Hey all! I am so so so so sorry that it has taken me so long to post! It has been a very busy year so far and I have seen more snow than I could ever want to see in a lifetime! You know that you never appreciate the things that you have until they are gone...Well internet is one of them! Thank the good Lord for wi-fi! :)
Alright, so here is chapter ten. It may have some errors in it because I didn't have time to proofread it before posting. My laptop is about to die! Not cool! :( Thanks so much for the previous reviews! Leave more down below...
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Jacob left soon after that because he had to get back to work and after he left I really did take quite a long nap but the whole time I kept dreaming about those girls that I had seen on the news earlier and once all of the dreaming ended I slept rather peacefully. The unfortunate event came when I had to go to Jacob's. Before he had left after lunch I had considered telling him that I wouldn't be there but he spoke up before me telling me to get plenty of rest before I came over tonight. Then he spent a few minutes talking about how excited he was that I was going to meet his friends and how they would all love me. I wanted to get into some deep conversations but, after the wonderful morning I had spent with Edward, I didn't want to ruin the day by getting into an argument with Jacob.
Now I was dressed in my favorite comfy jeans and a light thin sweater that was actually cooler than some of my summer shirts. It was a dark green color and I had remembered that Jacob said he liked that color on me. I'm not real sure as to why I was trying to impress him when I wanted to do nothing but…but I was meeting his friends and that was important to me and to him. So I figured that I would aim to please him first and foremost. He had also mentioned before he left that it was extremely casual and I didn't need to dress up. He said they would probably grill outside and all of them would be in jeans and t-shirts anyway and he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable, especially if I wasn't feeling better.
He told me that everyone would be there around seven and it was now five till, so I text him to tell him how I had fallen asleep and I would be a few minutes late. He returned with a smiley face and saying that he couldn't wait to show me off.
I felt so bad again as I left my apartment and got into my truck to drive towards his house. I had slept with another guy this morning and now I was going to my boyfriend's house to meet his best friends. I am such a slut…why did I sleep with Edward? What would possess me to do such a thing? He has no intentions of making any kind of attachments…he made that perfectly clear with his 'no label' speech last night and even after that I had asked him to stay the night with me. Then this morning I asked him to get into the shower with me! Maybe I was sick…I never made these kinds of moves on Jacob, or any other guy for that matter, but I just felt so comfortable with Edward. I feel like I can drop all insecurities and trust him and that is a bad decision on my side of the court. What happens when he breaks me…what happens when he has learned everything about me and then he wants nothing to do with me anymore? Then I will just build up more insecurities. I am so wrong to trust him so easily…I barely know him and I am positive that he has more to his life than he lets on but who am I to drag it out of him.
And furthermore…am I really going to break it off with Jacob just because I slept with Edward? That would be the noble thing to do but I am too afraid to be alone to just end it with Jacob and then never hear from him or Edward for the rest of my life. That would be just my luck though. Would I break up with Jacob just for the thrill of having sex with Edward? Was I right in doing that? No. Absolutely not. I am so wrong to want to end things with the man that is now introducing me to his friends. The reason I wanted to end mine and Jacob's relationship is because I thought it wasn't going to go anywhere and now that it is starting to evolve why do I still want to end it with him? Because I felt unfaithful…I just thought that I could throw Jacob to the dogs for Edward, who doesn't show any feelings for me. He just wants someone to screw and that is all that I am to him…a lay.
I felt tears pool behind my eyes and I sucked them back quickly because I didn't want to ruin my make up and go into Jake's looking all blotchy. But the truth was…I didn't need to end things with Jacob, I needed to end things with Edward. I can't call him anymore or answer his calls or his texts and I will have to avoid him at the gym. Maybe I could get my time moved.
That was the answer…drop Edward and stay with Jacob. I would be much better off there, but even the thoughts made me sad. I had already made a friend with Edward and now it seemed all too soon and sad to be dropping him. Don't feel bad, Bella! I screamed at myself internally…Edward Cullen is probably just a womanizer and you will only end up with your heart broken and alone. But he said that he had only been with five women…part of my brain began to war with the other part and, as I pulled into Jacob's driveway, I told both sides of my brain to shut up.
