The Empty City
Ch. 10- Kakashi takes a shot
A/N: This fucking heat is killing me. Blame it for the late updates. ….So any of you guys watching Hannibal?
ALSO: June 26th, 2015- Same-sex Marriage is now legal in all of the US. Fuck yes, USA, Fuck yes.
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Sasuke, who's one possessive little shit. The Last of Us and all associated characters and environments belong to Naughty Dog.
xXx NOT BETA'D, PREPARE FOR THE WORST-tell me and I might fix it xXX
Dancing wildly in the wind against a stunning blue sky, bright yellow banners flapped to-and-fro, the blocky words printed on them hidden and revealed with each twist. The dark red biohazard symbol next to the words darted into view before another breeze pushed it away.
"Quarantine Zone, no unauthorized entry beyond this point."
Iruka read aloud, his amber eyes trailing over the countless signs placed on every available surface. He took in the tall tattered, empty white tents that had once acted like an impromptu health center for the Infected. The huts stood a few feet high in the air, clustered in bunches as they were each designated for specific reasons. Above the openings were symbols that indicated what was located inside. One had a stock picture of medicine; another had the outlines of a human body and a cot. The plastic clear sheets along the entrances were smeared with dark maroon stains, the logo of the CDC graphitized over in black spray paint. Busted police cars and ambulances were parked around, creating an inefficient barrier. Most of the tents were ruined, offering no protection whatsoever. The ones that still stood were not going to last much longer.
Fuzzy black bacteria grew in colonies, soiling fabric that could have been salvaged. His shoes swishing on the overgrown grass, Iruka stepped past the barrier of cars, moving towards the largest tent. "I'm curious, were the quarantine zones efficient?" He called out, glanced over to Kakashi. "I never saw one that actually was up and running."
Kakashi was ahead of him, rummaging through the police cars. Clubbing the window open with a rock he picked up, he opened the door to another vehicle and slipped inside. "Ah, depends. If you were dealing with smaller numbers, then yes. Anything more than a few hundred and its utter chaos." Seemingly finding nothing valuable, the man continued his search by jumping into an open ambulance.
"I'm going to take a look around and see if there's anything we can use." Iruka announced, taking Kakashi's grunt as affirmation as he slid into the tent he had been eying. Yellow hazmat suits were strewn around, each in various states of destruction. The key point to a hazmat suit was to protect the wearer from whatever he or she was dealing with; the broken masks and ruptured oxygen tanks gave a pretty clear picture to what happened.
Ignoring the mess, Iruka strode to the right, over to the small cots that were enclosed in plastic drapes. The small beds were surrounded by a wall of the clear material, with zippers creating the doorway. Machines rigged to record vitals were rusted down and wrecked, the screens broken and shattered. Some were still on the stands while others were knocked to the ground. It was evident there had been a big fight.
Iruka nudged a few of the machines around. His eyes landing on a small box with a red cross painted on top, Iruka eagerly snatched it up. It didn't look like it had been opened, and had been fairly well hidden. Cracking it open, the brunette was rewarded with a bottle of antiseptic, a roll of bandages, and few rags. Tucked into a secure pocket were small containers labeled with chemicals he didn't know. "Not bad." Iruka grinned, happy for the find. Medical supplies were always in need, and while he knew Kakashi had a huge reserve Iruka felt inclined not to rely on him too much. He didn't want to seem like dead weight.
Resuming his search of the tent, he discovered a folder stuffed papers, stamped with a red PRIVATE PERSONNEL warning lying near makeshift desk. Curiously, he flipped it open, spreading its contents out on the closest cot. The papers turned out to be maps with locations of other quarantine zones, each labeled with a number of Infected patients and staff. Iruka paused, staring hard at the map. His eyes fell on a red square that indicated the nearest camp, one in the next city.
