jack exhaled heavily.
"The chopper's flying me the airport in fifteen minutes. She can come with me if she wants. I don't know where I'm going until we get the go ahead but it won't be California."
"I'll tell her." Tony lingered for a moment and then disappeared without another word.
Tony pushed past the corridors of the locker rooms, bumping into Michelle and Alex on their way out of Medical. Alex looked nauseous and Michelle was refusing to meet his eyes.
"Jack's leaving in fifteen minutes to go to the airport. The chopper's going to fly him over."
"He's leaving the country?" Michelle sounded bitter and she was still refusing to look at him. Tony nodded solemnly, reaching out to touch Alex's shoulder.
"He said you can go with him if you want…"
"I do." She said simply. "I just want to grab some stuff from my locker…"
"I'll help you." Michelle volunteered softly as Alex disappeared through the door. She started to follow when Tony grabbed her elbow.
"Michelle…"
Her eyes lifted to his blankly and he felt his stomach tighten. She paused expectantly waiting for him to say something. When he didn't she slipped inside the locker room as well.
Alex shoved another t-shirt into the duffel bag. A plastic folder rested on the bench beside her and her passport that read 'Lexi Harrison' was tucked into one side compartment. Her mother's video message was hidden between a pair of sweats.
"Alex…" Michelle tried again quietly as the tears finally spilled over the girl's lids. She sniffled a little, wiping her eyes on the back of her sleeve.
"I'm not a mom…" she shrugged hollowly as she zipped the bag shut. "I'd just screw it up. It's better this way."
Michelle knew better than to disagree at that moment. Instead she reached up and squeezed her arm warmly.
"Honey, you can still change your mind…you don't have to do this…" her eyes lifted towards the ceiling. "God, I wish there was something I could say to make you not do this..." her thumb swiped a heavy tear off the young woman's cheek. "Rick would not want you to do this."
Alex shook her head. "Before everything happened I didn't even know what I wanted to do and now…" she gulped hard. "I don't want any of this if he isn't around…and if I go now I have a shot…he'd be at Guantanamo whereas I at least…" she shook her head gruffly. "At least he can still get a life out of this."
"But if he knew what you were doing…"
"If you tell him Michelle, I swear to god…" her voice changed suddenly. "The only reason he was involved in any of this was because of me…he shouldn't have to pay for my mistakes…"
"You didn't do anything, Alex!" Michelle's words were filled with frustration. "You didn't murder anyone and you still don't know what happened in that building…"
"If he did he did it because of me!" she snapped. Her volume lowered again. "This whole thing with me and him got too deep anyway. Yeah…sure it was good before but now that everyone knows…everything would've changed."
If only she could make herself care about that. For the first time she could honestly say she wouldn't have cared if she couldn't be in Field Ops anymore. She just wanted him.
Alex inhaled slowly.
"It's done."
The finality in her words made the back of Michelle's throat prickle.
"And it's better this way."
After a few minutes of silence they both rose. Michelle had to fight to keep from shaking as they embraced tightly.
"I'll miss you." Alex choked out against her hair. She wanted to say more. She wanted to thank her a thousand times over and tell her to go disappear and have babies and be happy – Michelle deserved to be happy. But the words wouldn't come.
"I'll miss you too…" the shoulder of Alex's shirt finally dampened as Michelle lost the last reign on her tears.
Alex had her bag slung over one shoulder and walked purposefully through the hallway leading to the helipad. The chopper waited on the roof and Jack was already outside. The sun rose over Los Angeles, casting everything in a soft orange glow. Under different circumstances, this sight might soothe her; under different circumstances she might be getting ready to go home and shower and sleep and…
Her khaki jacket covered most of her cuts and bruises, though she'd barely had time to splash water on her face to clean up. Tony walked in step with her and his eyes continued to flit towards the plastic folder in her other hand. She hadn't looked at him since she left the locker room with Michelle. His wife's damp eyes had been enough to make him feel even guiltier than he already did.
Jack glanced up as they grew nearer, the pilot of the chopper was already in place behind the controls and Alex tensed a little at the sight. This was it.
Before they got to Jack she stopped, touching her hand to Tony's bicep softly. He met her eyes sadly.
"Look uh…" she held out the folder to him. Tony frowned.
"Since my dad's dead uh…well…Claire and I kind of have Trust Funds…It's been like that since we were babies and a lot of it's my grandparents money so he couldn't dissolve it without their consent…I talked to his advisor and my grandmother has every intention of filing the paperwork immediately in the event that something should happen to him…she doesn't know he's…" Alex trailed off while Tony watched her carefully.
"Anyway…" Alex pushed the folder towards him. "I had three offshore accounts set up. All the paperwork is in there. Once the money gets wired into my account I'm having it divided between the three."
His hands clasped the folder she'd pressed into his chest. He looked confused.
"So it's ten for you and Michelle, ten for Bill and Karen and ten for Rick."
His eyes bulged.
"What?"
She colored a little and looked at the floor.
"I uh…my Trust Fund was capped at thirty million…"
"Christ…I'm not taking that!"
Alex shrugged. "I don't need it."
"I'm not taking your money."
"Tony, c'mon…" she brushed the back of her hand across his collar. "I don't need it…"
"Al, I can't…"
She shoved him a little affectionately, her eyes glassy.
"Just do me a favor and get the hell out of here, okay? Put it to good use…" her voice broke, but she got it under control quickly. "And don't spend it all in one place now…the IRS tends to notice these things."