Getting out of the car I walked up onto the porch slowly and met Sam at the front door wagging his tail excitedly.
"Hey Sam." I smiled and knelt down to rub his head as he gave me one big wet doggy kiss up the side of my face making me giggle. "I missed you too buddy."
Wiping the dog slobbers off of my face I opened the door and started to step in but Sam nudged my hand with his nose and stared inside snarling between his teeth.
Frowning at him I spoke softly, "Come in with me Sam. Help me not to be nervous."
Because the truth is…I am nervous. What if they all thought that I was inappropriate for Jacob? I know that a guy always values his friends' opinions about his girl. I wasn't just nervous, I was scared of what they would say to me or about me when I left.
Sam snarled one more time and then walked into the house in front of me. The front end of the house was completely silent and empty. I didn't hear a single peep but Sam was on his guard. I couldn't figure out for the life of me why he was acting so strange. These were Jacob friends, Sam should be used to them. He led me through the house and into the kitchen where I finally heard noises. We went through the dining room and out the back patio doors that were there.
"Bella!" I heard Jacob call to me and I looked up to see several guys standing around Jacob's huge grill drinking beers. Then I saw the smiling Jacob coming towards me.
"Hey." I smiled when he met me right inside the door.
"Hey Baby." He replied and kissed me slowly and passionately and I was immediately embarrassed knowing that all of his friends were watching us. When he pulled back I kept my eyes on his so that I wouldn't see them yet. "You look great Bella."
I smiled and let my eyes wander over his tight black t-shirt and his favorite jeans. I always loved him in black. "You don't look so bad yourself."
He chuckled once and then gripped my face to kiss me again. And snap…just like that everything seemed to be back to normal with Jacob and I. It seemed that all of our recent quarrels were ancient history now and for that I was glad. I didn't want to be depressed all evening worrying about what would happen with Jacob and Edward. I think that my tiresome inner struggle in the drive over here helped me out a lot too.
"Come on, I want you to meet everyone." He said and gripped my hand to pull me out the door. Sam stayed faithfully by my side as we exited the house.
Once outside I was immediately surrounded by everyone there. There were only two other girls there and that made me a little nervous. The weirdest part was that they all looked similar. All tall, bulky muscular, dark black hair, the same russet skin as Jacob. Except for one of the girls. She stood out just like I did, I am sure.
Jacob wasted no time in the introductions, "Bella, this is Paul, Jared, Embry, Quil, and, of course, you know Seth." His cousin Seth that we work with was there…oh no. Does this go against the employees knowing thing?
"Hi Seth," I mumbled in his direction. He smiled and nodded back.
"This is Seth's older sister Leah." Jacob pointed out the girl that wasn't the odd one. She fit right in with the rest of them. They must all be Indian.
"Then this is Kim." He pointed to the girl that was timidly clinging to Jared's shoulder. She looked just as nervous as I felt and more than likely looked as well.
"Everybody this is Bella." Jacob announced and they all came forward and started shaking my hand and telling me which one they were because they all looked so much alike. It was odd and a little hard to get used.
"Hi Bella." One of them approached and stuck out his hand. He had a sharp pointed jaw line and his features seemed to be a little smoother than the others.
"Hi…"
"Paul." He smiled and nodded.
"Jared," The guy behind him shook my hand and I nodded with a small and a hi. "And Kim." The girl on his arm smiled and simply nodded as he introduced her. She didn't say anything and they walked away.
"Quil," One of the others shook my hand while his friend waved and said, "Embry."
"It's really nice to meet all of you." I told them and it was the truth. Even though every guy here was a little intimidating with their huge muscles and same dark features, I was glad that Jacob had invited me.
I was greeted with several choruses of, 'you too' then Jacob clapped his hands once and said, "Let's eat."
