Arc 2: Less Fire, More Water
*blub...blub...blub*
There's something calming and ethereal about floating in water and blowing small bubbles, watching as they float to the surface.
*blub...blub...blub*
In a small cove filled with marsh trees and covered in shade, there was a spawning pool. For millennia, small species of aquatic fauna used this and similar areas to have their young and abandon the little buggers to fend for themselves.
The strongest and/or smartest survived to go out into open water where the strongest and/or smartest of them would prosper long enough to complete the cycle. They'd come to places like these to spawn and so-on and so-forth.
It was a cycle...a circle…
A circle of life~...
…
...wow, my headspace is so quiet now…
Kinda lonely really, but...it's for the best. According to ROB-version of Me, at least.
"So, we need to talk."
[Disagreement]
[Target Found][Acquire Essence]
'Gotcha!'
I roared with draconic fury, swooping over to the NOT-Me standing there. I could literally smell the deliciously powerful essence within him. With that, I'd be un-fucking-stoppable…
Imagine my surprise at being bitchslapped, knocked feet over head and bound by swords of light.
"Yeah, that parasite in you has gotta go. Yoink!"
'What did he mean by that?'
…
'Zerg-Me…?'
"Yeah, that thing that latched onto you...us is gone now. Now pay the fuck attention."
Zerg-Me was apparently some sort of parasite embedded in the very genetic code of the Zerg; one of the few 'constants' of the Swarm. And fuck, I remember so much now. So much shit I thought I lost because of evolving and it was all because of that damn thing pretending to be an aspect of my psyche.
But then again, why the hell did I even believe a strange voice in my head?
[Movement]
Ooh, psionics tingling.
I lay perfectly still. My purple shell-thing blended reasonably well with the darkness of the water and rocks. A few moments passed.
[Movement]
Almost…
[Movement]
Wait for it…
[Movem-...]
*BITE!*
I lunged forward, stretching my neck far and latched onto the small fish swimming by. It died the moment I grabbed its head, shearing the whole thing in half with a single bite. Retracting my head, I settled down and waited.
Stupid fish would forget I was here in moments.
Being a zergified snapping turtle-cat was fun…
"There's so much shit I want to say to you, but it would be pointless now. As you are, you don't give two-shits about anyone else but yourself and the next fucking meal. Well, I'm gonna make sure you get the fucking message this time instead of leaving a random memory to handle things.
You are a fucking asshole who deserves fucking purgatory. So many important people that would have reshaped society on a galactic scale will never exist because you had to be a fucking murder-dragon instead of a troll like you should have been. Like the plan fucking called for!
But it isn't exactly your fault. I'm to blame too for not checking the body for any shit Amon might have left behind, but all this shit is still on you!"
"So listen. The voice. Amon's fucking brainwashing is gone so you can be less of murdering douchebag and just be a regular douchebag with chaotic-good alignment like I know we are. Sadly, you gotta start over; preferably another part of the planet since you've pretty much fucked over the timeline of the setting."
"I mean seriously, you killed so many important assholes to a damn setting that would have been a decent spot for Disney, what with the damn Pocahontas in Space thing they got going on. Anyways, start doing some random shit in the oceans for a century or two. Don't completely depopulate the ecosystem of all non-zerg life and I'll send you to somewhere you can go murderhobo on, got it?"
"Good, now this'll hurt like a bitch."
I tore out of my egg, shrieking in 'Ohmyfuckinggodthathurtswhydoesithurtinmyeverything!'. Panting hard, I took in my new form…
...and inwardly squealed at its adorableness.
I looked like a baby sea turtle...only primal zergified. Small six-inch shell able to shrug off small arms fire, flippity-floppy flippers with razor-sharp edges and a tiny head with enough venom to take down a small bison.
Fucking adorable.
...huh, my inner geek has returned. Memes are flowing and meta is now back.
I missed you guys…
Looking around, I found that I was on a beach in a cove covered in trees. It seemed perfectly safe.
Yeeeeeah, let's get in the water.
I heaved myself across the grey sand. My cute lil flippers of death dragged me inch by inch, flopping like slippers. The waves got closer and closer. I was almost...
*mrooaawww*
I turned my head and saw a small cat-thing; similar to the eel-panther in appearance, but small, lithe and white. It looked like it had been around for awhile, judging from the scars. Probably the apex of this beach area.
Twisting my head around to look at the water and the cat, I considered my options carefully...then I turned to the cat that outweighed me by several dozen pounds, was several magnitudes faster and more agile, as well as probably had years of experience in fighting.
I flapped my adorable body to face the poor sucker and gave a cute cry of victory.
'Challenge accepted.'
-
Ten violent minutes filled with much blood, despair and adorableness later…
-
I scowled at my fading wound. The fucking cat bit my head whole and tried tearing it off. I had bitten its tongue in retaliation; the venom did the rest of work. Stupid felinoid died in agony, thrashing around in the sand and yowling to the sky.
I, on the other hand, ate the thing. Starting from the belly, I worked my way through the whole animal. I needed a lot of biomass to jumpstart my evolution, not just the wondrous essence within. It actually took a rather long time to devour the innards due to my small mouth.
[Evolution Delayed]
[Burrow][Evolve]
The voice, this time sounding less smart and ominous and more like Pinkie Pie trying to whisper. I'm not sure this was an improvement, but whatever. I began to nudge and wiggle my way out of the cat and into the soft sand below. Evolving was always awesome, so long as I stayed a turtle.
Because turtles were fucking cool, especially zergified turtles of doom and destruction.