July 17th, 2012
Even though he was sure that his consciousness faded in and out several times, the next thing Yosuke actively remembered was the sound of a chorus of familiar voices. All of the voices in the room spoke at the same time, but Yosuke could hear each one distinctively. Part of him wondered if this was a side-effect, or maybe a benefit, of being just-barely-conscious. It hurt his head, but he couldn't protest. Even opening his eyes hurt his head, and the sound of the cavalcade of footsteps coming at him made it thrum dizzyingly again. He felt his eyes open, and the light of the twisted Junes around him made him feel like closing them right away. But he didn't. He wanted to see who see who was there. He knew, especially with the familiar sounding squeak of Teddie's footsteps, but he wanted to see them.
The first face to come into focus was Jude's. He had run beyond the rest of the group and fallen hard to his knees next to Yosuke. He hesitated, though, as he looked Yosuke over, and bit his lip.
"He's alive. His eyes are open," Jude said. There was panic in his voice, but he spoke clearly. The rest of the group slowly came into focus behind Jude, and Yosuke tried to smile at them. "But there's dried blood in his hair. I'm not..." Before he continued, before another word came out, he heard the familiar sound of a persona being summoned.
The healing spell helped a little. The lights and sounds didn't make Yosuke's eyes hurt quite as badly, and he could breathe without wanting to die. Maybe he could talk now. "Th... thanks..." he said weakly.
Jude breathed a shaky sigh of relief and wet his lips. "Don't thank me," he said quietly. "You don't have to." He held his arm out. "Do you... do you think you can stand? We'll get you out of here. I'll support you."
Yosuke looked at Jude with a half-smile on his face. Had he always been this kind? "I think so..." he said as he reached out to grab Jude's arm.
Rise spoke next, though. "Wait..." she said. Her voice was very obviously shaken. Why? Was it because going through his twisted version of Junes had been taxing? Or was it something else? "Something doesn't feel right." She looked around. "There's something else in here. It's powerful. Dangerous."
It was simultaneous. Yosuke remembered exactly what Rise was talking about at the exact same time the shadow's voice rang throughout the room. The laugh echoed, and Yosuke couldn't help but reach his hands out to grab his head again. It was loud. The healing spell only did so much.
"Y-Yosuke-senpai's shadow..." Naoto's voice pierced through the laughter, and somehow it hurt more.
Not physically... but having them all know that his shadow came out just from the time he'd spent in here? It hurt. A lot. That was the shadow's goal, though. He remembered it taunting him, telling him that it was going to wait for them to get here. Now, he didn't know if he'd be able to take what was coming. That was a part of the plan too, wasn't it? He knew that he was weak. Admitting it alone, with no one but his shadow, his other self, to hear it was one thing. But having his friends hear it was another.
The shadow stood in place a few feet away, his arms crossed and that same smirk on his face as he surveyed the scene. "Didn't think it would take you this long to get here," he mused, looking over the group.
Before Yosuke even knew what was happening, the group of them stood like a wall between he and his shadow, a protective barrier to keep it from hurting him. "What did you do to him?" Jude raged at the being, and from Yosuke's position on the floor, he could see his new friend's hands balled into fists at his sides.
With a laugh, the shadow shrugged. "Me? Nothing," it said seriously. "You're gonna want to look at your own world for that one." He paced left and right in a four foot line.
Rise looked back at him, shock and apology on her face. He could see the question was this Souji?! on her face. Yosuke wanted to give her a no answer, but he didn't know. He didn't know anything. The only thing he did know was that the person claimed that it was their job to protect Souji now. He bit his lip in lieu of any kind of answer.
"If you could all get out of the way and let me have a word with myself there? That'd be swell," the shadow said, waving his friends away with a flick of his wrist.
Kanji laughed and shook his head no. "Dream on, fake." He stood his ground, his fists clenched.
Yosuke pushed himself into a sitting position. He needed to do this. The shadow needed to say what it was going to say, and he needed to accept it. So he could get his persona back. His head throbbed. His body ached. But he needed to do it. "I-it's okay, guys..." he muttered. "I need to." Before he could blink, he saw a hand reaching down to help him up, and he was surprised to see that it was Jude's hand. He accepted it and took the support to get into a standing position.
