Mizu: Finally! You guys have no idea what I had to do to get this chapter done. School's been such a bugger with homework that I've just ended up taking it with me to school. But that doesn't work to well when you only have one class that allows you free time! So, here's what I'm hoping and praying for for the rest of the winter. One snow day! That's all I want! Just one! Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation nor Junjou Romantica. Hopefully I'll figure out what I would do if I did before the story ends.
Just Coincidence?
Chapter Ten: Unblinking, we can hate…
"Are you alright, Misaki?" Aikawa asked the now whimpering brunette on the ground.
'Of course he's not alright!' Usagi-san shouted in his mind, 'His brother practically disowned him right here and now!'
"I'll be fine soon enough, Aikawa-san," Misaki said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hands.
Usagi-san just stared at his lover. Over the short period of a week, his lover had changed so much. Yes, he was still the same Misaki that he knew and loved but there was something new about him. He was much more open. He wasn't afraid of what anyone thought anymore.
'I'll have to thank Shuichi for that,' Usagi-san thought, 'cause if he hadn't been there for him like he was, I think Misaki would have completely lost himself. I would have lost the love of my life again…'
"mortifying," Misaki whispered as he slowly stood up.
"Huh?" Aikawa and Usagi blinked.
"It's just that this all a bit mortifying," Misaki said, a small smile gracing his lips.
"What is?" Usagi-san asked.
"All of it," Misaki chuckled lightly, "I just read one of your best boy love scenes to Takahiro without stopping for a second to think. I knew that he wouldn't except me for who I am now. My bro…Takahiro isn't that kind of person. He may love his little baby brother more than anything but the idea of his little brother not being what he thought he was was too much for him."
"Misaki," Usagi-san said, pulling his lover into a welcomed embrace.
Misaki took a very deep breath before looking up into his lover's eyes, "I guess I'm no longer a Takahashi, huh?"
"Wha?" Usagi-san blinked joined by Aikawa.
"Takahiro just basically disowned me. He'll go home and rant about all of this to Manami who will try to convince him to rethink it all," Misaki stated, walking over to pick up his new favorite book, "Then he'll try to change me back or something like that. But I won't so then he'll turn to legally disowning me. Then that's how it'll stay until something finally clicks on in his head but by then I'll be a lot older or something like that."
"Misaki, you know that isn't tru-" Usagi-san started to say.
"It is," Misaki smiled warmly and truly at his Usagi-san, "but I don't care. That's why it's a bit mortifying."
Misaki kept smiling for the rest of the day. While he was in the kitchen as Aikawa and Usagi-san thought up new ideas for his novels, BL and normal ones alike. He smiled as he cleaned their home. Usagi-san had never seen his lover so happy and relieved. But he could not for the life of him figure out why. Shouldn't he be so broken hearted that his precious Nii-san abandoned him? Why wasn't he?
Usagi-san watched as the only time that smile faltered. It was when Misaki was cleaning the shelves and came upon a picture of his brother. That was the only time that it faded but only for a second. Right after it, the smile was back, still warm and still true. It was then that Usagi-san finally understood. He knew that his lover was torn up inside because of his brother but…but there was a large weight that had lifted off of his soul. Perhaps it was because Misaki had been wanting to tell his dear brother but never could. Maybe that was why…
The next day, everything seemed back to normal to the two. Misaki was up early cooking breakfast when Usagi-san stumbled down their stairs. He slowly came up behind his lover and started to mess with him, still earning him the protests of the brunette, though not quite as violent. After breakfast, Misaki returned to his part time job at the publishing company while Usagi-san went to "writing" his latest book. As soon as Misaki came home, Usagi-san was there to attack him, earning him more of Misaki's normal reactions which brought a smile to his lips. Then, after dinner and Misaki snapping at him to get his work done, the two lovers enjoyed a blissful night in bed.
And this pattern continued for several more days. It truly was like nothing had ever happened. The only difference was occasionally, when Usagi-san would tell Misaki how he loved him, Misaki would return his feelings whole heartedly. The writer knew that even though Misaki was still probably upset about his brother and Shuichi, he was perfectly fine and happy. That's all he needed…but everything else that had been happening was a nice bonus.