Never in my life have I seen so many men eat so much food. They ate everything. I knew that Jacob had a healthy appetite and that he could eat anything and everything that was set in front of him but I didn't know that he and his friends would eat a total of fifteen hot dogs and ten hamburgers in one sitting. We three ladies sat and meekly pulled at our one hamburger while we watched the other guys devour their food.
Halfway through the meal Paul (I think it was Paul) looked up and said, "Bella…how many funny and embarrassing stories would you like to hear about Jake here?"
I looked at Jacob and smiled slowly before saying, "All of them."
They all laughed except for Kim and then the stories started. When they were kids on the reservation that they all apparently had grown up on they would get into so many stupid things…I heard about one time Jacob through his neighbor's cat into a tree because it scratched him when he was trying to get it off of his new bike. I was shocked and a little sad for the cat when I heard that one.
Then one time Jacob had convinced them all to go skinny dipping in the lake and they all got busted by the tribe elders and had to do community service on the reservation for a year straight. Jacob was apparently the meanest kid in Hoquiam and he wasn't afraid to admit it to every single one of them.
When they were finished with their stories I turned my head to the side and asked, "So are you all family? Or did you just grow up together?"
"Family?" Jared scoffed and shook his head with a slight laugh.
Jacob put an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him on the bench that we sat on and said, "We are all a family in one sense but not the way that you mean."
I nodded guessing that what he had just said made some sense. I guess he means that because they are all so close they feel like family sometimes. I feel like that with Alice sometimes. Her and Jasper are the only family that I have here.
"Hey Jacob," Seth called and it was weird to hear him call him by anything other than Mr. Black. "Is Emily coming?"
Jacob tensed immediately and shook his head slowly at Seth. "No, she couldn't make it tonight. She had plans."
"Who is Emily?" I turned to him and asked.
He swallowed and then smiled at me. "Just another close friend of ours. She is really nice, Bella. You would love her."
"Emily is the best." Embry announced with a beaming smile on his face and Jacob tensed even more.
I looked at him wondering what the hell his problem was and why he was acting so strange.
We sat and talked for a little while longer about simple stuff…everyone was trying to embarrass Jake. Even Leah told a couple of stories. She fit right in with the guys but Kim was still sticking out like a sore thumb, and being truthfully honest, I was probably sticking out worse than she was.
But what upset me the most was that no one even acknowledged her presence. So later when the conversation died down I felt bad for excluding her so I turned and simply asked her a question.
"Kim, where are you from?"
Instantly every single eye was on her and she just looked down to her lap not answering my question. Well that's odd.
"Go ahead…" Jared said laughing a little. She must have been nervous and he was encouraging her. "You can talk to her…I don't think she will bite."
She swallowed and looked up to me with a light grin. "I am from LA."
That was all that she said. Nothing more and then her eyes were instantly on her lap again.
I almost frowned and then asked the next thing on my mind. "What do you do?"
She swallowed harder this time and closed her eyes for a second and then looked to me with sad blue eyes. Her strawberry blond hair was nearly hanging in her face. I saw Jared squeeze her hand that was attached to his bicep. She glanced to him and looked at his lips not meeting his eyes. He nodded and then she turned to me.
"I work part time in the public library."
I turned my head to the side and said, "That's odd…I go in there all the time and I don't know if I have ever seen you before."
Her eyes froze and she stared into my eyes in what looked like fear.
"She just started working there in the past week or so," Jared answered for her and smiled at me lightly.
Why was this so awkward and why did I feel like I was pulling teeth here? "Oh," I looked back to Kim and smiled. "Do you like it?"
Jared looked to her and nodded with a polite smile on his lips and then Kim smiled at me and her eyes unfroze as she mumbled, "I love it."
"That's good." I smiled and turned my gaze back to Jake who was still staring at Kim with a serious look on his face. No one had spoken the entire time that Kim and I had our bizarre conversation. And then as soon as she dropped her head and I looked away from her everyone snapped back to their normal selves and started talking again.
