And so, I came to be what I am: the most parceled heart
The wires cut deep into her wrists, but she ignored the pain and settled back. There was a moment just after the door had closed on the broadcast when Pandora had flung back toward where the video was replaying over and over again. She barely had made it a few feet before the man with gold-rimmed glasses caught her again and dragged her away. Now she was sitting in a square cell with no decorations except for a flimsy table and four metal chairs. The air was wet and stale, just like the rest of District 13.
When the door suddenly opened she wrestled with the binds and looked up. She had expected to see Boggs, or maybe even in Plutarch. She was wrong. President Coin gave her a cold hard glare before shutting the door and taking a seat at the table.
There was a seat directly across from her, but Coin ignored that one, taking the one closet to Pandora. It was an interesting tactic, no doubt Coin was trying to make it seem like she didn't mind being near Pandora.
They sat in silence.
It was so quiet that she could hear Coin breathing.
"What you saw," Coin final said. "Has nothing to do with you."
Pandora's skin was crawling. For the past hour she had sat in this cell, it was enough time for her to figure out how District 13 was going to play this. More importantly, it gave her time think.
"What are you talking about? There are people dying over there. Viktor specifically asked for my help."
"He is from the Capitol."
"That means nothing. You can't help where you're from."
Coin's face darkened. "You were not given security clearance to observe those broadcast. You broke protocol. Because of you I'm having Langley interviewed."
Langley. So that was the name of the man with glasses. Pandora gritted her teeth. "Who cares?"
"Obviously not you. Plutarch continuously tells me that you're warming up to the idea of District 13,that you're coming around. I don't believe it."
Pandora didn't respond.
"Leave this broadcast to the professionals. It has nothing to do with you."
"District 7 is my home, and Adric—"
Coin arched her eyebrows. Pandora snapped her mouth shut, she hadn't meant to say his name but she was still rattled by Viktor's words. She wanted to vomit.
"There it is. The real reason. It's not District 7, it's that Capitol scum. You have to give him up, Pandora. You need to. We have it on good authority that this broadcast is a trap. It's a baiting tactic, and you're foolishly falling for it like a school girl."
"No." Pandora shook her head, she would never believe that. She hadn't been a foolish school girl in a long time. "It's the truth, and while you keep me tied up in a interrogation room, innocent people are dying."
"And your Capitol soldier is the one killing them."
"Shut your mouth!" Pandora roared. She tried to lunge for Coin but the minute she moved into action Coin jumped up and stepped back.
"You're behaving like an animal. You need to see reason. Haven't you ever thought about what they did to you in the Capitol? Haven't you wondered how it's affecting you right now? They brainwashed you."
"You don't know what they did to me."
It wasn't brainwashing, not by a long shot. They didn't erase, they modified. Once her emotions had been muddled and numbed, but not anymore. Pandora could feel rage, sadness, and empathy filling her veins now. What they had done had changed her, but not like Coin was implying, it had never been like that.
Three knocks sounded on the door.
Coin just stared down at Pandora.
"I think someone wants you," Pandora said, challenging her gaze.
The President of 13 waited for a heartbeat to pass before she walked to the door and cracked it open.
"What are you doing here?"
"I need to speak to her." Pandora turned to look, she knew the voice. Plutarch was trying to sweet talk his way in.
"Absolutely not. Do you realize what she's done?"
"She's done nothing, but if you treat her like she has then you'll have some real problems to deal with. I can help you. Let me help."
It was like listening to a pair of parents bickering over their unruly child. Pandora adjusted her arms and stared at the flickering lights on the ceiling. She needed to get out of this room. She needed to find Adric. Time was of the essence, already the clock was ticking.
"Fine. 5 minutes."
"Thank you, Alma."
Coin widened the door and Plutarch stepped inside. She stood there stubbornly, staring between Pandora and him for some time.
"Alma, I need to speak to her alone."
Coin hesitated some more, but finally she relented. The door shut. Pandora focused on Plutarch's face.
"Tell me what happened," was all he said.
Pandora took in a breath, staring daggers at him. He was just as much at fault then the rest of them. Plutarch had to know about the broadcast. He knew and he never let on.
She pursed her lips. "I'm thirsty."
"No water until you actually speak to me."
Pandora leaned back. "I said I'm thirsty."
"Are you playing a game, now?"
Pandora stared.
"Fine." He walked to the door. "Get me a pitcher of water and two glasses, please."
Five minutes later a guard arrived with the water and Plutarch was pouring a glass for Pandora. He set it in front of her. She made a point of never looking away from him.
"Unless you want to hold it for me, I'll need you to release my hands."