It wasn't until a week after the incident with Takahiro that something changed. Usagi-san had stumbled down the stairs expecting breakfast. What he got was seeing Misaki on the phone with tears flowing down his cheeks. Instantly, Usagi-san was wide awake and gently took the phone from his lover, fearing that it was indeed Takahiro.
"Akihiko," Hiro's voice sounded from the other side.
Usagi-san let out a silent sigh in relief, "What's going on, Hiroshi?"
"It's Shuichi," Hiro said, very anxious by the sound of it, "He still hasn't woken up."
"Really?" Usagi-san questioned, not really believing what he was hearing.
"Yeah, but the thing is that he's shown signs of waking up but he hasn't," Hiro stated, "We're all starting to get worried. It's like he wants to wake up but his body isn't letting him."
"Or he's terrified of something," Misaki whispered next to his lover, "Shuichi's afraid of something, Usagi-san."
"We'll be there in a bit, Hiro," Usagi-san stated before realizing something, "Hey, were's Mr. Cold Stare anyways?"
"He hasn't left Shuichi's side for more than a couple of minutes," Hiro stated, "Hey, I got to go. I'll fill you guys in when you get here."
"Hiroshi," Usagi-san said as he entered the waiting room with Misaki right beside him, "What was that about that bastard not leaving Shuichi's side?"
"The only time Yuki-san has left his side is to go to the bathroom and that's it," Hiro said, running a hand through his hair, "You should have seen him the past couple of days."
"Why's that?" Usagi-san nearly growled.
"Well, when visitor hours ended, all of the male nurses and security guards tried to drag him out of that room and failed miserably," Hiro chuckled as he watched Usagi-san and Misaki sign the guest book, "Then after that Yuki started snapping at anyone who came into the room because he was going through withdrawals."
"Withdrawals?" Misaki repeated.
"Like I said, he hasn't left Shuichi's side except to go take a piss," Hiro smirked, "That means he hasn't had a single smoke in a week. His body is craving nicotine so badly that he's going through withdrawals."
"Why is it that that idiot is only now getting all of this shit?" Usagi-san growled as he stomped off to Shuichi's room, followed by Misaki and Hiro.
"Dunno," Hiro shrugged, "but I do know what Shuichi would say about all of this newfound emotion."
"What?" Misaki questioned.
"It's gravitation," Hiro smirked, "That was Shuichi's favorite phrase. Whenever he thought something was completely amazing that nothing could ever hope to explain it, he would call it gravitation. Don't know where he picked it up but he's clung to it for as long as I've known him."
"Really?" Misaki asked, thinking about it for a second before walking into Usagi-san's back, "What the heck, Usagi-san? Why'd you stop suddenly?"
Usagi-san just pointed into the room of the doorway they now stood in. Misaki slowly looked in and felt his heart quicken at the scene before him. There was Yuki Eiri, the infamously cold man that Misaki had learned was just that to Shuichi their entire relationship. He just sat next to Shuichi's bedside, holding onto the singer's hand for dear life in one hand as the other was continually petting the pink locks that rested against the unconscious man's skull. He was muttering something to the man on the bed but Misaki couldn't make it out.
Yuki honestly looked awful. His hair was greasy and unwashed. There were bags under his eyes from the nights of no sleep awaiting his lover's awakening. The lower half of his face was covered in stubble from days on not shaving. All the proof was there for the on lookers. Yuki Eiri, famous romance novelist and sex god for most women in Japan, had not left the side of his lover, Shindou Shuichi.
"You look awful," Usagi-san said bluntly, walking into the room and sitting on the other side of his cousin.
"I wish I could say the same to you," Yuki glared at the man as his brunette lover came to sit next to him.
"I'm serious, Eiri," Usagi-san sighed, "You look like total crap."
"Thanks for the news update," Yuki growled, still glaring at the man until Shuichi gripped his hand slightly.