The shadow smiled like it had a trump card, and Yosuke suddenly felt dread in the pit of his stomach. Was this strength, this certainty, this bravado, a mistake?
"You betcha," it said in a confident voice. The shadow was reading his mind. His stomach churned, and that made his ribs hurt even more. "Our friend here," he said, turning to the rest of the group, "was wondering if I had a trump card, you see. I do, of course." It took a couple of steps toward Yosuke, and Yosuke felt the air shift behind him as all of his friends moved defensively.
With a thoughtful hum, the shadow looked up at the ceiling. "Where do I begin with us, Yosuke?" The shadow sighed. "It's been a long line of failing, our life, hasn't it? Failing to make friends at school, failing history all the time, failing to understand that Souji stopped caring... so much failure. Way too much to list off in the time you have left to live," it chuckled cruelly.
It tapped its finger against its lips and turned to look at the rest of the group. "See, our favorite little failure here has been failing twice as hard lately." He scanned the group, then stopped on Rise. "You know where he was today, don't you?" The shadow nodded his head. "He just couldn't let Souji go. Pathetic little Hana-chan couldn't stand being cast aside by someone so much better than him. Someone so much cooler. Someone so much better looking."
Oh. Oh god. Yosuke knew where this was going now. His eyes widened.
"You see where I'm going with this, don't you, me?" The shadow pointed a finger at Yosuke, and then his attention turned to Jude.
Yosuke shook his head. "No..." he whispered.
The shadow smirked. "You don't? Maybe I should spell it out for you then, hm?" It folded its hands, and then opened its mouth to speak again.
"D-don't..." Yosuke's voice was weak.
The shadow leaned in close to Yosuke. "You know how to make it stop, Hana-chan," it taunted. It stood back up straight, then looked back at the group. "You see, my plan to go to the city today was definitely partially because of Souji. I needed to see him, because I'm obviously crazy and refuse to believe that he gave up on us. Right? I'm so freakin' insane that I wouldn't be able to move on with my life until I knew for sure. Not that I'll be able to do it anyway, because I'm such useless dead weight. But there's more to it than that." The shadow's gaze was still fixed on Jude.
This wasn't happening. Yosuke didn't even know what his own feelings were. He knew as much about Jude as he did about particle physics or something. How could he like someone he didn't even know? And his friends... his friends didn't even know that he was interested in guys. All the hell he'd given Kanji over something that turned out not to even be true... how were they going to take hearing this? Panic rose and the increase in blood-flow made Yosuke dizzy again. "Please..." He knew begging was useless. Shadows were sadistic like that. But he had to try. He had to make this stop.
"You." His shadow was talking to Jude. "You're a problem." It brushed past Yosuke, and the shift in the air around him made him stumble. If not for the support of Naoto's hands, he probably would have fallen. "The way you always look at me? The way I can't help but look at you? You're such a problem."
Yosuke couldn't let this happen. He couldn't let the shadow reveal things that he didn't even know were true yet. He slammed his eyes shut and ignored the dizzy feeling. "No!" he shouted.
The shadow laughed again. "He's not? You don't think taking our focus the way he does is a problem?" After a taunting expression in Yosuke's attention, it started to hum the tune to 'Hey Jude,' and then turned its attention back to Jude. Jude's expression was inquisitive, and still a little bit defensive with the shadow right in front of his face. "It almost feels like we're... fixated."
"Don't!" Yosuke cried out. "You can't! You're-"
Before he could continue, Naoto was behind him, still helping to keep him standing, and she interrupted him. "Senpai, don't..." she insisted. "Don't let it make you deny it!" Her voice was sure, confident. Even with everything the shadow had said.
