Chapter Nine: Numb
No awareness of time existed there. No concrete concept of space or existence heralded in what was going to melt into another day or blacken the skies of an ominous night.
It just was.
It balanced precariously between two entirely different universes. One was generously splashed with the vibrant pulse of life while the other was a reign of peace. A place of inaudible stillness and serene forgetting where all those in the other universe came for the inevitable rest.
It balanced in-between, but dare not be favorable, not preferring one over the other.
It just merely was.
Nothing more.
And Tru was trapped there, locked in-between the tiniest crevices of her aching mind.
She couldn't take her eyes away from Jensen's. He held her captive within a seduction-induced trance.
"What did he want?" Tru asked Jensen while trying to figure out something about the other man, who had left just moments ago, that seemed just beyond her reach.
Something seemed so vaguely familiar.
But what exactly?
His scent… the peppermint aftershave… the exotic aroma of his musky cologne… his lips brushing lightly against hers…
"He wanted you. He wanted to take you away from me," Jensen whispered darkly. "Forever."
Tru swallowed hard, her heart began to race inside of her chest.
"He wanted to hurt the baby," Jensen continued, the forbidden lie slyly slipping like soft black velvet between his perfect pink lips.
"No…"
"Yes."
"No, not the baby… not my baby!" she screamed hysterically, bursting into a horrified torrent of salty tears.
"Shhh," Jensen breathed, taking her into his arms. "I'll keep you safe."
His fingers gingerly caressed the bare skin of her stomach as an enormous wave of throbbing spasms coursed through her. She convulsed into him as her body continued to shake.
It was unbearable.
Yet she could not differentiate her pains any longer. For a moment, she had no memory at all. She could only feel, but did not know Jensen was the one who had inflicted the pain.
He had promised to keep her safe. And she trusted him to do so.
Jensen continued to hold Tru in a comforting embrace, whispering quietly into the calm of thickening darkness.
"She walks in beauty, like the night. Of cloudless climes and starry skies. And all that's best of dark and bright… meet in her aspect…"
A pause. And then a smile as he watched her eyes flutter closed as she sank into a black oblivion.
"And her eyes."
His breath was hot and moist against her exposed flesh. The tenderness of his lips moved along her neck with surprising ease as he felt the weight of her body relax beneath him, sinking into the soft mattress.
Her breathing was heavy and her skin tingled ferociously. It was almost as if she couldn't feel. Like this wondrous sense of pleasure she had been anticipating for so long had suddenly evaporated somewhere in-between the seams of colorful fabric that had separated their bodies only moments ago and the tangled disarray of blankets around them.
She felt numb, even as his lips suddenly left her skin.
"Tru…"
He pulled away, his eyes glowed a fiery blue amidst the black darkness.
"What?" she whispered breathlessly.
"Something's wrong," he said. "I can feel it. I know you."
He rolled over onto his back, pulling a sheet up around his waist and then slowly turned her towards him.
"Talk to me."
"It's nothing," she dismissed carelessly. "I'm fine."
He stroked her cheek gently and let one of her wavy brown curls weave through his fingers. "Promise?"
Tru shifted uneasily between the warm silk sheets. "I just… I just want this all to go away."
"Come here," he whispered as she moved towards him, her head resting comfortably on his chest. She felt safe in his welcoming embrace.
"You're going to make a wonderful mother. You don't need me to tell you that."
"Maybe I do," Tru replied. "You're the only one who can make it better. He's never gonna leave me alone. I know that now. But the baby will never know its real father."
The dreadful numb feeling still lingered all over her body. She tried to savor the heat of his skin, the smooth silk of the embroidered sheets. But it didn't stop the numbness pulsating from within her. And suddenly, she felt unusually cold.
Cold and numb.
Something felt different. Something wasn't right.
Tru raised her head up and gasped as she met Jensen's piercing gaze.
"Remind me again why our baby won't know its real father?"
"Are you sure this is what you want?"
Breathe.
Tru nodded defiantly. "Yes, I'm sure."
The warm rays of golden sunshine were of a peculiar contrast considering Tru's numbing desires.
Tru and Jack stood together at the corner of a local cemetery. It was in this very cemetery where Jensen's body had been buried deep underground. This was the place where his body laid for eternal rest.
A peaceful reign of rest?
Perhaps not.
But it was a place his physical body would reside in forever.
And in this place, soul did not meet body. His soul had gone long before that. As did everything that had attracted Jensen to Tru.
Gone.
Yet Tru still clung to what was no longer there. She struggled relentlessly to grapple to the lively spirit she had grown quite fond of and come to know very well. She struggled to hold onto this delicate piece of non-existence, which had found its path amidst this rushing whirlwind of reality.
Tru reached for Jack's hand as they walked through the cemetery together. Both of them were immersed in their own separate worlds, even though they walked together side-by-side.
