A/N: HELLO READERS!

Thank you for your patience the last few months. I started an internship at the beginning of October, so I have been extremely busy and extremely tired. My muse took a break, but it's making a comeback. I'll try my best not to leave you hanging for so long between chapters this time, but no promises. Hope you enjoy :)

Chapter title is a song by the band Petal

Silly Heart

Lorelai felt terrible.

She had been back from California for a week, and by her own calculations, she estimated she had gotten around 2-3 hours of sleep each night since. She thought she was best friends with coffee before, but now she truly worshipped it; she knew there was no way she would be able to trudge through each day without several cups of the elixir. Luke was no help with this, though; he had become more stingy than ever about her excessive coffee consumption, only allowing her to have one large cup with her breakfast. Luckily, Sookie didn't have time to scrutinize Lorelai's coffee drinking, so she was able to get exactly what she needed during their business meetings at her best friend's house.

Her eating habits had not changed as much since half the town was watching her like a hawk to make sure she was well fed. Sookie filled her freezer with easy-bake casseroles as soon as she had gotten home from California. Babette stopped by on occasion with leftovers for her. But she didn't truly begin to make a sincere effort to feed herself until she noticed Luke trying to sneak additional fries and onion rings onto her plate—that's how she knew things were serious.

Even though she knew they all meant well, deep down Lorelai wished her beloved townsfolk would leave her alone, just this once. She knew everyone missed Rory. How could they not? But she seriously doubted any of them felt the heaviness in their chests that she did. She felt cloaked in loneliness, like a dark cloud was following her everywhere she went.

She let out a small chuckle at the thought. "I'm Eeyore," she said aloud.

The small silver lining in Lorelai's life after returning from California was the final purchase of the Dragonfly, but even that had come at a price. What remained of Lorelai's savings after paying Rory's tuition was enough for her portion of the purchase, but not enough to fully finance the project.

"What about Luke?" Sookie asked her.

"What about him?"

"He's offered to give you a loan before."

"Out of pity."

"We're pretty damn pitiable right now," Sookie pointed out.

"He's our friend."

"He's more than that, and he's a hermit, so we know he's got money. And if he didn't want to lend it to you, he would say so."

"That would be embarrassing."

"More embarrassing than having our property repossessed and Tom crying because we can't pay him?"

Lorelai sighed. "I guess not. But Luke's getting married and weddings aren't cheap. Besides, how do you think Nicole would feel about her fiancee spending tens of thousands of dollars on something that's really got nothing to do with them? It's not just Luke's money anymore; it's hers, too." She shook her head. "There just has to be something I haven't thought of. I know there is. There's something out there staring me right in the face. I just…haven't seen it."

Sookie hesitated before speaking. "You know, you might consider asking your pa—"

"No," Lorelai cut her off abruptly.

"But I don't think we have a—"

Lorelai held up a hand. "Stop."

"You can at least go and—"

"Nooope."

"Okay, can I just say one thing? If we can't ask Luke, I think it's our only option."

"Sookie, there are several chapters from a Stephen King novel I'd reenact before resorting to that option…but you're right. Just call me Pennywise, I guess."

Sookie laughed. "That's funny. Pennywise. Cause it's about money. Get it? Penny wise?"

Lorelai patted her friend on the back. "Oh, I got it."

Lorelai drove to her parent's house the next afternoon, trying to think of a way to both make amends and ask this favor. She had not forgotten how small and anxious she had felt when she stood in the same spot four years ago, asking for help with Rory's Chilton tuition. The feeling returned in full force when her mother answered the door.

"Lorelai? What are you doing here? Were we expecting you?"

"Hi, Mom. Nice to see you, too. Can I come in?"

"Certainly," Emily said as she ushered her daughter inside.

"Is Dad around?"

"He is working in his study, but I'm sure he can take a break if you need."

"Yeah, that would be great."

"Would you like Christine to make you some coffee?"