Everyone in the room stiffened up as they watched Shuichi start to stir. All of their hopes started to raise until the pinkette stopped moving a relaxed back into bed, eyes never once opening. Misaki heard Yuki let out a loud sigh.
"I don't know what to do anymore, baka usagi," Yuki sighed, petting the pink hair of his lover again, "He keeps doing that and I keep thinking that he's going to wake up. But then he doesn't…"
"He will though," Misaki stated, looking kindly at the writer that seemed to ignore him, "Shuichi's gonna wake up soon. You just wait and see."
"…I've done everything I think of," Yuki stated, eyes never leaving the vocalist on the bed, "I've read to him. I've made fun of him. I made up stories for him. Heck, I even tried to make up a song for him. H-He…He just won't wake up."
Usagi-san stared silently at his fellow writer. True, he still hated this man more than anything but he could also sympathize with the man. All he wanted was his lover to come back to him. Wasn't that all he himself had wanted when his lover and cousin were kidnapped? Hadn't he at one point forgotten about his dear cousin and worried solely about his lover? Sighing, Usagi-san knew that he was going to kick himself for what he was about to say but knew that he had to.
"Tell him that you love him, Yuki-san," Misaki encouraged before Usagi-san could even open his mouth.
"Huh?" Yuki gaped at the brunette like he was crazy.
"That is the one thing that Shuichi as ever wanted to hear come from your mouth," Misaki explained, looking straight into the tired writer's golden eyes.
"H-He doesn't know it?" Yuki asked, looking back to his lover.
"No, that's just it," Misaki shook his head, "It's because he knows that you love him that he longs for those words so much. I know because I never told Usagi-san how I felt for him for a long time and there would be times that he would look at me with a sadness that I could never place. He knew how I felt but there's something with those three words. Sure actions mean a lot but those words…
"Those words are more powerful than a hundred years of showing your love," Misaki finished, grabbing Usagi-san's hand and gently squeezing it.
Yuki was silent for a second. For a second, Usagi-san and Hiro thought that Misaki had just been wasting his breath on the idiotic romance novelist. Just for a second though. After that second was over, Yuki scooted closer to his lover and brought his mouth down to where it was right next to Shuichi's ear.
"…Brat, I myself don't even know why this is but," Yuki said, barely loud enough for the others to hear, "I love you, Shuichi."
After another second, Yuki looked back at his lover's face only to have his breath catch in his throat. The boy had slowly turned his head towards the writer and his eyelids were flickering as if he was fighting to open them.
'Come on, brat,' Yuki thought to himself, silently cheering Shuichi on, 'Wake up, Shu.'
Finally, Shuichi's brilliant violet eyes flickered opened. He blinked a few times, most likely trying to get used to the bright light in the room. Everyone could feel tears start to swell up in their eyes. They watched in silent amazement as Shuichi opened and closed his mouth a few times before even attempting to speak.
"Y-Yuki?" Shuichi finally sounded, voice a little scratchy from not using it for a week.
"Right here, brat," Yuki smirked, squeezing the rock stars hand for good measure, "You made my ulcers about ten times worse, you know that right?"
"S-Sorry," Shuichi chuckled lightly, not looking away from Yuki.
"I'm so glad that you're awake, Shu!" Hiro cheered.
"Me too!" Misaki agreed, hugging Usagi-san tightly, "Usagi-san is too!"
Shuichi just smiled as tears started to flow out of his eyes. But his eyes. They remained glued on what everyone thought to be Yuki.
"Oi, brat," Yuki called, "Did you actually hear what I said before you woke up?"
'Please say yes. Saying it to you while your out cold is hard enough,' Yuki thought to himself.
"Y-yeah," Shuichi whimpered, smile still present.
"Shuichi, what's wrong?" Akihiko asked.
"Yuki's face…" Shuichi whimpered.
"I know, he looks like shit, right?" Hiro joked, "I still don't get what's with you Usami's and the faces of your lovers though."