Later on I was helping Jacob put the dishes into the dishwasher while the others were floating in and out of the kitchen going from the fridge to get a beer and then back into the living room. Sam, of course, hadn't moved from my side the entire time that we were outside and even now he is monitoring my every step. It was starting to get on my nerves a little bit so as Jacob and I put the last of the dishes in and started the machine I reached down and patted Sam's head.
"Jacob, what is wrong with your dog tonight?" I asked in a whisper.
"What do you mean?" He asked and stood across from me leaning against the opposite counter.
I laughed once when Sam's tongue fell out of his mouth and he closed his eyes. It looked like he was smiling from my head rub. "He has been glued to me all night long."
Jacob laughed once and said, "He is in love with you and it's making him nervous with all of these other guys around."
I smiled and then looked to him with a serious tone in my voice when I asked, "And what about you?"
His grinned widened, "What about me?"
I looked back down to Sam and then up to his eyes again. "Does it make you nervous with all of these other guys here?"
Jacob laughed once and rubbed his jaw line before walking over and wrapping his arms tightly around my waist. He gripped me to him and lifted me a little off of the floor making me let out a yelp of surprise.
"Let me just put it this way," He said and licked my lips making me giggle. "The pack knows that what's mine…is mine."
Then he put his lips to mine in an attempt to devour them apparently. I was going to ask him what he meant when he said 'the pack' but I let it go because suddenly my hands were fisted into his hair and I was trying to focus really hard on his lips. I used to really enjoy kissing Jacob but suddenly it felt…wrong.
God, I am such a slut…First Edward today and now Jacob? I shut all thoughts about Edward out and just focused on the kiss for a long moment. I was trying to make it better…make kissing him feel right. I seriously think the vein in my forehead was straining.
Suddenly a voice was interrupting us. "Don't you have a private room in the house for stuff like that?"
Jacob pulled away and sat me on my feet as he stepped back and we saw Paul smiling at us and then grabbing another beer.
"Yeah, of course I have one," Jacob responded and then went on as I lowered my head and blushed, "But I can't show Bella off up there."
Paul chuckled and kicked the refrigerator door shut as he turned to walk back into the living room.
"Come on," Jacob said taking my hand and tugging me towards the living room.
I jerked back on his hand and said, "Give me five minutes?"
He wrinkled his eyebrows and asked, "For what?"
"Little girl's room." I answered in a high voice.
Jacob laughed but kissed my nose before turning me towards the door and lightly slapping my ass as I walked off. I yelped and grabbed at it looking at him with playful dark eyes.
He chuckled and said, "If you're not down in five minutes, I'm coming up."
I turned and whispered to him as I walked backwards out of the door. "Is that a threat or a promise?"
He let out some kind of weird growl that was just a tad bit sexy and then I was gone. Slipping right behind everyone in the living room with my head down, no one noticed me as I skipped up the stairs and straight into Jacob's room and into the bathroom.
I was humming mindlessly as I washed my hands and checked my make up in the mirror. Walking out of the bathroom and into the bedroom I stopped humming immediately because I heard voices out in the hallway.
I walked over to the cracked door and, as terrible as it is, I listened intently to what was being said.
I heard a sob and then a deep low voice barking out, "You know better than to make eye contact…with anyone."
I frowned immediately and wondered what the hell was going on out there.
"You aren't good enough for that!" The voice hissed again and I heard the sound of flesh hitting flesh and I covered my mouth to keep my gasp from being heard through the door.
Slipping over to the crack in the door and looked out into the hallway to see Kim and Jared standing there face to face. Kim was crying and holding her head over to her right shoulder like she had just been slapped.
"I gave you the permission to speak because I thought that you could handle that but obviously I was wrong. Twenty lashes when we get home tonight." He barked at her with his hands fisted up at his side.
She didn't respond only lowered her head back to stare at the floor. She was literally sobbing now.
"You are lucky that I am only giving you that!" His voice leaked nothing but pure venom and it made me sick to my stomach. I had really liked him up until now…now I hated the poor bastard's guts!