"Um, sure. Thanks," Lorelai said uncertainly. Her mother's behavior made her feel confused. She had expected a stiff reception and brusque words, but other than the surprised greeting, her mother's demeanor was almost…friendly?

Christine followed Emily out of the kitchen and presented each of them with a small cup of coffee.

Nobody spoke, choosing instead to take a few sips of their beverages.

Emily broke the silence. "So, what can we do for you, Lorelai? I assume this is not a social visit."

Lorelai held back the retort sitting on the tip of her tongue. "Actually, I came to apologize for what happened before Rory's graduation. Things got really out of hand and I'm sorry for freaking out on you. I realize it wasn't fair for us to wait so long to tell you about Stanford. We should have kept you in the loop because this affects you almost as much as it does me."

Emily and Richard were speechless, obviously not expecting an apology. Richard cleared his throat. "Well thank you, Lorelai. That's very thoughtful of you. Your apology is accepted, and I hope you can forgive us, as well."

Emily did not speak.

"Mom?"

Emily let out a small sniffle, dabbing delicately at her eyes. "I am terribly sorry for the things I said to you that night. I can't imagine what Rory thinks of us."

"Don't worry about Rory. You felt blindsided and betrayed and I can understand that. That's how I felt at first, too. There are a lot of things the three of us still need to work through, but I just hope…" Lorelai paused, trying to keep her composure. "I hope now we can move past this and be there for each other while Rory is gone. Everyone misses Rory, but nobody misses her like I do—like I know the two of you do."

"Of course. Of course we can," Emily said softly.

The three Gilmore's took a moment to collect themselves, and Lorelai tried to think of a way to bring up her next topic. "Um, not to ruin the moment, but there's something else."

Richard gave her a knowing look. "You need money."

How do they always know? Lorelai wondered. She nodded. "Yes. It's for the Inn. For the Dragonfly."

"So you were able to purchase it?" Emily asked.

"Yes. Just yesterday."

"But…?" Richard prompted.

Lorelai sighed. "After paying Rory's tuition, I only have enough money to cover my part of the purchase and a small portion of the construction. But it's not enough for completion, especially if we want to open this summer."

Richard nodded. "I'll get the checkbook."

"Wait," Emily said as he stood. "If we are to give you this loan, Friday night dinners will resume."

Lorelai smiled. "Mom, I assumed as much when I said we should be there for each other now."

"Oh," Emily replied with a small smile. "Alright then."

After Richard returned with the check, the three of them remained in the living room, drinking their coffee while Lorelai told her parents all about Stanford and the adventures she and Rory had in California.

This is nice, she thought. Who would've guessed?

Lorelai entered Luke's early that evening feeling better than she had in weeks. But all her energy was quickly zapped away when she spotted Nicole with look-books and magazines strewn across three tables.

Wedding planning. Lorelai swallowed, pushing down the bile that had started to rise in her throat at the thought.

Lorelai had not seen much of Nicole in the last week, and Luke had been careful not to bring her up, so Lorelai could only assume she had been working and was now spending her first day off making wedding plans.

Lorelai wanted to be happy for Luke. He was one of her best friends, and he was on his way to having the total package. He seemed happier than she had ever seen him, but she still just couldn't bring herself to celebrate his engagement. She did her best to fake her way through the very little she discussed the matter, otherwise choosing to say nothing or spend time away from the diner. She knew it seemed silly, but she couldn't help it: she was still in love with him. Even though everything in Luke's life had changed since she had written her letter, nothing had changed in hers. She had hoped knowing he was someone's fiancé would provide her with the motivation she needed to move on, but all it really did was bruise her heart a little more every day.

Lorelai also realized she had lost her closest confidante. After the potting shed and the letter, she knew she couldn't allow herself to be truly open or vulnerable with Luke until she was able to get a grip on her feelings. But she so badly wanted to tell him all about California. About Mia. About the Inn. About her parents. She would provide small bits of information when asked, but she had begun to build a wall between them, and she knew it might never come down. Even though it was extremely painful and emotionally exhausting, it was necessary. She needed time and space to heal.