His ingrained instinct was to pack up and go see the other zones, try to find more survivors. But that would mean leaving Kakashi behind. His heart did a flip in his chest, accompanied by a strange heaviness in his stomach. This is what he always did; he'd find a place to stay for a while, and then move on. He'd sometimes meet some people who would kindly give him a hand with supplies, which he'd make up for with information or teaching any children he'd find. Education was a blessing in their times, one Iruka took every opportunity to spread. Elders would often sit in on his lessons, adding what they knew or exchanging their own knowledge.
The map creased as his grip tightened. Staying here with Kakashi would mean no longer traveling. Admitting it to himself, he wasn't completely against that idea. Here, he was comfortable, knew where to find food, had companionship, had home. Out there, it was a struggle every day to keep going.
It was a struggle, but one he willingly chose. He knew staying with the people who offered him a place would be a horrible idea. Every time he had tried, the Infected would attack and nearly everyone would have been killed. He had tried and tried. He'd seen the aftermath of families one too many times; the pain wasn't worth it. Staying with Kakashi would more than likely end in pain, in deep, bloody pain. He didn't want to suffer that, and he didn't want Kakashi to suffer because of him. Leaving was the safest option for the both of them.
It sounded like he was trying to convince himself. Iruka frowned, feeling unsure. Half of him wanted to leave, the other half wanted to stay. Why couldn't he decide?
"Did you find anything?"
Startled, Iruka fought the immediate urge to hide the maps. If he tried hiding them, Kakashi would know. Instead, he whirled around and pulled out the med-kit he had found. "Just this." He forced a smile as he presented the kit.
Kakashi took the small box and nosed through the contents. He had most of these materials back home, but it was always good to find more. "I found some full ammo boxes and a few more things." He offered, showing the brunette his findings. Watching the shorter man comment on his discoveries, Kakashi's mismatched eyes narrowed. The professor seemed unusually interested, to the point that it seemed fake. Wanting to ask what happened, Kakashi held his tongue. The silver-haired man knew Iruka wouldn't tell him, as he was trying hard to seem normal. It didn't matter. It stung to know Iruka was hiding something from him, but Kakashi was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Iruka had done him no wrong yet, so he didn't have a reason to suspect him. Not like the others.
"Are you hungry? We could take a small break for lunch."
Iruka nodded, relieved. While he wasn't outright lying to Kakashi, he still hated hiding things from him. It felt dirty and wrong, considering how gracious Kakashi had been lately. "I'll look around a bit more, to see if I find anything else that's useful."
Kakashi nodded, backing up. "Meet me by the overpass and we'll eat." He turned and disappeared, leaving Iruka alone in the tent.
Exhaling sharply, Iruka turned back to the cot and grabbed the maps, tucking them into this pack. Still unsure about what to do, he decided to keep the maps just in case. He didn't have to make up his mind right this second. True to his word he searched the tent thoroughly but found no more goodies. He then left, trekking over to join Kakashi.
xXx
"If none of this had happened, what did you expect you'd be doing right now?" Kakashi asked, crossing his legs as he leaned against the wall of the overpass. Digging through the pack next to him, he brought out some food and water.
Nibbling on a dry piece of meat as he sat across from the taller man, Iruka paused. "Hmm, I don't really know. I'd probably still be teaching."
Kakashi slipped tidbits of food up his the medical mask he had donned, swallowing before speaking again. "No family?" He asked carefully, fidgeting with the items in his hands to downplay his interest. He had realized earlier that he had no idea if Iruka was up for starting a family. If the brunette wanted one, Kakashi wasn't about to keep him from that. While he might have been trying his damnedest to seduce the professor, despite everything that had happened to impede that, he wouldn't keep Iruka from something like that.
Iruka shook his head. "I love children, but I can only deal with them for so long. I prefer to teach young minds, not create them." He smiled. "Starting a family has never been something I really wanted, so I don't see myself as settling down."
"So then a bachelor." Kakashi mused, admittedly relieved that Iruka shared his mindset about children. One step closer.