"That's not it," Shuichi started to cry, tears flowing freely down his cheeks, "I can't see it."
Everyone froze and stared at the pinkette, "h-huh?"
"I can't see Yuki's face," Shuichi cried, "I can't see anything…just like last time…"
"Sh-Shuichi," Yuki stuttered, bringing his face next to his lover's.
"I-I'm sorry, Yuki," Shuichi continued to cry, "I'm sorry…"
"For what?" Yuki asked, unused to having to play the concerned lover.
"I'm all messed up again," Shuichi whimpered, "That's why Hitomi killed herself back then. She didn't think that I'd ever get better and hated me for it."
"What are you talking about, Shuichi?" Usagi-san asked,
"Kiyomi hated the fact that I was so messed up last time," Shuichi cried, gripping the sheets, "Everytime she came in here by herself, she'd yell at me. She yelled and screamed at me for ruining everything. She blamed me for destroying her life."
"That's not true," Hiro stated, looking at his crying friend with disbelieve, "You and Kiyomi loved each other! She would have never blamed you for anything-"
"Kiyomi only acted like she loved me, Hiro!" Shuichi shouted, "She was only playing the part of a fiancé! She thought that if anyone thought that we were getting married that she had to act like she loved me! That's all she did! She truly never loved me the way that I loved her! She loved my title to the Usami name and what my future was going to be!
"Then after the accident, she started to worry about her life changing! She was afraid that I wouldn't ever fully heal and that all of our money would be wasted on medical expenses!" Shuichi cried, eyes still wide open as tears flooded from them, "So Kiyomi started to search for ways out of the engagement! Heck, she even tried to make me look unfaithful to her in hopes that our families would drop the engagement voluntarily!"
"Wh-What do you mean, Shuichi?" Usagi-san questioned, afraid of the answer.
Shuichi suddenly became quiet. He started to bit his lip and finally closed his useless eyes. His body started to tremble slightly as more tears leaked from his eyes. For a while, nobody moved. The room was filled with total silence. Finally, Yuki decided to move. He moved from his seat to the edge of the bed. He kept staring at his lover's face as he gently grabbed the pinkette's hand.
"Tell me, Shuichi," Yuki said, gently for Yuki at least, "at the very beginning of this insane relationship, was it your first?"
"His first?" Hiro and Misaki questioned silently, looking to Akihiko.
Both writers stared at the boy in the bed. They both knew what Yuki meant and were both hoping that said something totally different then what he would.
"N-no," Shuichi whimpered, eyes slowly opening again as more tears flowed out of his reddening eyes, "That's probably the one thing that I hate about myself and Kiyomi the most. Because she ruined me forever. I could never look at her the same after that..."
Yuki remained silent for a long time and, for once, Usagi-san couldn't blame him. He noticed the strange looks from the only other two in the room and sighed. And they thought Shuichi was dense. Akihiko sighed. He couldn't really believe any of what Shuichi was saying. It was just too unbelievable. But if Shuichi was saying it like he was, then it had to be true. It also had to have been tearing him up on the inside.
Yuki let out a long, slow breath, "I guess that explains some things."
"Huh?" everyone gaped.
"While you were unconscious, I kept wondering about things," Yuki said, gently cupping Shuichi's cheek to try and comfort him a bit, "Like why an Usami, even if he disowned his entire family, would even think of allowing himself to be lowered to just a hole to fuck."
"Eiri!" Akihiko snapped at the other writer, glaring nothing but pure death at him, "I thought that you were getting better-"
Suddenly, Shuichi interrupted his cousin's train of thought with his laughter. As he laughed, the singer pressed his cheek into the hand of the man that held him in the palm of his hand. More tears continued to fall from his eyes as the boy laughed, grabbing the writer's hand and squeezing it tightly. His smile seemed to radiate in the silent room while he kept his eyes closed during his laughter. "I don't know why," Shuichi finally said, opening his useless yet stunning violet eyes, "I just don't know why."
"Baka," Yuki scoffed, smiling a little.
"What just happened?" Misaki asked.
