CHAPTER TEN –

Newkirk opened his eyes. He automatically felt sick to his stomach, and his head was pounding. Was he hung over? He brought his hand up to feel a bandage covering what felt to be a pretty bad cut.

Next question. Why was he in Colonel Hogan's room? He sat up quickly, a bit too quickly, and got a head rush. That didn't help with the nausea. There was sunlight pouring in through the window. It was obvious he had missed role call. But how late was it? From where he sat on the bed, the clock on Hogan's desk seemed to say 12:30. He knew that couldn't be right.

Just then, Colonel Hogan walked in. He was carrying a tray of food, which he placed on the desk.

"You're awake." Hogan observed.

Newkirk had to keep himself from saying "No, really?" He couldn't help it, he was in a sarcastic mood. In fact, he was annoyed. And he didn't really know why, but that was how he had had been waking up lately. At least he felt rested. He hadn't felt rested in a long time.

"Blimey, what time is it?"

"About 12:30. I brought you some lunch."

"12:30! I missed role call?" Newkirk asked. The clock hadn't been wrong!

"Relax." Hogan told him. "You're in the clear. Schultz told Klink how sick you were, and he gave you permission not to answer role call."

"I'm not sick." Newkirk told him.

Hogan half shrugged.

"You certainly weren't in very good shape when we brought you back from the mission last night." He said.

That triggered some memories. Newkirk remembered running, and getting into the car when Hogan and the others pulled up. And that was pretty much it. Then he remembered Kinch.

"Kinch! Is he alright? I – I was shooting at him. I thought he was a German!" Newkirk explained hastily.

"He's fine." Hogan said calmly. "What I'm interested in is why this whole thing happened in the first place."

"I just told you. I thought he was –"

"A German." Hogan interrupted. "Yes. But Kinch told me that you went a bit crazy last night. Started seeing things, and then just ran off. When he started chasing after you, you started shooting at him." The Colonel crossed his arms. Newkirk didn't say anything.

"Let me rephrase the question. I want to know how you thought it would be a good idea to go out on a mission with severe sleep and food deprivation and in your…your mental state!"

"My 'mental state'?" Newkirk repeated angrily. "Good job with the 'rephrasing' Colonel, that's lovely!"

"Maybe that's not the right word." Hogan said. "All I know is that you've been lying to everyone for the past week, telling us all that you were 'fine'!"

"I am fine!" Newkirk shouted. "How many times do I have to say that?"

"Alright, prove it!" Hogan said. He grabbed the tray of food and thrust it into the Corporal's hands.

"Finish this." He said. "That's an order."

"You can't order me to do something like that." Newkirk scoffed.

"I'm assessing your suitability for active duty, Corporal, I can order you to whatever the hell I want!" He said.

Newkirk looked at the food for a minute, and then put the tray beside him.

"I can't eat. I'm not hungry."

"According to Schultz, you haven't been eating much of anything lately. Did you know that a lack of food and sleep can cause people to have hallucinations, Newkirk?"

"No sir." Newkirk answered, staring at the ground. He knew when he was defeated. Hogan nodded and sat on the chair next to the bunk.

"You haven't been sleeping very well, have you? Since you had to kill that boy?" Hogan asked, toning down his voice.

"No sir." Newkirk repeated miserably.

"I talked to Sgt. Wilson last night. He says that the best thing to do is to talk about it. It happens to lots of people, you know. It happened to me."

Newkirk looked up in surprise. Colonel Hogan had never shown any fear, or emotional weaknesses since he had arrived. The men all admired him for this.

"Really, sir?"

Hogan nodded.

"I haven't killed too many people. But every time I do it, it bothers me. And the first time, that was the worst. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even hold a gun properly because my hands would shake every time I picked one up."

"What did you do?" Newkirk asked.

"Well, after a couple days, I realised that it would be irresponsible to go into the field feeling the way I did. So I talked to my CO about it. He redirected me to the Chaplin. I talked to him a few times, and with the support of my buddies, I got over it."

"That may have worked for you, Colonel. But I don't think a Chaplin would be able to help me."

"You never know." Hogan replied. Newkirk shrugged.

"Either way, Peter, you're going to have to talk to someone. It doesn't have to be the Chaplin. It could be me, or Wilson, or any of the guys. But no one gets over what you went through by keeping it to themselves."

"But I don't think I need to - " Hogan held up a hand to stop him.

"I'm letting you know right now. If you don't, you will be deemed unfit for active duty, and will be indefinitely removed from the team."

Newkirk widened his eyes. He couldn't let that happen. He'd been there since the beginning. His work with Colonel Hogan and the others was the only thing that kept him going. Without it, he'd go stir crazy.

"Talking about something that's bothering you doesn't make you any less of a soldier." Hogan told him. "You need to understand that."

Again, Newkirk didn't know how to respond. He knew, inside, that that was true. He would never have judged a fellow soldier for feeling the need to talk things out. But then why did he hold himself to higher standard?

"Anyway, I'll leave you to think about it." Hogan said after a moment, standing up. "I've got to get things ready for tonight."

"Tonight, Colonel? What's going on tonight?" Newkirk asked. He was glad for a change in conversation topic.

"The Germans are shipping a whole lot of those secret weapons out first thing tomorrow. I intend to destroy the entire plant, now that we have what we need."

"Cor, sounds like a good time. You don't suppose I could–"

"You're right, I don't suppose!" Hogan cut him off. "How could you even ask that, after endangering the previous mission, not to mention the lives of your comrades!"

"Forget I asked." Newkirk mumbled.

"Besides," Hogan continued, frowning, "Wilson has ordered you to take it easy. That means no missions for a while, until you're physically stronger, as well as emotionally."

"Got it, Colonel." Newkirk said, not wishing to further the conversation.

"I've got some things to take care of now. I'm ordering you to get some rest today, that means keeping to bed as much as possible." Hogan told him. "Think about what I said before. I'll see you this evening." And with that, he left.

"Yes sir." Newkirk said, sending a sloppy salute after the Colonel. He sighed and lay back down on the bunk. As if he didn't already have a lot on his mind! Sleep seemed unlikely now.

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to post! Thanks again for the reviews! :)