"What about you? No instinctual urge to create offspring?" The professor grinned, amused at the arch Kakashi's eyebrows took.
"I can positively say I have neither urge nor need to breed." Kakashi snorted, looking down. "I'm not the parental type."
"What would you have been doing then?" Iruka inquired, genuinely curious. He hadn't really expected Kakashi to harbor the idea of making a family, but what had the man thought about his future? His lips twitched as an image of Kakashi in a striking three-piece suit popped into his mind. A nice dark outfit that would play off his silver hair and height, molded smoothly to his body. He'd look incredible, Iruka's mind rambled, taking the idea and running with it.
"No idea. I doubt I would have stuck with the Army for long." The silver-haired man sighed, carting a hand through his tangled locks before gazing off into the distance. "I'd probably get some small time jobs here and there, making enough to save up and start my own adult club. Once that took off, I'd invest in the best porn books I know, and live out a long, fruitful, and pleasurable life."
Iruka nearly choked, managing to swallow gracefully as he stared at Kakashi with wide eyes. "You're serious." He asked, his tone incredulous. His eyebrows shot up, wrinkling his forehead.
"Completely." Kakashi grinned wolfishly, watching the way Iruka's cheeks darkened in embarrassment. He wondered if the teacher would be shy in bed, or be a secret wild vixen. Both fantasies had their pros, and Kakashi wasn't picky. "That's where the real money is."
Speechless, Iruka snorted, shaking his head again.
"Take a look if you don't believe me. I only read the best, and this so happens to be my favorite copy." Pulling out an orange book, Kakashi tossed it to Iruka who caught in on reflex.
Humoring the man, Iruka set his lunch aside and flipped to a random page. The well-worn spine led him to one he presumed was a favorite.
Lips twitching with the need to laugh, Kakashi watched as Iruka's eyes grew bigger and his face began to resemble a tomato as he read. Unable to resist, Kakashi let out few chuckles when the teacher would read a few lines, look away, glance back at the book and repeat. Even his ears had darkened, turning a pretty red.
Closing the book with a sharp snap, Iruka nearly threw it as he handed it back. "How in the hell can you read this so casually?" He exclaimed, still blushing. Never in all his years of reading, had he come across something so dirty, sexual, and perverse. He had been right; Kakashi was one hell of a pervert. It was a wonder he hadn't noticed it before.
"Years of practice." Kakashi drawled, gazing at the page he knew Iruka had read. "I love the use of the chain. Very creative."
Iruka ruefully hid his face behind his hand. "Whoever wrote that is one deprived individual."
"What does that say about those who enjoy it then?" Kakashi teased, pocketing the book. "Deprived as well?" He could see the cogs working in Iruka's head as he thought. He wasn't being subtle.
"I'm not touching that." Iruka declared, picking up his lunch as his stomach flipped again. Things were turning in a direction that made him nervous. "I'm a psychologist, not a therapist."
"But if I needed help you'd be the most qualified, as you said, you're the one with the PhD." Kakashi persisted.
"You seem fine to me." Iruka rolled his eyes, slightly enjoying the light banter. He picked his meal back up.
"Which reminds me, I have something for you." Kakashi announced, a pale hand descending into his backpack once more.
Iruka blinked a few times in surprise. "For me? Why?"
"Just because I felt like it." Kakashi replied airily.
"It's not one of those books is it? Because if it is, I can tell you right now it's better off in your hands than mine." Iruka warned, interested to see what the gift was.
"Nah, nothing like that. Close your eyes." Kakashi ordered, turning to the professor with his eyes crinkled in a smile.
Iruka's narrowed in return. "At least you asked this time." He grumbled, complying. He was somewhat surprised at how easily he had come to trust Kakashi, not even second guessing the act. He stuck out his hand, expecting whatever it was to be placed in it. What he didn't expect was a strong, calloused hand to gently wrap around his wrist and tug his hand down. The thumb gently rubbed over his pulse. Was Kakashi's hand always this warm?