More weeks had inevitably come to pass and Tru was now midway through her second trimester. Her consistent bouts of morning sickness, which were often heralded in by nausea and dizziness had been slowly dissipating and she was finally able to eat a few small but decent meals. Because of this, she was able to put on the extra, healthy weight necessary to support and nourish the growing fetus.
However, nightmares about Jensen still continued to haunt her. She had woken up the previous night screaming and drenched in a cold sweat as she had so many nights before. She dreamt the same dream.
A seemingly vivid dream where her and Jack were making passionate love and somewhere in the midst of their marvelous throes of passion, somewhere that transcended far beyond their high-pitched moans smothered between the silk sheets, Jack would sense Tru's sudden unresponsiveness. He would reassure her about her concerns regarding the birth of her child. And just as Tru was beginning to feel comfortable again, she'd find herself staring up at Jensen.
Something had to be resolved. Jensen was trying to tell her something. And she had to listen.
She had no choice.
"Tru…" a voice called to her, startling her from her reverie.
"I'm sorry… what?"
"We're here," Jack told her, gesturing to the gray headstone in front of them.
Tru stood frozen.
Unresponsive.
Numb.
She couldn't think… couldn't breathe…
"Touch it," a dark, low voice whispered. "Go on. It's alright."
Tru didn't feel her arm being guided towards the headstone. She didn't feel the warmth emanating from Jensen's touch. The reassuring heat of the wicked, burning flame.
Numb.
"Tru, are you okay?" Jack asked worriedly as he saw her become transfixed on the headstone, enveloped in a trance-like state. "Tru? Tru…"
"Tell him you're okay."
"I'm fine," she retorted unconvincingly. Her fingers brushed lightly over the top of Jensen's headstone and Tru suddenly felt herself falling… tumbling into an endless, gaping abyss of darkness.
Jensen smiled.
"Mom! Mom!"
Tru stirred groggily as she was rudely awoken from her semi-peaceful slumber.
Two large brown eyes peered down at her curiously.
"Mommy, can we go to the park? Please?"
"Kira," Tru replied, trying to bring herself back into reality. "Mommy's tired. Go ask Daddy, okay?"
"Daddy's busy working upstairs. He said to ask you."
Tru groaned as she threw the blanket aside and began to sit up, realizing she had unintentionally fallen asleep on the couch.
Again.
A big bundle of golden fur suddenly appeared beside her, pressing its moist nose against her cheek, kissing her with its equally wet pink tongue and wagging its bushy tail.
"Trixie wants to go, too!" the little girl chirped, waving the dog's leash in front of Tru's face.
"Trixie, off!" Tru commanded as the golden retriever obliged, jumping off the couch and making a beeline for the kitchen.
Now fully awake, Tru stared into the beautiful chocolate brown orbs opposite her. They reflected a perfect mirror image of her own sparkling eyes, surrounded by tiny black pupils.
Kira's luscious brown curls of thick hair extended well past her shoulders parted in two long braids. Her skin was light and fair like Jensen's and her lips were the perfect salmon pink that Tru remembered kissing long ago.
Aside from her fair complexion and salmon pink lips that were like Jensen's, Kira bore an uncanny resemblance to her mother. Even at only five years old.
She was indeed a beautiful little girl, now standing before Tru in a flower-printed sundress.
"Mommy's really tired today, sweetie," Tru said. "How about tomorrow?"
"But you promised! Please?!"
Tru sighed.
"Alright," she caved in, getting up from the couch and taking Trixie's leash from her daughter's small hands. "Go put on your coat."
A cool breeze blew past her as the evening air began to settle in around her, bringing about the first signs of the foreboding blackness waiting to descend upon the city. Tru kept a watchful eye on Kira and Trixie as they pranced around in the grass together. Trixie was a fairly well-behaved dog who loved Kira dearly and she knew better than to run away and get into mischief.
"She's beautiful."
Tru shivered, but remained composed. She did not look in the direction of the voice, knowing well enough that it came from beside her.
"She is, isn't she?" Tru agreed, even though she was reluctant to acknowledge his presence.
"Just like her mother," Jensen breathed harshly into her ear.
"Don't," Tru warned sharply. "Don't even start."
Jensen ignored her and pressed on further by taking her hand in his.
Once again, she reluctantly gave into him as she felt the biting cold of his lifeless lips brush roughly against the rhythmic blood pulse of her neck.
It was numbing.
And there was nothing she could do.
His eyes raked over the frailty of her shapely figure, running down her neck, past her shoulder and down her arm. They finally came to rest on her hand, which was entwined with his.
Jensen drew in a sharp breath, his grip suddenly tightening. A sparkling white diamond 14-carat gold ring rested comfortably on one of her long, delicate fingers.
"You're engaged," Jensen whispered breathlessly, anger pulsating through every fiber of his non-existence.
"Yes," Tru acknowledged proudly. "We're thinking about getting married next summer."
Jensen reluctantly met Tru's determined gaze.
"After I graduate from med school."
A moment of uneven silence passed between them.