"I don't know," Usagi-san answered, staring confused at the lovers on the bed.
"It's easy," Hiro sighed, "Shuichi speaks Yuki-ese. The two understand each other completely, no matter how much one of them fights it. What I don't get is what Yuki meant by his first?"
"Kiyomi wanted out of the engagement, Hiro," Shuichi stated, eyes focused downward, "And she tried to get out by any means necessary."
"Meaning…" Hiro pressed.
"Remember when I was home during my recovery?" Shuichi sighed.
"Yeah but you were sent back to the hospital a week later because everyone thought that you were had some sort of brain damage cause you started to hallucinating of something," Hiro nodded.
"I remember that," Akihiko nodded, "Your father was so upset at the doctors that they might have missed something that he nearly had the entire workforce at the hospital fired."
"Wonderful times, right?" Shuichi chuckled weakly, "Anyways, during the time I was at home, I was restricted to my room. The only people who came in were my butler, my father, and Kiyomi. Everyone else had to stay outside."
"Yeah," Hiro growled, "I was worried sick about you but those damn guards kept throwing me out."
"You shouldn't have tried to sneak in though his window, then," Usagi-san chuckled.
"It was during that time that Kiyomi did something that I couldn't believe," Shuichi sighed, "She managed to bring someone else into the room with her."
"That's it?" Misaki asked, sitting back down.
"No," Shuichi shook his head, "That's not what I hate her for…It's what she paid the man to do."
Misaki paled. He hadn't expected Shuichi's story to take a turn like this. It wasn't real, right? Shuichi was just pulling on all of their legs, right? He didn't really mean that the girl that he loved really did something like that to him, right?
Shuichi took a deep, trembling breath before continuing, "She paid the man to rape me that day and make it look like I was cheating on her."
"N-No…" Hiro gasped, eyes trembling, "T-tell me that that isn't true, Shu…"
Shuichi just nodded his head, sighing heavily as his eyes slid close once more, "Can you even imagine what it might be like? You're totally blind and bound to bed when suddenly hands start to grope your body? To not be able to see what's going on? To have your voice still missing from your body so you can't scream out for help? To only be able to hear what's going on as tears leak from your eyes?"
Shuichi gave a sad smile to all in the room as his eyes opened again only to reflect the fear and sadness that filled his soul, "It is probably the most terrifying thing in the world."
Hiro tried futilely to form a question for his friend. But he couldn't. Not after seeing that look on his face. There was no way that he could doubt him. Not when that look was so sincere.
"At first, after it had happened," Shuichi continued, eyes focused somewhere without wavering, "I truly did think that I was hallucinating. That's why I told my father, because I didn't think that it was real either. But that changed the day that Kiyomi killed herself."
"Wh-Why's that, Shuichi?" Usagi-san asked, gripping his lover's hand.
"She sent me the pictures that morning," Shuichi sighed, eyes unblinking, "At first, I thought it was some kind of joke and that Kiyomi was messing with me. I thought that until we found her hanging in her room. Sometime after you managed to pull me off of her, I found her note."
"A note?" Hiro and Akihiko blinked.
Shuichi nodded again, "I never showed it to anyone, not even the police."
"Why not?" Misaki asked.
"Because it was addressed to me," Shuichi stated, tears finally dried up, "In that note, Kiyomi explained everything. Her dreams, why she made me fight people, why she made me struggle to earn fragments of her love, what she did to me that day, and what she truly felt for me."
"What she truly felt for you?" Hiro repeated.
"Damn you straight to hell, idiot," Shuichi quote, not a trance of emotion in his voice, "Here's to never meeting again, Usami Shuichi. I hate you so fucking much, you Usami idiot! I'll be watching from the afterlife laughing my ass off as you descend straight down to hell! May you burn for all the things that you and your damn family forced on me! No one will ever, ever love you for the freak you are so just do everyone a favor and die!"
"Sh-Shuichi," almost everyone whimpered, excluding the blonde male who had remained silent through everything.