I was furious…I wanted to step out there and give him a piece of my mind but I was afraid of what would happen to me and to Kim. What if he punished her again because she was crying or something and I saw her crying…I hate seeing people in abusive relationships. Maybe I could talk to Jacob about it…I wonder if he knows that Jared hits his girlfriend. Furthermore, I wonder if Jacob thinks it's appropriate behavior to abuse women. He has never done anything like that to me and if he did it would be the last damn thing he did.
"Never look anyone in this pack in the eye again!" He hissed at her and there was the word pack again.
"But Bella isn't in the pack-" She started and then he backhanded her across the left cheek again.
I felt sick…he was slapping her because she had looked into my eyes? I felt so horrible. Tears were crowding my vision and I couldn't stop them as they poured over.
"Would you like forty lashes tonight, Kim? I don't think that you want to bleed that much again do you?" He asked more forcefully this time.
She sobbed harder and put her eyes back on the floor. I was fighting mad now. He asked her if she wanted to bleed that much again…as in he has hurt her that badly before. I couldn't believe that Jacob knew that his friend was beating his girlfriend like this. He would put a stop to it if he knew.
"Now," Jared said so calmly as if he hadn't just slapped Kim across the face. "We are going to go back downstairs and finish this evening in a calm manor. If I hear another peep out of you then I swear you will regret, Kim."
She sobbed several quick times in a row and took a deep breath.
"Do you understand? Speak." He just told her to speak…like she is a dog or something.
"Yes Master." She replied timidly. She freaking just called him her damn master!
It was all I could do to stay on my side of the door. I was furious and I couldn't wait for a second to get Jacob alone to talk to him about this. That was just heart wrenching and I hated that this was happening to her. It needed to be stopped. Soon!
"Good," He said and wiped a tear off of her face and she flinched away from his hand. "Now get down on your knees and serve me."
My mouth fell open in horror as she dropped to her knees and Jared unzipped his pants. I backed away from the door and ran into the bathroom shutting the door quietly. This was too far…he had just abused her and had made a promise to do it again tonight then was forcing her to give him a head right after that. And she was going to do it…with their friends downstairs and me right here in Jacob's bedroom. But they didn't know I was here. Would he still have treated her like that if he would have known that I was watching and listening? Would she still have dropped to her knees if she would have known I was watching?
I shuddered and leaned back against the bathroom door as tears ran continuously down my face. I felt sick…I really sincerely thought that I might vomit having just witnessed that. When I came to this party tonight I had no idea that it would end in that manner. It had to be illegal…to treat a woman like that, surely there was some kind of law forbidding it. Maybe I should contact my dad and ask him about it.
I rolled my eyes and thought that one over in my head…hey dad, I was wondering if there is a law forbidding a man to bitch slap a woman across the face and then make her perform oral sex on him?
I shuddered again at the thought of using the words oral sex while speaking with my father. That should be illegal in itself .
Several moments later, I heard footsteps coming through the bedroom and I froze in horror. Oh my god…what if it was Jared? He might have seen me watching them. What if he was coming to hurt me?
I felt sick again and when the three light taps came down on the door I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"Bella, are you ok?" It was Jacob…thank God.
I turned and yanked the door open and leaped into his arms. I was scared and nervous and worried about Kim all in the same second and I just put my head to Jacob's chest and began balling my eyes out.
He just rubbed a hand through my hair and whispered soothing messages into my ear.
"It's ok, Bella…Shhh. You are fine, it's ok." He said and continued to stroke my hair down my back.
When I could breathe properly I pulled back and said, "Jacob, I just watched…I mean, I just saw what…" I couldn't say it I was too afraid of what might happen if I did. So I just leaned forward and cried onto his chest some more.
"I know, Bella…I know." He said reassuringly and rubbed both hands up and down my lower back underneath my sweater.
"How?" I croaked out and looked up at him.
He sighed and shook his head with a grimace in place. "I saw just now when I came up the steps. I'm sorry that you had to hear that."