But the silence was quickly shattered only seconds later and Jensen released Tru's hand from an almost painful grasp as Kira ran up to them with Trixie following dutifully beside her.
"Mom!" Kira exclaimed.
"Ready to go home, Kira?"
Kira glanced over at the man sitting beside her mother. She was a part of him. He had been partially responsible for her existence as soon as she was conceived.
It seemed only natural for Kira to feel uniquely bonded to him. Tru had suffered from a very serious post-partum depression after Kira had been born. There were often times where her cries went unsoothed by the calming voice of her mother because Tru had spiraled into a completely different reality. She wanted to protect her baby – her child – but there were times that the situation rendered her powerless.
Helpless.
She needed help and support through these difficult times. And Jack would always be there for her, but there was only so much he could do. Sometimes Tru would not leave the baby's side and other times she couldn't bring herself to hold her own child.
Jack would always look out for both of them. He'd bottle-feed Kira during times when Tru was unable to breastfeed. He'd play with her, sing to her, and, on occasion, drive her to daycare during one of Tru's exceptionally busy mornings when she'd have to be at the school's anatomy lab at 8 am sharp and check in at the morgue with Davis beforehand. Jack quickly became accustomed to his role as Kira's father, even though he wasn't her biological one.
It didn't matter.
He loved her just the same.
Jensen saw all of this. And while Tru and Jack kept themselves occupied with other activities, Jensen would sneak into the nursery to spend a few precious moments with his daughter, whispering soothing lullabies into her ear while rocking her to sleep, letting her be close to him so she would remember his soft face, gentle touch and airy voice.
So she would eventually come to trust him.
"Daddy," he would say to her over and over and over again. "I'm your Daddy."
And he would always watch her from a careful distance.
In daycare.
At preschool.
Playing with Trixie.
He was always there. He'd even leave gifts in her crib and her small twin sized bed. They would often be small, warm and furry stuffed animals and always came with a note for Tru left on her nightstand.
So both of them would always be reminded of his presence.
Kira's eyes widened, glowing brightly amidst the little sunlight that still illuminated the summer sky.
"Daddy!" she exclaimed happily as Jensen leaned over to pick her up, sitting her on his lap.
"Hi, sweetie. How's Daddy's big girl?"
"Fine," Kira chirped. "I start kindergarten soon."
"Really?" Jensen asked, glancing over at Tru who confirmed this with a sharp nod.
"Uh-huh," she said. "And I'm a lucky girl because I have two Daddies."
"Well, I guess that makes you very lucky then," Jensen told his young daughter. He knew she didn't exactly know why she had two fathers, but she acknowledged and loved them both of them.
"Kira, are you ready to go home?" Tru asked as Jensen placed a quick kiss on Kira's forehead.
"Yes, Mommy, I'm ready."
Tru put on Trixie's leash and Kira climbed into her mother's lap, wrapping her arms securely around her neck.
Holding Kira around the waist with one arm and fixing her grip on the dog's leash with the other, Tru stood up from the park bench. "Say goodbye to Daddy."
"Bye, Daddy!"
"Bye, Kira. Take good care of Mommy for me, okay?"
"Okay."
Jensen stood up and brushed a chaste kiss against Tru's cheek, locking his eyes with hers.
Tru's shimmering brown eyes reflected glowing pools of anger and sadness from within them. He could feel her resentment towards him as it dangerously scarred the black core of his perpetual non-existence.
Her struggle.
She wasn't willing to give up or give in without a fair fight.
Numb.
Disclaimer: I borrowed the lyrics I used from a poem and which the poem's title comes from. All of the "she walks in beauty" stuff at the end of the first sequence does not belong to me.
Author's Note: That's all for this chapter, guys! I was originally going to extend this to include another present scene, which takes place directly after this one, but this chapter was getting pretty lengthy and I thought here would be a good stopping point. I don't know what's up with Jensen keeping samples of Tru's blood in her unconscious state just yet. That might be an idea I carry over into her waking state and into the next installment of this multi-chapter trilogy, so I'm able to explore that thought more thoroughly. A note about the sex scene in the previous chapter: I definitely wanted it the way it happened, but I felt it just didn't flow right at the end and was too abrupt; however, instead of changing it and editing, I decided to write another sex scene via dream sequence in this chapter. I think it worked better and I feel more satisfied about it. All of the futuristic scenes are to give you all an inkling of an idea of what it's going to be like for Tru to raise Kira and I feel it is important that Kira does recognize both Jack and Jensen as her fathers, but feel a special bond to Jensen because of what happens during the course of Tru's difficult pregnancy and the repercussions that would follow. Even though I think Tru will be able to eventually break the ties with Jensen in her unconscious, I think he will always be present around her in her actual reality and felt it was especially important to emphasize this. All of you who have reviewed have brightened my VERY hectic and busy days and put a huge smile on my face! So thank you all once again and even though it make take awhile yet again, please stay tuned for more!! ;)
Review replies will be sent out ASAP and I appreciate your patience during this hectic time in my life. Summer school is KILLING me!