Hey guys! I wanted to update quickly as the reviews I got and more followers, I cannot express how much its means to me and how good it has made me feel, I wanted to dedicate this to my loyal reviewers and followers who have favourite this story, this is my first fic and you guys have ALL been so AMAZING so thank you, each and every one of you. This is a new chapter and the song to set the mood is "Whataya You Want From Me" by Pink, I've had a couple of people ask for lyrics so I am including lyrics in this one. I hope you like it and enjoy. Again you guys are the best
Again, all rights reserved to Suzanne Collins who started this series.
"Whataya Want From Me"
Hey, slow it down There might have been a time Just don't give up Yeah, it's plain to see
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Yeah, I'm afraid
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
When I would give myself away
(Ooh) Once upon a time
I didn't give a damn
But now here we are
So whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
That baby you're beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you
It's me, I'm a freak
But thanks for lovin' me
Cause you're doing it perfectly
Another month later and I'm still here in 4, I'm surprised my mother hasn't found out that I'm here which is a blessing. I decide to give Haymitch a call. When I first arrived in 4 I gave him a courtesy call to let him know I was safe, only him and Rory know my true whereabouts, I made Haymitch swear to me that if he truly cared for either myself or Peeta he would keep it secret where I was and not divulge it, he wasn't happy about it, he called me a coward for running but I didn't care, he seemed to understand later. I give him my fortnightly calls to let him know I'm ok, I haven't done anything stupid and how Annie and Flynn are to, curiosity always gets the better of me when I ask how Peeta is going.
"So um how's Peeta?" Who am I to lie? I'm dying to know, I need to know what he's doing, how he is, deep down I miss him so much, I've already forgotten how he used to smell, I know he used to smell of fresh bread and different herbs, I swear Annie must have thought I was so strange the other day when she spotted me inhaling the fresh bread we bought at the bakery but I think she knew why I was doing it.
"Well I can say one thing darling, you leaving has been a plus on one side, it's given me a drinking partner" he adds dryly, its 8:00pm at night and the cool sea air comes into my bedroom through my balcony doors.
"What do you mean Haymitch" I ask concerned.
"Well now your husband can add another hobby to his list of achievements; baking, painting, drinking" he adds.
"Why are you letting him drink Haymitch you know Peeta could never handle his alcohol" I start to get angry at this news, I thought Haymitch would look after Peeta not get him sozzled and turn him into a miniature version of himself.
"What do you think he's gonna do sweetheart, he's in pain here, the day you left I went to his house to see it wrecked and him holding a picture of you in one hand and a bottle in his other. He goes to work bleary eyed and comes home to an empty house with the only company he has is a bottle of alcohol and a cat and when he runs out there he comes over to my house and swipes some of mine so what would you rather sweetheart?, at least I can watch him when he gets drunk with me" he finishes talking and I can't help but agree that Haymitch is right, at least Haymitch can watch him and makes sure he doesn't pass out in the cold street of Victors Village.
"What else can you tell me" I ask
"He asks about you every day, he knows I talk to you the kids not dumb, the amount of times where he has gotten pissed drunk and comes over here to swear abuse at me is countless, I must say I'm impressed he's really starting to resemble me, so much so even the townspeople are starting to call him Haymitch 2.0. When he's not abusing me, he's crying about how he misses you, how he loves you, it's harder as he's trying to be supportive of Delly as she's 6 months now and fully showing, Rory hardly acknowledges Peeta and doesn't even want him near Delly but you know old Peeta, ever the gentleman. He looks like shit, he still goes to your house to look at old pictures of you two, apparently he still has a spare key to the house, sometimes I find him just sitting alone in your old bedroom staring at the ground" he talks as if this is all just casually.
"Jesus Christ Haymitch you promised me you would take care of him!" I'm screaming down the line, not so much though that Annie and Flynn can hear.
"Listen sweetheart, it hasn't just been hard on you ok, it's been hard on us all, I have Peeta here in pain and drinking himself into the ground on a daily basis and passing out, I have you leaving us coz of the pain you're in too, I've had a couple of times where I've had to still separate Rory and Peeta from fighting as Rory still provokes Peeta with how you left him so cut me some freaking slack girlie I'm doing my best here!" he yells down the phone, I have no answer and remain silent, it's true, I haven't thought of him.
"I'm sorry Haymitch just, please look after him ok?" I start to feel the tears brimming my eyes as I sit on the cold tile bathroom floor, I've taken the phone in here so no one can hear.
"I've promised you the day you left and I've kept it still," he sighs into the phone "so you know when you're gonna return?" I shut my eyes for a second, not even knowing myself.
"I um haven't figured that out yet" I tell him, I'm about to ask more questions when Haymitch cuts in.
"I better go dearie, it's raining here in 12 and I can see your boy Peeta making his way to my front door"
"Ok talk soon" I quickly hang up, heart beating fast as I realise how close Peeta was there, did he see Haymitch on the phone? Is he gonna ask questions?
I go outside, frazzled at my near close encounter with Peeta even through a phone line; I make my way to the lounge room before I see a surprise visitor.
"Bannock" I smile at him. Bannock has been a visitor of late recently, he drops by sometimes to deliver the fresh catch that he thinks me and Annie might like, they must be doing delivery now as Annie has commented they haven't done that in the past. It feels good to make a new friend as well, Bannock sometimes catches me on the beach when I have my walks and walks up and down the beach with me. Being a new friend sometimes it's easier to talk to him, he doesn't know Peeta and me that personally, it feels good to get things off my chest and out in the open, he actually makes me laugh, which is something I haven't done in a long time. Tonight he wears a pair of cut off denim shorts and a white dress shirt with sandals matching the hot weather outside and his hair is combed back. He looks fresher and cleaner from his normal everyday work clothes, he reminds me though a bit of Peeta, the gentleman, the merchant, the sweet nature which further makes me miss Peeta even more. He holds out a chair for me as we all sit for dinner, Flynn already in his pyjamas, we eat a scrumptious meal of shrimp and prawns and mango salad that Bannock has made us, he talks to us about his daily trade and I can't help but get lost in the green irises of his eyes, they hypnotize me as he speaks. It dawns on me that he's asked me a question and I am taking out of my admiring.