"Pandora. This isn't a joke."
"Who's laughing?"
He sighed and walked behind her. She couldn't see him, but she noticed that he was having a hard time loosening the wire that Langely had used to restrain her. When it finally dropped to the floor she lifted her hands and stared at her battered wrists. They stung.
"Thank you." She said.
"Now tell me what happened."
She gulped her water.
"I was sitting at lunch, I heard a voice I thought I knew. When I realized where I knew it from I followed him."
"Langely."
"Yes. I didn't know who he was, or what he was, but I followed him. That's how I saw the broadcast."
"I believe you."
"Good, because I'm obviously telling the truth."
He sat across from her. "Pandora, how many time do I have to tell you that it's important you remain at least neutral in all this? They don't trust you here."
"I don't care."
"That's the problem."
She dropped her eyes and slowly turned her water glass around and around. "I want permission to bring a rescue team to District 7."
"Absolutely not. That will never happen."
"It's my home. People there are dying. In the broadcast Viktor mentioned children!"
Plutarch shook his head.
"You don't actually think that it's a trap, do you?" She asked. "It isn't! Viktor would never do that to me."
"Just like he would never experiment on you?"
She drew back. Her throat tightened. "No. That was different. Snow made him."
"And just like how Adric would never dose you with a serum before your games with the full knowledge that you would live and every other innocent person in the arena would die?"
"That was a long time ago." She growled. "You don't know what we've been through."
"Pandora, I'm on your side. Believe me, I am, but it will never happen. That's why you weren't informed of the broadcast."
She was clawing at her water glass now, manically clawing. She wanted to rip him to shreds. She was trapped in District 13, while Adric, Viktor, and many other harmless people were suffering across Panem. She imagined District 7 breaking apart into thousands of cracks and splinters until finally it sunk deep into an abyss of black. The thought made her cringe.
"Pandora, in order for me to get the okay for you to be released from this room you need to show that you won't ask rashly. They think you're a flight risk. Adric is the son of a General in the Capitol Guard. It's ludicrous to think that they would kill or even hurt him."
She stared at the glass, at its crystal edges and facets. Pandora had come so far, but none of it would matter if she couldn't keep the people she cared about safe.
"Pandora, can you hear me?"
A problem stretched out before her, crooked and daunting. She had to get out of District 13, and fast. There was only one avenue to do it. She had to act, something she was good at. She had to pretend.
Her eyes lifted. Slowly she took a sip of water and sank deeper into the chair.
"I hear you." She said. "I understand what you're saying."
"I know you do. But it's hard, and I know that too. Pandora, believe me Adric is a fighter, you will see him again, but right now is not that time."
She studied his face. He had no clue about Adric's character. For years Plutarch had lived and worked in the Capitol, and yet he didn't understand the loyalty that was coursing through her. His eyes were on the prize, hers were on something else. It wasn't freedom she was looking for, it was a misshapen question mark leagues away from where she stood now, one wrong turn and everything would be lost.
"I see now that we should have told you. I'm sorry you had to see that broadcast."
"Yea…" she sized him up. "I'm sorry for overreacting."
It was a little bit of bait. She was fishing, seeing how he would react to her lies. Plutarch seemed skeptical, but happy. She could work with that. She needed to be more believable though. This wasn't just a show for Plutarch, this would be for all of them.
"But you have to promise me that he isn't in danger. Promise me, Plutarch. Because if you can't do that then I will leave District 13 behind. I won't think twice about it."
He thought about it and twitched his eyes around. "Alright. You have my word."
When he extended his hand, Pandora counted to ten before she shook it. He could keep his promises, Pandora didn't trust them one bit.
Release me, she thought. Pandora was waiting for the words to come spilling out of his mouth. It was important that Coin and Plutarch felt in control, that would give them false confidence. They had to tell her she was free to go.
Pandora traced circles on the water glass and waited. "How many people know about this broadcast?"
"It's not important."
She peered at him. "Do you remember how Snow spoke, Head Gamemaker?"
"I'm not sure I understand the question."
"Always so quiet. He never raised his voice. Not even when he slapped me. Darling, he would call me. Do you think I'm a darling?"
Plutarch looked perplexed.
"I'm not. It was just a tactic. He knew my father had been hanged for treason. He knew I had no family in the Capitol. Snow was trying to replace him. To be my father figure. I see it so clearly in retrospect." She leaned back. "He was my father, a cruel father. Honestly, I can't remember my real father at all, not like others can. He's just a face. And my family, well, their all dead, aren't they? I'm all that's left."
"It's not your fault." He said.