"Now open your mouth and stick out your tongue."
What. Iruka's eyes shot open, his face full of indignation. "Why on earth would I do that?" He questioned, tugging his wrist back. Kakashi let him go easily.
"Ah, ah, I can't show you until you do it." Came the jovial reply.
Iruka stared at the older man, his face impassive. He could almost see the smirk on Kakashi's face growing the longer he stared. As the head of silver hair tilted, Iruka twitched. Grudgingly trusting him, Iruka closed his eyes again, bowing his head marginally. Opening his mouth slowly, he stuck his tongue out slightly, not willing to go the full way.
Hearing the swish of Kakashi's clothes rubbing against each other as he moved, Iruka fought the urge to clamp his mouth shut and back away. Oh god, what was Kakashi about to do? In a fraction of a second, his mind raced, coming up with a myriad of reasons. One thought that resonated hit him unexpectedly, causing his heart to pick up a speed similar to when he fought a Clicker. Would Kakashi take advantage of the situation and kiss him? Would he feel the brush of Kakashi's tongue against his?
Nearly trembling, Iruka felt saliva pool in his mouth at the sudden thought. Helpless to his imagination, Iruka imagined what it would be like to kiss the older man. Surely Kakashi would have a devilish tongue, a passion matching his personality and skills beyond Iruka's imagination. He could feel the brush of the lips he had never seen, rough and chapped but perfect. His cheeks burned as blood infused them once more, practically giving away what he was thinking of. The urge to lick his lips reared up.
With nothing happening, Iruka was dying of anticipation. Startled at his own thoughts, the professor wondered how he could go from wanting to leave the man, to wanting to be kissed by him. Maybe being alone for too long had done something to him. His breathing beginning to hitch, Iruka caught the whiff of a familiar scent floating around. He recognized it as how the clothes Kakashi gave him smelled; it was Kakashi's scent. Just how close was the man?! Iruka caught himself before he leaned into the smell, wanting to inhale deeply. He wanted to open his eyes badly but pure will kept them shut. The beat of his heart pounded in his ears, beginning to sound thunderous the longer he waited.
The slight pressure of something dropping onto his tongue snapped him back to reality. Drawing the wet muscle back and closing his mouth, Iruka nearly gasped.
"Is that chocolate?" He exclaimed, his eyes meeting Kakashi's pleased expression. The overpowering sweet flavor invaded his mouth.
"Found some and figured you'd want a taste." Kakashi hummed, his tone smug.
"I'm allergic to chocolate!"
Well fuck. Nearly dropping the candy bar he found, Kakashi froze. "What?" Did he have anything for allergies?! How long would it take to get back before something bad happened? Was he deathly allergic or slightly? Before he could ask a single question, Kakashi took in the amused look in Iruka's eyes. He had the tell-tale signs of trying not to laugh. Ceding that he had been tricked, Kakashi tilted his head in acknowledgment.
"Very funny." He said sullenly, breaking the treat and giving the professor a larger piece than the one he had stuck on his tongue. It had taken considerable restraint not to sink his hands into Iruka's hair and ravage him until his lips were swollen and red. God knew the image he made with his mouth open and eyes closed. It was a helluva invitation to resist, but Kakashi prided himself on his will.
Iruka snickered, shaking his head. "Hey, I could have been." He teased, trying not to dwell on the fact that he felt sorely disappointed Kakashi hadn't kissed him. What the hell was wrong with him? Ignoring the strange feeling fluttering in his chest, he bit into the chocolate, savoring the amazing flavor. It was almost too sweet, a stark contrast to the saltiness of the meat.
A silence fell between them as they continued to eat, a warm atmosphere settling around them. It was comfortable, and the discovery of the maps nearly left Iruka's head as he relaxed in Kakashi's presence. Curiously, he watched the older man from the corner of his eyes, not wanting Kakashi to catch him watching him. Though, why he needed to hide it wasn't clear to himself.
