CHAPTER TEN:
Christine POV

I hurried up a flight of stairs, Raoul following behind me.

"Why have you brought me here?" he called after me.

"I didn't bring you anywhere, Raoul, you followed me. I can't go back there, not when it's my fault," I murmured in an undertone so he wouldn't hear me.

"You must return."

"He'll kill you! His eyes will find us there~"

"Christine, don't say that!" he implored me, sounding a little fearful himself.

"Those eyes that burn!" They burnt me in a different way than most, but I threw that thought from my mind. I was as bad as him. No, worse!

If I hadn't been so stubborn, he wouldn't have thought that kiss mattered, and we would've been spared this tragedy! It had been my fault; Erik had killed him, yes I couldn't deny that, but I had been the one to light the flame of fury within his jealous heart.

"Don't even think it!" Raoul said in almost an orderly way. I looked back at him with rage-filled eyes. He understood nothing of what I was going through! I had to think it, how else could I prevent my heart and mind from bursting?

"And if he has to kill a thousand men~" A thousand men who've wronged me, just so I would be protected, "The Phantom of the Opera will kill and kill again."

"There is no Phantom of the Opera," Raoul cried behind me, which made me stop in my tracks. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You fool," I whispered, but I don't think he heard me for he grasped at my hand. I pulled away, running up the nearest flight of stairs to put space between this skeptic and myself.

"My God, who is this man, who hunts to kill?" I chided myself inwardly for saying that. He hunted for my sake; to let me be free from the torment men put me through! It was morbid, but he was protecting me like a father would! But fathers didn't kill… did they?

"I can't escape from him, I never will!" I cried, more to myself than to Raoul who heard me anyway. His hand reached for mine again, but I knocked it away. Why try to comfort me, when there was no comfort left? I could run as far away from Erik as I could, to the ends of the world and further, but he would still hold part of me prisoner. But what part I was not sure.

"And in this labyrinth where night is blind, the Phantom of the Opera is there, inside my mind," I breathed, stepping out on the snow-coated rooftop.

"There is no Phantom of the Opera," he told me again. He needed proof, didn't he? I could give him proof. I rounded on him, desperate to convince him.

"Raoul, I've been there, to his world of unending night. To a world where daylight dissolves into darkness… darkness."

And all my thoughts of unhappiness or fear with it, I remembered, but didn't linger on that for too long.

"Raoul, I've seen him. Can I ever forget that sight? So distorted, deformed, it was hardly a face in that darkness..." That was cruel. Not even Erik had said that about himself, and he had been brutal with self-description.

I couldn't just leave it at that. There was so much more to the man than the face, however horrifying it might be.

"But his voice filled my spirit with a strange sweet sound. In that night there was music in my mind." I felt myself holding something for the first time since I had seen Buquet's body, and looked to see the rose that he had given me that night. A reminder of the dream that had been there, once.

"And through music, my soul began to soar!" I sang, reaching for the same shiver inducing quality within it as he had, but not doing very well. I suddenly felt cold, and pulled the cloak, Madame Giry had given me, around my shoulders tighter.

"And I heard as I'd never heard before…"

"What you heard was a dream and nothing more," Raoul assured me, but to no avail. I knew he was trying to be nice and not tell me I was crazy, but it didn't convince me. I knew deep within it wasn't a dream, the memory of his eyes were too real. I remembered the look he had given me that was full of mixed emotions.

"Yet in his eyes, all the sadness of the world. Those pleading eyes, that both threaten and adore." Both of which he had shown to me, and I wasn't sure which one he had meant. Was he truly an Angel, or a monster? My head was full of confusing thoughts, swirling in different directions.

"Christine, Christine," Raoul murmured, drawing closer to me. The tone he used reminded me of the way Erik had said it once. Could that tone have deceived me? Was I just a thing for him to possess, along with rest of the opera house?

Christine… Erik's haunting voice whispered to me, and I looked up. It must've been my imagination, but I could have sworn I had heard him.

I felt Raoul's arms wrap consolingly around my shoulders and his head press against my curls.

"Christine… do you remember that day, on the pond together?" I nodded, feeling a few tears gather. The day my father had died, I would never forget though I would like to. Father had given me Erik that day, or did he? Oh, it was all so confusing. I wished Father could have chosen for me, and save me this torture!

"You remember we were betrothed?" I felt my mouth open and I turned around.

Father had chosen. He had given me to Raoul. I knew I did not love Raoul, but if Father had chosen, I would follow his decision. Taking one last look at the rose in my hand, I let it fall, along with my childhood dream.

"No more talk of darkness, forget these wide-eyed fears. I'm here, nothing can harm you, my words will warm and calm you," Raoul told me gently. I tried to convince myself to love the face I looked at. He was handsome, very handsome, so why was it so hard for me to fall for him?

"Let me be your shelter, let daylight dry your tears. I'm here with you, beside you to guard you and to guide you." It was time to follow my father's lead, and go with this man. Maybe fate had not destined Erik and I to be together, maybe I was making the right choice by staying here, like everyone thought I should.

"Say you'll love me every waking moment. Turn my head with talk of summertime. Say you need me with you now and always. Promise me that all you say is true, that's all I ask of you," I told him truthfully. That was all I had ever wanted, to be loved and cared for. To be wanted by someone. Raoul put his arm around me and pulled me into his shoulder.

"Let me be your shelter, let me be your light. You're safe, no one will find you, your fears are far behind you." I took a leap of faith for my father, making sure that if he listened he would be sure I was choosing Raoul, as he wanted. Though, it felt really awkward to sing like this to Raoul after being bitter childhood enemies.