"I'm sorry what?" He stares at me and smiles
"I said I had a present for you and would you like it now or after dinner?" He asks me again and I'm taken aback and surprised pleasantly.
"Now please" I smile. He removes a tiny package from his pocket with paper wrapped around it.
"I'm sorry about the wrapping, It's been in my pocket all day to keep it safe" He smiles, I unravel the packaging to reveal a necklace, but not just any necklace, a pearl necklace, so small, so perfect how it dangled there. My mind immediately goes to Peeta, the Pearl he gave me, how it's tucked away safely in my belongings, how I hold it close to my heart every night when I go to sleep. It's a black pearl, so now I have both; a white pearl and a black pearl in my possession. I stare at it and wonder what this one will represent, friendship? Or will it be a constant reminder of District 4 and WHY I was driven here, because my love, my life destroyed my heart.
"Do you not like?" He questions, apprehension crossing his face. I look back at him and give him a reassuring smile. "It's beautiful thank you". He sighs in relief before getting up behind my seat.
"I was going through the oysters the other day, and I saw this one lone oyster and I prized it open, and just waiting there in the middle was the most perfect thing I had ever seen, a pearl, just this perfect, unique little pearl just sitting there amongst the ordinary and the first thing I thought was how it was so much like you; so unique but just sitting there amongst the ordinary, I thought I just had to give it to you" He smiles, I feel the tears brimming in my eyes as he places the necklace upon my neck and clasps it, it sits on a gold chain so delicate. My mind is scrambled here as I try to remain calm for Bannock, but his gift is a reminder of Peeta and the hope and love we shared that is now lost. I smile back up at him.
Bannock is important to me, since my arrival along with Annie he has helped me in my recovering, he has been an impartial party amongst this mess, he's the only other person I know that has managed to calm the anxiety in me, a power only Peeta had. I find myself feeling lost in conversation and at ease with him, something I haven't felt for a long time. Is that normal? Bannock has been with me every day from either swimming and getting stronger, but also just listening to me and my fears while we walk on the beach, I feel like sometimes my fears are unjustified and silly but he never makes me feel like that. Subconsciously I start to turn the peal between my fingers, a habit I do with the one Peeta gave me. He sits next to me and smiles back at me.
"Well even though it is a beautiful necklace, I'm afraid when you wear it; it gets lost on you as I find I'm not staring at it but you?" He smiles easily and I feel my heart flutter like a butterfly in my chest, not a bad flutter but an excited one, I'm nervous and don't know what this means for me. I stare at him longer trying to get a response on my tongue when little Flynn pipes up.
"Did you get me a present too?" He smiles cheekily, gosh if this is what Flynn is like now trying to charm and have his way with people, I fear what he is going to be like at 14 when he is at school, mothers will be locking their daughters up if he is anything like his father which is his. I laugh out loud as Annie turns around from the kitchen.
"Well young master Flynn yes I did" as Bannock rises he lifts little Flynn in the air as he giggles with Bannock tickling him.
"I got you this toy trident, and an eye patch so you can sail the seven seas and I was wondering if you would like to go sailing with me? I know I won't be as good as your daddy was but I heard from a little birdy" he winks at me "that you happen to have inherited your father's skill on the boat is that true? Maybe you can teach me a couple of things?" Flynn giggles and nods proudly sticking his little chest out.
"But Bannock, if I'm a pirate where's my parrot?" He asks looking up with sad little puppy eyes at Bannock, Bannock smiles and laughs. It's times like this that my mind goes back to Peeta and how he used to interact with the children too. I used to watch as he playfully would carry them around and give them cookies for free, the smile on his face as he would carry them through his bakery and the twinge in my heart as I knew he was born to be a father, I had deprived him of that. The giggles from the bakery as the kids would enter all lining up and circling around Peeta, Bannock interacting with little Flynn had brought me back to reality. I stand up and pick up Flynn, he kisses Annie and Bannock and waves goodbye, I go to tuck him in his bed and read him his nightly story before I see the flutter of his eyes and his chest rise knowing he is asleep and in a world far away now, a dream world full of imagination, carefree and wonder. How I wished my life was that simple. I rise off his bed and close his bedroom door, I walk into my bedroom opening my bedside table and hold in my hand Peeta's pearl. I grasp it in my hand close to my chest and feel the new one dangling around my neck from Bannock, one from my past and now my present, now I ask which one could be my future? The one with Peeta or Bannock?
There it is guys, I really hope you liked it. What I'm trying to convey is this internal struggle that Katniss is having here. She has always had major trust issues and feels hurt from the betrayal of what Peeta did and Delly, she's trying to ignore the pain but it's hard when you still love the one who caused you so much pain and heartbreak, she's torn and here's this fresh faced character Bannock who creates something she once had; hope. Hope for a new future, a happier life, she's happy in District 4 and this is where she begins to questions herself, this is an internal struggle here where she will question do I want to go back? What will I be going back to? I have been asked to do a Peeta POV and that is something you will see in the next chapter as well as by someone else, so you can get an idea of what everyone is feeling and thinking and how this impacts everyone involved, it's a messy situation. I know some people were worried about this relationship but do not fret, this is strictly a Kat and Peeta story. Again please review, it makes me update quicker and again thank you so much for taking the time to read and review