"Does that not bother you when you eat?"
Turning to his new favorite sound in the world, Kakashi arched a brow at the professor. Touching his mask, he shook his head. "No, not really."
Inquisitive, Iruka nearly held his tongue, but he figured it was worth a shot to ask. If anything, Kakashi should reply considering he was required to answer any questions Kakashi had for him. "Why do you wear one, may I ask?" Iruka questioned, not wanting to seem nosy.
Kakashi looked lost for a moment before his steely gray eye seemed to darken. The red one closed as a hand came up to rub it. He didn't mind telling the younger man, but he memories associated with it weren't exactly pleasant. But if he wanted Iruka to trust him, he'd be willing to open up.
"When I first left the military after the disastrous containment mission, I didn't leave alone." Kakashi began, drawing out materials to build a small fire. The wind had dropped temperature fast, and he knew they weren't going to be moving for a while so it was wise to start one now.
Iruka moved to help, collecting dry grass and other burnable materials lying around. He didn't leave their small space, wanting to hear the story.
"I had several people with me whom I considered good friends. No, they're not buried at the cemetery." He added, spying the question on Iruka's face. "That comes later. We were all pretty young, still thinking we were the top shit and all. After the mission failed, a few of the other squad members and I left to tried to make it out on our own. I considered them my friends, as I trusted them with my life. We had trained together, fought together, and graduated together."
Iruka hummed as he listened, adding a few other encouragers to keep the conversation going. He managed to get a small fire going and sat down beside Kakashi. He knew sitting across from him would make it feel more like an interrogation rather than a reveal, so he opted to side with him. Kakashi shifted a bit towards him, inching closer.
"It didn't take long for things to fall apart. We were fighting over who was in charge, where we would stay, who we could trust. It was worse every day, escalating to the point I'd have to break up fights, threatening to fight them myself. Things became worse when we stumbled across a ragtag group of survivors, a lot of whom were even younger than us." Kakashi blew out a heavy breath, scrubbing his hair.
Silently, Iruka waited in rapt attention. He had always known Kakashi had a much darker past then him, as evident by what the man had already revealed, but this was new and exciting. It was like getting another puzzle piece to the intricate design that was the man Kakashi Hatake.
"We offered them protection in exchange for supplies. They readily agreed, seemingly happy to have found us. We spent a few days with them, trying to figure out what to do, where to go. They had come in from a few states away, traveling mostly by foot and sometimes by car. They told us what we already knew; things had gotten out of hand and no help was available. We were all on our own."
Chucking a small pebble into the fire, Kakashi watched the small burst of embers fly into the air. "It was one morning that I had come back to camp after a scouting mission that I found out they had killed all my group members."
Iruka inhaled sharply. Oh no….
"I found Obito with his throat cut, left out on the ground to bleed to death. I found Minato next, as they were finishing up with him. Gutted, like a fish." Shifting, Kakashi leaned back on the wall of the bridge. He forced himself to stay in the moment, not willing to get lost in the painful memory. Iruka presence near him helped keep him grounded. "Next thing I know they're shooting at me and so I fire back. One managed to sneak up on me as I tried to defend myself," Kakashi pointed to his scar. "Nearly blinded me, but I got lucky. After managing to kill a few of them, I ran away."
The Psychology teacher looked into the distance, a heavy feeling in his heart. Kakashi had been through so much….. It was incredible he was a sane and as healthy as he was now. Glancing down, he toed some dirt into a pile with his boot. He couldn't help but wonder what would have been going through Kakashi's head, what he would have felt, thought….
"Then a few months later I ran into them again."
Iruka's head snapped up. "You met them again?" He asked, aghast. Worry fluttered in his chest, but it was useless since Kakashi was perfectly okay next to him.