Pandora only stared. "I'm not a good person, Head Gamemaker. If I were good, I would have never survived the Capitol. The good ones die out. You and I, we're what's left."
"I don't believe that."
"They call me a muttation here, do you know that?"
"It's just a word."
"They're right," She said. "I am a muttation. I've been broken down and rebuilt so many times I can't count. Once you lose your virtue there's no going back. You can't pretend to be right. You can't go home and marry, have children. All that's left at the end of each day is you and your reflection. It's a horrid thing to be a child, so many clean surfaces to scratch. And when the scratching is all done you feel every single mark as if it were freshly carved into you right then."
She paused and smiled sadly, knowingly.
"Finnick tries to tell me that he understands, that the other Victors would understand, but he's wrong. I'm not changed from the games, I'm changed because of everything that came after."
The door swung open. Pandora slipped her hands away from the water glass and quickly looked away from Plutarch.
"Five minutes are up." Coin said.
"Just give us a few more minutes." Plutarch asked. He was so disturbed and drawn in by Pandora's detour that he was having difficulty getting the words out.
"With that stunt she pulled with the water? I don't think so." Coin only walked two steps before she noticed Pandora's free hands. "You untied her."
"The binds were a bit much. Miss Sullivan and I have come to an agreement. Haven't we?"
Pandora slowly looked up at Coin.
"Pandora," Plutarch said. "Please."
She dropped her eyes and nodded. "Right. I guess this is where I apologize. Not very good at it, I'm afraid. Of course there is the fact that I've done nothing wrong except seeing something you didn't want me to see."
"Pandora!" Plutarch scolded.
That was good. Coin wouldn't believe it if she rolled over and apologized like a sap. She had to sell it.
"Miss Sullivan, are you trying to extend some semblance regret to me?" Coin asked. "Because if so that was the worst I've ever heard. No amount of apologies will make me trust you."
"Then we will agree that I cannot be trusted. I've already told Plutarch that I won't make any careless decision. You're right. This could be a trap. There's always a possibility of a trap. I respect your decision to wait."
Coin cupped her hands behind her back and silently watched Pandora. If she was trying to see through the charade she would have a hard time. The longer she watched Pandora, the more quiet and stoic Pandora became.
This was a game Pandora exceled at. Adric had once called her cunning, at the time she had taken it as an insult, but as usual he was right. She was cunning, and it was her cunning that would get her out of this mess.
"I'm not going to keep you locked away." Coin announced. "This isn't the Capitol."
"Thank you, President." Pandora whispered. "How human of you."
She saw Plutarch tense. Coin didn't seem affected.
"You're free to go, Pandora, but remember that from here on out you are under strict probation, until I say otherwise."
"As you say so. May I take this water? I'm still not done."
Coin furrowed her brow. "If you wish."
"Thank you." Pandora rose to her feet and took the glass with her. She sipped it as she walked by Coin, out the door, and down the hall.
Shadows followed behind her. She didn't have to look back to know that she was being tailed. Coin wasn't kidding about the probationary period, but Pandora wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of a reaction. Instead she simply took her time, walking as if the world around her was new and fresh.
Once at her quarters she put her hand on the doorknob and peered back at two scraggly men dressed in the rebel soldier's uniforms.
"If you don't mind I'd like to go into my room alone."
"We've been given orders to—"
"Blasco, not a word to her." The other guard quickly interrupted the first.
Pandora widened her eyes and peered between the two men. "Unless of course you'd like to watch me shower, I'll be going into my room alone."
They both flushed at that. The guard named Blasco literally stepped back out of discomfort. Slowly Pandora smiled and winked at them.
"That's what I thought." She whispered. "Have a goodnight, gentlemen."
Pandora twisted the knob and confidently walked in alone.
She turned on a single lamp on and sat on the edge of her bed. Under the door she could see the shadows of the two men shuffling around. They were obedient, she had to give them that.
It was silent and hollow. Her gaze moved to the photographs of her dead family, then down to the water glass in her hand. It took a great deal of self-control not to fling the glass at the wall and watch it shatter into a million pieces.
Coin and Plutarch would have no other recourse but to announce to the rest of the crew that a broadcast had been sent out by Viktor Mironov, a known scientist and doctor working for the Capitol of the government. They would call this broadcast a trap, indicate that there was no way the revolution would fall for it. Pandora had no doubt that it would happen tomorrow.
She studied the photographs, one after the other. Pandora did this as she had always done, methodically and carefully.
Her eyes narrowed as she finished off the water and set the glass down on the ground.
Tomorrow, Pandora decided, she would leap.