Yosuke stuttered. "But..." But it wasn't like this was just another confession! This was a confession that was... it was just... he'd denied exactly this so many times. It had been when he kissed Souji, that he realized that maybe the reason he was so adamant to deny, so quick to tease Kanji, was because he secretly knew that he was interested in other guys deep down. But the shadow saying that... admitting that the shadow was kind of right? That he was maybe interested in guys, a little more than he was interested in girls? And that maybe his fixation on Jude wasn't quite the interest of someone intrigued by the new guy in town? He didn't want to do that. Not here. Not in front of everyone.
The next person to speak up was the last person he expected. "It don't matter what the shadow says," Kanji reassured him. "Yeah, it's a lot. It's surprising, but you're still our friend, Yosuke-senpai. Don't let your shadow give you shit." His voice was serious. The one he'd been so tough on for this very thing was supporting him. He was almost ready. Almost. There was still panic coursing through him, especially considering the person his shadow was staring at right now.
Jude turned from the shadow and looked at Yosuke. "It's okay," he reassured. "It doesn't matter what the shadow says. It doesn't matter how much truth there is to it. You're still you, and there's more to you than what it's saying. I don't know you that well, but I know that you're so loyal, so trusting, that you were willing to put all of your belief in Souji." The mention of Souji's name made Yosuke cringe, and the shadow smirk, but Jude didn't stop talking. "And it's a good thing! That loyalty is good. The willingness to believe in someone so fully is really admirable. The kind of bond you guys have... all of you," he paused, turning to look at the rest of the group, then back at Yosuke, "is almost like a magnet. I was drawn to it, even though I don't usually talk to new people." He gave Yosuke a gentle smile. "I figure that kind of loyalty is what gave you the determination to stand beside him."
Pausing, he added, "And whatever it has to say about me? We can talk about later. Without the shadow's presence. I promise, it doesn't matter. I'm not going to judge you." Jude's face was genuine, but Yosuke was almost positive that he would have to explain later. Still, that last bit of support bolstered him... and he stood on his own again.
It did matter. It mattered a lot. But he knew what he needed to do, and Jude was right. "Fine." Yosuke's voice was still shaky, but he steeled himself... for real this time.
The shadow turned to look at him, the irritation fading to that blank expression a shadow always got when it was about to be accepted. Was that what would happen? Was that what happened if someone accepted their shadow before it went berserk? But then why hadn't it done this before? Before he'd said that he was going to accept what the shadow said, and it just taunted him more. Maybe it was different now, because there was intent behind it. Because there wasn't the false determination of someone who was trying to shut out a taunting outside voice. This was real.
Swallowing thickly, he nodded his head, hobbling over to stand between his shadow and Jude. "You're right," he said to the shadow. "You're right about me. The whole reason I was so hesitant to accept Jude, to be open with him the way everyone else is... is because of Souji. I didn't want to betray him. And yeah, I was stupid enough to think that he still held the same kind of loyalty toward us. I didn't believe what anyone said about him turning his back on us. Or maybe it was that I didn't want to believe it." He held his hand over his ribs, and straightened himself up. He felt Jude's hand on his back, helping him stand straight, and he couldn't fight the little lip-quirk that followed.
"And maybe there is something about him," he said, pointing his opposite hand over his shoulder at Jude. "But... but I don't know what it is." That was the honest truth. "It's probably a little idiotic that it took this much to make it happen, but now that I know the truth about Souji? Now that I know that everyone was right? I won't hold back anymore. I'll be his friend." And find out exactly what it is, went unsaid, but he figured it didn't need to be.
He stared the shadow down. "I know you're me. So, can I just have my persona back?" Maybe not the most conventional acceptance, but it was what it was.
As soon as he finished speaking, he felt a familiar presence around him. Wind, support and comfort. But this time, it was stronger. He blinked. The strength of the support was almost overwhelming. It felt like Susano-O, but it didn't. When he opened his eyes again, his shadow was gone. Apparently, what he'd said was good enough.
Rise was the next one to speak. "Y-Yosuke-senpai... your persona looks... it looks different..." she said. "Is it still the same?" She stared at the presence, then looked back at Yosuke when his persona faded again.