Lucky for her (or not), Luke was pretty well occupied with wedding plans. She assumed he would probably be more of a "hands-off" type of guy when it came to his wedding, but Luke seemed eager to be involved. He wasn't much help when it came to bridesmaid's dresses, flower arrangements, or color schemes, but he had plenty of thoughts on food, music, venues, and even Nicole's dress.

"That one's nice," he told her, pointing to a dress in the top right corner of one of her magazines.

His fiancée smiled up at him. "You really think so?"

He kissed the top of her head and moved to refill people's coffee.

Lorelai tried to ignore the searing pain in her chest and the sick feeling in her stomach, but she could not push them away. She dropped a few bills on the counter to pay for her barely-eaten dinner and stood to leave.

"Everything okay?"

Lorelai's head snapped up at the sound of Luke's voice. "W-what?"

"You didn't touch your food. Usually, I'm afraid I'll have to give you the Heimlich cause you inhale everything so fast. The only times I've seen you not eat is after a fight with someone or in an emergency."

His tone was casual, but Lorelai saw the concern in his eyes, which only made the feelings swirling within her grow stronger.

"Um…" she began, trying to come up with a believable excuse, "I…I just got back from seeing my parents."

"Ah. Gotcha," Luke replied, nodding his understanding. He didn't press her further. "Do you want me to box this up for you?"

Lorelai shook her head. "It's okay. I think I'll just, um, head home and go to bed early." She gave him the smallest of smiles and left quickly.

When she arrived at the Crap Shack, she had a message on her machine.

Hi, Mom, Rory's voiced echoed through the empty house. I was just calling to check-in…see how things were going. Grandma called me today and said you guys had a talk. She sounded happy. Is that feeling mutual? I'm assuming everything is at least less frosty than when I left since she asked me when she and Grandpa could come and visit. Looks like you were right after all. See, I am learning things at Stanford! Aren't you proud, Mommy? Anyway, now I'm officially rambling on your machine. Call me when you can. Love you! Bye!

Lorelai smiled at the message, pleased to hear the happiness in her daughter's voice. She was glad Emily had not only spoken with Rory but had offered to visit.

Things are looking up, she thought contentedly, her mood drastically improved since leaving the diner.

Lorelai decided to harness her new energy into a movie night for herself. She consumed her usual sustenance and was halfway through her second film when something occurred to her.

She didn't say she missed you, a voice in her head told her.

Lorelai tried to shake this off. It's nothing. She was just in a hurry to stop talking to the machine.

She had time to say, "Love you! Bye!" but didn't have time to throw in a, "miss you"? The voice was relentless.

She doesn't have to say it every time we speak, Lorelai told herself reassuringly.

But—

"Nope!" Lorelai interrupted her own thought. She got up off the couch and looked around the house for a distraction. "I need to get out of here."

She quickly threw on a jacket and boots and exited the house.

She walked around the town, taking in the sights as if she hadn't lived there for over a decade. The familiarity of it all helped her to relax. Lost in thought, she somehow found herself stopped outside the diner.

How do I always end up here? she asked herself. But really, deep down, she knew.

The diner was empty, save for Luke at his usual spot, wiping down the counter. Lorelai glanced around the block, looking for Nicole's car. Relieved that it was nowhere to be seen, she entered the building.

Luke looked up. He smiled. "Hey. I thought you were going to bed early?"

Lorelai sat down at her stool in front of the counter. "Changed my mind. Got any coffee left?"

Luke gave her a look of disapproval, but still pulled a mug from under the counter and poured the liquid into it. "So I guess you're feeling better?"

Lorelai took a sip of her drink and thought about how to answer. "I had a message from Rory when I got home."

"And that's…good? Bad?" Luke asked uncertainly.

"You want the truth?"

Luke nodded.

"A little of both. When I first heard her message, I was thrilled. We've both been so busy lately that we haven't had a lot of time to talk, so it was nice to just hear her voice."

"So she's doin' okay?"

"Yeah," Lorelai replied, "she's great."