Tony still couldn't grasp what she was saying.
"There are some contact numbers in there if you run into any problems but you should be fine." she licked her lips. "If there's one thing I learned from my dad it's that if the price is right you can get away with anything…"
"Al…"
"Don't argue, okay? I want to. I can't use it myself anyway so…" she shrugged. Tony bit his lip but nodded, smoothing her hair back from her face.
Neither of them moved for a few seconds. Her eyes had focused on the horizon and she exhaled deeply.
"It's worth it, right?"
He knew what she meant and it made his chest hurt.
"Like…if you hadn't got pardoned…or if you hadn't come back to CTU that day and you'd stayed divorced and all that…" she squeezed her eyes shut for an instant. "You wouldn't regret it?"
Never. He'd never have regretted it; even with all the bitterness and anger he'd felt towards Michelle in those months following prison he'd never regretted his decision. Even if he'd been given the death penalty his only regret would've been the pain he caused her. He'd never regretted saving her.
"Tony?" Alex interrupted his reverie.
"No." he answered firmly, fighting the stinging in the corners of his eyes. "It's always worth it."
She nodded decisively before throwing his arms around his neck. His hands circled her waist as her cold and wet cheek pressed against his.
The hug ended too quickly for both of them. She pulled away wordlessly, managing a tight smile before picking her bag off the ground and crossing the distance to the chopper without looking back.
She'd have to work on this detachment thing.
Tony sighed exhaustively and hung up the phone as Michelle entered the office looking equally as weary.
"Hey," he met her eyes. "You okay?"
"Yeah…" she nodded curtly. "She's gone?"
Tony nodded. "Chopper just left."
Michelle lowered her eyes. "Rick's looking for her."
A hand came to his face and he clawed briefly at his cheek.
"You didn't say anything?"
She shook her head. "I didn't know if you'd want to yourself…" she swallowed hard as the corners of her eyes started to burn. "And I didn't know what to say."
"I just…I just can't believe she's gone…"
"You mean you can't believe I let her go." He snapped suddenly.
Michelle just looked away and Tony shook his head in frustration.
"What else was I supposed to do, Michelle?! Someone was going to take the fall and Alex wanted it to be her…And if there was anything I could've done to stop it from turning out like this I would've done it!"
Neither of them said anything for a few seconds.
"Have you talked to Bill yet?"
"No…" he growled. "She asked me not to."
Michelle stared at him in disbelief. "Tony you have to tell Bill. Karen might be able to pull some strings in Washington and - "
"And it's my word against Hammond's who, incidentally, is the same person that charged me with treason…and I was convicted."
"Karen will support you."
Tony laughed hollowly. "Maybe…but I uh…doubt anyone else will."
"We have to try… we can't just leave her out there to…"
"She specifically asked me not…I think the least I could do would be to - "
"She's pregnant, Tony!" Michelle cut him off abruptly. The color drained from his face.
"What?"
"She's pregnant." Michelle gulped. "She found out…after she signed the confession."
"Sonofabitch." Tony sighed heavily. "Does Rick…?"
"No." her teeth clamped down on her lower lip. "Of course not."
Tony hung his head.
"This is my fault. I should've done more to stop Hammond and I should've called Karen and I should've told Rick what was going on. I should've done more…"
Michelle's iciness faded and she crossed the room to place her hand on his arm as he slumped back against his desk in defeat. Her touch still wasn't as warm and soothing as it usually was.
"Her mind was made up." Michelle's eyes closed for an instant. "I'm sorry I yelled."
"She's taking the hit for something she didn't even do... I dunno why I let her talk me into it…" he shook his head sadly. "I should've protected her."
Michelle looked a little surprised.
"Because she asked you too…and you feel like you owe her… "
He met her eyes. He felt like he owed Alex for saving Michelle.
"And now I've gotta lie to Rick about why she left …and let him think…"
His voice broke and his hand crept to the back of his neck. Michelle stepped wordlessly into his arms, pulling his hand away and palming his cheek.
"I'll tell Bill the truth."
"I'll talk to him if you want…" she offered gently.
"Nah it's okay but uh…" he gulped. "Can you - "
"I'll tell Rick she left. Nothing else."
"And I'll make sure Bill does the same."
"He can't tell Claire either."
Tony nodded. "I know."
Michelle squeezed his arm gently and was gone. Tony ran his fingers through his hair as he picked up the phone, not sure who should be dreading their conversation more.
"Where'd she go?" Rick asked expectantly as soon as Michelle stepped into men's locker room. He looked anxious now.
"We uh…I just talked to Tony and…" she slumped down on the bench beside him. "We need to talk."
The color drained from his cheeks.
"Where is she?"
Michelle swallowed the lump in her throat.
"She uh…" her eyes closed briefly and she took a deep breath. "Alex got asked to go on a covert operation with…with Jack. She had to leave right away."
Rick stared at Michelle in confusion and shook his head slowly.
"She wouldn't go without telling me." He declared firmly.
"She didn't even tell Bill…or Claire. I didn't know until a minute ago."
He shook his head again decisively. "She'd tell me…"
Michelle shook her head slowly in response, reaching out a hand to touch his cheek. His jaw clenched beneath her fingers.
"I'm so sorry."
Rick stared at Michelle for a few seconds before jumping to his feet and storming out of the room, the door slamming behind him.
Tony picked up the phone exhaustively and started dialing. It answered on the second ring.
"Hey Bill…listen uh…you need to get back here. Something's come up…"