"Not only that, but one of my team members was with them. I found out that she had been alive when I ran away, leaving her with them. I had abandoned Rin." Kakashi confessed, his tone darkening. "When I saw her with them, I couldn't let her know I had left her. I saw what they had done to her and it sickened me that I had been the cause of that. Maybe not directly, but I was a factor. I hid my face, pretending I didn't know them. It was like déjà vu; they were nice to a sickening point, and when the time came, they tried to kill me again."
"And then what happened?" Iruka whispered, fearing the worst. The more Kakashi revealed, the paler he got. Stress lines creased his forehead and his mismatched eyes grew heavy with sorrow and pain.
"I killed them. All of them, even her." Kakashi fidgeted, adjusting the mask. "Rin never figured out who I was, but she still attacked me and I had to kill her." Never had the words 'I'm sorry' felt so empty on his lips then when they fell on deaf ears.
Iruka swallowed his immediate reaction to apologize, knowing Kakashi wouldn't appreciate it. Not knowing what to say or feel he moved closer to Kakashi, using his body for comfort. Their shoulders rubbing, Iruka broached the topic slowly.
"Are you…I mean, do you think she would have tried to kill you if she had known who you were?" He asked softly, picking up a stick to poke at the fire. "Do you feel she blamed you?"
"Honestly, I have no idea. I suppose she would have, since I left her at their mercy." Kakashi supplied tonelessly.
"You weren't at fault. You had no idea she was still alive." The shorter man argued gently. "I know you, and I know you would have tried your damnedest to save her had you known she hadn't been killed." Using a more clipped, analytical voice he unconsciously adopted, Iruka looked up at the ex-militant before gazing back at the fire. "You came back and immediately saw all you friends…had been murdered. It's practical to immediately think everyone was gone, so you have nothing to be sorry about. If you had stayed there any longer, chances are you'd be dead or you'd end up like one of them. Life forces us to make choices that we don't know are good or bad, and sometimes we'll never know. Uncertainty is all that's left."
The brunette started when a heavy mass suddenly rested on his shoulder. Spikey silver hair popped into his line of sight, blocking out the fire. Kakashi was resting his head on his shoulder. A shiver of awareness ran down Iruka's spine as a strong hand crept across his back and rested on his waist, pulling him in. "Kakashi?"
"There are times when I question if I am still human, mostly because of what I've done and seen." Kakashi responded, his tone quiet and full of emotions Iruka fought to place. "And then you go and remind me that I still am. Thanks." He admitted softly.
Iruka's heart took up a strange rhythm, thumping unevenly as he listened to Kakashi's admission. The arm on his waist tightened, drawing him even closer to Kakashi's body. Every part of his body that touched the other man felt incredibly hot and sensitive. "Ah, so you wear the mask to hide yourself?" Iruka prodded, his mind immediately thinking of the psychological implication so such an action. It made sense, considering Kakashi's past. To hide himself from the world, becoming a monstrous human in his own eyes. A sort of barrier, protection.
"Hm. Can't argue with the one with the PhD." Kakashi answered teasingly, lifting his head up. With his free hand, he reached up and tugged the mask off. "I guess I really don't have reason to keep wearing it." He tossed the mask into the fire, watching it shrivel up and burn away. It felt enlightening, like he had unburdened himself. He had never thought about why he kept wearing the mask, but for the first time, the taller man felt completely fine without it. In fact, he felt ecstatic. He turned to his companion, knowing full well Iruka had never seen him without it. "What do you think, sensei?"
The scar that bisected Kakashi's eye nearly touched his mouth as it curved down his cheek. It stretched out further than Iruka had thought and looked insignificant against the Adonis-like beauty that was Kakashi's face. Now he could fully appreciate those strong, mismatched eyes and the silvery brows that helped express them. Kakashi's nose was a sharp and well defined. His lips were normal, slightly smaller than his own, and his cheekbones were gorgeous. A five o'clock shadow dusted his jaw, adding to his roguish look.