Luke raised his eyebrows. "Ah. That's what's buggin' you."

"What? No. Of course not. I'm happy she's happy."

Luke looked at her knowingly. "Yeah. But she's happy 2,000 miles away."

"Thanks, Captain Obvious. What's your point?"

"My point," he said as he grabbed a donut and placed it on a napkin in front of her, "is that no matter how happy you are that she is happy, part of you wishes she wasn't."

Lorelai gaped at him. "What?"

Luke shrugged. "Look, everyone knows you guys are freakishly linked…like freakishly. And having Rory gone to college and having a good time without you is hard, especially when you're not having a good time without her."

Lorelai was stunned. "Okay, Dr. Freud. Got any more insights into my psyche?"

Luke laughed. "I just know you. Have I mentioned before how you're in here every damn day?"

Lorelai felt herself smiling. "You might have mentioned it once or twice."

"Not as much lately, though," Luke pointed out.

Lorelai blushed. "I'm sorry."

Luke waved her off. "Don't worry about it. My coffee sales have just taken a hit the last few weeks, so your absence has definitely been noticed."

The two sat in a comfortable silence while Luke finished up his nightly routine and Lorelai drank her coffee.

Luke plopped down in the seat next to her when he was done. "Not to be mushy or anything, but I've kinda missed seein' you, so I'm glad you came in tonight."

Lorelai's heart skipped a beat. "Uh, cha. Of course you did," she said playfully.

"What have you been up to? How are things with the Dragonfly?"

"They're really great. We've finally fully financed the project, so we can really get things moving now. We should be open for the summer."

"That's incredible! Congratulations," Luke squeezed her arm warmly. "But I thought you had already sorted out the financial situation?"

"Oh! Um…" Lorelai suddenly felt flustered. "Well, there were some additional expenses, which isn't unusual. We just needed a little more to ensure a summer opening date. And to make sure we have a cushion in case anything happens. You know how it is."

"Yeah, I do…" Luke gave her a perplexed look. "So that's why I'm wondering…I mean it's really not my business but…how did you…I mean, where did you…"

"Are you trying to ask me about where the money came from, Luke?"

His cheeks tinged pink. "It's none of my business. I shouldn't have asked. I just…"

"What, Luke?"

"I don't want you to be in a bad position."

Lorelai felt a twinge of annoyance. "A bad position? Do you think I sold myself to a pimp or something?"

Luke scoffed. "No, of course not. I mean in a bad position with a bank or something for a loan. With a terrible interest rate or an unreasonable monthly payment."

Lorelai shook her head. "Do you think I'm incapable of handling my finances? That I'm a total idiot when it comes to matters of money?"

"No! I just know you would do anything to make the inn work. Well, not anything but…"

Lorelai held up a hand. "Stop. I get it." She paused, wondering whether or not she should tell him the truth. She took a deep breath.

"I asked my parents for a loan."

Luke's eyes widened. "You what?"

"I went to my parents, just like I did with Chilton. We worked it out."

"Willingly?" he asked incredulously.

She nodded. "Yeah. It was my idea. We talked, we worked things out, they opened the checkbook. Bada-bing, bada-boom."

Luke didn't respond for a moment. "Why didn't you…I mean, I'm glad things worked out with your folks, but…Lorelai…why didn't you come to me?"

Lorelai didn't know what to say. "I, uh…" she looked away.

Luke took one of her hands in his and squeezed it reassuringly. "Hey," he said softly, moving to catch her eye. She looked up at him, staring straight into his deep blue eyes. "You can always come to me. No matter what. You know I'm here for you."

She swallowed and nodded, unable to speak. She realized how close their faces were, and she had a brief flashback to the night they painted the diner.

"Lorelai…" he whispered. He shifted his body closer to her, and instinctively, she leaned into him. She could feel his breath on her face.

So close…she thought. Close enough to—

She jerked away from him suddenly.

"I have to go. I have to leave," she said breathlessly, sprinting out of the diner.

Luke remained glued to the stool, unsure what had just transpired.