My mouth hinged open and I just stared at him as if he had lost his ever loving mind. "Jacob…but he hit her. Twice! And then made her…"
I couldn't say it or think about witnessing that again. Jacob sighed heavily and nodded, "I know, Bella."
"You know?" I asked him. I was getting so confused. "And you don't try to stop him?"
Jacob grabbed my face and kissed me softly once before pulling back and looking into my eyes. As he spoke he held my face and rubbed soothing circles into my skin with the pads of his thumb. "Bella, you have to understand their relationship…Have you ever heard of a Dominant and Submissive relationship?"
I stared at him for one long second and then slowly nodded. A dominant rules over a submissive and makes them do whatever they want sexually or does whatever the dom wants to do. I didn't realize that physical abuse was part of the play in that though.
"Well, that is the kind of relationship that they have…Kim enjoys being treated like that because she enjoys pleasing him." He said slowly and in my mind I was thinking that it sure as hell didn't look like she was enjoying it.
"But Jacob how can she just bow down to him like that?" I asked with tears still streaming down my face but catching on Jacob's large hands.
He shrugged and said, "It's just the spirit of a submissive. If Kim didn't want to be in that relationship she wouldn't be. It's her choice. She has safety words she can use that will get her away from what he is doing instantly."
I sighed heavily and looked into his brown eyes still trying to make sense of it all. Then suddenly a nerve racking thought hit my mind. "Jacob, you aren't into shit like that are you?"
He laughed once and then shook his head. "No, Bella…the life of a Dominant is not for me."
"Good!" I spat rather loudly.
Jacob leaned forward and kissed me passionately and when he pulled back he said, "It's all ok."
I nodded and then asked, "Did he…did they know that I was listening?"
Jacob shook his head and then said, "Well, I don't think he knows that you are even up here but when I went by they were still busy so I didn't ask."
My mouth dropped in disgust this time. "You mean she didn't even stop when you came up the stairs?"
Jacob shrugged and replied, "Bella, Kim only does what she is told to do…if Jared would have said stop then she would have but for her to stop just because I was there would have caused her serious pain."
His tone was so dark and serious and I didn't understand any of it. "But I thought that she liked the pain."
"No one likes pain, Bella…" Jacob answered and shook his head with a slight smile on his lips. "She just enjoys pleasing him and if hurting her pleases him then she will let him."
I felt more tears sneak away from my eyes and I swallowed hard. "That's so heart breaking. I feel sorry for her, Jacob."
He pulled me into his chest and hugged me close. "Don't feel sorry, Bella…I told you before, it's all her choice."
After several minutes when my tears had dried up and we made sure that Kim and Jared were out of the hallway we went back downstairs and joined his friends. The rest of the evening I couldn't help but to glance at Kim and Jared. He looked so different down here in this setting. He was smiling and being pleasant and nice to Kim. He was even massaging her shoulders at one point. But I knew that it was all just a façade. When they get home he is going to beat her…I felt tears pool behind my eyes every time I thought about it and saw I would avoid them as much as possible and not think about what will happen to her later tonight.
Soon everyone left and I was surprised to see that it was only barely eleven o'clock. And they all left? The party hadn't even started yet in my book but if that's the way they prefer it then more power to them. It would give me and Jacob some more alone time to talk about some serious pressing issues.
Once we were alone, Sam came bouncing in from the kitchen and flopped his head down on my lap and I stroked his head right between his ears while I asked Jacob, "So is it now a problem for Seth to know about us?"
Jacob stood up and shook his head no as he stretched out real tall. "No, Seth won't say a word…he is a good kid."
"Yeah." I nodded in agreement and then realized that he was only a year younger than me…does that mean that I am a kid?
"Well…" Jacob said and reached down to grip my hands and pull me to my feet. "I am so glad that you came over tonight, Bella. I really have missed you the past couple of days."
I hugged him close and just simply nodded. I didn't want to think about what had been happening during these past couple of days. I would start to feel like the terrible person that I am again.