Blinking rapidly, Iruka had the feeling he had been staring for far too long as a teasing smirk adorned Kakashi's newly revealed features. The look was devilishly striking, causing strange stirrings in his body. Snapping his mouth shut, Iruka looked away as his face burned. "You look rather handsome." He bit out, hoping it didn't come out as breathless as he felt.
"Hm, I was going for something a little more….tasteful." Kakashi hummed, shifting closer to Iruka.
Confused, Iruka furrowed his brows. "What do you mea—"
The taste of something sweet and salty invaded his mouth as Kakashi leaned forward and kissed him, his tongue entering smoothly. Hungrily, the rough and chapped lips moved against his as a hand drifted into his hair, almost cradling his head.
His brain short-circuiting and his heart kicking up a strange gallop, Iruka froze. Not realizing he had closed his eyes, the shorter man pulled away quickly, jerking to his feet. The back of his hand pressing tightly to his tingling and burning lips, Iruka stared at Kakashi with wide eyes.
If there was an emotion Kakashi preferred someone to have when he kissed them, fear was not on his top ten. Neither was sadness nor pain. Standing up, Kakashi moved towards the professor, but stopped when the smaller man twitched, backing up a step.
"I….I can't. I'm sorry, I can't." Iruka whispered, shaking his head from side to side slowly.
"Why? Why can't you?" Kakashi questioned, his tone hard. He knew Iruka felt the same way, he knew. So why was the teacher refusing?
Unable to speak, Iruka did the only thing on his mind. Whirling around, he took off, terrified of his own feelings and of Kakashi's. Emotions warring in his body, Iruka focused on the pounding of his feet, vainly trying to shove everything away. Sprinting past familiar buildings, Iruka kept running.
Loud footfalls behind alerted him to the fact that Kakashi was giving chase. In retrospect, it had been foolish to run. The older man was a hunter; he tracked down prey easily. "Iruka!"
Cornered when he entered an unfamiliar area, Iruka backed up as he turned to watch Kakashi storming his way to him. His eyes flitted from side to side, trying to find an exit, but his feet felt like they'd been encased in glue. Kakashi drew closer, his red and grey stare boring into Iruka's wide-eyed brown. By the sharp line of his shoulders, the smaller man could tell Kakashi was determined.
"Kakashi, please." Iruka pleaded, raising his hands up to his chest. They offered meek protection against Kakashi, as the man came towards him. Tan hands brushed a strong chest that rose and fell quickly.
"Tell me why you can't." Kakashi ordered, hating the pained look on Iruka's face. He didn't understand.
"I just…there isn't…." Iruka tried, his words failing him under Kakashi's intense gaze.
"Tell me why are you fighting this? I know how you feel about me. I've seen it in the way you look at me, how you act and react. You want this as much as I do, but why are you so against it?" Kakashi's tone softened as a defeated look came across Iruka's face.
The professor bowed his head, hiding his face behind the thick strands of hair that had been freed from his tie. Resting his forehead against Kakashi's chest, Iruka shook his head weakly.
"You don't understand. There is no point to this." Iruka whispered, his hands curling into fists as they grasped the fabric of Kakashi's shirt. "We can't…"
"Then make me understand. Let me in."
"Every time there is love, there is death. No matter who it is, it ends in blood, time and time again. I don't want to…. I can't be the one…."
It was as if a light bulb had gone off in his head. Immediately, Kakashi understood why. Iruka had always told him he never stayed in one area for long. The teacher moved on before he could care about them. He had been fighting Kakashi to leave since he was frightened of getting emotionally invested, only to see him die. Iruka was afraid of the pain and sorrow of loving someone, going to great lengths to avoid it. He fought so hard to stay distant because he feared getting into a relationship would inevitably lead to one of them dead.
Rationally speaking, it made sense given the death toll of the world. Iruka didn't want to see him die, and he didn't want the reverse to be true either.
