Chapter 10

Haley moved to stand outside and as the cold early morning air brushed past her shoulders she found herself relaxing into it. It was the day after her arrival at the white house – near 5 am. Nobody else would be awake for another few hours… that Haley remember from all those years ago. It had been her thing with Karen – waking up this early to go walk down the beach or something like that. But now Karen was gone and Haley stood alone in the vast back yard…staring at the dark early morning sky. Slowly she started waking to the beach.

It didn't take that long to reach the empty secluded beach. It was only a few minutes walk from the white house. But Haley stopped a few feet away from the water as she stared out to the horizon.

"You're screwing up your life! Don't you realize that! You're fucking it all up!"

The words seemed to cry out in the sound of the crashing waves and Haley had to shake her head to keep her from crying.

"Honey…it's not your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself. What happened had nothing to do with you…"

Karen's words had not given her the much needed reassurance back then…and it still didn't now. Haley blamed herself for it every single day of her life. But now it felt like it had started to weigh even heavier on her shoulders. Haley knew why, though. It was pretty obvious to her as she stood there. Karen had been the one Haley had opened up to after what had happened. The only one who knew what REALLY had happened and why Haley had left. The one person that knew how much guilt Haley felt for what had happened. Now she was gone…and Haley was left to deal with that guilt on her own.

As Haley stared out she smiled a sad smile as a song popped into her mind. It was both Karen and Taylor's favourite song and Haley had to sing it for Taylor many times. Softly at first she started singing it to herself – as if it had some magic power to make her feel better…or so she prayed.

Anytime you feel like you just can't hold on
Just hold on to my love and I'll help you be strong
But you're so afraid to lose, and baby I can't reach your heart
I can't face this world that's keeping us apart
When I can be the one to show you
Everything you missed before
Just hold on now, cause I could be the one to give you more
Let you know

Anytime you need love baby I'm on your side
Just let me be the one I can make it alright
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart
I can make it alright

I look into your eyes, and I feel it coming through
And I can't help but want you more than I want to
So baby take all of your fears, and cast them all on me
'Cause all I ever wanted was just to make you see
That I could be the one to give you
All that you've been searching for
Just hold on to my love, and baby let me give you more
You know, anytime

Anytime you need love baby I'm on your side
Just let me be the one I can make it alright

Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart
I can make it alright

And now there's no way out
And I can't help the way I feel
'Cause baby you're the fire and I'll be waiting right here
You know my love is real, baby
Yeah yeah yeah

Anytime you need love baby I'm on your side, you know
Just let me be the one I can make it alright
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart
I can make it alright, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Anytime you need love baby I'm on your side
Just let me be the one
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart
I can make it alright

Haley could almost hear Taylor clapping with enthusiastically. She smirked into the sky and dug her hands deeper into her pockets before she fell down onto the sand. She didn't even hear the sand crunching behind her until she felt his presence. No need to turn around – they both knew she knew it was him.

"Karen used to love you singing that for her..." he spoke softly as he stood behind her – his legs almost against her back. Haley stayed silent for a while as she stared out at the waves that came rolling in and retreating back towards the deep secret ocean. Haley felt like that sea. The waves was the secrets she shared with Karen. Every time the waves rolled in it was when Haley so wanted to share the secret with someone else. But every time the secret retreated with the waves.

"Yeah she did..." was the only words Haley found herself able to say.

"You fell asleep on my bed yesterday." He said softly and Haley sighed.

"It won't happen again, I'm sorry I just couldn't take sleeping in that room... not yet." The sadness in her voice came through again and Haley mentally cursed herself. She had promised herself that she would not be vulnerable... not again. Not in front of him.

"It's okay Haley… I'll go sleep on the couch if you want. You can take my room." Haley was a little shocked when he offered but she shook her head.

"No no it's your room…I wouldn't feel comfortable intruding." She spoke up but still kept her eyes on the sea. A light chuckle arose from him.

"Same old Haley James. Isn't that exactly the same thing you told me when you first got to the house?" Haley sighed, remembering how back then there had been no room for her, how Nathan had offered and she had declined furiously until after they had became a couple. It used to bring happiness to her heart…but now it only brought sadness. Tears started flowing as she stayed quiet. Nathan didn't say anything else as he sat down behind her, his legs on either side of her body, and pulled her back towards him. At first Haley fought against him – but as the tears grew more her power grew less…and finally she gave in and let Nathan embrace her.