"Do you want to stay the night?" Jacob asked and rubbed my back softly like he had upstairs.
I sighed and pulled away to look into his eyes. "I don't have any clothes here."
Jacob smiled once and then nodded slightly. "Ok…that's fine." He replied and kissed me lightly.
"I'll see you in the morning though." I said and it almost came out as a question.
"Of course, Bella." Jacob responded and then kissed me deeply and passionately before walking me to my truck.
EPOV
I swear on my damn life…if she doesn't call me and soon I might die! I paced around my cramped apartment trying to calm myself down. I was in a fit. Bella was still at Jacob's and it was ten o'clock. What was she doing? I swear if he harms one hair on her head I will kill him. End of discussion. There won't be anything left of Jacob Black. I mean, I didn't necessarily ask her to call but I figured that she would…or I hoped she would. She better!
I ran a hand through my hair and thought that I might pull all of it out before the night was over. I sat down on the edge of the ratty sofa covered with an old knitted blanket to hide the holes in the cushions. I sat for a total of three seconds before I was up pacing again. I walked all the way across the living room to the bed-because it was all in one room. Then I started mumbling to myself. That's never a good sign.
"Small ass apartment…I need more room to pace." I spoke softly to myself and widened my trek to walk towards the even smaller kitchen. "I need to stop letting them get apartments for me and get my own. I am a grown man…I can pick out my own damn apartment."
I circled around in the little kitchen and made my way across the tiny hallway towards the bathroom and started back towards the living room/bedroom again. Glancing towards the phone lying on my pillow and I willed Bella to call me text me…something!
"I swear on my damn life…" I kept repeating that over and over again through clenched teeth.
Why was I even worried? I mean, it wasn't like she had some kind of clutches on my life…well, she did but not in this way. Not in the way that I needed to worry this sincerely about her. I mean…what the hell were you thinking, Edward, sleeping with her? This is so wrong…morally, ethically wrong. But it just felt so good that I didn't want to stop. I wanted to be with her again and again and again. It was the best sex that I have had since…well, ever.
I mean…being with Bella was liberating and amazing-God, it was great! But why did I do it…I mean, had I not turned her down the night before? I didn't want her to think that the only thing that I wanted from her was sex because when everything comes out in the open…that is going to get ugly. I know it will. I've seen it happen so many times before. It will end badly and she will just think that I used her and I wanted Bella to know that I would never mistreat her like that. She had to know that I would never use her and abuse her. I had just gotten so carried away this morning in the shower. I heard her in the shower and went in solely because I thought it better to piss in her toilet rather than her kitchen sink. Then she had invited me in…I wouldn't have imposed myself on her at all. If she wouldn't have asked me to join her I would have walked right back out. I would be lying if I said that I didn't want her to ask me into the shower with her but I waited for her to ask. And she did, which surprised the hell out of me. I had already turned her down the night before and what man in their right mind would ever turn Bella down? I would like to slap the fool that would. Bella was a beautiful woman and she deserved everything that she wanted and I would love nothing more than to give that to her. But I can't. We come from two different worlds and the way that my job is going right now I could never give her what she deserves.
I might as well forget about that right now and stop getting carried away. I guess that I was just to the point that I wanted her so badly that I was thinking things that were unrealistic in my life. Is that why I cared? Is that why I was pacing my apartment and ready to pull my hair out with worry? Because I cared about Bella?
"Shit." I mumbled and sat down on the corner of the bed. I cared about Bella. Pushing my head into hands I mumbled the words over and over for several seconds.
What was wrong with me? I had never felt like this before. I had never got this attached this quickly. No scratch that…I had never gotten this attached. Period. There was a reason that I never got attached. It caused too many problems in life. I always made it a point to never get attached in situations like this. And what had I done with that point where Bella was concerned? I had thrown it out the window.
