The Awakening
A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction
Ch 10: Nothing Like Wasting Time While Wasting Away
I was right, the therapy session was even longer and more grueling than I thought it was going to be. Right off the bat the therapist had everyone introduce themselves. There were guys of all shapes and sizes and I wondered how someone would want to rape some of them. After thinking that thought, I cringed in shame that that had even entered into my head. I knew how much pain I was going through, beyond the physical suffering. Yet I still had the gall to judge someone else when I knew for damn sure what he was feeling wasn't any different from what I was feeling. I took it back after I thought it. I wasn't an emotionless prick and I didn't know why I suddenly had become one. When it came time for me to introduce myself, I just wanted to get it over with.
I stood up and began to speak. "Hi. I'm Justin Taylor and I'm a victim of rape. It's only been a month but it feels like a lifetime. I was gang raped outside of my regular club, Babylon." I sat back down, feeling awkward with everyone staring at me.
"Thank you, Justin. But why don't you tell us a little about yourself?" The therapist suggested with a wave of his hand.
I stood up again with no clue what to say but words somehow came out. "Honestly, I didn't really even want to come here," as I said that, Chester looked up at me. I couldn't quite make out the look on his face but I knew it was some sort of an unpleasant glance. "I don't want to try to sort out through other people's problems when I clearly can't get past my own. I have not a fucking clue in the world how to begin to deal with it, let alone live with the realization of it every day when I wake up in the morning," I continued.
"It is apparent that you carry a lot of anger and hostility towards your situation. It is totally normal to feel that way. Anger is a common emotion and it resonates with all rape victims. The only way to deal with it is by talking about it. It seems painful at first, but once you get used to it, you will be able to start to heal. We are your support group. None of us traditionally want to hear about other people's problems but think of us as a family. We need to support each other so that not only you learn how to deal as an individual but also so that you can devote yourself to helping others heal, as well. Helping someone else greatly affects your ability to help yourself."
I sat back down feeling very emotional. I didn't notice it right away but I had started to cry. "I feel as if I'm wasting away. To think I can remember my attack in a moment's notice. Scratch that, with no notice at all. I live in fear all day long knowing it can be revealed in at any moment," I said as I couldn't control my tears at all and they were streaming down my face.
"And trying to deal with all of this on your own is just wasting valuable time while wasting away. There is only wasted time when trying to rebuild and heal in doing it all by yourself. Well I think that concludes our session for today. Thank you all for participating. See you next week," he said as everyone got up to leave. I stayed in the room as everyone else left to finish crying before facing the world, and Brian, as if nothing had happened.