"All I want is freedom, a world with no more night, and you always beside me, to hold me and to hide me." Raoul seemed over-confident at this point, which was not very romantic at all. It was hard to profess my love to him, when I didn't really feel any really, but I decided I had to live with him forever because otherwise I would be unfaithful to father, which I would never ever be. It also didn't help that he kept putting a smug little smirk on his face whenever he thought I wasn't looking.

"Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime. Let me lead you from your solitude." He put his arms around me. My head rested against his, a little like how Erik had done it, but much less comfortable and far less sensual. It didn't matter, I had years of this to come, so I had better start enjoying it.

"Say you want me with you here, beside you. Anywhere you go let me go too, Christine that's all I ask of you." He hit a note that was so low and out of his range that I began to laugh a little, which probably looked to him like I was laughing for joy.

"Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime. Say the word and I will follow you." Well, I wouldn't follow him everywhere, but I thought it sounded good. I wasn't even sure who I was singing to.

"Share each day with me, each night, each morning," we sang together, I a bit louder than him so I could drown out his 'off' notes. He leaned in for a kiss, but I stopped him for a moment.

"Say you love me," I requested, for I would have to hear it in words to fully believe his passion for me.

"You know I do," he told me, reaching closer. It wasn't the "I love you" I was looking for, but it would have to do for now.

"Love me, that's all I ask you!" we sang together before I received the second kiss of my life.

It wasn't what I expected after such a length and very clichéd expression of love. His kiss was rough and very sloppy, engulfing my entire mouth in his. I had to use all my will power not to pull away from it and wipe the spit off my lips. I made sure not to open my mouth; I didn't want to swallow any of the drool that was currently pouring out of his mouth.

Eventually, I could no longer bear the sensation of having my mouth chewed slowly by a Great Dane any longer and pulled away to sing to him.

"Anywhere you go let me go too. Love me, that's all I ask of you."

As long as you don't kiss me again for a while, Raoul. I think I need to take a shot of Carlotta's throat spray! I thought to myself, wiping it off on his cloak when he looked away.

Karma repaid me immediately, for he kissed me once more, but I pulled away before I was lost in the dark chasm of his mouth once again.

"I must go, they'll wonder where I am," I explained, trying to clear my head. The kiss had awakened many new questions in my head, and a new realization. Now that I was Raoul's, he would take me to his estate, and I would never see Erik again.

"Christine, I love you." Now he said it! I just smiled at him, praying it wouldn't give way to the look of scorn that was threatening to burst out.

"Order your fine horses, and meet them at the door," I told him, but he didn't seemed to get what I meant by that.

"And soon, you'll be beside me,"

I pulled him through the door with me.

"You'll guard me and you'll guide me… tomorrow, Raoul. I have to rest tonight," I lied in a murmur, my emotions forbidding me from leaving. There were many thoughts I needed to consider, and what better place to mull things over than up here?

He nodded, though looking a little disappointed.

"All right. Goodnight, Little Lotte…de Chagny," he called with a dashing smile and flounced down the stairs. I had thought that name was bad by itself, but apparently it could get worse. I waited until the sound of his footsteps died away before coughing with the disgust I hid while with him.

Stepping out onto the stairs, I was about to walk to the edge to look at the view below, when I was stopped in my tracks.

Kneeling over the rose I had dropped was Erik, who sung softly to it as he lifted it up, obviously in the deepest misery.

"I gave you my music, made your song take wing and now, how you've repaid me. Denied me and betrayed me." Looking up, I could see a little of his face, the tears that glinted in the light of the full moon.

All my fault, all my fault.

"He was bound to love you, when he heard you sing… Christine…" He began to sob, holding the rose against his face. Though promised to Raoul, I still couldn't help but ache for him, and I stepped forward.

"Erik…" He looked around wildly, all of his sorrow suddenly gone and replaced by thunderous rage.

"You…" he hissed, and I felt all my courage dissolve.

"I… I… Erik~" He cut me off.

"You're going to explain yourself, aren't you? You want your Angel to forgive you for your treachery, but you're too late! The Angel of Music has taught his last lesson, now let's see if Little Lotte's learned to follow instructions. GO!" he growled, advancing at me. I stepped back to the railing.

"Please~"

"You will curse the day you did not do, all that the Phantom asked of you!" he roared, and I looked away realizing my attempts were in vain.

"Please… I know what it's like," I whispered, "To suddenly have nothing, when everything was going right."

There was a silence and I looked up expecting to meet his eyes. Only the statues stood before me. Erik was gone.

I sighed and looked down at the world below me. So peaceful compared to the turmoil churning within me.

A window opened beneath me and I heard the sound of voices.

"~really don't see why it's such a big fuss. Christine is obviously quite happy with him," Madame Giry's voice muttered below. I was surprised to hear Meg's reply.

"That's not the point. He's not just any man to me," she protested, wistfully. I leaned over the railing. Whom did she speak of?

"Meg, he's just a stupid fop. He won't remember you in a day's time." she told her. I could tell Meg took those words with a grain of salt.

"You don't know anything, mother. He's no fop, he's wonderful and a perfect gentleman. But you wouldn't think so, you hate everyone." I could almost picture Madame Giry's face tighten, as it always did when she was furious.

"He wouldn't care for a stupid little ballerina girl like you, who can't even pirouette!" She stopped abruptly, seeming to realize how much her words stung.

"Oh, Meg… I… I didn't mean it like~" Meg cut her off.

"Shut up! Shut up! You don't care about me at all, do you? You just care whether or not I perform well and that stupid ghost who, may I remind you, killed someone tonight! You've never loved anyone; I bet you don't know what it means to love! You hate me, and you know what? I hate you too!" The sound of a door slamming was heard after that and I stood in silence.

All my fault, all my fault.

I staggered back, not wanting to hear any more, and fell against one of the statues.

I had not only broken Erik's heart that night, but my best friend's as well. It was only later I realized that I had also broken my own.