Maybe it was because I had met Bella separately before I found out the connections she had. I had never considered that point because Bella and I were acquaintances before I was informed about Jacob Black. Ugh…was she still over there? I turned quickly and grabbed my phone making sure that it was still on and working normally. It was still on. I called Jasper just to make sure that everything was working. I hung up as soon as it started ringing.
I gripped the phone tightly in the palm of my hand and started bouncing my left knee up and down anxiously. What was I going to do? I could grab my bag and go to Jacob's. One phone call and I can have the place swarmed in five minutes. I just needed to know if she is there. I just want to make sure that she got home alright. That was the plan. Jumping up off the bed, I grabbed my keys, duffle bag, and wallet before running outside to my car.
Just going to make sure that she got home and that's it. Drive by…if her truck is there then I can leave. If not then I park and wait. I will sit there for thirty minutes and if she isn't home by then, well I make the call and be at Jacob's in five minutes.
I was speeding down the road and thought how ironic it would be if I got pulled over at the moment. I wouldn't stop…I would just drive until I got there. I was almost to Bella's when my phone started ringing and my heart began pounding in my chest.
I anxiously pulled up the phone and groaned loudly when it was just Jasper.
"Hello?" I groaned loudly into the receiver. I didn't want to be on the phone incase Bella called…my call waiting may not be working or something stupid.
"Well don't sound so thrilled." He joked and then said, "I saw where you called?"
"Just making sure my phone was working." I said quickly so that he would get the point that I was in a hurry to get off the phone.
"What's wrong?" He asked with a hint of worry in his voice.
I rolled my eyes and pushed down on the gas harder. I wanted to get to her quicker. Not to her…but to make sure that she was at home. "I am worried about Bella."
"Why, what's the matter?" I had instantly made him nervous in that moment. One statement and he was almost as anxious as I was. Almost.
I whipped into her parking lot on two wheels. "She is still at Jacob's!"
That was decided. Her truck wasn't here…she was still there. I almost did a u-turn and pulled right back onto the highway. I knew exactly where Jacob's house was, but I parked in a spot below a tree in the dark so that if she pulled in she wouldn't see my car.
"Ok…" He said slowly trying to figure out why that was a bad thing. He didn't know about Jacob and the pending issues. "What's wrong with that?'
"She doesn't need to be there." I said through gritted teeth. He didn't understand the urgency of her being home. "It's not safe."
"How is it not safe for her to be at her boss's house?" He was so in the dark and I couldn't inform him of the issues without losing my job.
"I can't tell you, Jasper." I said angrily. It wasn't that I was upset with him. I was just upset about Jacob and worried sick about Bella.
"Oh…it's one of those things." He said immediately understanding what I meant. It was good to have a friend like him. Even if Jasper couldn't be in the know, he knew more than anyone else I was in contact with.
"Yeah." I answered quickly and jumped as I saw headlights pulling into the parking lot. It was some little sports car.
Was that Jacob bringing her home maybe? Where was her truck? Why wasn't she driving? I almost moved the car over to a closer spot when a tall blonde girl stepped out of the driver side and started towards the first level. No, it wasn't Bella.
"Well," Jasper said suddenly bringing me back to the phone. "I could have Alice call her if you would like? If that would help?"
"Oh god, yes...please have Alice call." I said with relief washing through me but I was still pulled tight. I wouldn't relax until I was sure that she was safe at home and hadn't been touched by Jacob.
"Alright man…well, I will give you a call right back."
"Thank you so much, Jasper!" I was so thankful for him in that moment.
"No prob." He hung up the phone and I slid my cell into the passenger seat and sat waiting anxiously.
Ok? So what do you think about it? Please don't hate Bella and her crappy decision making skills lol...it's not her fault that her brain is kind of scrambled thanks to Edward's immaculate being :)
Thanks a lot to my beta! She is the bomb!
Be sure to keep an eye out for an upcoming Epilogue to "Wish We Were Older"
My rec for this post is "Edward Wallbanger" by feathersmmmm. It is a good one now that it's finally finished :):)
Thanks again to all and sorry that this post took so long. Leave a review and let me know what you think :D
~Blueopal~