He shook his head no. "It's... it's stronger," he admitted. "I'm not sure what's different about it. It..." he paused, then chewed on his lip. "It's definitely stronger." He pressed his lips together. "Takehaya Susano-O." The words escaped before he even knew what they meant. Something in his mind just told him... that was what was different. His persona had grown. Matured. "H-how did that happen? I just showed... I'm weak enough to have to accept my shadow twice..."
Jude shrugged and stepped around him. "I kind of figured that weakness never really goes away." He pushed some of his hair back from his face. "I think, having to accept it twice makes you even stronger. Which would naturally make your persona stronger, too." A smile spread across his face; the smile almost looked like it was filled with admiration, but Yosuke didn't know why.
Naoto nodded her agreement. "It takes strength to accept your weakness once. But to have to come up against it when you already thought you had gotten past it? If you ask me, that's greater strength." She paused, then added, "and the greatest strength of all is the realization that it can always come back. No matter how strong you are." Her voice sounded impressed, too.
They seemed convinced that he had some kind of hidden strength that they lacked, but honestly, Yosuke didn't know how that was possible. They all believed what they were saying. That accepting his weakness twice made him that much stronger. But the fact that he even had to made him feel even weaker. Strength in weakness? he asked himself. Does that make any sense? The thought made his head pound again, and he winced and closed his eyes. "Let's just..." he blinked twice, and then opened his eyes again. "Let's just get out of here."
Jude stepped up beside him. "Put your arm around me," he offered. "We'll get you out of here and take you to the hospital."
The hospital? Yeah, that was probably a good idea. He raised his arm and put it around Jude's shoulders, wincing at the pain in his ribs when he did.
Teddie's persona brought them back to the entrance of his twisted Junes, and that was when the exhaustion set in. He knew that they weren't completely safe; they were never completely safe inside of the TV, after all. But being with his friends, the people that he knew would never let anything happen to him, made him feel slightly more at ease.
He turned to look at Jude; he didn't turn too far, though. They'd be too close, then. But he wanted to look at him when he said this. Everyone else was a little bit ahead of them, which made it a lot easier. No one else would hear if he spoke quietly enough, and Jude was close enough to hear him, no matter how quietly he spoke.
"Hey," he said as they started to walk back toward the central entrance. He didn't even know how far it was, honestly. "Thanks. For what you said back there, I mean." Admittedly, being so close to Jude wasn't making it easy to figure out exactly what his interest was, because his senses were a little bit muddled. But he needed to thank him. He might not have been able to accept his shadow without that last bit of encouragement.
Jude smiled and shook his head no. "Don't mention it," he offered. "I meant it. It doesn't matter, what it said. And we can talk about it after you've had some time to rest. After the doctors have had a chance to look you over."
Yosuke smirked. "But aren't you a doctor?" he asked.
Laughing, Jude shook his head no. "Real doctors. You look like you hit your head and by the way you're hunched, it looks like something happened to your ribs. When you landed?" he asked. He sounded skeptical, uncertain.
"Uh-uh," Yosuke answered. "Right before I was thrown in here. I think, anyway." Thinking about the sound of the voice and the feel of that breath on his neck made a sheet of goosebumps spread across his arms. "I... whoever it was, they were aggressive."
The sound of Jude's voice was gentle, comforting (but filled with a protective danger), when he said, "we'll get you taken care of. My dad has a couple friends at Inaba Municipal Hospital. When we go in, I'll have my mom see what she can do and get you the best doctor there, okay? It's a small gesture, I know, but..."
Cutting him off, Yosuke shook his head no. "It's not a small gesture," he insisted. "Thanks, Jude." Chuckling, he added, "You really are a nice guy."
Jude didn't respond, just looked down at the ground in front of them and flushed pink in the cheeks. A nice guy. He found himself wondering how Jude ever had trouble making friends. The rest of the walk back to the exit was quiet, aside from the quiet voices of their teammates just ahead of them, and Yosuke found his mind wandering back to before he'd been dropped in here. When the robotic voiced guy attacked him. They were trying to protect Souji? What did that mean? He felt like, maybe, it was something important, but his head was still swirling way too much for him to make anything of it right now.
Maybe later. Maybe after he'd had some rest.