"You're afraid of this because you think that if we are together, either one of us is going to die? You don't want to experience that since you've seen it so much, so you fight it and leave before you can get attached."
Iruka made small noise that was muffled by his shirt.
A wry smile curved Kakashi's exposed lips. "We're going to die either way. We're not immortal; we could die this very minute. But it's worth it."
He wrapped Iruka into a tight hug, much like the one the professor had given him before. He rested his chin on Iruka's crown.
"You fear what I've experienced so much, and I can tell you it's worth it. That one person that can make living in this world not so bad. That one person that can make every day amazing despite what happens. In the end, it's truly worth it."
Iruka shifted in his arms. "You say that now, but what will you be saying when I'm choking on my own blood after a Clicker ripped my throat out and you can't save me? Or when I'm standing over your dead body because I was too late? Will it be worth it then, knowing we'll just be liabilities to each other?" He whispered, his tone desperate. "Knowing it's going to end in blood no matter what?"
"Then we'll just have to be very careful." Kakashi answered lightheartedly before sighing. "And yes, it's still worth it. It will be, no matter what."
The shorter man shook his head again, but the movement was fainter.
"All I'm asking for is a chance. Give me a chance to show you there is a silver lining to this. If you still feel that way after everything, I'll let you go." Kakashi maintained, his fingers twitching at the idea of Iruka leaving. "I'll give you everything you need to go."
Iruka felt his resolve wavering as Kakashi spoke. After a moment's hesitation, he gave a tentative head nod that caused a rush of excitement to flood the older man. "You're gonna regret this." He mumbled, his hands releasing Kakashi's shirt and slowly wrapping around the man's waist.
Kakashi smiled before he began to lead Iruka back home.
xXx
Iruka had been staring at the maps for God knows how long now. The lines of the buildings and streets whirled and mixed together into nonsensical designs that swayed as his eyes drifted across the surface.
His bottom lip cried out in pain as he chewed on it, biting open the small wound that had developed from his gnawing. Soothing the cut, he was reminded of Kakashi's kiss which sent his mind into chaos once again.
He had agreed to give the man a chance, but he was still frustratingly indecisive. A part of him still wanted to leave before things got even more serious between them. He recognized it as the small part of him that began to speak up whenever he'd encounter more people, reminding him that it was time to move out. It was deep-rooted in him, and so it wouldn't be going anywhere soon. He also wanted to stay with Kakashi, as he was enjoying the simplicities of life once again.
Living nomadic way of life was no easy feat; he braved through icy storms in shacks that could barely be called shelter, blistering heats with no signs of water or rain for weeks. He had gone hungry many times, losing drastic amounts of weight and suffered from the effects of drinking water contaminated with bacteria that turned intestines into a water slide. The many wild animals that took over were not human friendly either, as he learned the hard way. With Kakashi, he had everything he needed. His life had changed from a constant struggle to one of almost luxury.
The man had even offered him an ideal area to plant a new garden, one within the safety of his home.
Maybe it was finally time to start a new chapter in his life, one that wasn't as dangerous and was actually satisfying. It would be a while before he'd been completely comfortable staying here permanently, but something told him he'd get over it fairly quickly. Especially with Kakashi next to him.
Suddenly, the maps didn't seem that important. They were important for the old Iruka, but not now, not anymore. It was time to change, to begin again. Feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, the professor grinned widely. He'd give Kakashi the chance, and meet him halfway there. Releasing what was holding him back was liberating; it was an opportunity to start anew, create a new story.
Would there be a horrible ending? More than likely, but as long as he and Kakashi breathed, it would be worth it.
Warm brown eyes looked into the fire that warmed the living room, his fingers neatly folding the maps into a tight square. Upstairs, he heard Kakashi making his way down the creaky stairs towards him. With a quick flip of his wrists, he tossed the papers into the fire, feeling nothing but elation as they burned.
A/N: The next chapter's the last one :)