"After her death, those words haunted me," Shuichi said, "They followed me everywhere. I started to wonder if I even loved her, though I know that I did but blindly. I began to rebuild from what she left. I tried to think of what I could do to prove her wrong but couldn't think of anything.
"Then, after I had threw away my Usami name and taken up Shindou, a year had passed since that day. I had left work early to go visit her grave, spending at least an hour just staring at it, trying to figure out how I could have been so wrong about her," Shuichi said, looking where he hoped his Yuki still was, "But while I was thinking about it, the image of you and what you said about my lyrics flashed through my head. It was the day after you had told me that after all. I can remember bitterly thinking that it Kiyomi trying to play some sick joke on me.
"Even now, I still have no idea why I did this but when I saw you in your car, I froze. I honestly thought that you were the one that Kiyomi sent to finish her work. My anger bottled up inside of me about her until I had jumped the railing and raced out in front of you," Shuichi said, slowly starting to smile, "but when I came to a stop, my heart and mind weren't thinking about Kiyomi or the anger I held towards her. All I could think of was the blonde, cool, mysterious stranger I had met the night before who told me that my lyrics sucked. The only thing that filled my mind at that time was thinking how dare you do such a thing without even knowing me."
Shuichi felt Eiri squeeze his hand extremely lightly and smiled warmly, "You were the only person I had met that could disperse my thoughts of Kiyomi instantly. After you took me to your home, I realized it. I hadn't thought of Kiyomi once during the ride. I couldn't believe it. That's why I kept coming back. I wanted to make sure it wasn't just some fluke. And sure enough, it wasn't.
"Every time I saw you, Yuki, all the thoughts and worries that had filled my mind during the passed year just disappeared. Yeah, the first couple of weeks or so, I was just playing the part of an infatuated gay man trying to come onto you but that faded away rapidly," Shuichi said, still smiling, "Because before I realized it myself, I had stopped coming to see you to make sure that it was a indeed a fluke. When I left to go see you, I only had one thing on my mind. Seeing Yuki. And I was happy.
"Soon after I stopped coming because of Kiyomi, my heart latched itself onto you. I fell completely in love with you, though that sounds so corny," Shuichi laughed gently, "Once that happened, I refused to let you go ever. I completely forgot about Kiyomi and never even thought about why I didn't want you to leave me. All I knew was that there wasn't a part of me that loved Yuki and I didn't care what anyone else thought. I suppose that was the only time that my Usami side got the better of me. No one, not your fiancé and defiantly not any jealous fool, was going to take you away from me."
Yuki just chuckled slightly before leaning forward and captured Shuichi's mouth in a gentle kiss. It was just a quick peck, though. Yuki soon pulled back and ruffled the his pinkette's hair, noticing the warm smiles he earned from the three other men in the room.
"You really are an idiot, brat," Yuki snickered as Shuichi laughed, "You worried about all that for no damn reason. The only thing I wanted to know is what you felt for her."
Shuichi just chuckled and smirked, "That's easy. Even if I did love her, those feelings have changed to dust and been blown away. No, the only thing left is my hate for her but that's just about gone too. "
Mizu: Woot…done with this chapter…my fingers feel like jello right now…
Shuichi: I'm awake~! Yay! *runs into a wall* ow…
Mizu: You still can't see, Shuichi. You should try and remember that.
Misaki: Man, you really went all out to cover lose ends, didn't you?
Mizu: hush up…Mizu is gonna take a nice long nap now…
Misaki: *sweat drops* she's the opposite of you, Usagi-san. When she finishes something, she shuts down. You, on the other hand, are active with trying to molest me everyday when you finish.
Usagi: I didn't hear you complaining during our week together.
Hiro: *sighs then smiles happily* Seeing as all of these guys have kind of forgotten this part, I'd just like to remind you guys that Mizu enjoys all reviews and suggestions. They tend to keep her alive these days. *walks over to where Mizu is asleep on her keyboard and pokes her cheek* Got anything to add?
Mizu: *sleep-talks* Ciao for nowie peoples…